Fidelity? ... or, "Dear Abby ..." or, What Would You Do? ...

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  • buzzcogs
    buzzcogs Posts: 296 Member
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    Woah I'm sorry. She is about to cheat on you. I'm not trying to be a jerk but I just want to warn you. No woman "postures" about "having butterflies in her stomach" about a guy. She either means it or she doesn't say it.

    If she wasn't going to cheat on you she would have done her best to ease your mind by hanging out with you the weekend after you found out this information.

    Sorry to give you bad news about my gender but some of us are liars and cheats and don't blink an eye about it.

    Go work out, evaluate what you want to do about your relationship. But if I were you I would not put a lot of emotional stock in it. She may be a nice lady but she is not being upfront with you.

    I'm sorry.
  • Julesjhj
    Julesjhj Posts: 150 Member
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    I know too well that gut-wrenching soul-sucking feeling. What was her reaction to you having seen the text messages? I kind of agree with others that have said girls don't say that kind of stuff to their girlfriends...I mean, why would she lie about that...just to be funny/entertaining to her friend? If she can lie like that in text msgs with close girl friends then I can guarantee you that lying spills over in to other areas including her relationship with you. Trust is the single most important thing in a relationship....whether it is romantic or just among friends. I don't know your whole situation but I would say run, don't walk.
  • tmtrack
    tmtrack Posts: 23
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    I am with the majority here. life is too short if you are indoubt throw the girl out of your life!!!
  • H2Ologist
    H2Ologist Posts: 122 Member
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    Is watching porn with your spouse make it a 3-way?

    HAHAHAHA That's funny right there!

    Anyway, did someone really say that they would LEAVE THEIR HUSBAND for going to a strip club?!!?!?! It would piss me off that he is wasting money in someone else's naughtie, but I wouldn't LEAVE! Wow! That seems a little drastic!
  • umachanxo
    umachanxo Posts: 926 Member
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    Is watching porn with your spouse make it a 3-way?

    HAHAHAHA That's funny right there!

    Anyway, did someone really say that they would LEAVE THEIR HUSBAND for going to a strip club?!!?!?! It would piss me off that he is wasting money in someone else's naughtie, but I wouldn't LEAVE! Wow! That seems a little drastic!

    Everyone has different personal preferences and views on certain subjects.
    For you, you wouldn't leave because he went to a strip club (neither would I)
    But the woman who said that may have personal reasons for having those opinions.
  • TheBraveryLover
    TheBraveryLover Posts: 1,217 Member
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    No, I'd never do that. Never have, even when I was involved in relationships as a teenager. It's just not right. If I'm upset about something, I deal with and express those feelings. I don't "get even". I mean, seriously.

    I also don't think it matters whether she goes to see him or not. The fact remains that you don't trust her anymore (with good reason) and once trust is gone, no need salvaging the relationship, IMHO.
  • fbmandy55
    fbmandy55 Posts: 5,263 Member
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    My guess. She's hanging on to you in case things do work with her ex. What will probably happen= You leave her as you should, she tries with ex again and he rejects her. It is a classic lesson learned for women who want the best of both worlds.
  • fbmandy55
    fbmandy55 Posts: 5,263 Member
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    My guess. She's hanging on to you in case things do work with her ex. What will probably happen= You leave her as you should, she tries with ex again and he rejects her. It is a classic lesson learned for women who want the best of both worlds.
  • atsteele
    atsteele Posts: 1,358 Member
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    I think that she left those texts there to tell you that it's over.
  • _Bob_
    _Bob_ Posts: 1,487 Member
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    Sounds like you have a tough decision to make. the point here is that it's your choice. If she testing to see if she wants to be with this other guy, or stay with you, I say make the choice for her by removing yourself from her options. But in the end it is all up to you.
  • sdereski
    sdereski Posts: 3,406 Member
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    I'm so sorry you are going through all this, but as most others have said "trust your instincts".
    You seem like a nice guy with a lot to offer - don't settle. Life's too short to live like that - that awful, twisting feeling in your gut"

    Do what you need to do to take care of YOU and your boys. (())
  • fasttrack27
    fasttrack27 Posts: 324
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    Didnt take the time to read all 6 pages of replies, but those I did see all seem to say the same thing. Sounds like ya need to move on - and sooner rather than later. Especially if kids are involved. I think she's playing you
  • ShellBell4281
    ShellBell4281 Posts: 127 Member
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    You poor thing. Go with your gut. You don't need this crap!
  • momtozmc
    momtozmc Posts: 418 Member
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    Life is way too short to put up with that... It will be hard on your kids - I know, I have a 14 year old whose dad isn't around much, and my guy was there, but things didn't work out between us - mutually agreed upon... but I'm not settling this time... not settling for someone who isn't the best for me or just so my kids have a father figure in their life. My son was more upset than I was when we broke up.

    Go with your gut... be patient, find someone who has your same thinking... which means communicate and communicate early, so you know what those things are.

    Good luck.
    L
  • teethom2
    teethom2 Posts: 2
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    I would have to say that I have said that of an ex before... but it was because I was questioning my current relationship and comparing it to past relationships. If you're happy in a relationship, why feel the need for comparison? I have NEVER said or even thought that of any ex when I was happy in my current relationship. Who ever responded that it is expected of teenagers is completely right. At 44, you know a liitle more about life's realities. And besides that, even if she DID feel the need to "posture" in front of her friends, is that the kind of woman you want in your life? (And more importantly, in you son's life??)
  • sjadams01
    sjadams01 Posts: 58
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    Been there too.... but I was much younger.... It took me a LONG TIME to get over it and many fights with my hubby about trust. If I had the same situation now that I am older I would not settle for the BS she is dishing..... Best wishes on whatever you choose to do, but at this point it needs to be what is best for you and your kids.
  • tegla
    tegla Posts: 132
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    You guys share phones? She knew you'd see the texts. Maybe she does still want him.

    Or maybe she is really hurt that you went to a "gentlemen's club". I know I would be.

    And unfortunately, when you guys do stuff like that, we feel helpless, we get angry, and yes, sometimes we do hurtful, hateful things.

    Maybe she felt ill, knowing you were there. Maybe she wanted to eat frosting out of the can, because it sucks to know that your boyfriend has got some other women's DDs in his face.

    Yes ma'am!
  • tegla
    tegla Posts: 132
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    Sorry... kinda lost my sympathy when Dad goes to the gentleman's club... Your girlfriend is seeing a guy (you) who's coming off a divorce, has kids, and goes to gentleman's clubs.. She's not even living with you, if I were her I'd be rechecking my options as well.

    sorry
  • xMedullaOblongatax
    xMedullaOblongatax Posts: 136
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    I don't think she reacted well at all, not even maturely. Your going to the gentleman's club with your friends is not justification for her to do any of that. The mature thing for her to do would be for her to voice her concerns to you (without screaming), and then it becomes a mature discussion with a (hopefully good) resolution. Does she have a problem with adult entertainment? Have you two ever talked about this? If my fiance went to a gentleman's club with his buddies but I wasn't able to go, then I hope he enjoyed himself.
  • ChrisStoney
    ChrisStoney Posts: 479 Member
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    This might be a good thing! Why are you so hell bent on getting into a serious relationship before the divorce is even signed? I would just give her space, and see what happens... Maybe you going to the strip club turned her off, women are tough to understand. Also why is she not with this other guy now...why did they break up?

    Better yet, tell her you think she needs space and you need a few weeks and tell her you will call her in a few weeks to see where you are at. Then man up and don't call her...

    Hey if you were able to find a girlfriend after leaving your wife, you will find another one.... My brother was 38, in the same situation as you, now he is re-married, and at age 41 has 2, 3 year old twins, and a newborn (4 months) and he has no time to go to any strip club atleast for the next 15-20 years.....Hell he doesn't even post on facebook anymore.....

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