My ex left me because I'm fat. :(

Niner, I know you feel strongly about this, but seriously, just let it go! It's eminently clear that this poster is simply trying to be positive and supportive to the OP. If the OP is offended by the references to God she is free to say so, or to accept the good wishes in the spirit in which they are offered, and disregard the religious references. Most of the atheists/agnostics I know, and I know a fair few, don't find this sort of thing offensive, realising that such sentiments are usually offered out of kindness and good will. Obviously, as we discussed yesterday, there are circumstances in which this would not be a considerate response, but this is not one of them!

It was sarcasm. Don't take it so seriously. If I could edit it, I'd put a "wink" by it or something to the effect.


A.C.E. Certified Personal Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

Fair enough! It looked serious without the wink... and our discussion yesterday was fresh in my mind! :flowerforyou:

All I have to say is do this for you! If he was the "one" he would love you thick & thin & you are doing your part by getting thin! You've come SO FAR! Don't back track because of his *kitten*! You are better then him & let that other girl deal with him now! Once a cheater always a cheater in my eyes! You will find someone who will sweep you off your feet but till then workout, get to your goal, and feel good about yourself! YOU CAN DO THIS! Then after you reach your goal & looking oh so sexy this summer he'll see what he left! Hold your head up high & flaunt it girl! You don't need him!!!!! He didn't leave you because your fat...if that were the case he would've left when you were at your biggest! He left you because he is a jerk who isn't man enough to tell you that he wants to be with her..so he makes you feel less about yourself! He knew what button to push & you just need to brush whatever hurtful things he said!

I agree with all of the other responses he did not leave you because you are fat. Also, you did NOT lose 73 pounds. You lost 73 pounds plus whatever he weighed. Lets just say he's fat and weighted 250 pounds. So in the grand scheme of things you lost 323 pounds and that my friend is AWESOME! However, being for real, any anger you have use it in the gym. Get you some feel good empowerment music (i.e. I'm a Survivor {Destiny's Child}, Hate on Me {Jill Scott}) and work it out.

I didn't read the other 9 pages of this thread so I am sure that I am only repeating what someone else has already said BUT...

this dude is a complete and total *kitten*!! He did not leave because you were fat. He only told you that to make himself feel better about what he is doing. He totally got with you because he was insecure in himself and if he could make you feel worse about yourself, then he could feel better. When you lost the weight, he couldn't put you down anymore so he moved on. He really wasn't worth your time then, and surely not worth your time now. You were way too good for him anyway, and you can do much better. Consider his departure a blessing! You just have to turn your way of looking at this situation around because obviously God has something much better in store for you! Good luck, sweetie! You do deserve better, and you should settle for nothing less!!

I agree. If you truly love someone it isn't about how they look. Sure, that can be a bonus, but if you really love someone you think they're gorgeous anyway. No, love is not blind. But it accepts. And it doesn't require perfection.

If someone you love becomes obese (and 152 lbs is far from that unless you're three feet tall!!), then of course there would be health concerns. And you'd have to bite the bullet and have a difficult conversation with them about changes they needed to make FOR THEIR HEALTH. But you'd make it plain you supported them and loved them, and you'd be right there with them while they changed their diet and became more active and solved whatever underlying issue made them stop caring for themselves in the first place.

Love doesn't give up or abandon. It never DELIBERATELY causes pain.

Maybe the guy fell out of love. If so, he should have been man enough to sit down and tell her that. Even if he ONCE loved her, he should have had enough regard and respect for that to be honest and decent. But true love is not based upon physical appearance. Only the most shallow, execrable human being would leave someone because they put on weight, and if that is truly why he left, he never really loved her in the first place, and yes, if that is the true reason, he is indeed an @hole of the first degree. It is true that we don't know the whole story, but even from what the poster has shared we can draw some logical conclusions. This guy handled this so badly that any decent guy would throw him out of the boy's club.

if that was his excuse and if that's a reason he not only an @$$hole but a coward too

So he'd still be an a-hole for leaving because he doesn't love her anymore? I'm for supporting people, but really we're only hearing one side of the story. His version could be different. I am supposing no one here personally knows the OP or her ex, so we can only go on what's she's said, but to say the guy's an a-hole without really knowing the full facts is a little judgmental.
Just saying don't take everything you read on the internet as gospel.

When my wife admitted how unattractive I was fat, I never took it as anything but a wake up call.
Eventually, she'd have left, and I'd have had only myself to blame.
Love is not blind.

And if the shoe was or is ever on the other foot, I'd be gone.
Part of compatibility with me is staying fit.

Like my wife, I am totally turned off by obesity.
I would divorce her and she me.

That's reality.

That's sad.

No, it's reality which is why she remains in peak condition, we've been together 30 years with 5 kids and are very happy.

For any relationship to last, both parties must be HONEST!
I've been married longer than probably anybody on this thread, so I think I am qualified to say that honesty about sex and attraction is a key ingredient to maintaining a solid union.

The sad relationships are those where everybody says everything is fine when it is not.

It's true. Honesty is absolutely essential. And obviously the relationship is working for both of you.

But I wonder; if she had a health concern that required her to go on medication, and she blew up (prednisone comes to mind), would you drop her like a hot rock? Would she you? Is that what you're saying here?

Are you saying that if she for some reason became depressed and fell off the health wagon and gained weight, you'd walk on her rather than support her through trying to help herself and become fit and well? Would she you?

Or are you just saying that if she just totally gave up caring, for no other reason than that working out and eating right was tedious and hard, and would not help herself no matter how much you tried to support and encourage - then you'd leave?

Because the latter is different, at least to a degree. It would mean your spouse became an entirely different person (although I still think such a scenario might be caused by underlying issues, I'm trying to understand your position) and gave up on your marriage, and if you tried to fix it and she would not meet you halfway, you could possibly be justified in walking.

But this situation was not the latter, and the guy was a total cad.

I know the feeling. Im in the middle of a divorce and one of the reasons my husband said was because I'm fat. He also said it was because things weren't working out. Weve been together for almost 13 years! And just now it's not working out?

But you have to be happy with you. I am in the same boat. I can't be motivated right now to save my life or marriage! I say I want to lose weight for myself but I really want to lose weight cuz I want others to find me attractive. If I'm not good enough for someone who is abusive than who am I good enough for?

I know I keep going back and forth about what you need to feel about yourself. It's hard to stay motivated when someone you care about says and thinks horrible things about you. But you should try and have supportive people around you.

You have done aswome so far! He just wants the looks not the whole package.

right, you know what, excuse the language that everyone else has been more subtle about, but you ex is a total, utter *kitten*. in every way. he's a total prick and doesn't deserve you, never has. tell him that you've lost a lot of weight very quickly...him! then pick yourself up, dust of your trainers, and you prove to that jerk that you don't need him to do anything...including lose weight. be the most gorgeous, beautiful, confident person you can be, THEN WIPE IT IN HIS FACE.

What others have said

Things will work out for you -it's just the time that it may take that sucks

Break-ups happen to us all...and no matter what they are difficult to deal with. Add into the equation his jerk-ish comment and attitude, and it makes it seem impossible to bare! I have had my share of heart aches (and ashamed to admit...I've done my share of breaking hearts as well.) What I've learned is this: 1. It is not your fault...and everything happens for a reason. Sometimes people are not meant to be in our lives forever. At some point he may have been needed in your life, but his purpose may be over. When this is true, trying to hold onto him will only prolong the inevitable and make you miserable at the same time. So NO REGRETS!!! Nothing you could have done, no way you could have changed would make it right if it wasn't meant to be. 2. Sometimes we have to be thankful before we see why. After some break ups I thought I wouldn't be able to breathe, eat, live. Now I look back and laugh. Today those same men I cried over are major LOSERS! I would have been miserable with them!!! 3. Jokingly, I once said that if it weren't for break-ups I would never have improvement in my life. Of course this isn't completely true, but break-ups do have a tendency to make you want to re-evaluate things or have those jerks regret the day they ever left us by improving ourselves. In the beginning, we make positive changes to make them sorry they left, but slowly over time...you start making the changes for YOU!! Not sure if all this helps, but definitely helped me! Good luck, and remember no matter what happens you deserve more!