The **** your family says

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  • Contrarian
    Contrarian Posts: 8,138 Member
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    my grandma told us if we watched 2 dogs "do it" we would get the pink eye.

    That's excellent.
  • Ocarina
    Ocarina Posts: 1,550 Member
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    I used to have this addiction to salt so badly I would pour it in my hand and lick it up. My dad fixed the problem by telling me that if I licked it enough I would turn into a horse. I totally believed it!!
  • WifeNMama
    WifeNMama Posts: 2,876 Member
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    My grandpa would tell us not to swallow our bubble gum or our bums would stick shut and we wouldn't be able to poop. I immediately started swallowing every piece of gum I got just to see if it was true. Lol good try grandpa. RIP.

    My mom and her family always called mandarins "jap oranges" and it never occurred to them that it was actually an offensive term.
    Yikes!
  • PetitePerfection
    PetitePerfection Posts: 199 Member
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    when I was about 7 years old, my brother told me that when people turn 8, they start to grow grapes on their legs...I totally believed him, needless to say I haven't eaten a grape since
    When I was 4 or so, my dad told me that there was one hair that was connected to all the others on my head and if that one fell out, all the others would come out with it...I don't think I brushed my hair for a month after that one!
    my grandpa always told me that water isn't actually wet and that the gov't has just convinced us that it is and b/c we've been told that water is wet, we perceive it as wet, when its really not....yeah okay gramps!
    my grandma once told me that my family has a weird thing where all of our dreams come true because we are descendants of some magical clan of ireland...thank god that's not true because I have had some messed up dreams!!
  • Coyla
    Coyla Posts: 444 Member
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    My dad....sigh....

    I will sometimes have a dish of frozen whip cream in place of ice cream.

    My Dad's reaction to me dishing out a spoonful: "If you have a craving for sweets, you should eat a doughnut, not that junk! That's not good for you!"

    My Dad on thunderstorms: "If the electricity goes out, we'll have to watch TV by candlelight."
  • BondBomb
    BondBomb Posts: 1,781 Member
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    Old black people used to 'value' light skin. My grandmother used to tell us how lucky we were to be so light. My grandfather would tell me not to drink coffee because it would make me 'black'. These people were nuts.
  • l00zrr
    l00zrr Posts: 109 Member
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    My mom used to tell me not to stay on the toilet too long, or "El Cucuy" would pull me in.
    I now have to take small craps throughout the day.

    Funny thing is, my boyfriend, as I discovered when I moved in, was told the exact same thing as a child.
    Lucky us.
  • Beastette
    Beastette Posts: 1,497 Member
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    My mom has always been pretty progressive, so when I asked her where babies came from she told me...the truth. She used words like "erection" and "sperm" and PAIN. I was very young, but I still recall the overwhelming nausea that accompanied this revelation. I also remember asking her why she would do something so gross with my dad. Lol

    My dad tells the most preposterous stories about his past, and I think he really believes them. He likes to tell us how great he was at martial arts, until he almost killed a man in the ring. Then he'll pause, and say "I've never told this to anyone before". Finally, I started telling him "You have. You've told ME this before. Plus, I think that happened in Rocky or maybe Karate Kid...".

    My grandmother always told me I was her favorite, but not to tell the others because it would hurt their feelings. After her funeral, we all sat around reminiscening and realized she'd told that to us all. R.I.P. Swamp Fox, you crafty lady. I hope to be as wily some day...
  • FearAnLoathing
    FearAnLoathing Posts: 4,852 Member
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    My dad told me he was going to put his goat in mommys pen,for a long time I wondered if we had a goat somewhere I had never seen,then i figured it out:sick:
  • vim_n_vigor
    vim_n_vigor Posts: 4,089 Member
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    My dad told me he was going to put his goat in mommys pen,for a long time I wondered if we had a goat somewhere I had never seen,then i figured it out:sick:

    That is the kind of thing that results in a lifetime of therapy!

    My grandma always used to tell us to go make shame in the corner when we got in trouble. As I got older, I wondered exactly what she wanted us to do in that corner. :embarassed:
  • ilookthetype
    ilookthetype Posts: 3,021 Member
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    My family used to tell me that those silos along the highways (the ones with salt and stuff for maintenance) were lunch pads/areas for spaceships.

    Also, my sisters and I somehow misunderstood various things out parents said and jointly reached the same incorrect conclusions on a variety of things:

    1. People's skin color was based on the milk they drank, we drink white milk so we were white, people who drank chocolate milk were 'chocolate'

    2. Jelly shoes were for sluts.

    And a random conclusion I reached all on my own from some random comment my mom made about boys peeing standing up; I thought if I peed standing up I'd become a boy. I was scared but always so tempted to try. It doesn't work. I tried, a few times, I'm still a girl.
  • copswife4148
    copswife4148 Posts: 59
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    My grandma...God bless her, she's of 100% Norweigan heritage, so she's operating on a handicap....

    She used to buy or make things that us grandkids loved and when we WOULD eat it (a pretty good portion), she'd say:
    "If all you're going to do is eat that, then I'm not buying/making that anymore!"

    Ummmmmm..........what else were we supposed to do with it exactly?
  • maab_connor
    maab_connor Posts: 3,927 Member
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    my grandfather, that man had the gift of utter BS. He told my mom, when she was little, that if she kissed the tip of her own elbow, she would turn into a boy.

    He told me that if you swallowed watermelon seeds, you would grow a watermelon in your stomach. as i got older this story got more and more involved, with vines tanging in intestines. i was always very careful to spit the seeds out.

    also - this wasn't one of his stories, but so very HIM. he was a stickler for proper table manners. and if you put your elbow on the table, he would take his butter knife, by the blade, and swing it. the handle would hit your elbow. right on the funny bone. every time. and you never saw it coming. he was an etiquite NINJA.
  • NiciS72
    NiciS72 Posts: 1,043 Member
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    My Dad tells me and everyone that the reason my feet are so big (I wear a 10.5 or 11) is so that I don't topple over. The girls are currently a 36HH!

    Oh and he also told me when I was little if I ate the skins of my potatoes I'd grow chest hair, YUCK!
  • La_Amazona
    La_Amazona Posts: 4,855 Member
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    Everytime we'd pass by the refineries, and the fire was going on the top, he'd say they were cooking beans. :huh: It SMELLED like they were so I believed him!!!

    To this day when I pass by them I say they're cooking beans over there! :heart:
  • adrian_indy
    adrian_indy Posts: 1,444 Member
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    My Dad used to hurt his back and shout, "Oh, my ovaries!" which I didn't find out was completely and medically wrong until I got into middle school health class.

    He also used to tell me that before I go on a date, to put a potato in my pants, just make sure it's in the front.
  • Tori_356
    Tori_356 Posts: 510 Member
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    "You worry too much. Eat some bacon... What? No, I got no idea if it'll make you feel better, I just made too much bacon."







    Both stolen from **** my Dad Says

    you mean that ****ty show with William Shatner thats not on anymore? Yes I know it was more than this before it was a show.
  • catshark209
    catshark209 Posts: 1,133 Member
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    Old black people used to 'value' light skin. My grandmother used to tell us how lucky we were to be so light. My grandfather would tell me not to drink coffee because it would make me 'black'. These people were nuts.

    I've always been told I'm "lucky" because I'm relatively light for being Mexican and that we're lucky we don't look Native. Bleh.

    I was also told if I watched a dog poop I'd get a sty on my eye, if I went outside after I bathed/showered that I'd "catch the air" and I'd die.
    I was told that there was another parallel universe in the mirror. Good times.
  • orcoast71
    orcoast71 Posts: 105 Member
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    My grandma used to tell me I would die of ricketts if I didn't eat my vegietables.
  • namenumber
    namenumber Posts: 167 Member
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    If I ever interrupted my mom while she was on the phone (she can't multitask LOL) she would say "Are you bleeding to death? Is the house on fire?"

    One time I was bleeding... and she made me wait.

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