Friction in my Marriage



  • belgerian
    belgerian Posts: 1,054 Member
    I wish I had the answer I was that man and my wife was you she got into fitness started hitting the gym while I stayed home playing Everquest (been Evercrack free for almost 2 years now) drinking regular soda ordering Pizza (not in moderation mind you). Unfortunantly but fortunantly a series of events inspired me to change I do not recommend this to anyone still hard to swallow but my wife started showing interests in other men healthier and fitter men, and my father died due to stroke but he had a series of health issues before he died starting with a heart transplant. Also some other stressfull issues and to be honest I started hitting the gym just becouse she was going and doing the eliptical then the treadmill then I started going for myself and I continue to go for myslelf. For those that want to know my wife and I are still together and mending our wounds. I really do wish you the best of luck
  • LaurieJAndrews
    LaurieJAndrews Posts: 55 Member
    Ask him to do something with you of your choice, and you do something of his choice with him. Give and take.
  • gabi_ele
    gabi_ele Posts: 460 Member
    I have been married for almost 32 years and I agree with some of the advise you got. I can't change my husband, I love him. Does he do things that I don't like? sure, but I do things he doesn't like too. If you cook the meals sneak some healthy stuff in, but don't deprive him of his pizza . My husband has some great qualities and I can live with the quirks he has.If there are things he doesn't like to do with me I will find a friend or family member who will do it with me and I tell him all about it when I come back. Sometimes, if it is really important to me I will ask for it for my birthday or some other holiday ( mothers day, anniversary) like taking me to a special place, or doing an activity that I like. I also let him have his free time to do what he likes to do.
    I try to live by the golden rule, I won't do to him what I don't like.
    Hope that helps
  • knittnponder
    knittnponder Posts: 1,954 Member
    As everybody else has said, you can't force him or change him. Just accept that this might be one of those areas where you don't do it together (and every marriage should have some individual time). My husband hasn't wanted to work out or do many of the things I want to do. We joke that I have ADOS (Attention Deficit...Ooh Shiny!) and I'm always obsessed with something. So instead of letting him keep me from doing what I wanted to do I just began doing things without him. Some things he decided looked like fun and he joined me. Others he never has. And with the fitness thing, he's slowly changing his tune. Part of it was finding things that he would enjoy. He's not a runner, aerobic video doer or things like that. I asked for a bike for my birthday and he's taken me on several bike rides since. We also joined taekwondo and our whole family does it together but that's something he's long enjoyed. He just mentioned he might start doing strength training with me. Looks great right? I started working out 10 years ago. I've ebbed and flowed as we had another baby and many life things, illness and so on but I've worked out at least somewhat for most of that time and he's just now deciding to join me.

    Do what you gotta do and he'll join you or not. If you wait for him you'll only end up resentful and may never do it. If you push him, he'll end up resentful.
  • maryjay51
    maryjay51 Posts: 742
    do this for yourself .. if he doesnt want to come along for the ride its his decision to do that.. i didnt get much support from people either..i guess maybe since i battled weight most my life i dont think they too me serious enough.. two years ago i had it and i stuck with it all this time --down 80lbs now and i get compliments allll the time ..alot of times my friends or some family will try to plan healthy stuff for dinner if im invited over now . then there are the ones that want to go out for buffalo wings ....uggghh lol
  • Hey Pamela3,
    Love him for who he is and let him be. Find a workout/exercise friend. Maybe when he sees your excitement, he will want to join the party!
  • belgerian - This is a great post - thanks for sharing!
  • Wocdam
    Wocdam Posts: 3
    The pizza, smoking, and lack of works will catch up with him. Encourage but don't nag. Love him for who he is and pray for him. Thats how my wife "fixed" me !
  • You just worry about bringing "sexy back" and one day it will click for him and he will realize that he has some catching up to do.....

    When you go to the beach/pool and his lazy butt jiggles down to the shore to get his feet wet and your new curves are glistening in the sunlight as you come out of the water it might just make sense what you have been trying to say all along!
  • I have been married to 'michelle2566' for nearly 25 years, during that time we have certainly experienced most things but have come through them together, from money worries to seperation. We have never gone into any hobby or activity together but have always ended up doing them together. The best advice I can give you is to try and make the healthy lifestyle appeal to him, long walks in the country followed by a pub lunch!! Our weight loss and lifestyle change has been bought about compromise and by balance. We still do all the unhealthy stuff but offset the effect by doing some healthy stuff. Being healthy has to be a goal for him too, if you try to force your ideals on him it will drive him further away from you. Believe me, I've been the guy! But I've learned to compromise and not to dismiss other peoples ideas or ideals without giving them a try. These have even included aquarobics sessions at the gym with Michelle and 30 other women!!! We now both enjoy the healthy lifestyle but also enjoy some 'unhealthy' diversions along the way.
    If you can't both do things together, you should enjoy the things that you do do together and accept that you both have separate personalities and this means seperate ideals and aspirations. These may well mean you do lots of things separately but make sure the things you do together make you both happy.
    Good luck! Finally, don't try too hard !!
  • Having been married for 32 yeras [yep thats right 32] I can honestly say that the only way around some of the hard things is to avoid them until your partner is ready to take the first step for themselves. I was the one who needed to take the first step, not my wife and to be honest how she put up with me for so long leaves me aghast on times.
    The one major thing that got me going was a massive kick in the butt from mother nature, having unknowingly suffered two major heart attacks in the space of three months [I put the pain down to indigestion after eating a large meal] and then having major by pass surgery my whole outlook on life changed. I needed a reason to change and mother nature gave it to me.

    I wish you all the best of luck in the world and hope it works out for you, the money I have saved since the cigarettes and change of diet have been made were enough in just over 12 months to buy a second car. Maybe that might be an incentive.