Can anyone help me please?! Sabotaged by my bf!

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  • nighthawke
    nighthawke Posts: 45 Member
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    Either try and enlist him in your new healthy lifestyle or stop letting him feed you. Go to the market and buy some healthy food if he feels the need to constantly eat out.

    Don't let someone else sabotage your hard work.
  • gumigal82
    gumigal82 Posts: 350
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    It is tough-when I was with my previous bf he always wanted pizza, denny's, friendly's, beer, donuts....I gained weight with him very easy! However, I had to learn to make good choices at restaurants, and say no to treats--even if he made fun of me. Eat a healthy meal before we went out, so I only had that one slice of pizza. Also make a point to workout the days we saw each other.
    After we started being friends...well i lost a few pounds already:)
  • Kris10can
    Kris10can Posts: 103
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    My first reaction to your post is- Your boyfriend is now controlling your life as much as your battle with anorexia was. I can tell how frustrated, angry and confused this is making you! I think the most important thing that your boyfriend considers is how this is impacting you and how you need SUPPORT to make these lifestyle changes. Junk food is the devil...it is soo processed and it doesn't do anything for fueling your body in a positive way. Maybe write out a list of healthier foods that you want him to purchase before he goes shopping...there must be a compromise to this situation. I applaud you for wanting to eat healthier and exercising the right way rather than depriving yourself in harmful ways!
  • Christina1007
    Christina1007 Posts: 179 Member
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    Posted something similar the other month. Everyone jumped on me that I can say "no" if only I had the willpower. Which I do. Most of the time.
    Well, I do say "no" but cannot do it all the time, when cooking food together it's practically his choice as well. Eating food that you'd love to have (but can't) in front of me was not helping me either.
    Exercising can help you tone your skin, so I would definitely not give up on that. And it will help, even if you're eating crap, because it speeds up your metabolism. I try to offer diffent food suggestions.
    If he's offering you pizza, you can have a slice, it's not going to make that much of a difference. Same goes with everything else. Moderation.
  • JosieMwa
    JosieMwa Posts: 7
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    I assure you - you have other choices.

    Advice:
    Don't make your success contingent on another human being. Ever.

    Well said, I think this sums it up!
  • nikki778
    nikki778 Posts: 148 Member
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    Its sad & frustrating, You mention your ED. He is trying to feed/fix you to make sure your old habits arent repeating. This is common b/c they dont understand why we cant just eat a steak & bag of chips. When you mention a 40 pound loss on your page, is that recent or old? This will obviously cause worry with others.

    My BF 'yells' at me when I dont choose a greasy Cheeseburger over a salad. He thinks Im 'starving' when Im just simply opting for a healthier meal. Men sometimes dont realize we cant consume the calories they do.

    When My BF & I moved in together I took him shopping & began to show & cook healthier versions of his favorites. I got him eating vegetables more & salads as well, Trust me hes a slob & will eat an entire container of icecream while spraying Whipped cream straight into his mouth on nights, so its a matter of drawing the line, Ill have a scoop he can have the rest.
    If he doesnt understand or tries to then my dear there is a bigger problem here.

    The only advice I could offer is to make your own dinner aside from his & he will see you eat.
    A LOT of take out places have healthier options, oder those, It may not be up to his liking but youre eating & right now thats important.

    Stay strong write me anytime xoxoxo
  • teagin2002
    teagin2002 Posts: 1,901 Member
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    I've had about 3254634 chats with him about it, but he says I'll start starving myself again (I used to have an ED)

    I've said to him loads of times:

    "This is my first time trying to lose weight the healthy way, if it doesn't work I'll probably end up starving myself again. So please be supportive."

    I feel like it's HIS love for junk food that's getting in the way. I've told him that he can eat whatever he wants, as long as I can have healthy options. But nothing.

    I feel like just not eating is the only option I have anymore =[ <3

    Hello,
    I know what you are talking about, cause mine was the same way and I had ED too.
    With mine it wasn't only fear of my ED, it was fear of me leaving him too. He only admitted it after I lost the weight.
    It took him about 6 months after I lost the weight to stop feeling jealous and insecure when other men would look at me.
    Now he is proud of having me beside him and working on loosing weight him self.
    Just this last weekend we went to a restaurant and a guy wouldn't stop staring at me, a month ago if this happened he would have an attitude with me and then just keep fighting with me all day. I pointed this guy out to him cause he was bothering me, he said proudly how could he help staring you are so hot!
    yesterday we went to a bakery I have been passing by for several months now, I wanted to try an oatmeal raisin cookie but they were out. I know he loves carrot cake, so I suggested he get a piece. He said no, lets go. When we got to the car he was upset and said if I won't eat it how can I suggest he have it. He was doing all he could to ignore the clerks description of the cake and just get out of there without buying anything fattening.

    I mentioned my hubby to show you that things get better, it is important for you to either go shopping with him, or buy your own stuff because he is just not going to be much support for you now. That may and hopefully will change with time, it took mine almost 2 years to wake up and realize it is doable, and that I am not going any where no matter what I look like.

    Good luck!
  • Goofy076
    Goofy076 Posts: 287 Member
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    hunny you need to surround yourself with people who are going to be supportive.. I would be lost without the love and support of my husband,, if your BF cant understand that then you need to lay down some ground rules or you are going to keep tripping up :(. I hope you are able to get through to him :) good luck on your journey :)
  • Lollops
    Lollops Posts: 85 Member
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    I just talked to him and it went so much better than I expected! I told him that I feel like I don't have any control and if it carries on I'll end up slipping back into my ED. He gave me a hug and agreed.

    He's still concerned about me not eating enough, and counting calories, but at least he's letting me eat healthy!

    I think because I started the conversation with a big sigh and "Can I talk to you about something" really seriously, I think that helped too, because he took everything I said seriously, where before he would just tell me I'm wrong etc.

    Thank you all so much! You were all there with me just now, most of the words I used were from all of you, so thank you so much!

    :flowerforyou: <3
  • teagin2002
    teagin2002 Posts: 1,901 Member
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    I am very happy to read this, and you will be in my thoughts and prayers. Keep on going, you will get there and even better with his support. :)

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