Chuck Norris Facts

LauraMacNCheese
LauraMacNCheese Posts: 7,173 Member
edited November 8 in Chit-Chat
Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.

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Replies

  • chelleymarie88
    chelleymarie88 Posts: 775
    There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
  • nekosimba
    nekosimba Posts: 239 Member
    Chuck Norris does not flush....he scares the s*** out of it.
  • ionlyhavesporx
    ionlyhavesporx Posts: 120
    Chuck Norris isn't gay.... He just ran out of women...
  • _snw_
    _snw_ Posts: 1,298 Member
    When Chuck Norris gets bitten by a vampire, the vampire turns into Chuck Norris.
  • LauraMacNCheese
    LauraMacNCheese Posts: 7,173 Member
    Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.
  • chelleymarie88
    chelleymarie88 Posts: 775
    When Chuck Norris gets bitten by a vampire, the vampire turns into Chuck Norris.

    LMAO
  • _snw_
    _snw_ Posts: 1,298 Member
    Handicapped parking is reserved for Chuck Norris. The picture shows what will happen to you if you take his spot.
  • chelleymarie88
    chelleymarie88 Posts: 775
    Chuck Norris once explained "sound" to a deaf person.
  • RobynC79
    RobynC79 Posts: 331 Member
    My fave (evolutionary biology degree, so I'm biased...)

    There is no evolution by natural selection, only a list of animals Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
  • _snw_
    _snw_ Posts: 1,298 Member
    I'm so bummed I have to leave right now. These are cracking me up.
  • Scott613
    Scott613 Posts: 2,317 Member
    Chuck Norris once gave a group of kids a bunch of his used belt buckles. These kids are now known as the Power Rangers!

    Why do they call him Walker Texas Ranger? Because Chuck Norris don't run.

    Chuck Norris pulls over cops

    The hulk gets Chuck Norris hands for christmas

    Handicapped parking is reserved for Chuck Norris. The blue picture shows what will happen if you take his spot.
  • sportsforfun
    sportsforfun Posts: 353
    Superman wears Chuck Norris underwear.
  • chelleymarie88
    chelleymarie88 Posts: 775
    Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
  • cobracars
    cobracars Posts: 949 Member
    Al Gore is trying to utilize the coolness of Chuck Norris to stop Global Warming
  • pucenavel
    pucenavel Posts: 972 Member
    Chuck Norris isn't lactose intolerant. He just doesn't take any crap from milk.
  • chelleymarie88
    chelleymarie88 Posts: 775
    Everybody loves Raymond. Except Chuck Norris.
  • LauraMacNCheese
    LauraMacNCheese Posts: 7,173 Member
    Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.
  • Huffdogg
    Huffdogg Posts: 1,934 Member
    When Chuck Norris gets bitten by a vampire, the vampire turns into Chuck Norris.

    Logical fallacy: vampire teeth cannot pierce Chuck Norris' skin. Also, if a vampire turned into Chuck Norris, the critical mass singularity would implode the universe.
  • Contrarian
    Contrarian Posts: 8,138 Member
    When some people get punched, they see stars. When stars get punched, they see Chuck Norris
  • Rae6503
    Rae6503 Posts: 6,294 Member
    Chuck Norris doesn't do push ups. He pushes the earth down.
  • chelleymarie88
    chelleymarie88 Posts: 775
    Chuck Norris won an Oscar without even being nominated.
  • theoriginaljayne
    theoriginaljayne Posts: 559 Member
    When Chuck Norris goes swimming, he doesn't get wet. The water gets Chuck Norrised.
  • KBoddu
    KBoddu Posts: 237 Member
    The boogey man checks under his bed for Chuck Norris
  • LauraMacNCheese
    LauraMacNCheese Posts: 7,173 Member
    There are no steroids in baseball. Just players Chuck Norris has breathed on.
  • merlot55
    merlot55 Posts: 4 Member
    they filmed anacondia the movie in his pants
  • eliakrathore
    eliakrathore Posts: 36
    When Chuck Norris goes swimming, he doesn't get wet, the water gets Chuck Norris.
  • andrejjorje
    andrejjorje Posts: 497 Member
    LOL. Fantastic.
    The winner.
    Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.
  • bigtone34
    bigtone34 Posts: 136
    Chuck Norris once gave a horse an upper cut. Thats how the giraffe came to be.
  • chelleymarie88
    chelleymarie88 Posts: 775
    Sharks dedicate a week to Chuck Norris.
  • cobracars
    cobracars Posts: 949 Member
    After he met Chuck Norris, Jason put down his machete, took off his mask, went back to school and got his GED.
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