Fidelity? ... or, "Dear Abby ..." or, What Would You Do? ...

Woah I'm sorry. She is about to cheat on you. I'm not trying to be a jerk but I just want to warn you. No woman "postures" about "having butterflies in her stomach" about a guy. She either means it or she doesn't say it.

If she wasn't going to cheat on you she would have done her best to ease your mind by hanging out with you the weekend after you found out this information.

Sorry to give you bad news about my gender but some of us are liars and cheats and don't blink an eye about it.

Go work out, evaluate what you want to do about your relationship. But if I were you I would not put a lot of emotional stock in it. She may be a nice lady but she is not being upfront with you.

I'm sorry.

I am with the majority here. life is too short if you are indoubt throw the girl out of your life!!!

Is watching porn with your spouse make it a 3-way?

HAHAHAHA That's funny right there!

Anyway, did someone really say that they would LEAVE THEIR HUSBAND for going to a strip club?!!?!?! It would piss me off that he is wasting money in someone else's naughtie, but I wouldn't LEAVE! Wow! That seems a little drastic!

Everyone has different personal preferences and views on certain subjects.
For you, you wouldn't leave because he went to a strip club (neither would I)
But the woman who said that may have personal reasons for having those opinions.

My guess. She's hanging on to you in case things do work with her ex. What will probably happen= You leave her as you should, she tries with ex again and he rejects her. It is a classic lesson learned for women who want the best of both worlds.

I think that she left those texts there to tell you that it's over.

I'm so sorry you are going through all this, but as most others have said "trust your instincts".
You seem like a nice guy with a lot to offer - don't settle. Life's too short to live like that - that awful, twisting feeling in your gut"

Do what you need to do to take care of YOU and your boys. (())

You poor thing. Go with your gut. You don't need this crap!

I would have to say that I have said that of an ex before... but it was because I was questioning my current relationship and comparing it to past relationships. If you're happy in a relationship, why feel the need for comparison? I have NEVER said or even thought that of any ex when I was happy in my current relationship. Who ever responded that it is expected of teenagers is completely right. At 44, you know a liitle more about life's realities. And besides that, even if she DID feel the need to "posture" in front of her friends, is that the kind of woman you want in your life? (And more importantly, in you son's life??)

You guys share phones? She knew you'd see the texts. Maybe she does still want him.

Or maybe she is really hurt that you went to a "gentlemen's club". I know I would be.

And unfortunately, when you guys do stuff like that, we feel helpless, we get angry, and yes, sometimes we do hurtful, hateful things.

Maybe she felt ill, knowing you were there. Maybe she wanted to eat frosting out of the can, because it sucks to know that your boyfriend has got some other women's DDs in his face.

Yes ma'am!

I don't think she reacted well at all, not even maturely. Your going to the gentleman's club with your friends is not justification for her to do any of that. The mature thing for her to do would be for her to voice her concerns to you (without screaming), and then it becomes a mature discussion with a (hopefully good) resolution. Does she have a problem with adult entertainment? Have you two ever talked about this? If my fiance went to a gentleman's club with his buddies but I wasn't able to go, then I hope he enjoyed himself.

Lots of great opinions here... a few extremes, but hey, you will always get that.

bottom line, in my opinion - accept that this has been a rebound relationship, at least on your own side, since you aren't even done with your divorce. You aren't ready to stop looking around, and she isn't ready to be saddled with a ready-made family.

Expect to spend AT LEAST one month for every year that you were married getting over that marriage - and stop looking for "the ONE" right now. You aren't that old, and yes, you DO have time.

You might take a deep, serious look at what went wrong in your first marriage, and figure out how to prevent that in the future. Maybe develop some friendships that will act like mirrors for you, helping you see your personal growth.

I'm not judging you, by any means - I dated a variety of guys before I married again. Mr/Ms "Right-now!" is not going to turn into Mr./Ms Right, but can be as stepping stone on your path to emotional healing.

Sorry, but girls don't lie to their girlfriends about "butterflies in their stomach". We don't lie to our girlfriends because we are mad at you.

This too ^^ this, This, THIS.

110% true

Sorry... kinda lost my sympathy when Dad goes to the gentleman's club... Your girlfriend is seeing a guy (you) who's coming off a divorce, has kids, and goes to gentleman's clubs.. She's not even living with you, if I were her I'd be rechecking my options as well.

sorry

So having kids automatically precludes him from going to a gentlemens club? Really?
And where did it say clubs? Said he went to a club.....

You hurt her, she hurt you.... You BOTH need to step away for a bit. I don't know what she is thinking. But I do know that your boys are most likely more confused than you are and don't need their dad emotionally invested in a confusing relationship right now. If you are feeling insecure, that will be transferred to your sons. They need stability after a divorce. The relationship you are currently in isn't offering you that stability, therefore depriving them as well.
Who knows... Maybe in a few months this woman will be able to say "Yeah, when you went to the Gentlemen's Club, my ex started to look pretty good to me, and I blocked out the reasons who parted and only thought about how his eye didn't wander. Then I stupidly texted those thoughts before working them through.... How can we work this out?" or "Take a look at the big diamond ring my former ex bought me! You're invited to the wedding!" But you both need some space to figure out which direction this will go.

In my opinion, going to a gentleman's club or watching porn is totally cheating. So don't be surprise if she wants a revenge, you're luky she's still with you, she probably wont cheat but makes everything to make you feel bad or jealous. Think twice before making choices that can hurt your gf's feeling.

If you look at a cheeseburger do you log that in your diary?

LOVE LOVE LOVE IT:laugh:

I don't understand womens jealousy over strip clubs etc. Men and women are designed to admire and appreciate each other.
You don't switch your mind off when you get married.

**** I fantasie over lots of men . I wouldn't do anything with them though. Both my husband and I openly admire other people and I will point out an attractive female to him often. Its called trust and mutual appreciation.

It sounds very dodgey what your partner is doing and I would listen to your instinct. But hey she could just be unsure of her feelings and need to sort them out so leave her be for a few days and then sit down and have it out.

Move on if she doesn't want to be committed to you, you are still young and you both deserves to be in a happy fulfilling realtionship.