Is he trying to sabotage me!
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If you think your partner / love of your life is buying pop tarts for the express purpose of sabotaging your efforts, your issues are deeper than poptarts. In all seriousness, look at your assumptions about your partner and what the chances are that sabotage was what he was thinking. If it is more likely he wanted to bring home a yummy treat to enjoy,, what does it do to your relationship that your assumptions go straight to malevolence? If he really is the kind of hateful *kitten* that wants to keep you from your goal, keep you fat, whatever it is, why would you stay in a relationship like that?0
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Is he taller than you? Tell him to keep the stuff out of your reach. I'm lucky in that my boyfriend likes different crap food than me except for the times he buys Baked Lays, which aren't terrible if you can eat one serving. I can't. He still buys them, but only occasionally, and I do my best to ignore them when they're around.
Have a talk with you man, in friendly, non-accusatory terms, with some helpful suggestions (like keeping things out of reach or out of sight, etc.). If you come to the table with viable alternatives, then it will help to not put him on the defensive. If he loves you and you accuse him of sabotaging you, he will probably take it personally. Don't be passive aggressive, or even aggressive. Just have a discussion, and be prepared for him to occasionally forget and leave stuff out on the counter. You just don't want something this petty to become a big issue.0 -
While I agree with what people have written, both for and against bringing the food home, it is near to impossible for some folks to "NOT eat it"(like me) (as someone stated below rather harshly).
How about getting some sort of combo lock that you can put over two adjacent cabinets? Put a lock on it that he knows the combo to or holds the key to? That way he can have his food treats and you cannot get access to them without begging him.
A little odd but, hey, that way both of you win right?
[Look... your husband has a right to eat however he wants. If he's bringing home junk, than that's his right. He is not trying to sabotage you. He just wants to eat goodies. He doesn't feel like making the life-style changes that you're trying to make just yet.
This 'sabotage' business that I keep seeing is silly. You're an adult. Eat it. Don't eat it. The real world is filled with all sorts of temptations. Think of this as good practice. If you can drive past Crispy Kreme when the hot light is on, you can ignore the donuts sitting on your counter.]0 -
As a member of a relationship who has difficulty with self control ... I think that your spouse can eat foods that you cannot eat that are triggers for you, outside of the home. I do not eat gluten or dairy or majorly sugary foods. So we do not keep them in the home because they are constant temptations for me. My spouse is welcome to eat those things at work, when we go out or even in the home as long as there are no leftovers. I am a food addict. As are MANY of us here. Would you tell a spouse who keeps bringing home alcohol into a home where there is a recovering alcoholic not to throw it down the drain?
Yes, we are adults, we have self control, but some of us have less. Of course you need to have this discussion and give him the opportunity to understand and cure, but i guess i assumed that had already been done. Thankfully, my spouse is respectful enough to understand, respect my health needs, (which affect him gravely as well) and not bring the crap home.
I hope yours will too. If not, throw the crap out. More power to you!0 -
Just walk over, grab the junk and throw it in the garbage. I bet he wont come home with it again
And this is mature, how? Not to mention a huge waste of money.
I honestly don't think he is trying to sabatoge you. Have you tried talking to him about things? He just might not realize how hard it is for you to have that stuff in the house, yes, even if you have told him "in the past". It's not the past, it's the present. Obviously, things need to be talked about again.0 -
I agree with a few people that you shouldn't do that. This is probably a test to know how much you can control yourself. You have the power to set yourself up for failure or to triumph. My husband and kids are constantly bombarding me with things like pizza, eating out or eating ice cream, but my will to lose weight and be healthier is greater than eating those types of food... It's difficult to walk away, but so much worth it. You'll learn that you're in control! I wish you the best.0
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It seems almost like he's trying to sabotage your efforts. I would ask him to keep them put those tempting foods away somewhere out of sight if he must bring them into the home at all! I get so angry when I come home (having let myself get too hungry) and there is pizza or fried chicken or cookies left out. I remind my family of my goals and nicely ask them to keep them out of my view. 0
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my husband, buys chocolate covered donuts at least 2 times a week, its hard but i dont touch them and let him eat all 6 each time0
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I understand the frustration... it's hard having "normal" eaters in the house! I want to snack with them, eat big portions with lots of sour cream and butter, and indulge in dessert. However, I just have to remember what I'm trying to do here.
If it were me, I'd clean out a shelf or cabinet in the kitchen and tell him to keep his crap food in there. If the door is closed, I'm less likely to indulge.0 -
Pop Tarts are only 200cals a piece, you can easily hit your macros for the day and eat a Pop Tart and still lose weight. If someone has such little will power that they will eat the whole box, then that's their own fault0
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Pop Tarts are only 200cals a piece, you can easily hit your macros for the day and eat a Pop Tart and still lose weight. If someone has such little will power that they will eat the whole box, then that's their own fault
^^This.0 -
My first reaction is throw it away~ that is exactly what I wanted to do when my boyfriend brought home the left overs from the bake sale last night. He did leave them in the garage (he knew i would complain if he brought him in, he said i have bad news when he walked in the door
Then i remembered this is my choice, and I was reminded of this when i threw away the old cheese cake from Christmas that i found in the back of the fridge this morning. I went almost a month and even forgot it was there.
Throwing it away treats will cause a fight, but with anything with men (sorry guys) you have to remind them of your rules and wishes repeatedly.
It will be ok...just remember my favorite quote "IT DOESNT TASTE AS GOOD AS SKINNY FEELS"0 -
It seems almost like he's trying to sabotage your efforts. I would ask him to keep them put those tempting foods away somewhere out of sight if he must bring them into the home at all! I get so angry when I come home (having let myself get too hungry) and there is pizza or fried chicken or cookies left out. I remind my family of my goals and nicely ask them to keep them out of my view.
The original post does not indicate he is willfully and maliciously doing this... the OP 'feels' like her husband is just by bringing it home...0 -
Its a test, resist the temptations!0
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Sorry but it is not his fault that you have gained weight. So what that he has brought these foods home? My husband is having tortilla chips and salsa right now 5 feet away from me. I can actually smell the salt on them! I LOVE chips. However I have made the choice not to have them and will have some other snack and some water.
YOU are the one responsible for what you put in your mouth. If he is trying to sabotage you then show him it is not working. Leave the pop tarts in the pantry - or even pop them in the toaster and serve them to him!
It has take me months to get to this part but I finally realized that I can't let food control me. It's something I deal with every day - every meal, but in the long run it is the way to learn to eat for life - not just while I am losing weight.
^^This too! This is almost exactly what I was thinking!0 -
I don't think he's trying to sabotage you but I do think that you both may need to have a discussion about your goals and why they're important to you. You both are married to each other not joined at athe hip. I need to lose weight, my husband is fine with his weight and has no health issues that need to be addressed with diet, and my son is underweight and needs to consume a high cal diet. Neither of them can sabotage my weight loss goal unless I decide to let them. We all get weak sometime and what that means is that we have to give up something later and/or work out longer to burn those extra calories. Everything is OK in moderation and if we slip and fall off the wagon, we can't dwell on it and become a prisoner to defeat, we have to get back on plan and keep it moving.0
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Just walk over, grab the junk and throw it in the garbage. I bet he wont come home with it again
Love your answer!0 -
What *I* do is I ask him to hide it from me. Whether it be in the microwave, in the oven (I don't bake often lol), or in his closet of he has to lol Of course, my man is very secure and very supportive, so he'll happily oblige.
This is what we do at my house too!0 -
It's easy to get angry when you let yourself get too hungry. It seems to me that the easiest solution is to not let yourself get too hungry. Then there's no need to get angry with your family. It's hard to ask nicely when you're angry. :flowerforyou:It seems almost like he's trying to sabotage your efforts. I would ask him to keep them put those tempting foods away somewhere out of sight if he must bring them into the home at all! I get so angry when I come home (having let myself get too hungry) and there is pizza or fried chicken or cookies left out. I remind my family of my goals and nicely ask them to keep them out of my view.0 -
I'm lucky in that my wife is a real food Nazi.Ok I need to turn the will-power up by about 500%, husband brought home bakery large cinnamon rolls,
Pop tarts, mini donuts. Again I know I should be able to not eat this just because it’s in my house, but it’s hard. The pop tarts being the worse, not sure why those darn iced pastries but they seem to call out my name, “Kellie come and eat me….” I know very sad. I will just need to take it one minute at a time and see how I can do.
He knows that poptarts are my weakness and he hasn't bought them in forever, until the last 2 weeks, and I know he has seen me measuring out food, and watching and tracking every food that I eat.
I need help any suggestions, and I have already asked him not to buy that kind of stuff in the past when dieting.
If faced with that situation, I'd react with rage if my desire had already been clearly expressed. I don't like asking for something twice - especially important requests. That's your health he's toying with.
I'd suggest you tell him again nicely. Explain how hurt your are, and ask just once more that he not bring those treats in the home. Tell you love him.
And if it happens again, take some salad dressing, and pour it all over those treats, ruining them totally. After a few such episodes, he won't plague you with these types of obvious sabotage. "Get the message now?"
I always try nice mixed with honesty up front, because it people don't respond to that, then I know they're trying to hurt me. I'm no Dr Phil, but that's my take on it.0 -
Oh yeah, throw out the food because it doesn't matter that there are so many people in this world starving 0
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Despite being a funny answer, throwing them out creates more of a problem.
That's actually worse then him bringing them home as a treat, not realizing that it would hinder your progress.
He's just tryin to be nice and thoughtful.0 -
Why don't you have the occasional poptart and just count it in your daily calorie intake? You could even cut it into pieces and have it throughout the day. I think to deny yourself something you love is just a route to failure.
I absolutely agree with this! I have yet to deny myself the things that I love to eat. I just eat smaller portions of it and add it into my calorie intake for the day. I know if my husband brought home things that he knew I liked and I threw them away he'd be hurt or worse yet...angry at the waste. Good luck to you.0 -
As an adult, I'd be annoyed if another adult expected me to worry about his or her food and meals. Yes, you need to "up your will power," as you well know. I'm sure 4 pages in, I'm not the first to suggest that your husband eats what he wants, and you eat what you want.
That said, a way I avert these cravings is to brush my teeth. Everything seems to suck after I brush, and all I taste is mint. Also, I imagine anything I want to devour at the moment dipped in MFP-blue, thick paint. Not sure where I got that from, or why it has worked (long before MFP existed) but it just does. What I'm saying is, take the challenge to find what works for you. Maybe ask your husband to keep the treats somewhere away from you.0 -
Why don't you have the occasional poptart and just count it in your daily calorie intake? You could even cut it into pieces and have it throughout the day. I think to deny yourself something you love is just a route to failure.
I agree with this. Learning to eat well and achieve and maintain a healthy weight does not mean depriving yourself of all the foods you enjoy. Find a balance. Eat a poptart once in a while and log it in your diary. I've been married for 34 years. Throwing them out is probably not a good solution. Share your feelings and ask your husband to remember how you feel when he brings things like that home. He could just put them somewhere where they aren't under your nose.0 -
My hubby is definitely NOT on the health food kick i'm on, so we have CRAP in the house. the other day as he and my children were eating said crap, I put a small piece aside and declared that I would have it on cheat day if I still wanted it. When cheat day came I enjoyed every bit of it, and didn't feel bad about it. I so wish he would jump on the band wagon, but until he does and even after he does, it's up to me to control myself.0
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Is it not possible for you to attempt a little moderation? Maybe just have a half a Pop-tart.0
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He obviously is trying to tell you something but cannot verbalize it. You can eat a pop-tart, enjoy it and lose weight - it's all about control and writing it down. Drink a large water before you do. But talk to your husband and enlist his support. IF he wants to continue to bring in foods that you have trouble avoiding try using a sharpie marker and writing his name on all the junk you did not buy - that way you may see that it belongs to him. Good luck! You can do this!!0
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Why don't you have the occasional poptart and just count it in your daily calorie intake? You could even cut it into pieces and have it throughout the day. I think to deny yourself something you love is just a route to failure.
This.
No need to throw the stuff out. No need to cause issues in your marriage. This isn't a diet, it is a lifestyle change. It's pretty unreasonable to assume you'll never be faced with a pastry, cookies, candy or cake for the rest of your life. Making certain foods "off limits" will only cause resentment and result in binge eating later. If you REALLY want the pop tart, have it - but account for it in your daily calories. I have something sugary every single day (actually, I'm known for using up to 400 calories a day for "treats"). It makes me happy to be able to have treats each day and keeps me on track the rest of the time. I've lost nearly 60lbs and kept it off for almost 18 months by doing it this way. No need to go "all or nothing".
amen sista0 -
I understand completely!!! My husband can eat whatever he wants and DOES! He knows how hard it is for me to watch him eat my favorite foods, so he usually tries to buy junk that I don't crave as much.
I agree that you should throw them away, as much as you would like to. This your decision to become healthy and you have to respect his decision not to. Just remember, every morsel you resist makes you that much stronger!0
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