What makes a relationship work?

J3SSP3NNY
J3SSP3NNY Posts: 235
edited October 6 in Chit-Chat
In your opinion what makes a relationship work? Say two people really love each other-but have lots against them...

Does love conquer all barriers? Or does it take more?

I am personally leaning towards both people (in love) will make anything work until they decided not to.

Thoughts?
:heart:
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Replies

  • Captain_Mal
    Captain_Mal Posts: 945 Member
    I don't think love concurs all. I believe the relationship works as long as you want it to work and as long as you work at it.

    Also, willingness to compromise your differences and resisting the urge to change your partner helps. Not expecting every day to be rainbows and butterflies is key.

    It's not an easy task to come up with a perfect formula. I've been married for 12 years and we've both sacrificed things, went through really low times, had a lot of unexpected things happen, had some really fantastic high points. I just go back to my first statement, as long as each of you want to be in the relationship, it'll continue to grow.
  • CastleMadeOfSand
    CastleMadeOfSand Posts: 432 Member
    keeping calm and collected when arguing. Making sure you make your "points" when you argue based on your feelings and the logistics of those--not your reactionary emotions.
  • J3SSP3NNY
    J3SSP3NNY Posts: 235
    I don't think love concurs all. I believe the relationship works as long as you want it to work and as long as you work at it.

    Also, willingness to compromise your differences and resisting the urge to change your partner helps. Not expecting every day to be rainbows and butterflies is key.

    It's not an easy task to come up with a perfect formula. I've been married for 12 years and we've both sacrificed things, went through really low times, had a lot of unexpected things happen, had some really fantastic high points. I just go back to my first statement, as long as each of you want to be in the relationship, it'll continue to grow.

    This is what I'm beginning to feel like. I am a 23 year old realizing disney made me a sucker. I'm ready for a relationship with someone and not expect perfection.

    I found a man who loves me and respects me-even when I'm pushing and *****y. It makes me feel free to see the "perfection" in our imperfections.
  • taxidermist15
    taxidermist15 Posts: 677 Member
    I was told this by one of my friends who have been together for 10 years.
    Love cannot work unless each person puts thier partner 100% above anything else in thier life, INCLUDING THEMSELF ( i think the latter part is whats hardest for most people).
    i think it great way to deal with life and great advice.
    My partner and i were best friends for years beofre we even thought about getting romantic, i think that was a HUGE point in our relationship, growing up, and sharing non romantic memories are what all the fun is about.
    and also being able to openly admit your wrong when you are and genuinely being able to say sorry

    my two cents :)
  • nakabi
    nakabi Posts: 589 Member
    Love is about committment to each other. About respecting each other making sacrifices. It's putting the other person's needs first.
  • ummlovelovesyou
    ummlovelovesyou Posts: 1,024 Member
    Sex.


    Oh, and communication.
  • heykatieben
    heykatieben Posts: 398 Member
    Continually working on yourself, introspecting, striving to be your very best - and understanding what that means. Understanding to the utmost how you yourself work, objectively looking at your own qualities with a loving, open mind. Working on yourself and meeting your own needs so that you truly do have more to give without expecting things in return.

    My relationships - all of them - always improve the most when I look inward. It's pretty magical. :)

    Oh yeah, great communication, too. :) From these two base items - introspection and communication - you can work on everything else together.
  • ILiftHeavyAcrylics
    ILiftHeavyAcrylics Posts: 27,732 Member
    I think not just communication but good communication skills like staying calm and fighting fair. Also, having the same sense of humor and a few things in common is really important. There are tons of factors I could name, of varying significance, but at the end of the day I think it's part compatibility/part willingness to work on yourself. Also I don't think that anyone can count on another person to "complete them" or "heal them"-- it's just too much pressure for one person.
  • Multistyles
    Multistyles Posts: 167
    Communication and being attracted to each other. The latter of the 2 seems to be taboo to talk about but sometimes attraction can fade over time.
  • J3SSP3NNY
    J3SSP3NNY Posts: 235
    Continually working on yourself, introspecting, striving to be your very best - and understanding what that means. Understanding to the utmost how you yourself work, objectively looking at your own qualities with a loving, open mind. Working on yourself and meeting your own needs so that you truly do have more to give without expecting things in return.

    My relationships - all of them - always improve the most when I look inward. It's pretty magical. :)

    Oh yeah, great communication, too. :) From these two base items - introspection and communication - you can work on everything else together.

    I LOVE this. I was a little taken back by putting them before you...that seems like a good way to lose yourself?

    What do you think about the "put them before you" approach?
  • J3SSP3NNY
    J3SSP3NNY Posts: 235
    Communication and being attracted to each other. The latter of the 2 seems to be taboo to talk about but sometimes attraction can fade over time.

    I agree with attraction.
  • ROCKERFOREVER81
    ROCKERFOREVER81 Posts: 109
    Communication above all!!!
  • caveats
    caveats Posts: 493 Member
    Please don't take this the wrong way ... but it's "conquer", not "concur" ... concur is something entirely different. :flowerforyou: I don't often go grammar Nazi on forums, but this one stood out to me.

    Also, to answer the OP's question: the perfect storm.

    You need a mix of a lot of things to happen -- firm commitment from both parties, physical and mental attraction, lasting feelings of kinship, open and honest communication, and the ability to grow, evolve, and survive together. Relationships aren't built and strengthened during the good times, they're built during the bad.

    "Love conquers all" is a fairy tale -- sorry. And I'm not saying that in a bitter sort of way, I'm saying that because I used to think the fairy tale took care of everything, and I kept being disappointed when it wouldn't. It wasn't until I figured out that I needed to work toward all of the above with the right person who was also willing to work for it that I found my perfect storm ... and it is truly awesome. :heart:
  • TropicalKitty
    TropicalKitty Posts: 2,298 Member
    I don't think love conquers all. I think it takes work. Especially communication and trust. My rule is having something to talk about as well. It can't just be about sex. Similarly, it can't just be good coffee talk when you are together.

    I also don't think that attraction should fade over time. It may change forms, like when you're 20 ripped abs on a man might be hot, but when you're 60, perhaps it's the more subtle things like how he talks to you and things become more emotionally tied. Or maybe a nice head of hair at that age! ;)
  • KarmaxKitty
    KarmaxKitty Posts: 901 Member
    When you put them before you, and they do the same, you dont really lose yourself. It's a partnership. That involves real trust.
  • cynthiaj777
    cynthiaj777 Posts: 787 Member
    Communication and being attracted to each other. The latter of the 2 seems to be taboo to talk about but sometimes attraction can fade over time.

    I have to say I totally agree with attraction and sexual chemistry. If it lacks, it ruins the whole relationship.
  • TropicalKitty
    TropicalKitty Posts: 2,298 Member
    Communication and being attracted to each other. The latter of the 2 seems to be taboo to talk about but sometimes attraction can fade over time.

    I agree with attraction.

    Attraction is the easy part, IMO. I've been in the relationship where we were super attracted, but our communication was hell. It does NOT work. When I was younger, yeah I thought attraction was important, but really as I've gotten older, I've learned that isn't the case.
  • RahBuhBuh
    RahBuhBuh Posts: 585 Member
    I've only been married for 19 years so, I'm not sure I have good answer. :)

    Seriously though. Relationships neither work or fail. People either work or fail. If two people are willing to learn to give up their preferences, forgive when they don't feel like it, and spend time cultivating their's and the over persons love, then obstacles become adventures.
  • mznisaelaine
    mznisaelaine Posts: 2,262 Member
    Communication and trust goes hand and hand an of course all other factors as well.. But communication is on the top of my list... something my ex could not grasp. But I do hope for someone in the future with great communication. It would make the relationship work :)
  • J3SSP3NNY
    J3SSP3NNY Posts: 235
    Please don't take this the wrong way ... but it's "conquer", not "concur" ... concur is something entirely different. :flowerforyou: I don't often go grammar Nazi on forums, but this one stood out to me.

    Ha you're right! I put concur-as in agreement! Lol..Sometimes I type much too fast for myself and I appreciate you telling me :)
  • SandersWifey
    SandersWifey Posts: 387
    Sex.


    Oh, and communication.

    ^^This LOL :love:
  • J3SSP3NNY
    J3SSP3NNY Posts: 235
    Communication and trust goes hand and hand an of course all other factors as well.. But communication is on the top of my list... something my ex could not grasp. But I do hope for someone in the future with great communication. It would make the relationship work :)

    This is a great thing to bring up...males and females ideas of communication! I see many many many girls (myself included) who want to beat a subject to death.

    Is that bad communication, guys just being unwilling, or are the girls really just talking about it because they want to break down their partner into agreeing with them?!
  • TK266
    TK266 Posts: 3,638 Member
    the trick is finding the person who is crazy in the way that you can handle or doesn't bother you. That an lot of communication to make sure you are on the same page as to where you relationship is going and is at.
  • juliecat1
    juliecat1 Posts: 3,450 Member
    "Love conquers all" is a fairy tale. Ill have to get back to you on the other part though.
  • Multistyles
    Multistyles Posts: 167
    Sex.


    Oh, and communication.
    I must say this is also extremely important, when this is bad minds start to wander.
  • mznisaelaine
    mznisaelaine Posts: 2,262 Member
    Communication and trust goes hand and hand an of course all other factors as well.. But communication is on the top of my list... something my ex could not grasp. But I do hope for someone in the future with great communication. It would make the relationship work :)

    This is a great thing to bring up...males and females ideas of communication! I see many many many girls (myself included) who want to beat a subject to death.

    Is that bad communication, guys just being unwilling, or are the girls really just talking about it because they want to break down their partner into agreeing with them?!


    I see what you mean, but I suppose the communication I am referring to is more of being open and honest, in communicating that way. Communication is broad :)
  • J3SSP3NNY
    J3SSP3NNY Posts: 235
    Communication and being attracted to each other. The latter of the 2 seems to be taboo to talk about but sometimes attraction can fade over time.

    I agree with attraction.

    Attraction is the easy part, IMO. I've been in the relationship where we were super attracted, but our communication was hell. It does NOT work. When I was younger, yeah I thought attraction was important, but really as I've gotten older, I've learned that isn't the case.

    I would never go as far as to say it is the most important thing...it is low on the list...but intial attraction does help...right?!
    I tend to not go with SUPER EFFIN HOT dude...but I'm a sucker for a guy with an amazing smile. If he has a great smile I am wild about him.

    I personally fins my man extremely attractive, but there's little things that will never leave the older he gets-his smile (duh), his walk, the way he talks with his body, the way he nods yes. Those things are important in attraction.
  • debussyschild
    debussyschild Posts: 804 Member
    My philosophy is this: It's wonderful when you've found something great, but you'll only get to keep it if you continue to work for it. Love is the catalyst. It takes honest understanding and hard work to make a relationship last.
  • J3SSP3NNY
    J3SSP3NNY Posts: 235

    I see what you mean, but I suppose the communication I am referring to is more of being open and honest, in communicating that way. Communication is broad :)

    Open and honesty are extremely important!
  • debussyschild
    debussyschild Posts: 804 Member
    Sex.


    Oh, and communication.
    I must say this is also extremely important, when this is bad minds start to wander.

    How could I forget to mention sex?!?! No sex = relationship killer. Period!
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