Handling someone UBER religious

SooZ1138
SooZ1138 Posts: 65
edited October 5 in Chit-Chat
So I have to say right off the bat, I'm an atheist. I grew up Lutheran, but as I have matured and grew to be my own person, I do not believe in a higher power. I won't go into detail as to why I am an atheist or what my philosophies are, it's really not the problem at hand. So I have a hard time speaking up, especially to people at work. I don't want to step on peoples toes! I work at a bank and my direct manager is always telling me pray about issues I have and telling me to seek the lord in my everyday life. It makes me feel uncomfortable and I really don't know what to say to not make her feel incredibly awkward.
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Replies

  • SeanIsMyHomeboy
    SeanIsMyHomeboy Posts: 107 Member
    Tell them you'd rather go to hell.
  • scapez
    scapez Posts: 2,018 Member
    You could tell her that you've been praying that she would stop trying to push her views onto you in the workplace? :laugh:

    Seriously though, that's a rather sticky situation as you report to her...
  • Jemmuno
    Jemmuno Posts: 413 Member
    I have the same problem, I just nod my head a move on. There is nothing really to do, but ignore it. I've found that once I say something I"m judged and all of a sudden a bad person because I'm atheist so instead of creating tension I just say ok or agree to get them to go away and stop talking about it.
  • MomOfRose
    MomOfRose Posts: 89 Member
    Stick up for yourself once. Tell your manager that reglious talk in the workplace makes you uncomfortable (with no explanation why) and to please stop. Then, talk to your HR department about it, just letting them know that you have already spoken to your manager about it. This way, if anything should happen immediately afterward that you feel is a direct result of your conversation with your manager, you have documentation already.

    If after that it does not stop, complain immediately to your HR department.

    Good luck!
  • horndave
    horndave Posts: 565
    You are going to have to be upfront with her or continue to live with the comments. Not an religious person, I don't pray. I rely on doing the right thing as a guide in my life. up to you though.
  • Contrarian
    Contrarian Posts: 8,138 Member
    Maybe you could have a conversation with her, now that you have matured and grown to be your own person. :wink:

    If she doesn't know it makes you feel uncomfortable, how can she stop?
  • laurenashley44
    laurenashley44 Posts: 2
    hmm. i have to say that i am a christian and would definitely THINK these things in my head if i were your manager, but would never say them out loud... especially in a position of authority. i guess you should just know that she thinks that what she's saying is helping you, so maybe you could mention one day something like, "i really appreciate your advice but it's something i'm not totally comfortable with." that should give her the hint without really offending her you know?

    just an idea. :)
  • Laura_Ivy
    Laura_Ivy Posts: 555 Member
    Does it offend you somehow? i don't see the need to even say much of anything besides maybe a smile and nod? She means it in the best way I'm assuming.
  • jmxxiiii
    jmxxiiii Posts: 231 Member
    Stick up for yourself once. Tell your manager that reglious talk in the workplace makes you uncomfortable (with no explanation why) and to please stop. Then, talk to your HR department about it, just letting them know that you have already spoken to your manager about it. This way, if anything should happen immediately afterward that you feel is a direct result of your conversation with your manager, you have documentation already.

    If after that it does not stop, complain immediately to your HR department.

    Good luck!

    What she said :)
  • maleva720
    maleva720 Posts: 165 Member
    I would just say I dont believe in God...period...you dont need to explain how or why you feel like you do. Good luck though most people who do believe cant understand those who dont. :smile:
  • lexximan
    lexximan Posts: 322 Member
    Yeah. Sticky situation!
    Well, I would just nicely say that

    " You and I have different beliefs. I respect yours and am glad that you have them however please do not push them onto me. It has made me feel uncomfortable in the workplace."


    Yeah It is always awkward at work and not mentioning beliefs. I always thought that it shouldnt be like that.
  • tkn11
    tkn11 Posts: 276 Member
    It's great you're being respectful, because everyone should respect each other, and be kind to each other, despite differing beliefs.

    If I were you, I would just say you respect and understand her views, but don't agree with them, but thank you for her trying to help you.

    I'm sure she means no harm by saying to pray, it's just her beliefs and how she would deal with things, so it's her trying to help you with whatever issues you discuss with her. Just remember, it's probably coming from good intentions.

    I'm a Christian and I have Christian, Atheist, Jewish, Muslim and Buddhist friends, and although we disagree on stuff when it comes to that, there's still a mutual level of respect among us. So like I said, thanks for being respectful. :)
  • KiyaK
    KiyaK Posts: 519 Member
    There are a couple ways to deal with this:

    1) Realize that when your boss is telling you to "pray about issues," she's really just asking you to think about things. I have realized (I'm agnostic) that sometimes what Christians call "praying," we call thinking our way through an issue.

    2) Politely mention to your boss that you do not share her religious views (no need to point out specifically what yours are...) and would appreicate it if she did not bring up the topic. Tell her that it makes you feel uncomfortable. Maybe she does not realize how her comments are affecting you.

    Good luck!!
  • YMTaylor
    YMTaylor Posts: 230 Member
    Speaking as someone who would probably fall under the 'uber-religious' category I think you should be honest. Tell her it makes you uncomfortable and ask her to stop. She may continue to pray for you (which is what I would do) but you can't control that. You can control how much she shares with you, though. There is a fine line though, if she's ever just talking about herself I would say you just have to deal....but when she's talking about you then you have a right to say you're not comfortable. My two cents. I'll be praying for you! :)
  • diddyk
    diddyk Posts: 269 Member
    Your manager is out of line. Freedom of Religion is one of the best parts about being Canadian (or American). We all have to respect others religions, regardless of our own beliefs. Speak with your manager about how it makes you feel uncomfortable and inform HR about speaking with your manager to cover yourself.
  • AnninStPaul
    AnninStPaul Posts: 1,372 Member
    Stick up for yourself once. Tell your manager that reglious talk in the workplace makes you uncomfortable (with no explanation why) and to please stop. Then, talk to your HR department about it, just letting them know that you have already spoken to your manager about it. This way, if anything should happen immediately afterward that you feel is a direct result of your conversation with your manager, you have documentation already.

    If after that it does not stop, complain immediately to your HR department.

    Good luck!

    Agreeing with the above -- and I would start keeping a log of the events, your response, and your actions. Just in case.
  • _SusieQ_
    _SusieQ_ Posts: 2,964 Member
    When I was much younger I had a manager that would start every work day with group prayer. It didn't offend me too much, so I just went with it, listening while she prayed. I think now that I'm older I would still adopt that philosophy for a manager, but not a co-worker. Best not offend those who are in charge of your appraisals, but that's just my opinion after many years working for different personalities.

    Co-workers, friends, acquaintances, those who don't hold part of your future/career in your hands, most definitely I would politely say, Thanks for the advice but do not believe as you do.
  • letsdothis2010
    letsdothis2010 Posts: 190 Member
    Hmm that's tough, and awkward because it's your boss.

    I can identify with this somewhat (I consider myself agnostic). I appreciate when someone says that THEY will pray for something for me (like being sick or a hardship, because I take that as their kindness), but it becomes a little difficult though if you have someone constantly telling YOU to pray haha.

    I've never had someone in management attempt to broach religion with me, but if this is something that happens frequently I'd probably say something along the lines of "I appreciate the sentiment and I know you mean well, but that's not the way that I go about things". Or you could choose to not acknowledge when she says something like that, because she's actually not being very appropriate, even if she has good intentions. Just a word of caution, if she's not appropriate about separating religion from work, she may not be very professional about you kindly suggesting that you don't pray.
  • CaptainGordo
    CaptainGordo Posts: 4,437 Member
    You could practice here: http://www.myfitnesspal.com/groups/home/28-christians-unite :wink:
  • Hazelbeav
    Hazelbeav Posts: 10 Member
    Tricky one as she's your manager.
    If she is using those types of comments as a way of fobbing off work problems or work related issues...then it's even trickier!

    I would try and just ignore it if it doesn't directly relate to work stuff. But it may be one of those things that you will have to speak out about ...but select the time and the place. Preffereably in a moment when she hasn't just been talking about god.

    In her mind she may actually think her comments are helpful!
  • WarriorMom2012
    WarriorMom2012 Posts: 621 Member
    I'm agnostic and work for a Jewish temple. It can be challenging when "God" is all around us. I haven't voiced my disbelief, I just don't say anything. Any rational Christian/Jew/Muslim would not shove their beliefs down your throat. If it is becoming too uncomfortable and you can't have a short rational conversation with her, go over her head.

    She should not be talking to you like that in the workplace anyway. Sorry to all the Christians but I equate it to talking to you about sex at work...there is a time and a place for everything and work is not the place for religious or sexual discussions!
  • Qarol
    Qarol Posts: 6,171 Member
    Do you have a close, personal relationship with this manager? Is that why she feels it's appropriate to discuss such topics with her subordinate? I would find that highly inappropriate myself. A bank doesn't strike me as the type of organization where this should take place. Especially from your manager.

    If you don't have a close relationship with her, and don't feel comfortable asking her to refrain from such topics with you, your only option may be to discuss it with HR. That, or say nothing.
  • wildcata77
    wildcata77 Posts: 660
    Strange...I also am a Christian and work in banking, but I would never tell someone to pray about something unless I knew they were also a Christian.

    I don't typically pray about work anyway, unless I come across a client struggling.

    Have you let your beliefs known to your boss yet? If not, I would mention at one of your one-on-one meetings in a very casual manner, just say "by the way, I am an atheist, and it does make me uncomfortable when you suggest prayer to me as a resource...I thought you should know."

    The harrassment policies in the US and most likely at your bank prohibit her from taking any action against you because of your beliefs, so if she continues to force her views after she knows your beliefs, or does anything to make you feel like you are being treated unfairly, take it straight to HR.
  • _SusieQ_
    _SusieQ_ Posts: 2,964 Member
    Hmm that's tough, and awkward because it's your boss.

    I can identify with this somewhat (I consider myself agnostic). I appreciate when someone says that THEY will pray for something for me (like being sick or a hardship, because I take that as their kindness), but it becomes a little difficult though if you have someone constantly telling YOU to pray haha.

    I've never had someone in management attempt to broach religion with me, but if this is something that happens frequently I'd probably say something along the lines of "I appreciate the sentiment and I know you mean well, but that's not the way that I go about things". Or you could choose to not acknowledge when she says something like that, because she's actually not being very appropriate, even if she has good intentions. Just a word of caution, if she's not appropriate about separating religion from work, she may not be very professional about you kindly suggesting that you don't pray.

    Yep, exactly what I was going for, but with much better articulation. :wink:
  • jonibug88
    jonibug88 Posts: 1
    I live with this exact issue and have been a supervisor myself

    If it's just my friends, I blow it off or say "I'll send good energy your way" (and mean it). However, it is grosely inappropriate for a supervisor to be telling the employees to pray. You have every right to your beliefs, you don't need to explain them to anyone, and you have and have a right to assert and protect your boundaries. You will NOT be stepping on toes by making your boundaries clear. You will stopping her from stepping on your toes!

    Talk to her in her office in private. Be kind, neutral and respectuful at all times. Tell her that you appreciate her guidance in the banking field. Then add " I'm not Christian and I don't pray. I'd appreciate it if you would continue to mentor me with your usual clear direction and suggestions".

    She'll get that, and if you say it in a respectful, neutral tone, she'll respect you for it. If she wants to discuss it, just say "I don't like talking about this level of privacy at work" If she continues telling you to pray, repeat the "I'm not Christian, I don't pray". If it gets worse, turn her into her supervisor.

    BEST OF LUCK!
  • GibsonDarlin
    GibsonDarlin Posts: 202 Member
    I'm a God loving individual. BUT you should not have it forced on you.
    I work in a small office that is 50/50 on the is there a God or not, we do real well in not making it an issue. Its all about respect.

    If she is referring to your life.. tell her straight out - that you would rather her keep her opinions about your personal life to herself. Don't share your problems with her - she is your boss and not your friend. Sharing your personal life - will sometimes interfere with how she sees you at work.

    You should tell her, respectfully, that you do not have the same religion as she does, and while you respect her views, you no longer want her pushing hers on you. Go talk to HR and let them know what is going on and that you are going to send an email to her stating the same, and that you wanted to bcc them on it.

    She may never stop, you may not get any help from HR. But it is not fair and I would think its harassment.

    Good Luck!!
  • Jade_Butterfly
    Jade_Butterfly Posts: 2,963 Member
    I would either smile and just thank her for the advice or be honest with her about the way you feel. .Just keep it professional and polite!

    I am openly a Christian. . . but most of us don't want to push our views on someone else. . and it really helps to know when people are uncomfortable. But that is with anything that bothers you. . If you just keep it bottled up inside festering. . You are likely to pop out and say something in a rude way one day. . . So just say it hon. . :flowerforyou: Good luck.
  • cassuccino
    cassuccino Posts: 702 Member
    It's great you're being respectful, because everyone should respect each other, and be kind to each other, despite differing beliefs.

    If I were you, I would just say you respect and understand her views, but don't agree with them, but thank you for her trying to help you.

    I'm sure she means no harm by saying to pray, it's just her beliefs and how she would deal with things, so it's her trying to help you with whatever issues you discuss with her. Just remember, it's probably coming from good intentions.

    I'm a Christian and I have Christian, Atheist, Jewish, Muslim and Buddhist friends, and although we disagree on stuff when it comes to that, there's still a mutual level of respect among us. So like I said, thanks for being respectful. :)

    I agree with the above. I myself am religious (but I try not to push my views on others) so maybe she isn't aware of the fact that you're atheist... I think some people just assume that everyone has a similar belief system... You don't have to tell her you're atheist if you don't want to but if it really bothers you that she brings up prayer so much, than you should let her know in a polite way. Hopefully she returns in kind. =)
  • wildcata77
    wildcata77 Posts: 660
    I would just say I dont believe in God...period...you dont need to explain how or why you feel like you do. Good luck though most people who do believe cant understand those who dont. :smile:

    ::eyeroll::

    Just because some of the people YOU have come across that are believers made you feel like they can't understand you doesn't mean that all believers can't understand why someone would be atheist/agnostic/non-religious and respect that.

    I hate this type of thinking.
  • Mallory0418
    Mallory0418 Posts: 723 Member
    hmm. i have to say that i am a christian and would definitely THINK these things in my head if i were your manager, but would never say them out loud... especially in a position of authority. i guess you should just know that she thinks that what she's saying is helping you, so maybe you could mention one day something like, "i really appreciate your advice but it's something i'm not totally comfortable with." that should give her the hint without really offending her you know?

    just an idea. :)

    That is exactly what I was thinking. You are being respectful to her, you deserve the same respect, whether she agrees with your beliefs or not. I'm wondering though, does she realize she is making you uncomfortable? Some people just assume everyone believes in God and don't realize they are offending someone who doesn't.
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