Trying not to be jealous
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*Friendly comment please don't get offended* Is that not what networking sites are for? To get attention? If you have a Facebook, period- that's it's main purpose.
Not me. I use it to keep up with my family and so they can see pictures of my kids. Everyone is in different states and facebook is the easiest way to let everyone know how things are going.
But I am starting to wean off of it. My family is full of drama and they have brought it to facebook. so its just not enjoyable any more. I talk to online friends more then i do family these days. ah well!0 -
These are both good ways of looking at it!Attention getting or not she is speaking positivity which has a tendency to make things happen. The negative person tends to stress out more thus inhibiting themselves. Positivity breeds positivity...negativity breeds negativity and let's face it, the two personalities drive eachother nuts. Good luck.
^^ This.
That being said, we all feel jealous of people from time to time for one reason or another. The best way to get past it is to be thankful for your own gifts. You clearly are doing a great job on losing weight thus far and have the dedication to meet your goals. You're losing weight at a healthy pace. Focus on how well you're doing and genuinely try to feel happy for both her successes and yours.
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Don't delete your facebook!! (I hate when my facebook friends I am interested in do that!)....just block that annoying b****! You don't need to see her bragging everyday. I have blocked so many people on Facebook and it feels great to not see them in your feed anymore! Also....I have found that people who brag a lot aren't really as happy about their success as you might think. Maybe she lacks the motivation that you do and she REALLY needs all that encouragement. She is obviously losing weight more for the praise and approval of others than for any kind of self fulfillment or personal growth. You win! Really. :smokin:0
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*Friendly comment please don't get offended* Is that not what networking sites are for? To get attention? If you have a Facebook, period- that's it's main purpose.
Not me. I use it to keep up with my family and so they can see pictures of my kids. Everyone is in different states and facebook is the easiest way to let everyone know how things are going.
But I am starting to wean off of it. My family is full of drama and they have brought it to facebook. so its just not enjoyable any more. I talk to online friends more then i do family these days. ah well!
It is attention, love- it's just a different kind of attention (from your family). We all have a MFP account for attention (support). Not all attention is bad attention I can see what you mean about Facebook being full of drama! lol. "Face your problems, don't facebook your problems" 0 -
I will try to give you a different perspective:
I was an (almost) teenage mom... I got preggo at 19 had my son at 20 - I have raised him on my own due to a deadbeat dad who was also abusive to me which lead to me leaving him while pregnant.
I grew up with a nice life and good parents but I created a hard life for myself - don't get me wrong, I love my son who is a good boy (now almost 13) and never regret having him.
That being said.. after that, I finally met a GREAT guy who treated me like a princess and loved my son like his own.... I met the love of my life... but... then, tragically, he was killed in an accident (he was 29 and I was 27 at the time). I mourned the loss, and grieved and could not bring myself to date anyone for a couple years (I took it EXTREMELY hard). After that, I lost my (well paying) job because they went out of business and was unemployed for almost a year.
A year and a half ago, after meeting jerk after jerk, I met my current boyfriend. He treats me like I need to be (like a princess), is good to my son, we have similar backrounds, and my family loves him (and of course me). He has given me jewerly, we go eat at nice places and experience fun things together, as a couple and with our kids (his son is a year older than mine). Right before that, I found a spectular job, which I am still at.
I like to chronicle these things on Facebook, not because I am trying to gloat or make people jealous - but because I am proud of my accomplisments and how far I have come. If anyone has an issue with that, it's because they are possibly unhappy with their own lives and/or insecure.. I know... I have been there.
The only person that controls your destiny, is you. Once you stop focusing on other people's lives and/or accomplishments, you can focus on YOURS. (not saying this snarkily, just my own experience!):flowerforyou:0 -
I know that this is probably going to seem really stupid, but my favorite band posts videos on their website every so often and sometimes they put up a video of one of the guys based on a certain topic. When I found this video it really motivated me, and it still does. Some of it is them just messing around and being funny, but if you look at pictures of this guy from a few years ago, you will see how much he has changed. It motivated me so much to want more for myself that I stopped worrying about anyone else.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0UL0p6gN96s 0 -
To the OP, stop worrying about what she is doing, all the time you are getting irritated with her, you are doing yourself in.
What does it matter what she weighs, does, eats or what her hubby is like.
I was thinking the same thing. And remember, a lot people that NEED accolades and approval are oftentimes insecure about themselves. They use it as a form of validation for one reason or another. Just remember that's her issue and when you choose to be annoyed or jealous you make it your issue. Instead of being jealous of her take comfort in and celebrate your own accomplishments. Use her "one-upmanship" as a motivator, this turning it into something positive. Stop sharing your accomplishments with her so she won't know how well you've been doing. She'll just have to wonder. There's no way for her to one-up you is she doesn't know what you're up to.
Remember, jealousy is a choice. You don't have to feel that way. Its an emotion we can feel when we think we don't measure up to someone else. It implies that she is better, otherwise why feel jealous. I know I don't know you, but I'm pretty sure you are amazing in your own right and have no reason to be jealous of her. To be honest I think its probably the other way around since she feels the need to compete and broadcast her every move. And so what if she has an amazing husband. That's a good thing.
Whatever you do, don't call her out on FB. Let her hawk for accolades. It has absolutely nothing to do with you unless you let it. Compliments she receives won't stop your world from moving forward; it won't stop your progress; it won't determine your success or self-worth. Only you can do that.
Best of luck!0 -
*Friendly comment please don't get offended* Is that not what networking sites are for? To get attention? If you have a Facebook, period- that's it's main purpose.
Not me. I use it to keep up with my family and so they can see pictures of my kids. Everyone is in different states and facebook is the easiest way to let everyone know how things are going.
But I am starting to wean off of it. My family is full of drama and they have brought it to facebook. so its just not enjoyable any more. I talk to online friends more then i do family these days. ah well!
It is attention, love- it's just a different kind of attention (from your family). We all have a MFP account for attention (support). Not all attention is bad attention I can see what you mean about Facebook being full of drama! lol. "Face your problems, don't facebook your problems"
I just quoted that on fb. "Face your problems, don't facebook your problems" I'm not usually passive aggressive but some people on my news feed need to take that advice.0 -
I know it can be hard to fight but my experience is that jealousy is both the most destructive and also useless thing we as people can indulge in.
It tears us up inside and never does one thing positive.
Get yourself happy with you for you. :flowerforyou:
^^this^^ so true.0 -
I completely understand how you feel. I have a real problem with jealousy, and have also made working on this my New Year's Resolution! I don't have any advice, just know you're not alone 0
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*Friendly comment please don't get offended* Is that not what networking sites are for? To get attention? If you have a Facebook, period- that's it's main purpose.
Not me. I use it to keep up with my family and so they can see pictures of my kids. Everyone is in different states and facebook is the easiest way to let everyone know how things are going.
But I am starting to wean off of it. My family is full of drama and they have brought it to facebook. so its just not enjoyable any more. I talk to online friends more then i do family these days. ah well!
It is attention, love- it's just a different kind of attention (from your family). We all have a MFP account for attention (support). Not all attention is bad attention I can see what you mean about Facebook being full of drama! lol. "Face your problems, don't facebook your problems"
I just quoted that on fb. "Face your problems, don't facebook your problems" I'm not usually passive aggressive but some people on my news feed need to take that advice.
Lol yeah, I saw a t-shirt that said it once! 0 -
To be honest I don't think that you are really her friend. She is not doing anything to you, but being who she is. If you were her friend you would be happy about her accomplishments and her loving husband. Maybe you would be happy if she was an overweight woman in an abusive relationship. What about your other friends who have maybe lost no weight and thinks that you are throwing your 7 pound lost in their face. With all do respect get over yourself and be happy for your friends so when it's your turn people can be happy for you. Have a great day.
Whoa. Please don't go attacking my character, I certainly wasn't attacking hers. I was actually admitting to a fault of mine, and I am looking to get over it.
I haven't announced any sort of weight loss to anyone, so I am not throwing it in anyone's faces.
I would certainly not be happy with someone being in an abusive relationship, I watched my mother go through that for 19 years. I experienced abuse myself.
I would not be happy if anyone was overweight, I have been there, and am there myself.
Please don't attack.0 -
I completely understand how you feel. I have a real problem with jealousy, and have also made working on this my New Year's Resolution! I don't have any advice, just know you're not alone
Thank you. 0 -
I have a cousin like this. Every time I post something about my success on facebook, she'll come in and post a compliment and end it with a slap in the face. Example "You look great but can you lift your boobs any higher?" Or "You look amazing, but your butt is big." She said on one of my photo's "Wow looking good, but man you have some white *kitten* legs, maybe you should think about tanning?" Never just a "Good job."
But I can say that she honestly admitted to me that she is jealous of me, because I have dropped so much weight. She is working at it, but I've been doing it for 2 years, she's been at it for a few months. She is doing great and I always tell her "Way to go, keep it up."0 -
OK, just went and posted to her status update and congratulated her.
Will also hide the news feeds. 0 -
One of the best pieces of life advice I ever got was, believe it or not, from a fire-spinning teacher. You can read the ideaology at www.templeofpoi.com, but I've cut and pasted the one here that I think you might find helpful...
Principle III: Utilize Self-to-Self comparisons instead of comparing yourself to others.
We can always find someone "better" than we are; we can always find someone "worse" than we are. "Better" and "Worse" judgments often imply "Good" and "Bad" evaluations. "Good" evaluations are temporary ego highs while "Bad" evaluations are, all too often, devastating, pervasive and unnecessary ego lows.
At any point in time, depending on what criteria we choose, we can judge ourselves as both "bad" and "good." Since both are possible all the time, the value typically implied in these judgments equates to meaninglessness.
This principle reminds us that people learn different moves, lessons and skills at different rates with greater and lesser ease. We all have accomplishments and we all have opportunities for growth. This also means nothing.
Rejoicing in the knowledge that everyone's journey is unique unburdens us of expectations that keep us from being in our practice.
Great advice! I was going to say something similar. I think we shouldn't compare ourselves to others because we either end up on top and big headed or on the bottom and feeling bad. It's a lose-lose situation.0 -
OK, just went and posted to her status update and congratulated her.
Will also hide the news feeds.
That is great and kudos to you for recognizing the jealousy and trying to better yourself.
Congrats on your weight loss too and sending positive thoughts your way :drinker:0 -
I will try to give you a different perspective:
I was an (almost) teenage mom... I got preggo at 19 had my son at 20 - I have raised him on my own due to a deadbeat dad who was also abusive to me which lead to me leaving him while pregnant.
I grew up with a nice life and good parents but I created a hard life for myself - don't get me wrong, I love my son who is a good boy (now almost 13) and never regret having him.
That being said.. after that, I finally met a GREAT guy who treated me like a princess and loved my son like his own.... I met the love of my life... but... then, tragically, he was killed in an accident (he was 29 and I was 27 at the time). I mourned the loss, and grieved and could not bring myself to date anyone for a couple years (I took it EXTREMELY hard). After that, I lost my (well paying) job because they went out of business and was unemployed for almost a year.
A year and a half ago, after meeting jerk after jerk, I met my current boyfriend. He treats me like I need to be (like a princess), is good to my son, we have similar backrounds, and my family loves him (and of course me). He has given me jewerly, we go eat at nice places and experience fun things together, as a couple and with our kids (his son is a year older than mine). Right before that, I found a spectular job, which I am still at.
I like to chronicle these things on Facebook, not because I am trying to gloat or make people jealous - but because I am proud of my accomplisments and how far I have come. If anyone has an issue with that, it's because they are possibly unhappy with their own lives and/or insecure.. I know... I have been there.
The only person that controls your destiny, is you. Once you stop focusing on other people's lives and/or accomplishments, you can focus on YOURS. (not saying this snarkily, just my own experience!):flowerforyou:
This is defintely another way of looking at it. I'm not much of a FB'er myself, so my choice would be to chronicle it in some other way. Don't get me wrong - I'm not knocking what you do and definitely don't question your motives for doing it. But what I have to wonder about is when is it too much. Some people put EVERYTHING on there - - WAY too much of their business. So where do you draw the line? How do you decide what and how much to share? I guess it all depends on motive. I mean, some are the "look what I did" type, some are the "look how far I've come" type and some are the "look at me, look at me" type. I've seen all three. Sometimes people feel overshadowed by others' accomlisments and from the original poster's story, it seems to be going both ways to some extent. We can only control ourselves and our own reactions regardless of the other person's motives.
By the way, congrats on how far you've come. It sounds like your road got really rough for awhile. Glad you're in a good place. :happy:0 -
OK, just went and posted to her status update and congratulated her.
Will also hide the news feeds.
I think that will make your heart happier.0 -
OK, just went and posted to her status update and congratulated her.
Will also hide the news feeds. 0
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