Getting support from your Significant Other. NOT!

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  • AugustEmbee
    AugustEmbee Posts: 19
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    Maybe he could spend the first hour helping you stretch.. he could still get some TV in that way too... and then if he's anything like my husband.. the second hour could be spent on sex.

    Sex>Time Spent Together>Slightly Happier Lives?
  • frugalmomsrock
    frugalmomsrock Posts: 1,123
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    Mine needs to make changes, too, but is totally resistant. I just don't know. It's discouraging. It's been nearly a year. I thought by now....

    but no.

    I just keep plugging away. I figure one day, something has got to give, right? I still make the meals to accommodate the ones here that don't want to change... :-/
  • tnvolsfan74
    tnvolsfan74 Posts: 83 Member
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    I don't tell him anymore about my goals or how my work out went cause he's not very positive. So basically I'm doing this for myself and in the end, he'll either have a hot wife or a hot ex wife...And I'm happy with knowing that.
    ^^^^ THIS - love it! I have come to the same conclusion with my hubby. :tongue:
  • kardowling
    kardowling Posts: 221 Member
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    Sometimes, you have to do your own thing. If you do..maybe he will miss you and want to join. Do it for you. You will be happier with your together time.
  • meerkat70
    meerkat70 Posts: 4,616 Member
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    My partner's very slim, but has no interest at all in fitness. I've invited him to the gym, and he;s run with me a little but just isn't keen. I guess ultimately I've had to give up time with him to pursue my own health goals. Because realistically they are my health goals and I can't drag him along with me.

    He will walk with me, and we do that together. And every now and again I invite him. And we find other ways to spend time together when we are both home.

    I don't think there's much else you can do, to be honest.
  • AugustEmbee
    AugustEmbee Posts: 19
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    I am secretly worried this is what will happen with me and my guy... I can already see his eyes glossing over and his foot slipping back into his "old life."
  • firedragon064
    firedragon064 Posts: 1,090 Member
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    Why you want to make him run with you? You are not a 2 yrs old! All I heard are excuses.... the same thing about spend time
    together.....
    You should try to get healthy for yourself and that's it.
    You can't change a person unless he's willing to change himself. The only thing you can do is cooking healthy food and if he does not want to eat then he should cook for himself.

    If he make fun of you and try to break your spirit so you don't have a will to get healthy then you have something to complain about.
    Stop make excuses and DO IT!
  • Sidesteal
    Sidesteal Posts: 5,510 Member
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    I guess my question is how do you merge a relationship when you've become two totally different people?



    I think you're possibly (no offense here m'am) blowing things out of proportion. You are not two totally different people unless he suddenly started killing kittens and you started slangin' crack rocks on the weekends.

    You decided to get in shape and congrats, you did it. He chose not to follow in your footsteps and you owe it to him to love him the same way he loved you before you made this decision.

    Now as this relates to my personal experiences, my wife doesn't work out and she doesn't really watch her food intake. But you know what she does? She cooks for me and she even WRITES DOWN EVERYTHING so I can log it. She makes sacrifices in her personal life so that I can go to the gym and lift weights. She bends over backwards for me so that I can, in all my vanity, acquire what will hopefully be a big muscular body for my own benefit, not hers (she would love me just the same if I were fat).

    For these reasons (and many, many more) I love her so much and I tell her so every...single...day.

    My suggestion to you is to re-examine what you find important to you, and I don't judge you in any of this despite my tone.
  • carrie_eggo
    carrie_eggo Posts: 1,396 Member
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    I guess my question is how do you merge a relationship when you've become two totally different people?



    I think you're possibly (no offense here m'am) blowing things out of proportion. You are not two totally different people unless he suddenly started killing kittens and you started slangin' crack rocks on the weekends.

    You decided to get in shape and congrats, you did it. He chose not to follow in your footsteps and you owe it to him to love him the same way he loved you before you made this decision.

    Now as this relates to my personal experiences, my wife doesn't work out and she doesn't really watch her food intake. But you know what she does? She cooks for me and she even WRITES DOWN EVERYTHING so I can log it. She makes sacrifices in her personal life so that I can go to the gym and lift weights. She bends over backwards for me so that I can, in all my vanity, acquire what will hopefully be a big muscular body for my own benefit, not hers (she would love me just the same if I were fat).

    For these reasons (and many, many more) I love her so much and I tell her so every...single...day.

    My suggestion to you is to re-examine what you find important to you, and I don't judge you in any of this despite my tone.

    BOO!!!! BOOOOO!!!!! You're raining on our pity parade!

    J/k......that's really good advice.
  • MaximalLife
    MaximalLife Posts: 2,447 Member
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    My wife and I are a team! We eat the same meals, takes walks together, and encourage each other to keep moving in the direction of a healthy lifestyle. Without a partner, I doubt that i would do it on my own.
    Same here - my wife is even on MFP, and the only thing that bothers me is that she does not want me in her circle of lady friends...lol

    Other than that one conspiracy issue, all is well.

    Now, if I was NOT getting the support I needed or not equally yoked with some like-minded person?
    I'd bite my tongue, smile sweetly while I got in shape, then exit the relationship the very day I reached my fitness goals, leaving her HIGH AND DRY!

    So long - you witch!
  • houstonmacbro
    houstonmacbro Posts: 99 Member
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    In the past two months I have really took a leap towards a healthy life style. To put it simply, I've learned self control thanks to the help of MFP and all my amazing friends....

    The issue is the significant other. He really hasn't "converted" with me. When you spend your evenings together and one person (him) is content to curl up and watch TV and the other person (me) wants to go for a run or a bike or a walk or weight lifting, SOMETHING other then sitting on the couch, BUT I don't want to give up my time with him either because of our long work days. We get maybe two hours a night together, if that. And quite honestly I could spend those two hours on MFP... He absolutely refuses to join MFP. I wish he would be my running partner :(

    I guess my question is how do you merge a relationship when you've become two totally different people?

    He represents the life I used to live. I'm not that fat, lazy person anymore. He could benefit from the same changes I have made. I try not to push him because when I was heavy everyone in the world could have told me I needed to lose weight but, it didn't happen until I was ready.

    UGH!

    My partner doesn't want to exercise with me and we don't eat the same foods, so sometimes it feels ... lonely. But I have learned to do this on my own. Not easy, but not as hard as I expected.

    As others have said, you have to do this for you.
  • Ashley121205
    Ashley121205 Posts: 131 Member
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    It took almost 5 months for my husband to get on board. I don't know if he thought I wasn't serious about it because I lost 20 pounds before but gained it back. But suddenly he was interested in my working out, trying new meals and even completed a 5k with me earlier in the month. I think you have the right approach not to push him too hard about it but casually mentioning it isn't a bad idea. My husband in now way will change his eating habits totally or exercise regularly but he is supportive of me and willing to try. That's all you can ask :)
  • chevy88grl
    chevy88grl Posts: 3,937 Member
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    Unfortunately, you can not change him. If he wants to get healthy - he will, otherwise asking him to do so will be considered "nagging". That being said, don't give up on the things that matter to you. If running matters - do it. I understand not getting a lot of time together, but isn't better to spend less time with him because you are doing what makes you feel good? If you decide you'll give up running or working out because you want to spend more time with him - you'll start to feel resentful towards him because he's keeping you from doing the things you enjoy.

    I say - go and run. Let him have his couch time while you do this. Tell him "When I get back, we'll watch a movie or something together". Then go. Run. Enjoy yourself. When you get home, you'll feel refresh and happy that you worked out. Then spend time with him.

    Good Luck!
  • UpEarly
    UpEarly Posts: 2,555 Member
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    My husband does not regularly exercise. He also does not eat healthy *at all*. But, he is proud of me and supportive of my choices.

    I try to do my workouts in the morning/afternoon, so we can still spend our evenings together vegging on the couch and watching movies or TV. I'll fix him the foods he loves, and just eat smaller portions or fix myself something different. I try not to talk to much about health or weight loss or nutrition to him - unless he asks. I figure he'll come around to it when he's ready... or maybe never. That's OK - I love him the way he is.
  • vsmurrow
    vsmurrow Posts: 145
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    This is going to sound a little dramatic, but I'm gonna throw a metaphor at you...

    In NA and AA, or any kind of rehab that's trying to eliminate addiction, dealing with the family is a big, scary step for the recoverees. It involves multiple surveyed meetings with a guidance counselor, lots of yelling and screaming on the parts of both parties, and often some tears.
    If you were recovering from, say, an addiction to heroin and your significant other was still dealing skag on the streets of Detroit, but you REALLY want to get better... well, what would you do?
  • livinginwoods
    livinginwoods Posts: 562 Member
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    This is a sensitive topic for me. When I was a teenager my mom lost 150 lbs and left my Dad and us when he did not follow in her footsteps for another man. Not saying this is going to happen to you but because of this I refuse to expect my husband to be like me. It would be nice, yes, but I refuse to force him or get angry at him for not wanting to exercise with me or eat like I do. This is MY weight loss journey, not his. And he is learning to support me and even changing some habits without realizing it. We find ways to work things out. My marriage vows were for better or worse. Sickness or health. Be patient with your husband and with yourself. Good luck.
  • Sidesteal
    Sidesteal Posts: 5,510 Member
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    This is a sensitive topic for me. When I was a teenager my mom lost 150 lbs and left my Dad and us when he did not follow in her footsteps for another man. Not saying this is going to happen to you but because of this I refuse to expect my husband to be like me. It would be nice, yes, but I refuse to force him or get angry at him for not wanting to exercise with me or eat like I do. This is MY weight loss journey, not his. And he is learning to support me and even changing some habits without realizing it. We find ways to work things out. My marriage vows were for better or worse. Sickness or health. Be patient with your husband and with yourself. Good luck.

    ^ This is a great post aside from the unfortunate situation with your family.
  • sunflower_yogi
    sunflower_yogi Posts: 78 Member
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    I'm in sort of the same situation. My husband just doesn't "get it." He's naturally healthy and built because of his job. He's supportive--he'd buy me a gym if I asked him too, but he's not interested in talking about it too much. We have issues when it comes to weight loss. He believes in a lot of the myths but is uninterested in expanding his knowledge on the subject. And if I try to explain something he thinks he needs to be right. We don't argue or anything but it's so annoying. It's something that I have become passionate about and he really could care less....as long as he has a hot wife he doesn't care. That sounds awful, but that's how I feel. So, yeah, it sucks...The only thing you can do is tell him how you feel. But don't let it come between you and don't let him drag you down.

    My husband is the same. I've finally come to the conclusion that I am doing this on my own and he supports me by paying for my gym membership. The rest is on me. I don't tell him anymore about my goals or how my work out went cause he's not very positive. So basically I'm doing this for myself and in the end, he'll either have a hot wife or a hot ex wife...And I'm happy with knowing that.


    Yep.. here too... except my husband isn't naturally fit... he is actually in denial. almost as if he doesn't really think the natural rules of diet/nutrition/fitness and how they affect our bodies don't apply to him. he still has a hot wife (at 42), one that has had 3 children, so why the hell would he need to think about how he eats or his sedentary lifestyle? it's very frustrating to me. it's not like i thoroughly enjoy looking at his pot belly every day... i would love it if he would make exercise even a small priority.. but it ain't happening. his exercise comes in the 'natural form' -- working in yard, etc... that is fine, but it's seasonal and sporadic.

    anyhow, i feel your pain.
  • Oplesandbanonos
    Oplesandbanonos Posts: 99 Member
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    My problem is that my boyfriend is kind of a know it all jerk when it comes to this sort of thing. He (and i love him to death) has a beer gut, and seems to think that if he ever wanted to get in shape, it's just going to take him three days and he can eat whatever he wants until then. He tries to tell me i need to start working out and that i shouldn't eat this or that because "i've eaten too much already". i just fluff it off and go on about my business doing what i want. He isn't supportive at all, doesn't think i'll ever be in shape (he has no room to talk) and doesn't ever say anything supportive or helpful.


    So my situation is a bit different than yours, but kind of the same. Mine likes to sit around, drink beer and play xbox all day. I've started eating healthier, getting more active and just working on self improvement where i need to. So i guess in the end we'll see what happens.

    As far as your situation goes, i would just give it some time. maybe he will see how hot you're getting, and how happy you are working out and stuff and he'll eventually want to do it too.
  • taramaureen
    taramaureen Posts: 569 Member
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    Your SO is under no obligation to change with you. Support comes in a variety of ways, not just monkey see monkey do.

    DH and I do not lead the same lifestyle. DH, due to injuries, cannot be as active as I am. However he supports me by going to my races and asks me about my training... stuff like that. He also doesn't have the same diet I do. We share dinner together and I either tweek the recipies so they're healthier, eat smaller portions, or both. I also tend to exercise before work (is this an option for you?)

    Part of being in a marriage is realizing there are differences between you and your spouse but loving the other even when you change. There's really no reason to pressure him into doing what you are... life long good habits have to come within not because your spouse wants you to change.

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