Once a cheater, always a cheater?

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  • Wendy20111987
    Wendy20111987 Posts: 10
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    always depends on the situation and the time it has happen. i found the one i love and he cheated on me. thing is we were both young at the time and neither of us were in a good place. he always refused to let his guard down and also hide his feelings. but recently we have been seeing each other now after 6 years and the love we have for each is still there and he isnt afraid to show it now.
    i honestly beleive that he will never do it again. people change and therefore it is not always true that once a cheater always a cheater. we end up relising what is important in ur life and what is it that u want.

    he now tells me everyday that he loves me and how important i am to him
  • jam3114
    jam3114 Posts: 250 Member
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    I think it depends on the situation.
    I'm not so sure if a cheater will always cheat but I do know that as a person who got cheated on ! will always wonder if that person is cheating even if the cheater has reformed & has no intention of ever doing it again.

    I put alot of cheaters in that sentence :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • Vaanja
    Vaanja Posts: 163 Member
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    I cheated on almost every S.O. I had, until I hooked up with my now-husband. 16 years of monogamy so far.
  • Momma24
    Momma24 Posts: 589 Member
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    This thread should be titled:

    Ladies, keep your man happy.



    Yay, I guess I keep my man happy has never cheated in 19 years and still calls me his girl!
  • Pocket_Pixi
    Pocket_Pixi Posts: 1,167 Member
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    This thread should be titled:

    Ladies, keep your man happy.

    What if it was the lady that stepped out... it should be titled... People keep your SO happy lol
  • Onesnap
    Onesnap Posts: 2,819 Member
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    I think that depending on the lifestyle and beliefs there's all sorts of definitions to 'cheating'. I have friends that live a poly lifestyle (yes, they are happily married). I find that the couple is much happier if they are completely honest and open. Those that cheat clearly are not being honest and are not getting their needs met in their partnership. I live in a part of the US where all lifestyles are typically respected. It's much more open than other parts of the US I will admit. The cool thing is you can have friends of all different backgrounds (with all sorts of marriages). As long as my friends are happy I'm happy too. To me, the whole cheating thing just means that the person is not happy in their marriage or partnership. I have a whole different perspective on the topic because of where I live. :)

    (and yes, I'm happily married for 11 years, together for 17...)
  • Wendy20111987
    Wendy20111987 Posts: 10
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    on sayimg this i have cheated on someone for this person, i have a need to be with him - i know i was wrong for cheating but i believe we meant to be together which is y i cant control myself around him. ]
    silly mistake for me but u learn from it
  • latinahada
    latinahada Posts: 168
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    Disagree...People can change. Though I do believe it depends on the person, the relationship, the circumstances, etc...Just like alcoholics and drug addicts, people can change...The temptation may still be there, but that doesn't mean they will go ahead and do it.
  • Helenatrandom
    Helenatrandom Posts: 1,166 Member
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    I believe people can change. BUT, if he said he changed, then cheated AGAIN, I would think that the kindest thing to do for oneself is to wish him well and let him go. I know it's trite, but "Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me..."
  • Pocket_Pixi
    Pocket_Pixi Posts: 1,167 Member
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    I think it is completely dependant on the person, situation etc. However; in my experience once a cheater always a cheater is generally how it has been. I think that people really can change if they want to and I would never take a cheater back, if I found out a new BF or w/e cheated in the past I wouldn't hold it against them until they prove themselves untrust worthy.
  • lizzue
    lizzue Posts: 276 Member
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    I think that if A cheats on B and B forgives A then A is more likely to do it again as they know that actually B will forgive them. But if A cheats on B and B kicks em to the kerb then B is less likely because they know their actions have a consequence.

    But saying that everyone is capable its whether you act on it or not! :-)

    (dont even get me started on what C has been up to! :laugh: )
  • HisPathDaily
    HisPathDaily Posts: 672 Member
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    People can and do change.

    However, it's not about finding the right person so much as it is finding the right path in life (in my opinion). Cheating is a choice, plain and simple. You can say it's caused by being unhappy, or being with the "wrong" person, but it's a choice. If I'm going to rely on my wife as my source of happiness and affirmation in life, then there will be days with great disappointment. We as humans all struggle, that's not going to change. However our perspective can change.

    Love is more than a feeling, and if you ask me, it's primary definition is not a feeling. I love my wife, but there are days that I choose to be patient, kind, gentle, understanding, etc when I don't "want" to.

    I have an absolutely amazing marriage ... truly. Though it's through the same understanding and foundation that we stand on that we have succeeded.

    Just my 7 cents ;)

    ~Matt
  • Vaanja
    Vaanja Posts: 163 Member
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    This thread should be titled:

    Ladies, keep your man happy.

    Aaaand a little known fact - studies have shown that women are actually more likely to cheat than men. So if someone's not getting the job done....ahem, cough...
  • _beachgirl_
    _beachgirl_ Posts: 3,865 Member
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    Once someone cheats, I'm not sticking around to see if they will again.
  • PippaJo_
    PippaJo_ Posts: 233 Member
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    It depends on *why* they cheated.

    If they did it because they were looking around, and thought they could get a little cake and eat it too - then yeah....I think the phrase fits. A leopard like that doesn't change his spots.

    But someone who cheats due to other reasons (for instance, reasons within the relationship they're supposed to be in) - I think that if they then work on those reasons, and fix them (whether in that relationship, or if necessary, the next one), that it is certainly possible for someone to refrain from cheating again. (I do think that it may be easier to fall into that temptation, but it doesn't guarantee it, especially if both partners are aware and alert.)
  • Onesnap
    Onesnap Posts: 2,819 Member
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    This thread should be titled:

    Ladies, keep your man happy.

    So that means that gay marriages/ long term partnerships do not apply, correct? (where I live gay marriage is legal).
  • amysj303
    amysj303 Posts: 5,086 Member
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    I think it's interesting, obvioulsy some people can change, but I don't think I could stay with someone who cheated on me, but that doesn't mean they will cheat on everyone they are with. We all know some people, men and women, who are always on the prowl, who need to prove something to themselves about how attractive they are and can't seem content with one person. But both my mom and her mom left a marriage after 18 years to be with the man they were cheating with and they remained with that man, so they weren't "seriel cheaters".
  • skierxjes
    skierxjes Posts: 938 Member
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    I always say once a cheater, always a cheater. All the cheaters I know have done it repeatedly, whether it be in the next relationship or years down the road after they marry the first person they cheated with...
  • Laces_0ut
    Laces_0ut Posts: 3,750 Member
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    i cheated on a girlfriend or two in college but does that even count? havent done it since and wouldnt do it again.
  • running_mom
    running_mom Posts: 204 Member
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    I don't think people can change. I think that if it's in them it will always be in them. They may want to change for the person but like stated many times before.... temptation will always be there. If it stays there long enough how do you know they won't give in again? I've been burned by my husband cheating. So I'm a little bitter. But as far as changing goes...I've wanted to change things on my end for him but couldn't. No matter how hard I tried.

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