Handling someone UBER religious
Replies
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Maybe say to her, "I appreciate what you're saying, but I do not have the same beliefs as you. If YOU want to pray for me, that's up to you. As for myself, I will not be. Sorry."
Still, a very touchy situation. I think the best is being as upfront, and polite about it as you can. Without giving details. You may be surprised, and she may not get upset about it or think/act differently to you. I would still document things though, just in case she starts making inappropriate comments to you in the future.
Good luck whatever you decide to do!0 -
Why does it bother you so much? Would you be offended if a coworker or boss joked about how high they got last weekend?Are you willing to report anyone who says things that annoy you?
It's one thing if he's ordering you to do it, but it's another thing if he's just suggesting it.
My bet is you have a problem with religion, not the words being said. Maybe you should relax a bit.
Comments like this piss me off just as much as the previous poster who commented that "good luck- religious people don't understand or respect the beliefs of non-religious people". You are just proving her point.0 -
Yep. Life is different in the workplace. Best not to discuss certain topics unless you know the other person is comfortable with it.
It's called inappropriate. Talking about getting high while at work, inappropriate. Religion at work, inappropriate. We're talking about a work environment, not a church, not a frat house. They are not friends, they are co-workers, boss and subordinate.Why does it bother you so much? Would you be offended if a coworker or boss joked about how high they got last weekend?Are you willing to report anyone who says things that annoy you?
It's one thing if he's ordering you to do it, but it's another thing if he's just suggesting it.
My bet is you have a problem with religion, not the words being said. Maybe you should relax a bit.
I'm an athiest who has a best friend who's uber religious. We have frank respectful conversations at times, but we know not to push our views on each other. I try and watch any "goddamn"s around her and she doesn't say "god bless" around me. It's called respect. And the right time and place for things.
I'd be very uncomfortable in her situation.0 -
Actually, it is discrimination. Harassment (which is any behavior that makes someone else uncomfortable or unproductive at the workplace) is part of discrimination. She absolutely has a point.
Please explain to me how you view this as discrimination when the boss doesn't know she's an atheist or that she's uncomfortable?
Why not just assume she is? Since he obviously is ignoring her non-verbal cues that she's uncomfortable. It's not like a woman has to say "Pardon me boss but your hand is on my *kitten*" for it to be sexual harrassment.
We all know what is going to happen when she tells her fanatically religious boss that she's a non-believer. Her life certainly isn't going to get any easier afterwards.
Again, no we don't. Those of us that are open minded and respectful Christians really hate the blanket idea that just because someone is religious means they can't understand or respect another POV.0 -
Why not just assume she is? Since he obviously is ignoring her non-verbal cues that she's uncomfortable. It's not like a woman has to say "Pardon me boss but your hand is on my *kitten*" for it to be sexual harrassment.
We all know what is going to happen when she tells her fanatically religious boss that she's a non-believer. Her life certainly isn't going to get any easier afterwards.
Apparently the OP doesn't think her boss knows her feelings, so maybe you're reading more into her non-verbal cues than her boss is. I've granted that it is inappropriate behavior, but she needs to let her boss know. If her life gets harder after that, she has a strong case.
If a woman allows her boss to touch her inappropriately without saying anything, the boss may get the impression she enjoys it. She needs to speak up immediately.0 -
This is what I do. I'd let her know that asking me to pray while at work is making me feel uncomfortable and religion is not something you want to talk about at work. That way you do not even have to bring up your own beliefs.
If she persists from there it is harrasment. However at this point if she is unaware of he fact you dont like it. It's unfair to call it such.0 -
We all know what is going to happen when she tells her fanatically religious boss that she's a non-believer. Her life certainly isn't going to get any easier afterwards.
When I was in 'corporate America' and had employees working for me, they would tell me their religious beliefs, and I made sure that not only did I respect them, but that the entire team did as well.0 -
Why does it bother you so much? Would you be offended if a coworker or boss joked about how high they got last weekend?Are you willing to report anyone who says things that annoy you?
It's one thing if he's ordering you to do it, but it's another thing if he's just suggesting it.
My bet is you have a problem with religion, not the words being said. Maybe you should relax a bit.
Why should she put up with it if it makes her uncomfortable? Would you also suggest she ignore racial slurs?
Laws exist to protect all employees. Her manager is putting the company at risk by her behavior.
Why would someone suggesting a person to pray about an issue make them so uncomfortable? As I said in my post, its a suggestion, not a command from her boss. All of us hear things at work that we don't agree with, but we move a long because we cannot insulate ourselves from being "offended" at ever turn. I find that most people who are "offended" by religion would not go to HR in the scenario I talked about in my last post.
People have become way too sensitive, and now we live in a society where the diversity of thought is smothered by the PC police.
Like I said, I think the problem the op has is with religion, not with what her boss is saying. That is her issue, not her boss'.0 -
There are a couple ways to deal with this:
1) Realize that when your boss is telling you to "pray about issues," she's really just asking you to think about things. I have realized (I'm agnostic) that sometimes what Christians call "praying," we call thinking our way through an issue.
2) Politely mention to your boss that you do not share her religious views (no need to point out specifically what yours are...) and would appreicate it if she did not bring up the topic. Tell her that it makes you feel uncomfortable. Maybe she does not realize how her comments are affecting you.
Good luck!!
Sorry I don't agree.....what Christians call "praying" we call thinking our way through an issue.....For me as a christian, praying is just that praying....and waiting on direction and answer from God, not relying on me to think my way through a situation..0 -
Why does it bother you so much? Would you be offended if a coworker or boss joked about how high they got last weekend?Are you willing to report anyone who says things that annoy you?
It's one thing if he's ordering you to do it, but it's another thing if he's just suggesting it.
My bet is you have a problem with religion, not the words being said. Maybe you should relax a bit.
It bothers me because every time there is conflict, I have to hear about God and prayer and faith etc. etc. I would like, for once, to be able to have an adult conversation with my manager and not have religion brought up. I guess it bothers me so much because she is "above me" and I am bound my fear of repercussions. If I knew that I could say something and our "work relationship" would not change, I would not be so bothered by it.
I also believe there is a time and a place for discussions relating to religion and also politics. The workplace is not one those.
So your boss annoys you is basically what you're talking about. Welcome to the real world, we have all had those kinds of bosses before. Would you complain if she used annoying sports analogies in every conversation? I'm guessing not, but because this is religion, you can make noise.
Can you now answer the other questions in my post?0 -
Purposely see her outside of work. Make sure you are wearing red conctacts, black lip stick, nail polish and clothing and a pentagram necklace. When you see her lean in close to her ear and whisper "Hail Satan".
^^^ THIS is why I FR'd you!
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Some people just aren't happy unless they can force their beliefs on you. There's a very funny quote about that.. but for the thread's sake I won't post it.0
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Some people just aren't happy unless they can force their beliefs on you. There's a very funny quote about that.. but for the thread's sake I won't post it.
No Christian should force their beliefs on anyone! No boss should try to force their beliefs on their employees; that is wrong. It would be the same as an atheist boss always making references to atheism in the work place, or a racist making racial slurs at work. Speak up and let it be known what offends you. I'd rather stand on my convictions and risk being harrassed than keep my mouth shut and deal with it. We have laws to protect us from harrassment, and I'm sure there is an HR Dept at her bank.0 -
Why does it bother you so much? Would you be offended if a coworker or boss joked about how high they got last weekend?Are you willing to report anyone who says things that annoy you?
It's one thing if he's ordering you to do it, but it's another thing if he's just suggesting it.
My bet is you have a problem with religion, not the words being said. Maybe you should relax a bit.
Why should she put up with it if it makes her uncomfortable? Would you also suggest she ignore racial slurs?
Laws exist to protect all employees. Her manager is putting the company at risk by her behavior.
Why would someone suggesting a person to pray about an issue make them so uncomfortable? As I said in my post, its a suggestion, not a command from her boss. All of us hear things at work that we don't agree with, but we move a long because we cannot insulate ourselves from being "offended" at ever turn. I find that most people who are "offended" by religion would not go to HR in the scenario I talked about in my last post.
People have become way too sensitive, and now we live in a society where the diversity of thought is smothered by the PC police.
Like I said, I think the problem the op has is with religion, not with what her boss is saying. That is her issue, not her boss'.
Well, when the behaviour is consistent and persistent and has nothing to do with the matter at hand, it can be very uncomfortable. If someone tried handing out pentagrams to you in the workplace, would you not find that off-putting?
I would, in fact, be offended if I had a co-worker or manager that consistently talked about being stoned. It's inappropriate for the workplace.
And I am an un-PC champion, but there are basic etiquette rules of the workplace that need to be followed.0 -
Why does it bother you so much? Would you be offended if a coworker or boss joked about how high they got last weekend?Are you willing to report anyone who says things that annoy you?
It's one thing if he's ordering you to do it, but it's another thing if he's just suggesting it.
My bet is you have a problem with religion, not the words being said. Maybe you should relax a bit.
Why should she put up with it if it makes her uncomfortable? Would you also suggest she ignore racial slurs?
Laws exist to protect all employees. Her manager is putting the company at risk by her behavior.
Why would someone suggesting a person to pray about an issue make them so uncomfortable? As I said in my post, its a suggestion, not a command from her boss. All of us hear things at work that we don't agree with, but we move a long because we cannot insulate ourselves from being "offended" at ever turn. I find that most people who are "offended" by religion would not go to HR in the scenario I talked about in my last post.
People have become way too sensitive, and now we live in a society where the diversity of thought is smothered by the PC police.
Like I said, I think the problem the op has is with religion, not with what her boss is saying. That is her issue, not her boss'.
It IS her boss' issue, because it is illegal and could be putting the boss' job (and the welfare of the company) at risk. It is no different than if the manager was harassing her sexually, racially, or otherwise. It's wrong, illegal, and the behavior itself is inappropriate in the workplace, whether the OP (specifically) finds it unwelcome or not.
Workplace harassment is any unwelcome or unwanted conduct that denigrates or shows hostility or an aversion toward another person on the basis of any characteristic protected by law, which includes an individual's race, color, gender, ethnic or national origin, age, religion, disability, marital status, sexual orientation, gender identity, or other personal characteristic protected by law. A conduct is unwelcome if the employee did not solicit, instigate or provoke it, and the employee regarded the conduct as undesirable or offensive.
It has nothing to do with being PC. It has everything to do with violating protections guaranteed under federal law.0 -
So your boss annoys you is basically what you're talking about. Welcome to the real world, we have all had those kinds of bosses before. Would you complain if she used annoying sports analogies in every conversation? I'm guessing not, but because this is religion, you can make noise.
Speaking about sports is completely different than speaking about politics, religion, sex, or race. There are reasons those issues are not to be discussed in the workplace. I would also find non-stop cursing offensive and would speak up on that, too.0 -
I wouldn't care what a coworker/boss tried to offer me, I wouldn't be offended in the least bit.Why does it bother you so much? Would you be offended if a coworker or boss joked about how high they got last weekend?Are you willing to report anyone who says things that annoy you?
It's one thing if he's ordering you to do it, but it's another thing if he's just suggesting it.
My bet is you have a problem with religion, not the words being said. Maybe you should relax a bit.
Why should she put up with it if it makes her uncomfortable? Would you also suggest she ignore racial slurs?
Laws exist to protect all employees. Her manager is putting the company at risk by her behavior.
Why would someone suggesting a person to pray about an issue make them so uncomfortable? As I said in my post, its a suggestion, not a command from her boss. All of us hear things at work that we don't agree with, but we move a long because we cannot insulate ourselves from being "offended" at ever turn. I find that most people who are "offended" by religion would not go to HR in the scenario I talked about in my last post.
People have become way too sensitive, and now we live in a society where the diversity of thought is smothered by the PC police.
Like I said, I think the problem the op has is with religion, not with what her boss is saying. That is her issue, not her boss'.
Well, when the behaviour is consistent and persistent and has nothing to do with the matter at hand, it can be very uncomfortable. If someone tried handing out pentagrams to you in the workplace, would you not find that off-putting?
I would, in fact, be offended if I had a co-worker or manager that consistently talked about being stoned. It's inappropriate for the workplace.
And I am an un-PC champion, but there are basic etiquette rules of the workplace that need to be followed.
Would you complain if that coworker constantly talked about being high though?
My point is, people will do things that are annoying, people need to learn that life isn't going to be fair or perfect. When someone annoys me at work, I zone out when they talk to me. It's that simple.
this is a classic case of someone not liking religion and using the tools at hand to make sure she doesn't hear about it. Well that's great, can we all talk to HR about the coworker who chews loud or has an annoying laugh?0 -
Purposely see her outside of work. Make sure you are wearing red conctacts, black lip stick, nail polish and clothing and a pentagram necklace. When you see her lean in close to her ear and whisper "Hail Satan".
I'm thinking this might cause her to have a "come to Jesus meeting" right there at work, and increase her prayer for the girl - which is the exact opposite of what she wants. :bigsmile:0 -
I wouldn't care what a coworker/boss tried to offer me, I wouldn't be offended, nor would I really care.
Would you complain if that coworker constantly talked about being high though?
My point is, people will do things that are annoying, people need to learn that life isn't going to be fair or perfect. When someone annoys me at work, I zone out when they talk to me. It's that simple.
What you fail to recognize here is that conversations about "getting high"/chewing too loudly/having an annoying laugh are not considered harassment. Conversations about religion that make others uncomfortable can be considered harassing if the incidents are reported as unwelcome and persist.
These laws exist to ensure that people of all faiths/belief systems can be productive and comfortable in the workplace. The EEOC protects believers and non-believers alike. Loud chewers are not a protected class.0 -
I wouldn't care what a coworker/boss tried to offer me, I wouldn't be offended, nor would I really care.
Would you complain if that coworker constantly talked about being high though?
My point is, people will do things that are annoying, people need to learn that life isn't going to be fair or perfect. When someone annoys me at work, I zone out when they talk to me. It's that simple.
Listen to me. She doesn't want to hear it! Why do you insist that she must? It's not about life being perfect. It's about a girl wanting to go to work and do her job without someone trying to convert her everyday. Why doesn't she have that right?
She can't zone out and ignore her boss. Nor should she have to. He's the one making her uncomfortable. Why should she have to shut up and take it?
I promise you go work for an outspoken Scientologist and you'll be sympathizing with this girl before you can say "Lord Xenu take me away!"0 -
I wouldn't care what a coworker/boss tried to offer me, I wouldn't be offended in the least bit.Why does it bother you so much? Would you be offended if a coworker or boss joked about how high they got last weekend?Are you willing to report anyone who says things that annoy you?
It's one thing if he's ordering you to do it, but it's another thing if he's just suggesting it.
My bet is you have a problem with religion, not the words being said. Maybe you should relax a bit.
Why should she put up with it if it makes her uncomfortable? Would you also suggest she ignore racial slurs?
Laws exist to protect all employees. Her manager is putting the company at risk by her behavior.
Why would someone suggesting a person to pray about an issue make them so uncomfortable? As I said in my post, its a suggestion, not a command from her boss. All of us hear things at work that we don't agree with, but we move a long because we cannot insulate ourselves from being "offended" at ever turn. I find that most people who are "offended" by religion would not go to HR in the scenario I talked about in my last post.
People have become way too sensitive, and now we live in a society where the diversity of thought is smothered by the PC police.
Like I said, I think the problem the op has is with religion, not with what her boss is saying. That is her issue, not her boss'.
Well, when the behaviour is consistent and persistent and has nothing to do with the matter at hand, it can be very uncomfortable. If someone tried handing out pentagrams to you in the workplace, would you not find that off-putting?
I would, in fact, be offended if I had a co-worker or manager that consistently talked about being stoned. It's inappropriate for the workplace.
And I am an un-PC champion, but there are basic etiquette rules of the workplace that need to be followed.
Would you complain if that coworker constantly talked about being high though?
My point is, people will do things that are annoying, people need to learn that life isn't going to be fair or perfect. When someone annoys me at work, I zone out when they talk to me. It's that simple.
this is a classic case of someone not liking religion and using the tools at hand to make sure she doesn't hear about it. Well that's great, can we all talk to HR about the coworker who chews loud or has an annoying laugh?
If your boss kept telling you how bad he wanted to hook up with your wife or daughter, would you just zone that out too? I guess you would since that's just how things are in life. Would you chalk it up to just being annoying?
I think not!
Some people don't want to preached at because it really IS annoying!0 -
I just remembered something that may give you an idea of HOW to broach the subject without offending your manager. MAYBE!!!!! Several years ago (more like 10+) my husbands Mother was still alive. My FIL is an ordained minister and they were SUPER religious. My husband having been brought up in a house like that and living in MO for awhile was NOT interested (and still is not) in religion in any form. One Sunday morning his mother called and we were still asleep. I answered the phone and gave it to him. She started in on him about going to church and worshiping GOD. Mind you I'd put up with her giving me religious gifts, books, chats, etc. and was pretty kind about it. My husband lost his cool with her and said "I worship every weekend, I worship at the temple of the almighty pillow!" Let's just say that shut her up for good and we never heard a peep about us going to church again!
My suggestion is to bring up something like that in a conversation when appropriate so that you get your point across without pointing directly to the issue. Hope it works if you try it!
Cheers!0 -
So I have to say right off the bat, I'm an atheist. I grew up Lutheran, but as I have matured and grew to be my own person, I do not believe in a higher power. I won't go into detail as to why I am an atheist or what my philosophies are, it's really not the problem at hand. So I have a hard time speaking up, especially to people at work. I don't want to step on peoples toes! I work at a bank and my direct manager is always telling me pray about issues I have and telling me to seek the lord in my everyday life. It makes me feel uncomfortable and I really don't know what to say to not make her feel incredibly awkward.
This is discrimination, pure and simple.
No, it isn't. Is it uncalled for in the workplace? Sure. But "discrimination" requires a different set of circumstances than "my boss keeps telling me to pray." If the issue were "My boss told me if I don't pray with her, she'll fire me," then you'd have a point.
Thank you. I think the previous poster must have not actually READ the OP.
I READ the OP, which is why my comments were addressed to her. I'm anticipating that the culture of her workplace may cause her to win the battle and lose the war. You can discriminate against someone and still be legally correct. "We decided to hire someone from outside the company, with more qualifications" is a legally correct move. She'd never know she was passed over behind doors unless someone tells her.0 -
Not appropriate in the workplace IMO.
When was the last time an atheist knocked on your door asking for money or trying to convince you to be atheist?
Yea didn't think so.....0 -
I don`t suppose you have a union, do you? If so, I would ask your steward to come with you so you have some extra support when speaking with your manager. If you don't have a union and you don't feel comfortable confronting your manager alone, you should go to HR, explain the problem and how it is making you feel, and ask for them to help.
I would consider it harassment and you need to let her know that her attempts to engage you in prayer at work is making you feel uncomfortable. I do not think you need to justify or explain your own beliefs. That is none of her business. You simply need to let her know as clearly as possible that religious discussion and invitations to prayer at work make you feel uncomfortable and you would like her to stop.
I also agree with other posters that you need to document. Start logging the prayer references and invitations. Time, date, details. If the behaviour continues after you ask her to stop, HR needs to get involved but they will need a record.0 -
First off I am a Jesus follower, 2nd I'm not gonna pounce on you so don't worry
. I think you need to politely say I just don't believe the same way you do but I appreciate your opinion, if you think it will help I'll leave the praying to you and leave it at that. If that person still harasses you, then take it to human resources.
I would love for every one to share my love of Jesus, I know some people don't. Me being over pushy, condescending, annoying, hypocritical and irksome isn't going to change someones beliefs or opinions on any matter.0 -
While I agree that telling your manager politely that a "thanks but no thanks" tact is the way to go, I'm not sure it warrents taking it to higher levels YET. If she doesn't know how you feel now, then how can we all assume how she'll feel after you tell her? Take it one step at a time.
Yes, this is a huge deal for you, I do not disagree with that. However taking this to DEFCON 1 may not be the best way to go. Take it one step at a time. You're being so respectful of her beliefs, I'm hoping she'll do the same. And usually most humans do that.0 -
I'm pretty sure I'm the only atheist at work. One of my coworkers used to constantly reference Jesus and "her God" and I just secretly thought it was kinda weird but I didn't say anything. When she asked me if I was Christian I said I didn't belong to any religion. The problem with some people is that they think it's appropriate to ask more questions after that. Fortunately, she wasn't like that with me. I guess what I'm saying is, before you take some of the advice offered here, think about the further consequences of it. Some of it will lead you into an explanation of your atheism which will inevitably lead you into a debate.
With Christianity as the dominant religion in the US, unfortunately, you have to tread lightly. I hate telling you to choose your battles because just because I'm not passionate about this doesn't mean you can't be. I hope you find a way to handle this so that you're comfortable.0 -
And like many of you have commented, she has asked me to pray with her a few times. I'm not sure if any of you heard about the Valentines Day shooting at Northern Illinois University a few years ago, but my father works there. When I heard the news, I went into total shock. I went to the bathroom to get my thoughts together (and to shed a few tears for those whose lives were lost) and she followed me into the bathroom to say a prayer for me. Of course, at the time, I was in total shock and didn't feel like saying to her that the time was not right, but I feel like around this time was when I started resenting her and the way she spoke to me about her beliefs. I have tried going with the flow for 3 years now, but I'm starting to feel like I can't even tell her when I'm feeling sick or when there are things going on in my life that might interfere with me working top notch.
I clearly know what she believes in and what she does to resolves issues in her life, maybe I should (at an appropriate time) fill her in on what I believe in and I how deal with hardships. I’m just afraid that she will think of me differently and not hold such high respect for me. =\
All of the comments have been insightful, thank you all!
This is a sticky question! It's so hard to know how a person will take things. I am a Christian and spiritual, sure (though I am professional always at work) but my boss, like yours could be considered UBER religious. (Ironically) This person would judge me and treat me differently if I were to change beliefs. I pretty well know this for a fact (it's not right, it just is). I know my job should be protected, but there are little ways people can make it uncomfortable for you to work if they want to. I hope your manager isn't that way, but it may be a situation where you have to choose your battles? I know I need my job and have to bite my tongue more often than I would like over issues to keep the peace. Best of luck finding a solution!0 -
Again, thank you for all of the constructive advice!
I don't feel the need to justify why I feel the way I feel to certain people who tell me to basically just "deal" with it. There is a bit of background as to why I feel the way I feel and I don't need to have a therapy session on a bulletin board to get to the nitty gritty of my feelings. Yes, life sucks and is unfair... but seriously, can't I have a little bit of PEACE at the place I am at 50+ hours a week!? I could go all day on why my job sucks, but at the end of the day I work at a bank that is actually doing really well in todays economy and I'm lucky to be where I am.
This is the end of my rant. I think the next goodopportunity that arises I will have a nice little conversation with my boss and just explain that I do not believe in her God and that I respect her religious beliefs but that mine differ. It will be short, sweet and straight to the point. No need to drag this out any longer than I have.
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