Is he trying to sabotage me!
Replies
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I have asked/told my hubby he can eat what he wants when he's not home. He keeps junk food in his truck and eats it away from home. I want him to eat healthy in front of our daughter (to be a good example) and he agrees. Maybe you can ask him to keep it in his vehicle.
Best of luck, I know how you feel. After years of this my husband finally told me he was trying to sabotage me in the early time, he was afraid he would lose me when I lost weight and enjoyed things like walking, hiking and working out more than eating out, watching tv and being lazy.0 -
In the beginning, it is hard to resist temptation and it's best to limit your time around the junk until you get in control of your cravings or appetite. Have a talk with him and explain that for now, you'd prefer he doesn't show you the items when he buys them and keep it in a separate area from where you see food. Only until you're able to resist it with pure willpower. Trust me, you'll eventually get there. You'll also get to a place where you can eat it in moderation without overeating and still lose the weight.0
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Just walk over, grab the junk and throw it in the garbage. I bet he wont come home with it again
Um. Yah... that's a good way to keep harmony in the marriage
Look... your husband has a right to eat however he wants. If he's bringing home junk, than that's his right. He is not trying to sabotage you. He just wants to eat goodies. He doesn't feel like making the life-style changes that you're trying to make just yet.
This 'sabotage' business that I keep seeing is silly. You're an adult. Eat it. Don't eat it. The real world is filled with all sorts of temptations. Think of this as good practice. If you can drive past Crispy Kreme when the hot light is on, you can ignore the donuts sitting on your counter.
I am having a hard time with my diet right now too. I've clearly not mastered the art of self-control. But guess what? It's my own damned fault and it's nobody else.
^^ This.0 -
If he eats the things he bought then let it be. If he doesn't ever eat those things, tell him thank you and then take them to work and let all your co-workers enjoy breakfast on your hubby.0
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You could withhold marital favors until he stops trying to sabotage you.0
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I have asked the Burger King restaurant (which is a stones throw away from my house) to please close and move to a new location. As I know the world revolves around me. Everyone and everything in it needs to change because I have a problem with food. Come on......to ask my wife and kids not to eat ice cream, cookies, cake etc in their own home because I have a problem with those kinds of food. How selfish........but let me remember the world revolves around me.
iT IS THEIR HOME AS WELL AS MINE AND THEY SHOULD BE ABLE TO EAT (THE KIDS SUPERVISED) WHAT THEY WANT WHEN THEY WANT.0 -
in my opionion, talk to him and tell him how much you really want to reach your goal. If he wants to be your support, he can not buy that type of food again. THEN, take the food that he bought, put it all in HIS bedside table....out of sight, out of mind....right? Then if it's something that has to be refrigerated - push it to the back of the fridge on the bottom shelf so you CAN'T see if when you open it without searching for it. Hope that helps! 0
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Don't throw them away. Just put them in a cupboard where you can't see them (or can't reach them). That way they are still there for him to have, but will likely be less tempting for you.0
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If you can drive past Crispy Kreme when the hot light is on, you can ignore the donuts sitting on your counter.
So awesome it bears repeating.0 -
Alright, here's my two cents.
First of all, yes, others are right, only YOU can sabotage yourself. So I suggest that you try to prepare for these events of bring home junk food by maybe giving him his own cupboard or bin to keep his junk food in, and on the counter? That's where the fruits and low calorie snacks will go. You have to set yourself up for a win, it wont just happen.
However, with that said I do still suggest talking to him. My boyfriend brings home everything from pizza to Pogo's to woppie pies.
He's also a big fan of midnight McDonalds. So I do know how you feel. But I will tell from experience that keeping him updated on my progress and getting him excited when I succeed has really helped. When he sees me excited about my progress, and wanting him to be apart of it, it reassures him, makes him more cautious about what he exposes to me and makes him more health conscious about his own eating.
It takes baby steps but you will find balance.0 -
ok here is what i think .....i used to weigh 271 lbs and i was ADDICTED to sweets ..i went on my diet and lost weight ..but during that time ...hubby wasnt dieting, he is thin and can eat whatever he wants and DOES lolol ...he is not fat I AM, he is not on a diet I AM... he can eat sweets I CANT ..and that is what i kept saying to myself as the stuff just kept coming into the house. and like someone said on the board ..i began to serve him those foods ....would sit next to him on the couch while he munched away and little by little they stopped calling my name ....
but the main thing ...i also talked to him about it ....and before he would eat something he would say ...will this bother you??? and my answer would usually be no lolol ..and it didnt ...
so talk to your hubby, and figure out along with him what can be done whether its hiding the food away from you when he isnt eating it, or YOU walking into another room while he eats it. since its not all him but you too .....good luck ....0 -
Make him take it to work with him and share it with his coworkers. Or, if the box is unopened, donate it to a local food pantry. But, I agree you do need to get it out of the house. Make it clear that he should only buy stuff if he personally intends to eat it.0
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I have to say being married for 25 years that there is many ways couples communicate, and food is one. We teach people how to treat us and for my husband bringing home some of my professed "favorites" has meant "I thought of you....I care about you". We have to share with others how we now want to be treated and it is still love. Conversations such as"Hey hon, the next time you are at the store can you pick me up some fresh pineapple or an avacado. They are expensive right now, but I would love to have that treat on my diet and it is so good for me." Sometimes people are doing what they think is right...sometimes they aren't thinking at all. I believe many times it isn't from a bad place....and if you just open up and share what works, what doesn't work and how much you appreciate them even taking the time to learn what is important....you will gain a lot....and not pounds!
Good luck!!0 -
Maybe he's just testing your will power to see how dedicated you are.0
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Just walk over, grab the junk and throw it in the garbage. I bet he wont come home with it again
Um. Yah... that's a good way to keep harmony in the marriage
Look... your husband has a right to eat however he wants. If he's bringing home junk, than that's his right. He is not trying to sabotage you. He just wants to eat goodies. He doesn't feel like making the life-style changes that you're trying to make just yet.
This 'sabotage' business that I keep seeing is silly. You're an adult. Eat it. Don't eat it. The real world is filled with all sorts of temptations. Think of this as good practice. If you can drive past Crispy Kreme when the hot light is on, you can ignore the donuts sitting on your counter.
I am having a hard time with my diet right now too. I've clearly not mastered the art of self-control. But guess what? It's my own damned fault and it's nobody else.
I expect is is what this person says, he wants it, not a matter of trying to sabatoge you. It is a matter of self control for you, DH brought home 6pack of bakery from PERKINS on Friday. He knows I love it - I just took a couple days and and did not worry about balanced diet, (worked on calories alone) at those bad boys 1/2 at a time, sometimes that was the whole meal. Now they are gone, he has his sweet tooth satisfied, I am back on board this afternoon. Glad I ate them and SICK of sweet stuff. Good to go.0 -
Ok I need to turn the will-power up by about 500%, husband brought home bakery large cinnamon rolls,
Pop tarts, mini donuts. Again I know I should be able to not eat this just because it’s in my house, but it’s hard. The pop tarts being the worse, not sure why those darn iced pastries but they seem to call out my name, “Kellie come and eat me….” I know very sad. I will just need to take it one minute at a time and see how I can do.
He knows that poptarts are my weakness and he hasn't bought them in forever, until the last 2 weeks, and I know he has seen me measuring out food, and watching and tracking every food that I eat.
I need help any suggestions, and I have already asked him not to buy that kind of stuff in the past when dieting.
Has he said why he brings those home (especially when he knows what you are trying to achieve)!
If he brings one or two home for himself, fair enough, but this just does not make sense. If he continues to do so and leaves them lying around, chuck them out for the birds.0 -
DO NOT THROW THEM OUT. you should have a real conversation in which you explain to him that this is important for you and that you want him to be supportive, and if he absolutely must have these things in the house to please hide them from you because it is making it hard for you.
Ditto that.
My BF likes to bring all sorts of chocolate bars & desserts home - for himself & for me. He knows I'm trying to loose some weight but he also remembers I like the stuff when he's shopping - so he buys it on impulse. It took me a few conversations to stop him feed (bought you Ben& Jerry's, wan't some now or later?) me with all the sweeties and another few (plus an argument or two, rrrroar!) to minimise the amount of sweets in our home.
Really - I don't think your husbend is trying to sabotage/tease you. He just bought you what you do like Talk to him, don't throw it away. It might happen again and again - explain to him how important it is to you to stay off the junk & how helpful it would be if he didn't bring this sort of stuff home - for sometime 0 -
when you see the food and feel like eating it, remind yourself how much working out you will have to do, just to balance the calories if you eat it. you may take 2 hours to work off a danish. men can sometimes feel left out when a partner starts something new, let him know how important this is to you and you need his support you are doing something postive, you are taking control of your health, if the roles were reverse you would support him 1000%.0
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Welcome to my house. LOL My skinny partner (102) pounds can eat anything and never gain an ounce. But I am the one cooking pies and cakes and such and not even tasting them. She eats a whole pie at night for dinner sometimes. I just grab a fiber one bar or something. I figure I'm going to run into the foods everywhere I go. I cant expect people not to have something just because I cant or wont eat it. Right now she's working on a one pound bag of peanut MnM's. Actually it doesnt really bother me at all.
If it is something you really cant deal with, talk to him and maybe ask if he can take those things to where he works, just try to reach a compromise. I know I would be pissed if someone threw my food out.0 -
I totally agree with this! anyone will tell u communication is key to any marriage and the same goes for changing your lifestyle habits. He may need to be sat down and really talked to about why u don't want that stuff in the house, tell him it s ok if he wants to eat it but maybe just eat it at work.I feel the same as you. My partner is thin and so is my daughter. Every time i have tried to diet in the past he hasnt wanted to help. This time we sat down and talked about it. He knows my weakness is fizzy drinks and I used to drink about 3 big bottles a week at least. So the new year started and he now lets me have 2 cans of pop a day instead of how much i was drinking. The rest i drink is water. He cooks as I cant due to my illness so I never know what goes in to the food.
You should tell your partner exactly how you feel and hope that he takes notice. Make him eat the things and see how he feels afterwards. Make him feel like you do and im sure he would soon turn around. Either that or waste the stuff like the other two have said. But that is a waste of money...0 -
Have you actually sat him down this time around and spoken to him about your diet and how you want to make life changes? It's easy for him to not pick up on it. He might as well have seen the stuff remembered the last time you and him have sat together had a nice cuddly evening munching through those and thought he bring them along ^^ Or maybe they were less expensive in the dozen?
I'd say talk before you assume ill mean0 -
Yeah only you control whatever you eat blah blah blah...
I would be soooooo IRRITATED if that were me.0 -
But he doesn't eat it, that is my point.Just walk over, grab the junk and throw it in the garbage. I bet he wont come home with it again
Um. Yah... that's a good way to keep harmony in the marriage
Look... your husband has a right to eat however he wants. If he's bringing home junk, than that's his right. He is not trying to sabotage you. He just wants to eat goodies. He doesn't feel like making the life-style changes that you're trying to make just yet.
This 'sabotage' business that I keep seeing is silly. You're an adult. Eat it. Don't eat it. The real world is filled with all sorts of temptations. Think of this as good practice. If you can drive past Crispy Kreme when the hot light is on, you can ignore the donuts sitting on your counter.
I am having a hard time with my diet right now too. I've clearly not mastered the art of self-control. But guess what? It's my own damned fault and it's nobody else.0 -
Ugh especially if it's for you and not for him...what's his problem???0
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But he doesn't eat it, that is my point.Just walk over, grab the junk and throw it in the garbage. I bet he wont come home with it again
Um. Yah... that's a good way to keep harmony in the marriage
Look... your husband has a right to eat however he wants. If he's bringing home junk, than that's his right. He is not trying to sabotage you. He just wants to eat goodies. He doesn't feel like making the life-style changes that you're trying to make just yet.
This 'sabotage' business that I keep seeing is silly. You're an adult. Eat it. Don't eat it. The real world is filled with all sorts of temptations. Think of this as good practice. If you can drive past Crispy Kreme when the hot light is on, you can ignore the donuts sitting on your counter.
I am having a hard time with my diet right now too. I've clearly not mastered the art of self-control. But guess what? It's my own damned fault and it's nobody else.
Then he's bringing it home for you, right? Because he knows you enjoy it? Because he thinks it will make you happy? Because he's trying to do something nice for you, right?
TALK to him. Tell him what you need from him. If he forgets and does it again, talk to him again. Don't stew. Communication can solve most problems, including this one.0 -
But he doesn't eat it, that is my point.
If he doesn't eat it, and the only one who does is you, then he is either misguided in his attempts to reward you, or he is trying to shove you off the wagon.
I have a friend whose partner tried to stop her losing weight on purpose with this tactic. Eventually she sat down with him and he was apparently angry that she was losing weight and he'd convinced himself that she was getting fitter in order to leave him. She managed to reassure him that that was complete rubbish and he's been supportive since then.
The point is that you need to talk to your husband and see if he's trying to reward you, or just trying to get you to eat things you don't want. I know other people have said just don't eat it, but if you really love a food, that's so hard and it's near impossible for me as my willpower fluctuates from day to day.0 -
Thank you for all the posts, I agree with everyone, to a point. Most of you have given great advice, and honest answers. I know that it's me that needs/wants to drop weight. I will talk to him. I have to admit I am a bit surprised at some of the harsh responses, I thought that this site was here to motivate others not judge and put people in their place. It's not that I was expecting everyone to pat me on the back and say 'Poor You" but come on, I don't know about you all but I get a lot more out of positve reinforcement than I do negative. Just sayin!0
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Tell him then. I thought communication was key in any relationship.0
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I do this, and I you are right.Why don't you have the occasional poptart and just count it in your daily calorie intake? You could even cut it into pieces and have it throughout the day. I think to deny yourself something you love is just a route to failure.
This.
No need to throw the stuff out. No need to cause issues in your marriage. This isn't a diet, it is a lifestyle change. It's pretty unreasonable to assume you'll never be faced with a pastry, cookies, candy or cake for the rest of your life. Making certain foods "off limits" will only cause resentment and result in binge eating later. If you REALLY want the pop tart, have it - but account for it in your daily calories. I have something sugary every single day (actually, I'm known for using up to 400 calories a day for "treats"). It makes me happy to be able to have treats each day and keeps me on track the rest of the time. I've lost nearly 60lbs and kept it off for almost 18 months by doing it this way. No need to go "all or nothing".0 -
I should have also made it clear that he hasn't brought those into the house in years and then all of a sudden last week and this week. I know, I know it's still me that needs to say no. And talk to him, I get it :-). I moved them to a different cabinet and told everyone that way I don't have to see them every time I open the pantry.0
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