Once a cheater, always a cheater?

kimletton11
kimletton11 Posts: 72 Member
edited October 5 in Chit-Chat
Okay, so my mom and I were having a discussion last night. We were talking about my future stepbrother and I mentioned the saying, "Once a cheater, always a cheater." She disagreed with me. She said that once someone finds the person that they are meant to be with and fall in love, she doesn't think they will cheat.

What do ya'll think? And why?
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Replies

  • SeanIsMyHomeboy
    SeanIsMyHomeboy Posts: 107 Member
    I think they were on a break.
  • xAdrianax
    xAdrianax Posts: 269 Member
    i do agree.

    im not so sure thought if you were with someone, they cheated and you took them back - then i would think of the phrase once a cheater always a cheater.

    But if the person is notoriously known for cheating but then is with someone new who are we to say how they feel and if their attitudes change!
  • christine24t
    christine24t Posts: 6,063 Member
    I think it depends on the circumstances. If the person has a one-night stand, okay, I could see how they might not cheat again. But if they carry on a long term affair, then yes, once a cheater always a cheater.
  • NA_Willie
    NA_Willie Posts: 340 Member
    Every situation, everywhere is different.

    But by and large, you are right.

    <-- Reformed cheater
  • annabellj
    annabellj Posts: 1,337 Member
    people make mistakes and it depends on if it happens once or more than that
  • Erica0718
    Erica0718 Posts: 469 Member
    good question and I have wondered that myself with a guy that I am currently dating. I think it depends on the person but history does tend to repeat itself. I will be interested to see if anybody has any personal experiences about it....
  • cygnetpro
    cygnetpro Posts: 419 Member
    I agree with you. I believe that, once you allow yourself to step your toe across that line, it is much easier to do it again. The reality is that, as I've heard Dr. Phil said, "The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior." I believe that. I would be very hesitant to date a man who has a past of infidelity.

    It's a character issue to me, really.
  • britishstar41
    britishstar41 Posts: 140 Member
    I think they were on a break.

    LOL!
  • tkn11
    tkn11 Posts: 276 Member
    It's in between. Just cause they cheat once, doesn't necessarily guarantee that they will do it again. But just cause they're in love doesn't mean they won't. People are human and unfortunately, sometimes will give into temptation despite being happy and in love.

    Just my personal experience.
  • ZombieKillaPrincess
    ZombieKillaPrincess Posts: 404 Member
    i agree, nothing is absolute like that. maybe they will find the "one" and realize it's not worth the breach of trust... or maybe they'll go back to their old ways.
  • JStarnes
    JStarnes Posts: 5,576 Member
    I think they were on a break.
    :laugh: :laugh:

    And no, I don't agree that once a cheater always a cheater.
  • phresh21
    phresh21 Posts: 132 Member
    Once a cheater not always a cheater but from my experiance depending on how bad the person was, if they really love someone they will eventually quit. It is just a matter if the other person is willing to stick around long enough to find out.
    Pam
  • Momma24
    Momma24 Posts: 589 Member
    Honestly, if you have proven to be a cheater while married I would say it would be hard to trust. I am not sure though because you would hate to say that someone could never have the ability to change. It all depends on that person and their moral compass.
  • Nic620
    Nic620 Posts: 553 Member
    I think they were on a break.

    Lol
  • Tujitsu56
    Tujitsu56 Posts: 392 Member
    This is definitely dependent of the person and the situation. Truthfully, I feel anyone can change if they have the right motivation. Look at all of us here on MFP:)
  • SLambertAlaska
    SLambertAlaska Posts: 197 Member
    I think maraige is hard - Rewarding, but, like all things worthwhile, not a cakewalk. (married 24 years and counting for life) The temptation will be there. Hard to say whether he is committed enough to resist - I think it's possible he could be faithful, but my advice would be to keep your eyes open and love him through his weaknesses.
  • NA_Willie
    NA_Willie Posts: 340 Member
    This thread should be titled:

    Ladies, keep your man happy.
  • staceyGO
    staceyGO Posts: 376
    I definitely think people have the ability to change. Young daters can cheat out of boredom or many other reasons, but when you grow up and really fall in love they can be monogamous no problem. I have cheated on boyfriends before, but I was young, curious and now that I am really in love with my husband you realize young love isn't quite the same as real love. An adult cheater though, that could be a different story.... I don't really think that any two people are the exact same so now that I am pondering, ha, I'm not sure there is a general answer to this question.
  • La_Amazona
    La_Amazona Posts: 4,855 Member
    I will say there are 2 types of cheaters.

    There are the ones that truly honestly made the biggest mistake of their life and will prove themselves to you for the rest of their life (if they have to) that you are safe with them, that they screwed up and that they'll never hurt you like that.

    Then there are the ones that although they know they messed up, and might regret it (or not), they don't feel remorse, therefore, most likely it will happen again. They don't understand (or care) of the impact their cheating has on anybody. These are the cheaters that most likely will always be cheaters or at least always have the potential to cheat again.
  • robinogue
    robinogue Posts: 1,117 Member
    I've been on both sides of that coin. Married a man who had previously cheated on his wife (not with me), he cheated on me twice. I forgave but will never forget if we go for round three I will be a single female. I also became very unhappy in my marriage and cheated with the same person for many years. I've had temptations but haven't cheated again and don't plan to.
  • Wendy20111987
    Wendy20111987 Posts: 10
    always depends on the situation and the time it has happen. i found the one i love and he cheated on me. thing is we were both young at the time and neither of us were in a good place. he always refused to let his guard down and also hide his feelings. but recently we have been seeing each other now after 6 years and the love we have for each is still there and he isnt afraid to show it now.
    i honestly beleive that he will never do it again. people change and therefore it is not always true that once a cheater always a cheater. we end up relising what is important in ur life and what is it that u want.

    he now tells me everyday that he loves me and how important i am to him
  • jam3114
    jam3114 Posts: 250 Member
    I think it depends on the situation.
    I'm not so sure if a cheater will always cheat but I do know that as a person who got cheated on ! will always wonder if that person is cheating even if the cheater has reformed & has no intention of ever doing it again.

    I put alot of cheaters in that sentence :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • Vaanja
    Vaanja Posts: 163 Member
    I cheated on almost every S.O. I had, until I hooked up with my now-husband. 16 years of monogamy so far.
  • Momma24
    Momma24 Posts: 589 Member
    This thread should be titled:

    Ladies, keep your man happy.



    Yay, I guess I keep my man happy has never cheated in 19 years and still calls me his girl!
  • Pocket_Pixi
    Pocket_Pixi Posts: 1,167 Member
    This thread should be titled:

    Ladies, keep your man happy.

    What if it was the lady that stepped out... it should be titled... People keep your SO happy lol
  • Onesnap
    Onesnap Posts: 2,819 Member
    I think that depending on the lifestyle and beliefs there's all sorts of definitions to 'cheating'. I have friends that live a poly lifestyle (yes, they are happily married). I find that the couple is much happier if they are completely honest and open. Those that cheat clearly are not being honest and are not getting their needs met in their partnership. I live in a part of the US where all lifestyles are typically respected. It's much more open than other parts of the US I will admit. The cool thing is you can have friends of all different backgrounds (with all sorts of marriages). As long as my friends are happy I'm happy too. To me, the whole cheating thing just means that the person is not happy in their marriage or partnership. I have a whole different perspective on the topic because of where I live. :)

    (and yes, I'm happily married for 11 years, together for 17...)
  • Wendy20111987
    Wendy20111987 Posts: 10
    on sayimg this i have cheated on someone for this person, i have a need to be with him - i know i was wrong for cheating but i believe we meant to be together which is y i cant control myself around him. ]
    silly mistake for me but u learn from it
  • latinahada
    latinahada Posts: 168
    Disagree...People can change. Though I do believe it depends on the person, the relationship, the circumstances, etc...Just like alcoholics and drug addicts, people can change...The temptation may still be there, but that doesn't mean they will go ahead and do it.
  • Helenatrandom
    Helenatrandom Posts: 1,166 Member
    I believe people can change. BUT, if he said he changed, then cheated AGAIN, I would think that the kindest thing to do for oneself is to wish him well and let him go. I know it's trite, but "Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me..."
  • Pocket_Pixi
    Pocket_Pixi Posts: 1,167 Member
    I think it is completely dependant on the person, situation etc. However; in my experience once a cheater always a cheater is generally how it has been. I think that people really can change if they want to and I would never take a cheater back, if I found out a new BF or w/e cheated in the past I wouldn't hold it against them until they prove themselves untrust worthy.
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