Not feeling supported at all.

uberlaut
uberlaut Posts: 44
edited October 6 in Motivation and Support
I've been thinking about it, and I now know why I walked away from my weightloss forums including MFP for the last 4 months or so. (To the detriment of my waistline…I've gained 15lbs of fluffiness since I ran my marathon in the end of September.)

I feel really egocentric saying this, but it’s truly how I feel.

I have a hard time feeling supported by the communities (especially MFP and the forums on other food-tracking websites). I mean, I felt supported by a different (non-food-tracker related) forum when I was 270lbs plus and desperately trying to break into one-derland…

But then I realized I’m COMPLETELY HEALTHY AND HAPPY at a weight/height ratio that so many people seem completely horrified to be. I was REALLY happy and fit at 185-190 (the weight I was while training/running my marathon). My current goal is 180 (lighter than I’ve ever been, seriously) and is just *over* the cusp of obese for my height. I think the cutoff is 178 or something. Women who are bigger than me (like I used to be) have goal weights of “whatever the BMI says” and women who are smaller (or the same weight) as me have goal weights of “whatever the BMI says” and I feel like a freak over here with my head exploding because if I got to the weight the BMI says (120-155) without losing muscle mass I’d have a bodyfat percentage of less than 10% and I’d look like a skin-and-bones freak. Not to mention being an emotional monster from the horrific dietary restrictions I’d have to put myself through! (YES, I do test my body fat percentage on a regular basis, and NO, I am not exaggerating.)

But there’s so many people who are my height (or close) and they are like ”I’m a fat monster! I weigh 160lbs!”

I don’t believe that the BMI is right. I believe we shouldn’t be focusing so hard on weight, but focusing much more on fitness and healthy, nutritious eating! I believe that most people can (and maybe should) be carrying more MUSCLE weight than the BMI allows. Some weight might come off in the fitness/health journey (depending on your journey) but weightloss shouldn’t be the goal, or we risk losing muscle mass...and we all know and agree that losing muscle mass is very bad news, right??
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Replies

  • wannabehealthy1980
    wannabehealthy1980 Posts: 55
    I understand how your feeling, I want to get alot of my weight off so I can run, walk and play with my kids and not feel like a heart attack is looming, but at 5'8, the BMI chart says 125 to 150? I mean seriously I'd look like death at 150lbs. I am going to lose until I am happy with myself and that's it. I don't care what others think of me, its about being happy with yourself and loving yourself.
    Once you accomplish that, goal has be met.
  • CaptainGordo
    CaptainGordo Posts: 4,437 Member
    Way to go! :drinker:
  • FiremanSam111
    FiremanSam111 Posts: 118
    Happiness is key, no matter the weight or shape. As for the BMI, I can't believe it is still in use. Mine says I'm Obese, but I body build and have a large frame. The better measure would be body fat, and the mirror. Chuck the scales away, the lying brutal beasts! I have gained 2Kg in 5 weeks on my scale, but have lost 4% body fat and my mirror says "hey, keep it up!"
  • uberlaut
    uberlaut Posts: 44
    I know they aren't intentionally judging ME when they post about how crappy they feel at whatever weight they are, but I want to scream at them "HEY LOOK AT ME! I'm super fit and I weigh more than you! Why are you so focused on your weight?!?!?!"
  • alleyrat
    alleyrat Posts: 43
    Well my goal right now is 176lbs (or 80g in my country)! I'm not too bothered what the 'norm' is or what everyone else thinks is ideal. I have been morbidly obese and slowly have lost weight (My ticker for MFP is set on when I started logging not on my original weight). So if you need a 'like-weighted' mate you can friend me!
  • Nieffenegger
    Nieffenegger Posts: 2
    I know what you are saying about the BMI and all... If someone weighs 200 pounds pure muscle they look pretty lean... I think there is too much emphasis on BMI and where the world expects you to be. As long as you are healthy and happy, I don't see how anything else matters.
  • uberlaut
    uberlaut Posts: 44
    Lost 4% bodyfat in 5 weeks?!?!?

    Lucky you. You must be a man.
  • servilia
    servilia Posts: 3,452 Member
    Why do other peoples' goals bother you? Live and let live. I was 5'9" and 162 and I did not look or feel my best. If you're happy with yourself, that's all that matters, don't worry about others. :)
  • christine24t
    christine24t Posts: 6,063 Member
    I agree with you at all, sometimes it is not about a number. Without revealing my weight, I'll tell you that I have more "fat" days than skinny days. I am considered a normal BMI. However, I couldn't care less about the number on the scale. I just want to lose my belly! It took me a long time to realize that (a few months) but I'm glad I did!
  • LeanMeanFitnessMachine
    LeanMeanFitnessMachine Posts: 659
    I don’t believe that the BMI is right. I believe we shouldn’t be focusing so hard on weight, but focusing much more on fitness and healthy, nutritious eating! I believe that most people can (and maybe should) be carrying more MUSCLE weight than the BMI allows. Some weight might come off in the fitness/health journey (depending on your journey) but weightloss shouldn’t be the goal, or we risk losing muscle mass...and we all know and agree that losing muscle mass is very bad news, right??

    I completely understand where you're coming from. However, if a person truely is eating clean, eating healthy, and eating nutritiously, then they wouldn't have a weight problem. You know what I mean? And I am not intending this to be mean or negative or make you feel as though the forums are unsupportive, just trying to broaden the perspective a bit. I know that many professional athletes are bigger and more muscular, and it is very true that their muscle weight puts them outside a healthy BMI - I totally agree! But lets face it - most people on MFP aren't bodybuilders (and don't intend to be) and I think the BMI calculator holds them accountable for their health and wellness.

    I hope you can at least understand where I'm coming from. Just looking at this from a different perspective.
  • MountainMamaMarissa
    MountainMamaMarissa Posts: 202 Member
    I don't care what the "BMI" says I should be. I set a goal that I felt comfortable with. I knew if I set my goal weight for what is recommended for me, that I would be overwhelmed and just fail. If I were 170 pounds and I felt good, had no health problems due to that weight...then I'd be tickled pink to be there.

    Congratulations on your success and the marathon!
  • Longbowgilly
    Longbowgilly Posts: 262 Member
    Stuff the BMI, its flawed anyway, personally I have a small frame and know that I really do look and feel a hell of a lot better at 130-120lbs so at the moment I am a "fat monster" as far as I am concerned.
    If you feel great and are happy at your weight then good for you, its obviously "right" for you, everyone has different factors that the BMI just does not take into account.
    NEVER feel pushed into being something you are not happy with! :flowerforyou:
  • Famzav8
    Famzav8 Posts: 97 Member
    My doc told me not to even worry about the scale - that it really truley isn't the best tool to show you how you are doing on your journey. I was getting frustrated thinking that I needed to lose pounds, when in fact my doc said....well how are your clothes fitting? She was right.... the scale wasn't budging much, but my body shape was changing. My goal is not to be a stick - it is to be a strong, healthy, fit role model for my children, to be happy for myself, and to bring a better attitude to the table each day. Whoot whooot!!!! Don't listen to all the crazies out there........ ya pick and choose what you read on here - but take it with a grain of salt. :)
  • firesoforion
    firesoforion Posts: 1,017 Member
    I agree with a lot of what you're saying. Plus, you ran a marathon which means you've gotta be doing something seriously right! Good job on your fitness and I really do think that if you feel healthy (and, again, if you can done a marathon, you've accomplished more than I've ever dreamed of...), then you're at a good place. Keep up the good work!!
  • uberlaut
    uberlaut Posts: 44
    "However, if a person truely is eating clean, eating healthy, and eating nutritiously, then they wouldn't have a weight problem."

    This is a false presumption. There are lots of reasons why people are "overweight" that have nothing to do with their eating habits.
  • FiremanSam111
    FiremanSam111 Posts: 118
    Lost 4% bodyfat in 5 weeks?!?!?

    Lucky you. You must be a man.

    Yup, I'm a man last time I checked. I lost that 4% with sheer grit and determination. I burned over 13,000 Cals in that 5 weeks. I would like my success to motivate people, not intimidate them. It is not an easy journey, I worked damn hard for those losses.
  • CRMrunner
    CRMrunner Posts: 83 Member
    I don't think we are locked in to the guidelines, but most people need help getting started. I think it's very healthy to make your goals personal. I set mine after a health screen at work.

    I get most of my support/motivation from friend comments. Feel free to add me if you want.
  • servilia
    servilia Posts: 3,452 Member
    "However, if a person truely is eating clean, eating healthy, and eating nutritiously, then they wouldn't have a weight problem."

    This is a false presumption. There are lots of reasons why people are "overweight" that have nothing to do with their eating habits.

    Sure, there are a couple of reasons other than diet/exercise. But they only apply to a tiny minority. Most people do not have some medical condition that causes them to be obese or overweight while they are eating healthily.
  • SalishSea
    SalishSea Posts: 373 Member
    Life is hard enough. If you are happy then that's great! Many people struggle just to be happy and content. I am happy, gloriously so. But my weight is taxing my health. I need to lose weight. I need to lose 50lbs. It is challenging because my family doesn't care if and am round. But they do want me to be healthy. Be thankful for your happiness!
  • uberlaut
    uberlaut Posts: 44
    Also, I'm going to school to become a personal trainer.

    I currently lift 2x a week, I do yoga 1x a week, and I do another 120min of cardio each week.

    And I am solidly in the "obese" category but I have a BodyComp of 29%.
  • funkycamper
    funkycamper Posts: 998 Member
    I'm sorry you don't feel supported. I tend to steer clear of discussions where people are bemoaning not losing fast enough or being unable to get down to some kind of dream weight. My goals are more fitness and accomplishment related than weight related. In fact, I don't even have a goal weight although I do have a goal pant size. But that's a side goal and the other stuff is far more important to me. Anyway, I find there are a lot of folks here at MFP more concerned with fitness than a magic number on the scale. Maybe you could seek out those folks and just ignore the others?

    I do feel the need to add that whenever you lose weight, no matter how slowly you lose it, no matter how much you work out while losing, and no matter how nutritiously you eat, you also lose muscle. Working out, especially strength training, will help you keep more of it so the ratio of fat to muscle loss is greater. But if you have lost around 100# then, yeah, a lot of that was muscle.

    Anyway, we all look different at different weights, especially when body composition is factored in. If you are happy at your current weight, size, level of fitness, etc., don't sweat it. To be honest, I think it sounds like you're negatively judging those who have a goal that's far less than you do and I have to wonder why. It's very possible to lose to a lower BMI while still maintaining muscle mass, fitness and, yes, curves without starving oneself. I don't think you should negatively judge those who choose to do this anymore than you feel you are being negatively judged for not wanting to do so.

    The bottom line, imho, is that we should all do what is best for ourselves and not worry about what anybody else is doing. Unless we someone truly doing something unhealthy, that is. But I don't think that's the case with your goals or with the goals of many of those who want to go lower than you do.
  • uberlaut
    uberlaut Posts: 44
    FiremanSam111, You are awesome.
  • cramernh
    cramernh Posts: 3,335 Member
    "However, if a person truely is eating clean, eating healthy, and eating nutritiously, then they wouldn't have a weight problem."

    This is a false presumption. There are lots of reasons why people are "overweight" that have nothing to do with their eating habits.

    Agreeing wholeheartedly - Im affected by several medical issues that caused my weight gain, and a number of years, the preliminary doctors refusing to test me for food allergies, sensitivities and such.... all the healthy eating in the world didnt do crap, and I fought tooth and nail with the RD putting her in her place when she accused me of lying in my food diaries... "everyone else has lost weight with my plan, so you obviously are not documenting truthfully, your intake!" OHHHHH if that dumb broad only knew then, what I recently found out - she would have to kiss my you-know-what!
  • FiremanSam111
    FiremanSam111 Posts: 118
    "However, if a person truely is eating clean, eating healthy, and eating nutritiously, then they wouldn't have a weight problem."

    This is a false presumption. There are lots of reasons why people are "overweight" that have nothing to do with their eating habits.

    ffs, we are supposed to be supporting one another, not being critical of other people's ideas and opinions. Perhaps that is why you don't feel supported? You keep pushing people away who would like to show support. The clean healthy food thing is debatable as are most things. In my family, my gparents, mother, uncle on her side, and 2 sisters are or have been chronically obese. My Mum and Uncle have both had stomach stapling ops. I WILL NOT follow that trend.
  • KaleidoscopeEyes1056
    KaleidoscopeEyes1056 Posts: 2,996 Member
    I'm with you, I wanna be 150-160. I'm really short, so whatever weight looks best on me. But every time I go into a store, I hold up size 10 pants and I think how perfect it would be if I could fit into those. I don't want to be a size 2, not even a 4. I would look horrible at that weight with my body frame. I'm glad I found somebody who is like-minded, and if you don't mind, I shall add you.
  • nixon76k
    nixon76k Posts: 48
    I think you look AMAZING! Kudos to you! Keep up the good work!
  • uberlaut
    uberlaut Posts: 44
    "I do feel the need to add that whenever you lose weight, no matter how slowly you lose it, no matter how much you work out while losing, and no matter how nutritiously you eat, you also lose muscle. Working out, especially strength training, will help you keep more of it so the ratio of fat to muscle loss is greater. But if you have lost around 100# then, yeah, a lot of that was muscle. "

    Another false presumption. I have had a trainer since I weighed 275 and we have regularly tested my body composition. I have not lost muscle mass except during my marathon training (which frankly really pissed me off, and I've been working on regaining it). In fact, before I started training for my marathon, I had gained TWENTY POUNDS of lean body mass and lost 80lbs since I started working with my trainer.
  • Deckershann
    Deckershann Posts: 272 Member
    Are you not feeling supported or are you just struggling to find people that agree exactly with your viewpoint?
  • servilia
    servilia Posts: 3,452 Member
    Are you not feeling supported or are you just struggling to find people that agree exactly with your viewpoint?

    :smokin:
  • uberlaut
    uberlaut Posts: 44
    AAAAAND my point has been made.


    At least I have a personal trainer and a doctor who are supportive of my goals. I just wish other people would educate themselves better about the reality.

    http://www.maa.org/devlin/devlin_05_09.html
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