how to make it up to him
AlsDonkBoxSquat
Posts: 6,128 Member
So I hurt my DH's feelings. He was relating something personal to me and I just hadn't realized that he was very sensitive about it because for me it was business as usual. So as he's telling me the story I chuckle, not realizing that he was sensitive about this, and he told me that it's not ****ing funny and some other choice words (during which I kept saying that I was sorry he was going through this and didn't realize it was such a sensitive topic for him) and then he hung up. He's now sending my calls straight to vm.
I sent him a lengthy text paraphrased to not put in too much personal detail: I am really sorry that I'm not being sensitive to your situation, that it's a regular occurance for me and so it's difficult for me to remember that this is something out of the ordinary and highly uncomfortable for you. It was very insensitive of me and I appologize. Again, I'm sorry you're going through this and I'm glad that you had it taken care of. I love you.
He's still sending my calls straight to vm.
So, what should I do to make this up to him?
I sent him a lengthy text paraphrased to not put in too much personal detail: I am really sorry that I'm not being sensitive to your situation, that it's a regular occurance for me and so it's difficult for me to remember that this is something out of the ordinary and highly uncomfortable for you. It was very insensitive of me and I appologize. Again, I'm sorry you're going through this and I'm glad that you had it taken care of. I love you.
He's still sending my calls straight to vm.
So, what should I do to make this up to him?
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Replies
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What's a DH?0
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^^^ What he said0
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What's a DH?
^What they both said.0 -
Dear Husband . . . this is exactly why I call him "hubs" on here, but apparently this offends some people . . . :ohwell:0
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Honestly? Nothing! You already sent a lengthy apology, and told him your intentions were not to hurt his feelings. Nothing else is really needed except for him to realize you are being sincere and GET OVER IT!0
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If you have already apologized, then I don't see the point to groveling. When he is ready to talk to you, he will. I would leave it alone and go about my day.0
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Dear Husband . . . this is exactly why I call him "hubs" on here, but apparently this offends some people . . . :ohwell:
Clearly you worry about offending people. I do not, so if it were me, I'd continue calling him hubs and tell him to get over it. But I am not sensitive. At all.0 -
why would anyone find that offensive?Dear Husband . . . this is exactly why I call him "hubs" on here, but apparently this offends some people . . . :ohwell:0 -
Could just say "my husband".Dear Husband . . . this is exactly why I call him "hubs" on here, but apparently this offends some people . . . :ohwell:
He can read your text and see that you've tried to call several times, I think at this point just leave him be. Might be better to talk face-to-face.0 -
DH = Dear/Darling Husband
If you have kids, send them to the neighbours, cook him a nice dinner and spend the evening talking to him. Really listen to what he is saying, offer advice, support and whatever else he needs from you. Ask him point blank what you can do to make it up to him and don't let him just say "nothing" or "it's fine" because then neither of you will be happy. I can't think of much else, I'm sure we're all guilty of not paying close enough attention to our significant others now and then so the best you can do is make the extra effort to really listen.0 -
DH is Darling Husband I believe.
Not sure there is much you can do at the moment except just be there for him when he's ready. Give him some time to sulk, and just be there. Good luck.0 -
Honestly? Nothing! You already sent a lengthy apology, and told him your intentions were not to hurt his feelings. Nothing else is really needed except for him to realize you are being sincere and GET OVER IT!
This ^^ Let him sulk about his situation and realize it's his own beef for taking something and making it even worse by being upset with you for something so silly. Remember they are man children, they need time to diffuse and have their tantrum. Best bet is a nice meal, offer a back massage and to listen to him vent for a bit without any of that "this is what you should/feel do" BS people do when they try to help. Just listen and let him chill.0 -
I say just correct your behavior in the future.0
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Honestly? Nothing! You already sent a lengthy apology, and told him your intentions were not to hurt his feelings. Nothing else is really needed except for him to realize you are being sincere and GET OVER IT!
^^^ This
At this point, ball is in his court, if he chooses to continue on that has made it his problem. Passive aggression. If you keep on and on and on... no favours are being done. Eventually he'll come around. You've done your part and that is that.0 -
Leave it alone-- sometimes a person just needs a chance to get over something. If he's still upset later then try apologizing in person.0
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Stop calling and texting him for a bit. Let him cool off, then tonight, just sit down with him and face to face apologize (I hate phone apologies). It's not groveling, it's communicating better. Then ask him, moving forward, that when sharing something super important, if it's obvious you're not getting the topic's importance, if maybe he could calmly clue you in so you're both on the same page.
I've been here, done this. My husband is the poster boy for ADD so he totally does not tune into other people's emotions without a head's up...and sadly, I'm over reading situations so we're always clarifying tone and height of emotion. Otherwise, it would be a Nugent style "Free For All" anytime we talked! LOL!
Good luck and, BTW...a nice dinner is always helpful! :flowerforyou:0 -
I think you have a few options.
First, I would just text him this:
"Do you even lift?"
Just kidding.
You already apologized. Give him time to cool off and leave it at that.0 -
just to clarify, a DH is a designated hitter.
thank you0 -
So I hurt my DH's feelings. He was relating something personal to me and I just hadn't realized that he was very sensitive about it because for me it was business as usual. So as he's telling me the story I chuckle, not realizing that he was sensitive about this, and he told me that it's not ****ing funny and some other choice words (during which I kept saying that I was sorry he was going through this and didn't realize it was such a sensitive topic for him) and then he hung up. He's now sending my calls straight to vm.
I sent him a lengthy text paraphrased to not put in too much personal detail: I am really sorry that I'm not being sensitive to your situation, that it's a regular occurance for me and so it's difficult for me to remember that this is something out of the ordinary and highly uncomfortable for you. It was very insensitive of me and I appologize. Again, I'm sorry you're going through this and I'm glad that you had it taken care of. I love you.
He's still sending my calls straight to vm.
So, what should I do to make this up to him?
Well, you've done about all you can do. As Stephen Covey would say,"You just made a withdrawal from your Trust Account" with Your Husband. The only way to make that Back up is over time, being more Empathetic...One fell swoop will NOT make up a TRUST deficit. Look, we all do this type of thing now and then, but the truth is, No One REALLY knows another person. It's a feeling-out process. You have apologized enough, move on, be loving and empathetic...Let him bring up the subject again - or not.0 -
Honestly? Nothing! You already sent a lengthy apology, and told him your intentions were not to hurt his feelings. Nothing else is really needed except for him to realize you are being sincere and GET OVER IT!
This ^^ Let him sulk about his situation and realize it's his own beef for taking something and making it even worse by being upset with you for something so silly. Remember they are man children, they need time to diffuse and have their tantrum. Best bet is a nice meal, offer a back massage and to listen to him vent for a bit without any of that "this is what you should/feel do" BS people do when they try to help. Just listen and let him chill.
Sorry to disagree, however, I think it's demeaning to men to call them "man-children" and treat their emotions as stupid and to be dismissed. How would you like it if your husband referred to you as a little girl and blew off your feelings as being silly and childish?0 -
I vote BJ.
Kidding.....
sorta. :bigsmile:
No, no. I think you have it right. MEN HAVE NEEDS TOO!!! :sad:0 -
BJs always work for my man....0
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You apologized and that should be it. Leave him alone and greet him with a normal hello when he comes home.
My husband has been very angry with me before, but if he ever let my phone calls go to voice mail, I would not continue to phone him.
Your husband sounds like he deals with being upset like I do. If my husband upsets me, he knows to leave me alone and all will be fine later. If he continues to try to talk with me, it will get worse.
We always end up discussing what happened, later in the day. Maybe your husband will be cooled down later and you can tell him face to face that you are sorry and will try not to laugh at things like that again.0 -
I hate when guys/girls do this crap. Life is too short to be angry... what if something happens to you and you are in a fight?? The last thing you want to have as a memory is "I was fighing with him/her about something stupid."
On another note, I vote a *kitten*. *kitten* solve all arguements in my relationship... LOL0 -
Stop calling and texting him for a bit. Let him cool off, then tonight, just sit down with him and face to face apologize (I hate phone apologies). It's not groveling, it's communicating better. Then ask him, moving forward, that when sharing something super important, if it's obvious you're not getting the topic's importance, if maybe he could calmly clue you in so you're both on the same page.
I've been here, done this. My husband is the poster boy for ADD so he totally does not tune into other people's emotions without a head's up...and sadly, I'm over reading situations so we're always clarifying tone and height of emotion. Otherwise, it would be a Nugent style "Free For All" anytime we talked! LOL!
Good luck and, BTW...a nice dinner is always helpful! :flowerforyou:
This is perfect IMHO! Definitely stop with the phone contact - he obviously needs time to stew for a bit and doesn't want to hear from you right now. As soon as you can, have some alone time with him and give him that face to face apology and let him know you're ready to listen to him now. Maybe over the phone conversations about those sorts of things should be off base too - save them for when you can be more tuned in to each other in person so you don't misconstrue his feelings on the subject.0 -
Hey There,
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Thanks,
Steven
MyFitnessPal Staff0 -
By him the book "Everyone Poops" as I assume that's what his problem is.0
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LIKE!just to clarify, a DH is a designated hitter.
thank you
Back on subject, if you said sorry nothing else you can do.0 -
I vote BJ.
Kidding.....
sorta. :bigsmile:
No, no. I think you have it right. MEN HAVE NEEDS TOO!!! :sad:
Pfft! That was MY answer....NOT kidding.0 -
Have an ice cold beer a steak sandwich and a dome job waiting for him when he gets home.0
This discussion has been closed.
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