My ex left me because I'm fat. :(

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Replies

  • SwtKittN
    SwtKittN Posts: 176 Member
    Before I moved here (10 yrs ago) I had a fiance and while the weight isn't the issue, he did leave me basically for a girl who was pregnant, also not his. It just totally sucks that people do stuff like that.. but in the scheme of things I try to look at it the way as, we weren't meant to be together. If he's not willing to stick it out with you just for being "overweight" something you are changing, if he doesn't want you at what he could say to be your worst, then he certainly doesn't deserve you at your best :)

    Chin up, and smile, because you got this. Don't let him ruin all you worked for, so close to your goal!
  • Minnesnowtagurl
    Minnesnowtagurl Posts: 406 Member
    Wow my jaw dropped on the floor when I read this! I am floored. usually someone will just make an excuse for the reason but you have manged to lose a whole 10 year old child and he told you that you are too big?!?!?

    First off, as everyone else has said he is an *kitten*! NO....SERIOUSLY!!!!! What a jerk obviously you are wayyy better off with out him. Second, you honeslty need to put yourself first. I tried losing weight for other peole and realized that it has to be for myself. The moment that person, place or thing is out of your life you risk having all of your efforts be reversed.

    I know it won't be easy and that you must be very broken, but you have to love yourself too. I hope you move on like the strong individual you can be and press forward.
  • SixCatFaerie
    SixCatFaerie Posts: 690 Member
    All the positive posts above me have said everything that needs to be said!

    Do this & be happy for yourself!
  • BlessedandBeautifulBrown
    BlessedandBeautifulBrown Posts: 464 Member
    You are so better off without him.. you had your *kitten*.. Now you know what to look for when your prince show up... love you and don't let that fool set you back you have came to far..
  • Kimdbro
    Kimdbro Posts: 922 Member
    Ok. First of all... he left you because he is an @**hole... not because you are fat!!!!

    Start getting angry, not sad... Once you get to the angry phase, I swear... you will want to do this to prove him wrong!!!!

    I have left the worst marriage imaginable and had him tell me the same thing. Didn't start losing until I realized it wasn't me that was the problem. It was that I had this lifesucking leach on me, keeping me that way.

    You can do it... Forget him!

    ^^ Great post^^ That about sums it up.
  • happy_vegan
    happy_vegan Posts: 200 Member
    !!!!!!!!_WITHOUT KNOWING ANYTHING ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP_!!!!!!!!!

    Someone posted that some guys like to be with larger women. That might be true. It might also be true that a lot of times when you lose weight you gain a lot of confidence, and maybe he liked having someone who wasn't as confident. Now that your confidence might rival his chance at being the macho, confident one in the relationship, he feels less manly. Something so stupid like that. Some guys are just cowards whose only balls are based on how much they can feel superior to others.

    Just an opinion!

    I think you are AWESOME. And seriously lady, its always hard to remember in the moment but there are so many new fish in the sea. show them your confidence and your new hot bod!!!!! you'll find someone way better.
  • newCourtney
    newCourtney Posts: 168 Member
    He's a douche. He more than likely had another reason to leave you (he wanted to raise the pregnant girl's kid). You are not fat. You WERE fat and have worked very hard to lose the weight. Be proud of yourself. You have come a LONG way. I know it hurts. Give yourself time to get over it, and move on. You will find someone non douchey who values you for who you are.
  • chell53
    chell53 Posts: 352 Member
    Has anyone thought that maybe the guy left because he didn't love the OP anymore. I mean that actually can happen in real life. Maybe he used the "fat line" as an excuse.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

    there is no excuse for calling someone FAT, if you do not want to be with someone just say so, MAN up and tell them the truth. There is no REASON to hurt anyones feelings.
  • towerofshelly
    towerofshelly Posts: 4 Member
    So...you take whatever weight he was/is...and add it to how much you've lost so far, and BE GLAD!
  • Apazman
    Apazman Posts: 494 Member
    often times, relationships aren't fixed with a physical alteration, but with an emotional one.

    For those who can only be in love with fit people, I understand. People of all walks of life need someone, if you are someone who needs that, then that's your deal, more power to you. Love is NOT blind and anyone who has fallen in love with someone who just sees them as a fat person would know this.
  • ladyfox1979
    ladyfox1979 Posts: 405 Member
    Girl don't even trip about him. He is not worth the time and worry. Knowing me I would have said just more of me to love baby. lol
  • a21smp
    a21smp Posts: 26 Member
    Oh my lord! First of all what a jerk, second of all BRAVO on the AMAZING WEIGHT LOSS!!!!! I've been seriously overweight my whole life and the only time I was as thin as you was after my gastric bypass (I gained the weight back). Now I'm starting from scratch again at almost 300lbs, I've been capable of loosing 23 lbs but I can't physically work out yet so it's very slow going. I have a boyfriend that I've been with for 2 years and friends for 7 and he is absolutely in love with my body even though I'm a house. I think whoever you were with is just a jerk (I would love to use other words) and I think that although it hurts right now, you life with my way better without him.

    Good luck and keep up the amazing work!!!!!

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  • MrsNoir
    MrsNoir Posts: 236 Member
    Girl! Be HAPPY!! THIS IS THE BEGINNING OF A NEW FIT AND FAB YOU, and don't you worry, he didn't deserve you, so you're better off without him, and more than that, once you're fit you'll be able to find loads more attractive guys as well, and he'll regret it every single day!! guaranteed, and if he doesn't, it doesn't matter, as you'll be such a happier person once you reach your goal, that you won't even feel the need for retaliation :D
  • ebaywidow
    ebaywidow Posts: 30
    So sorry for the pain that his comments caused you, but you are better off without him. He sounds like an abuser to me. Seems like you were gaining control over your life and that threatened his status of being the center of your world. He's somebody else's problem now. Stay strong in your journey and re-discover the "you" that you want to be without him. And by the way, keep up the good work. Be strong and proud of all you have accomplished :)
  • Savyna
    Savyna Posts: 789 Member
    That's absolutely terrible. If you're 152 you're far from fat, he's just a big a-hole. And in the end (now it might be hard to see) it's better if he's not in your space anymore especially thinking like that, and especially if you really did work hard to lose the weight that you did. Good luck and hope something spectacular comes your way when the time is right. Continue on with your exercising, that should help with your feelings, I know it helps mine when things like this happen to me...gives me something to do and think about besides [that]. :flowerforyou: :heart:
  • Roshams
    Roshams Posts: 77
    "Think highly of yourself, because the world takes you at your own estimate"


    Your ex is a DOOCHBAG for one.

    You deserve to be happy.

    You deserve to be with someone that loves YOU.

    If he can't take you at your worst, he doesn't deserve you at your best. (words to live by)

    Take care of yourself, love yourself, be happy! xoxo
  • aippolito1
    aippolito1 Posts: 4,894 Member
    You can lose the weight and "be attractive" but he'll always be an a$$ho|e! You can revel in that. Girl, you can do this. And do it for YOU. So you can land a man MUCH better, who will love you, skinny or fit or fat or obese.
  • chedainc
    chedainc Posts: 14
    I'm so sorry for your loss, cause that is what you are experiencing. As for him, if you have lost that much already, then he is just using that for an excuse, because he knows how sensitive an issue it is for you. He picked what would bring you down. but PLEASE don't let it. You are worth more than that. Someday, there will be someone who will love and appreciate you for the wonderful person you are. Just take some time for yourself, remember who you are, and keep going strong. IT WILL GET BETTER, I PROMISE!!!!
    Good Luck, Big hugs
    cheryl
  • cynditoney
    cynditoney Posts: 90
    Seems to me that the best weight you lost was his stupid butt. It is so hard to see that right now, it still hurts. If you have lost weight and it still did not help, seems that there is another issue that he does not want to admit. Probably his stupidity- just my opinion. You will do great, stay on track and choose someone that accepts you for the wonderful person you are. Best of luck to you!
  • cryspetstalerson
    cryspetstalerson Posts: 147
    First off you are not fat. I do not get people who act like that though. I have read some posts on here on this subject to my husband, and he has made it clear as he says in his words " I will love you whether you are 125 pounds or 500 pounds" I always joke and say "so IF i am under or over that range, you wont love me?" lol he says no matter what happens, he loves me for me.

    I am sorry your ex left you, it sounds stupid. It sounds like an excuse. My ex husband did that to me, he had the excuse that he "never loved me" when in reality he had met someone else and got her pregnant.
  • castadiva
    castadiva Posts: 2,016 Member
    Your ex left you and didn't want to take responsibility for his actions. So he is blaming you and using a tender spot - your weight - to try to hurt you.

    EXACTLY THIS!!! He picked something that you are probably still feeling vulnerable about, and used it as his excuse, which makes him a pretty unpleasant human being, and someone you will be better off without in the long run. On most people, 150lb is pretty slim, so don't even begin to think that he's right, or let it derail the fantastic progress you have already made. Big hugs!:flowerforyou:
  • roxie6girl
    roxie6girl Posts: 1
    You go girl! Believe in yourself, Love yourself, and know that God made you beautiful no matter how much you weigh.
    And to your ex that is his loss not yours. Something better is waiting for you out there, God is just waiting for you to claim it.
    Keep up the good work. God Bless you! :smile:
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 49,032 Member
    You go girl! Believe in yourself, Love yourself, and know that God made you beautiful no matter how much you weigh.
    And to your ex that is his loss not yours. Something better is waiting for you out there, God is just waiting for you to claim it.
    Keep up the good work. God Bless you! :smile:
    What if she's an Agnostic or Atheist?:wink:


    A.C.E. Certified Personal Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
  • maryjay51
    maryjay51 Posts: 742
    sometimes when something happens like that in your life it turns out to be a blessing in disguise.. 152lbs is not fat unless you are like 4' tall..i broke up with a 11 year relationship in 2010 and has started my diet that year. my ex saw me after i lost 80lbs when we ran in to each other at an event..he wanted to rekindle our old relationship and i told him no way in hell. he never said anything about my weight before but i sure did notice a change in his ways with me so much i was very depressed. you know what?? screw that -- i was so glad to be with a hotty *kitten* 32yr old at that party i ran into him at..my ex was j-e-a-l-o-u-s.. the guy i was with played it up good for me too .. whooweee did i have fun rubbing the ex's nose into what he lost out on. i love my life now and i will never ever go out with someone who places my looks first on a priority list.. im a personality person. if i dont like who you are i do not care what you look like. a guy treats me like i matter or i dont want them.. hunny you got rid of a huge thorn in your side.,., pick yourself up and run with it .. you deserve way better
  • castadiva
    castadiva Posts: 2,016 Member
    You go girl! Believe in yourself, Love yourself, and know that God made you beautiful no matter how much you weigh.
    And to your ex that is his loss not yours. Something better is waiting for you out there, God is just waiting for you to claim it.
    Keep up the good work. God Bless you! :smile:
    What if she's an Agnostic or Atheist?


    A.C.E. Certified Personal Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

    Niner, I know you feel strongly about this, but seriously, just let it go! It's eminently clear that this poster is simply trying to be positive and supportive to the OP. If the OP is offended by the references to God she is free to say so, or to accept the good wishes in the spirit in which they are offered, and disregard the religious references. Most of the atheists/agnostics I know, and I know a fair few, don't find this sort of thing offensive, realising that such sentiments are usually offered out of kindness and good will. Obviously, as we discussed yesterday, there are circumstances in which this would not be a considerate response, but this is not one of them!
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 49,032 Member
    Niner, I know you feel strongly about this, but seriously, just let it go! It's eminently clear that this poster is simply trying to be positive and supportive to the OP. If the OP is offended by the references to God she is free to say so, or to accept the good wishes in the spirit in which they are offered, and disregard the religious references. Most of the atheists/agnostics I know, and I know a fair few, don't find this sort of thing offensive, realising that such sentiments are usually offered out of kindness and good will. Obviously, as we discussed yesterday, there are circumstances in which this would not be a considerate response, but this is not one of them!
    It was sarcasm. Don't take it so seriously. If I could edit it, I'd put a "wink" by it or something to the effect.


    A.C.E. Certified Personal Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
  • steffiejoe
    steffiejoe Posts: 313 Member
    what an *kitten*!!!! you dont need him in your life. u lost so much already dont let him get you down...

    i was dating an *kitten* like that we would go to the mall with a few friends and he would always make jokes that were just mean and very hurtfull. he onces told me that i was to fat to go shopping at this one store and then that i need to grow more boobs to go shopping for bras i would drive his stupid *kitten* to the mall and he would make comments like that to his friends guys are just *kitten* they put you down so they can feel like men even tho there not.

    just keep going on your journey for you! i can't believe you lost all that weight all ready just keep thinking about how good the feeling is too lose weight and get your ex off you mind he is not worth the tears or the pain they cause


    Dang, I would have left that *kitten* hole in the mall, lol...
  • madamepsychosis
    madamepsychosis Posts: 472 Member
    Your ex left you and didn't want to take responsibility for his actions. So he is blaming you and using a tender spot - your weight - to try to hurt you.

    EXACTLY THIS!!! He picked something that you are probably still feeling vulnerable about, and used it as his excuse, which makes him a pretty unpleasant human being, and someone you will be better off without in the long run. On most people, 150lb is pretty slim, so don't even begin to think that he's right, or let it derail the fantastic progress you have already made. Big hugs!:flowerforyou:

    What the two posters here said is what I think was more likely the reason he made the 'fat' remark. A friend of my best friend hooked up with her then boyfriend (now ex). When my friend found out about it, rather than apologising, her so called 'friend' started laying into her, saying it was all her fault and she was no fun since she'd been diagnosed with depression, etc etc. Basically, she took the things my friend felt the most insecure about and turned them against her.

    This is exactly what your ex is doing. He knows you've really been working hard to lose weight and therefore that you are sensitive about your weight, so he picked an easy target. When someone's done/is doing something that will make them look like a bad person, it's a lot easier to pin the blame on someone else than it is to really look deep down into yourself and be truthful.
  • tamheath
    tamheath Posts: 702 Member
    I'm sure someone has already said this, but.... your ex didn't leave you because you're fat. He left you because he's an a**. You have obviously made amazing progress in your journey. I'm sure it hurts now, but I'm guessing this is one of the best things to happen to you in awhile. You don't need that kind of negativity in your life. Congrats to you and welcome to the next step in your life! :flowerforyou:
  • lucentabella
    lucentabella Posts: 114 Member
    Ok. First of all... he left you because he is an @**hole... not because you are fat!!!!

    Start getting angry, not sad... Once you get to the angry phase, I swear... you will want to do this to prove him wrong!!!!

    I have left the worst marriage imaginable and had him tell me the same thing. Didn't start losing until I realized it wasn't me that was the problem. It was that I had this lifesucking leach on me, keeping me that way.

    You can do it... Forget him!
    Amen to that!
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