Not feeling supported at all.

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  • funkycamper
    funkycamper Posts: 998 Member
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    I'm sorry you don't feel supported. I tend to steer clear of discussions where people are bemoaning not losing fast enough or being unable to get down to some kind of dream weight. My goals are more fitness and accomplishment related than weight related. In fact, I don't even have a goal weight although I do have a goal pant size. But that's a side goal and the other stuff is far more important to me. Anyway, I find there are a lot of folks here at MFP more concerned with fitness than a magic number on the scale. Maybe you could seek out those folks and just ignore the others?

    I do feel the need to add that whenever you lose weight, no matter how slowly you lose it, no matter how much you work out while losing, and no matter how nutritiously you eat, you also lose muscle. Working out, especially strength training, will help you keep more of it so the ratio of fat to muscle loss is greater. But if you have lost around 100# then, yeah, a lot of that was muscle.

    Anyway, we all look different at different weights, especially when body composition is factored in. If you are happy at your current weight, size, level of fitness, etc., don't sweat it. To be honest, I think it sounds like you're negatively judging those who have a goal that's far less than you do and I have to wonder why. It's very possible to lose to a lower BMI while still maintaining muscle mass, fitness and, yes, curves without starving oneself. I don't think you should negatively judge those who choose to do this anymore than you feel you are being negatively judged for not wanting to do so.

    The bottom line, imho, is that we should all do what is best for ourselves and not worry about what anybody else is doing. Unless we someone truly doing something unhealthy, that is. But I don't think that's the case with your goals or with the goals of many of those who want to go lower than you do.
  • uberlaut
    uberlaut Posts: 44
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    FiremanSam111, You are awesome.
  • cramernh
    cramernh Posts: 3,335 Member
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    "However, if a person truely is eating clean, eating healthy, and eating nutritiously, then they wouldn't have a weight problem."

    This is a false presumption. There are lots of reasons why people are "overweight" that have nothing to do with their eating habits.

    Agreeing wholeheartedly - Im affected by several medical issues that caused my weight gain, and a number of years, the preliminary doctors refusing to test me for food allergies, sensitivities and such.... all the healthy eating in the world didnt do crap, and I fought tooth and nail with the RD putting her in her place when she accused me of lying in my food diaries... "everyone else has lost weight with my plan, so you obviously are not documenting truthfully, your intake!" OHHHHH if that dumb broad only knew then, what I recently found out - she would have to kiss my you-know-what!
  • FiremanSam111
    FiremanSam111 Posts: 118
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    "However, if a person truely is eating clean, eating healthy, and eating nutritiously, then they wouldn't have a weight problem."

    This is a false presumption. There are lots of reasons why people are "overweight" that have nothing to do with their eating habits.

    ffs, we are supposed to be supporting one another, not being critical of other people's ideas and opinions. Perhaps that is why you don't feel supported? You keep pushing people away who would like to show support. The clean healthy food thing is debatable as are most things. In my family, my gparents, mother, uncle on her side, and 2 sisters are or have been chronically obese. My Mum and Uncle have both had stomach stapling ops. I WILL NOT follow that trend.
  • KaleidoscopeEyes1056
    KaleidoscopeEyes1056 Posts: 2,996 Member
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    I'm with you, I wanna be 150-160. I'm really short, so whatever weight looks best on me. But every time I go into a store, I hold up size 10 pants and I think how perfect it would be if I could fit into those. I don't want to be a size 2, not even a 4. I would look horrible at that weight with my body frame. I'm glad I found somebody who is like-minded, and if you don't mind, I shall add you.
  • nixon76k
    nixon76k Posts: 48
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    I think you look AMAZING! Kudos to you! Keep up the good work!
  • uberlaut
    uberlaut Posts: 44
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    "I do feel the need to add that whenever you lose weight, no matter how slowly you lose it, no matter how much you work out while losing, and no matter how nutritiously you eat, you also lose muscle. Working out, especially strength training, will help you keep more of it so the ratio of fat to muscle loss is greater. But if you have lost around 100# then, yeah, a lot of that was muscle. "

    Another false presumption. I have had a trainer since I weighed 275 and we have regularly tested my body composition. I have not lost muscle mass except during my marathon training (which frankly really pissed me off, and I've been working on regaining it). In fact, before I started training for my marathon, I had gained TWENTY POUNDS of lean body mass and lost 80lbs since I started working with my trainer.
  • Deckershann
    Deckershann Posts: 272 Member
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    Are you not feeling supported or are you just struggling to find people that agree exactly with your viewpoint?
  • servilia
    servilia Posts: 3,452 Member
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    Are you not feeling supported or are you just struggling to find people that agree exactly with your viewpoint?

    :smokin:
  • uberlaut
    uberlaut Posts: 44
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    AAAAAND my point has been made.


    At least I have a personal trainer and a doctor who are supportive of my goals. I just wish other people would educate themselves better about the reality.

    http://www.maa.org/devlin/devlin_05_09.html
  • Deckershann
    Deckershann Posts: 272 Member
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    Reality is relative only to those who create it. All I did was ask a question.

    Glad you have a personal trainer and a doctor though...and best of luck in training school.
  • cramernh
    cramernh Posts: 3,335 Member
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    I've been thinking about it, and I now know why I walked away from my weightloss forums including MFP for the last 4 months or so. (To the detriment of my waistline…I've gained 15lbs of fluffiness since I ran my marathon in the end of September.)

    I feel really egocentric saying this, but it’s truly how I feel.

    I have a hard time feeling supported by the communities (especially MFP and the forums on other food-tracking websites). I mean, I felt supported by a different (non-food-tracker related) forum when I was 270lbs plus and desperately trying to break into one-derland…

    But then I realized I’m COMPLETELY HEALTHY AND HAPPY at a weight/height ratio that so many people seem completely horrified to be. I was REALLY happy and fit at 185-190 (the weight I was while training/running my marathon). My current goal is 180 (lighter than I’ve ever been, seriously) and is just *over* the cusp of obese for my height. I think the cutoff is 178 or something. Women who are bigger than me (like I used to be) have goal weights of “whatever the BMI says” and women who are smaller (or the same weight) as me have goal weights of “whatever the BMI says” and I feel like a freak over here with my head exploding because if I got to the weight the BMI says (120-155) without losing muscle mass I’d have a bodyfat percentage of less than 10% and I’d look like a skin-and-bones freak. Not to mention being an emotional monster from the horrific dietary restrictions I’d have to put myself through! (YES, I do test my body fat percentage on a regular basis, and NO, I am not exaggerating.)

    But there’s so many people who are my height (or close) and they are like ”I’m a fat monster! I weigh 160lbs!”

    I don’t believe that the BMI is right. I believe we shouldn’t be focusing so hard on weight, but focusing much more on fitness and healthy, nutritious eating! I believe that most people can (and maybe should) be carrying more MUSCLE weight than the BMI allows. Some weight might come off in the fitness/health journey (depending on your journey) but weightloss shouldn’t be the goal, or we risk losing muscle mass...and we all know and agree that losing muscle mass is very bad news, right??

    Each person's goals will always be different... sorry to say, but weight loss IS the primary goal for me.... its the goal of many of the MFP folks in my friend's list as well... I dont get bent out of shape over it, but I am getting INTO shape (LOL), and with the help of an amazing team of doctors working with me, doing routine tests, allergy/sensitivity checks and such, Ive gone alot further in the last six months, than in the past 15 or more years with other doctors who actually made things worse.

    Im not trying to be rude here but, why are you so concerned about what others say about their own weight-loss endeavors? Who cares? If they want to submit to drama, let them...they will only hurt theirselves in the process because they just cant deal with reality very well. Or worse, some who are psychologically scarred into thinking they are so bad off, like some of the people you exampled earlier.

    People use MFP for their own reasons... honestly, I could care less if I get support from anyone here because Im not looking for it. Im here, using MFP under the guidance of three doctors working with me. My husband is 100% behind me on the changes that had to be made at home, and thats all I need...and no one else....

    If you allow yourself to be consumed by others, you will in turn lose focus on your own weight loss endeavors thus being your own worst enemy.... dont get sucked into other people's problems and/or drama and dont let it bother you.... it only becomes a problem if you allow it to continue to do so....they arent worth it...
  • courtgosvener
    courtgosvener Posts: 66 Member
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    I agree with what you wrote. My goal is 165 pounds. I agree the forums there are so many people who "start" at 165...many my height. I basically just think to myself, "Ok, good for you, that's your journey and mine is different"...When I was 165 in high school I looked great. Of course, I didn't think so and wanted to be 140 lbs or smaller. I could never seem to break 160 no matter how hard I tried. I was on diets and obsessed with fitness and bought every book and magazine on the subject.. Now that I let myself get to be 285 (gasp), I realize that for me, my journey leads me back to 165. I may be size 14, but size 14 isn't all that bad. I could still essentially shop in most stores whereas now I have to go Lane Bryant just because size 2-3x in department stores usually fits like 1x would. After 10 years I have embraced my body. I am more comfortable in it than I was when I was my "skinnier" self. But I have chosen not to stay overweight...obese...I think coming to terms with losing weight for me helped me shed the "I need to be 145 to be healthy BMI" I try not to compare myself to others. I think some do look good (better) at 125-145, etc. But that probably won't be me. If I get to 165 and say, "you know I can go further" I will,but I am not going to make that my first goal. My goal is one-derland and I can't wait to taste it! Ok, well not taste it....LOLOLOL
  • LeanMeanFitnessMachine
    LeanMeanFitnessMachine Posts: 659
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    Are you not feeling supported or are you just struggling to find people that agree exactly with your viewpoint?
  • Elzecat
    Elzecat Posts: 2,916 Member
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    I'm not really sure why you posted this, it's as if you want people to respond and then are bothered that not everyone agrees with you?

    If your MFP friends don't have the same goals as you and that bothers you...get new MFP friends. Or don't choose to have MFP friends, there's no law saying you need to have friends on here, or to post your height/weight or even your "ticker" if you don't want to...It is not a reflection on you if someone who is your same height/weight wants to be a size smaller, why do you care what weight someone else is happy at?...if you're truly happy with where you are, great! if they want to lose a few more pounds to be a different size, great! I don't get why so many people feel the need to put others down for having different thoughts and goals. We are all different people and hey--that's what makes this a wonderful world to live in.

    Good luck with your continued journey to health and fitness.
  • LeanMeanFitnessMachine
    LeanMeanFitnessMachine Posts: 659
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    Are you not feeling supported or are you just struggling to find people that agree exactly with your viewpoint?

    Thank you! OP, please don't post how you feel the forums are too critical and unsupportive when you're not even accepting support and advice when its given to you. I'm an exercise science major with a minor in food sciences, a fitness instructor at the local gym, in training to become a certified personal trainer, and volunteer at an outpatient physical therapy clinic - so please don't rate my opinions/perspectives as "uneducated".
  • kennethmgreen
    kennethmgreen Posts: 1,759 Member
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    AAAAAND my point has been made.
    You mean after a page of posts supporting you, right?

    I notice that when I look for something I usually find it.

    You have stated you are happy with your goals. You have stated that you know that when others talk of wanting to reach a scale or BMI goal, they aren't talking to you. How are you not feeling supported?

    If you are making healthy choices and are happy, I certainly support you.
  • Elzecat
    Elzecat Posts: 2,916 Member
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    I'm sorry you don't feel supported. I tend to steer clear of discussions where people are bemoaning not losing fast enough or being unable to get down to some kind of dream weight. My goals are more fitness and accomplishment related than weight related. In fact, I don't even have a goal weight although I do have a goal pant size. But that's a side goal and the other stuff is far more important to me. Anyway, I find there are a lot of folks here at MFP more concerned with fitness than a magic number on the scale. Maybe you could seek out those folks and just ignore the others?

    I do feel the need to add that whenever you lose weight, no matter how slowly you lose it, no matter how much you work out while losing, and no matter how nutritiously you eat, you also lose muscle. Working out, especially strength training, will help you keep more of it so the ratio of fat to muscle loss is greater. But if you have lost around 100# then, yeah, a lot of that was muscle.

    Anyway, we all look different at different weights, especially when body composition is factored in. If you are happy at your current weight, size, level of fitness, etc., don't sweat it. To be honest, I think it sounds like you're negatively judging those who have a goal that's far less than you do and I have to wonder why. It's very possible to lose to a lower BMI while still maintaining muscle mass, fitness and, yes, curves without starving oneself. I don't think you should negatively judge those who choose to do this anymore than you feel you are being negatively judged for not wanting to do so.

    The bottom line, imho, is that we should all do what is best for ourselves and not worry about what anybody else is doing. Unless we someone truly doing something unhealthy, that is. But I don't think that's the case with your goals or with the goals of many of those who want to go lower than you do.

    Well said.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    Also, I'm going to school to become a personal trainer.

    I currently lift 2x a week, I do yoga 1x a week, and I do another 120min of cardio each week.

    And I am solidly in the "obese" category but I have a BodyComp of 29%.

    I was pretty darned flabby at 29%. Just sayin'.

    But if you're happy with that, then why do you care if I'm not? My goals and personal thoughts about MY body have nothing to do with you. People can support your goals for YOU without copying them for themselves.

    The biggest problem I see with this forum is that too many people are too worried about what everyone else is doing. Unless what I'm doing is going to cause me major health problems and is dangerous (anorexia, bulimia or trying to eat myself to 1,800 pounds), then why are you so hung up on it? Why does MY wanting to be 115 pounds have any effect on what YOU want?
  • servilia
    servilia Posts: 3,452 Member
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    Also, I'm going to school to become a personal trainer.

    I currently lift 2x a week, I do yoga 1x a week, and I do another 120min of cardio each week.

    And I am solidly in the "obese" category but I have a BodyComp of 29%.

    I was pretty darned flabby at 29%. Just sayin'.

    But if you're happy with that, then why do you care if I'm not? My goals and personal thoughts about MY body have nothing to do with you. People can support your goals for YOU without copying them for themselves.

    The biggest problem I see with this forum is that too many people are too worried about what everyone else is doing. Unless what I'm doing is going to cause me major health problems and is dangerous (anorexia, bulimia or trying to eat myself to 1,800 pounds), then why are you so hung up on it? Why does MY wanting to be 115 pounds have any effect on what YOU want?

    Couldn't have said it better. I was 28% at 162 and wasn't ecstatic at my body then, but OP, if you are, that's great :) Don't worry about what others' goals are :) We're all here for our own reasons and have different goals.

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