venting (cussing)
Replies
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PEOPLE TRY LISTENING, what clearly worked for all you Alphas maybe won't work for everyone!!
You obviously have some issues you are working through but it won't help to disrespect your Father in his own home, a vent is good but there are A LOT of detractors & passive aggressive people on this site. IGNORE THEM & draw strength from your Mother
Best of Luck.
Russ
Thanks Russ. becuase of some ppl i was thinking about not coming back to my topic. if ppl tried to understand what other are going through they might not be so mean or rude. i posted to get support so i wouldnt go eat and they are trying to tell me how to live.0 -
I wrote an I'm sorry poem as well! My parents are the same way, in ways. I'm 22 and still get treated like I'm 12. When I go home from school, I get yelled at for coming home after 9/10:00 when I never had a curfew when I LIVED there. My sister found my I'm Sorry on my computer one day (but she NEVER snooped around my stuff) and showed it to my mom. ALL hell broke loose! I hope things can get better for you. Maybe you need to sit him down and hold his face and TELL him that you are a grown, 27 year old woman.0
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This is good wisdom. Rocky nailed it....Fix your issues and get a job! Sounds to me like your saying your a victom - and as long as you think and say you are ---- guess what you are.
In the words of Rocky Balboa
“When Things got hard, you started looking for something to blame. Like a Big Shadow.
Let me tell you something you already know…
The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It’s a very mean and nasty place, and I don’t care how tough you are, It will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently IF YOU LET IT…
You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But It ain’t about how hard you hit… it’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much can you take and keep moving forward? THAT’S HOW WINNING IS DONE!
Now if you know what you’re worth, Go out and Get What Your Worth, But you gotta be willing to take the hits. And not pointing fingers saying you ain’t where you wanna be because of him or her or anybody. COWARDS DO THAT AND THAT AIN’T YOU! YOUR BETTER THEN THAT.”
Get moving!0 -
eh, not picking sides, but . . .
interesting, if there's no way to move out of his house?
then maybe just do your best to actually talk to your father. actually talk, if he's someone who cannot be reasoned with, then just ignore him politely. try discussing life with him.
fire cannot put out fire, so if he's at you, it's your job to do your part and be cool about it.
so fundamental, two wrongs don't make a right0 -
So... I don't know what you are going through, just what you posted.
Here's my two cents: If you are depressed, why are you even thinking about drinking alcohol? That is bad, bad, bad.... it'll make your depression worse. If you were deprressed and living in my house and drinking, I'd be UPSET.........
If you are depressed, why are you even thinking about bringing another life into the mix? You aren't in a stable position, and you parents are probably trying to point that out to you- just not in the most effective manner.
If you are living in your parents house, you SHOULD respect their rules (cussing, sex, etc.). You should be happy that you are not living on the streets. If I went against my parents rules (at any age) they'd kick me out so fast. Think about contributing to the household. Can you get a part time job,work from home, take classes online? Can you clean the house, cook dinner, etc.?
If you can exercise, you can do alot to fix your situation- I've been through everything that you've been through (except the divorce). Every option people here have given you has been met with a "can't"- change that thinking to a "can." I can set a plan to move out, I can set a plan to get a job (somehow, somewhere).
Good luck!0 -
Dear friend, dealing with a parent who micro manages your every move can be hard. I was raised in a very religious family and it was pretty much hell, fire and brimstone. It sounds like you have a couple of things going on. First of all, your dad loves you the way he does because that is all he knows. He is probably doing the best he can. Unfortunately, when you tie religion into the mix, you start feeling condemnation. You feel like you are not worth of anything. So, because of this, you are dealing with rejection from your dad and rejection from religion. I'm not saying that everything you are doing is right, but what I am saying is that you have a purpose. Your dad is older and wiser and he has lived a lot more life than you have. He probably just doesn't want you to take some of the same roads he has taken. But you and all of your mistakes or bad choices, are loved. I am not perfect and no one is, but I think people are like onions. God just takes off layers one at a time and sometimes those layers don't come off as quick as others. Look internally first. See what you can change and why do you feel so angry? Try to make statements like, "I feel this way because...." instead of "my Dad makes me feel....." Remember, you are an individual and you are responsible for your actions. I will tell you, if my children were living in my house hold, I would definitely guide them to do things differently if I didn't feel they were making the right decisions. But this is only in hope that they will listen so they will avoid the consequences that are waiting for them....because I love them.
I'm sorry you are having a tough time and I hope that it works out for you. I can tell you from my own experience that bitterness, hatred and rejection makes for a miserable life. Find a way to set yourself free....even if it is meeting your dad's expectations for the time.
xoxoxo0 -
Your 27 acting like your 15! If your on meds why do you consume alcohol? Alcohol feeds depression you should stop drinking it now! Thats seems dangerous! Why would you take a chance by having sex with a stranger? Ever hear of sexually transmitted diseases? You live at home with daddy he feeds you gives you a place to be safe and a place to sleep! Yet you hate him? The people on here that are giving you excuses to feed your whining are not being honest with you! If you truely want out because you HATE your father go seek help from some government program! There you will get the training you need to become self reliant! Then spend your own money on booze and what ever else you think you have to have! With the additude you have and the way you do not stand up and even try to do what is right for you both morally, safe and for your own health you are setting yourself up for failure! Grow up and decide what you really want for your life! GOOD LucK!0
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I'm sorry you are so upset and I can understand why! My advice for what it's worth is this: If you feel confident in yourself and your choices then it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, even your father.
It takes two to argue, just because you are invited to an argument doesn't mean you have to participate. Turn and walk away or say nothing.
Try that and see what happens, you may be amazed. Good luck, I hope it gets better soon and I'm sorry you are so upset!0 -
Adult children of Alcoholics. Children of dysfunction, in general; are welcome. The perfectionism, militantism, and using religion to abuse you have been subjected to definitely counts. It's helped me deal with my mother and other dysfunctional family members.
You can find local meetings online. It's there when you are sick and tired of hating yourself. You deserve better.0 -
Oh, Good GOD!
Wow!im 27 Fing years old and he treats me like im 10.
I hate him so much. ..
You should teach him a lesson and MOVE OUT!
Today - get your own place.
Just pack your bags and leave; spread your wings and FLY AWAY!
Or you can continue to live in his house like you're 10 years old and be treated as such.
At some point, children must grow up and leave the nest.
Sounds like you're ready - right?
Last time i checked you need money to move out. and $20 isnt enough.
Last time I checked, $20 wasn't enough money to raise a kid, yet your profile clearly states your goal is to become pregnant. Maybe your father doesn't want one more person to support... I think counseling could benefit you both.
The plot thickens....:noway:
Anyway, people can live life as victims or self-empowered, can-do individuals.
These may not have been the exact responses one would have expected, but it's what needs to happen if goals are to be reached.0 -
First of all I am not activily trying to get prego. im trying to get fit so i can Ovulate!!!!!
Second: alot of you are freaking out cause i say something about drinking. i drink once ever 2 or 3 months. I drink at home ive never driven drunk.
I have never ever been in trouble with the law, never hurt anyone, never did drugs.
Also i have tried and my mother have tried over and over and over again to explain what he is doing to us, but he doesnt get it.
Im not looking for you to tell me im right and keep up the bad stuff or tell me yes poor baby has a rough life. Becuase i am a survivor!
Some of you over looked my where i clearly stated that i wanted to Go eat. I am on the site to get help and support with my weight and some of you over looked me asking for help and started talking about NOTHING but my life. i want help with my eating issues. I just wanted to VENT!!!!!0 -
delete0
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Your 27 acting like your 15! If your on meds why do you consume alcohol? Alcohol feeds depression you should stop drinking it now! Thats seems dangerous! Why would you take a chance by having sex with a stranger? Ever hear of sexually transmitted diseases? You live at home with daddy he feeds you gives you a place to be safe and a place to sleep! Yet you hate him? The people on here that are giving you excuses to feed your whining are not being honest with you! If you truely want out because you HATE your father go seek help from some government program! There you will get the training you need to become self reliant! Then spend your own money on booze and what ever else you think you have to have! With the additude you have and the way you do not stand up and even try to do what is right for you both morally, safe and for your own health you are setting yourself up for failure! Grow up and decide what you really want for your life! GOOD LucK!
Tough, but necessary, love. The bolded section needs to be said again. I said it before, but was ignored.
You have two choices right now to make things better. Confront your father in a respectful manner and discuss your issues while making an effort to play by his rules. Otherwise, you can find some way to leave the situation entirely. It's not impossible if you ask for help from the appropriate sources.0 -
I'm sorry you are struggling right now. For me when reading this post I saw so much of myself in it ... or my old self.
These people like Max are trying to help you. I know it's not anything you want to hear. When I was depressed and angry and want to vent I didn't want people to give me solutions or acknowledge that I was part of the problem. I do believe you came here to vent, but more so I think you came here to have people tell you they feel sorry for you and to feel better by having support that you are the victim.
But I assume you are here because you want to lose weight, improve your life, and go after your true desire to be a mother. So this is a gift for you ... try to actually understand what they are saying and realize the depression is twisting the true intention.
If you continue down the path you are currently on you will never lose the weight. Never.
Just because you are an adult, doesn't mean that you can do anything you want. You are an adult legally because you are over the age of 18. But maturity is something completely different. Cussing because you feel you are entitled to do so at your age sounds like a thing a teenager says during those rebellious years ... not a mature adult. My guess is you also cuss to push his buttons and anger him because it is something you can control and continues the volatile relationship. But at the end of the day you are under his roof and he is taking care of you. You should count your blessings that he cares enough for you to not kick you out on the streets. Legally because you are an "adult" he can do this ... but out of LOVE for you he allows you to stay in the home. It's not right for him to be away and have to come home to this type of situation. If you can't do this, then it's time for you to move out. Yes, it can be expensive but that is something you have to work towards.
What is going to happen when he isn't around? What will you do then?
Like you I also used to make excuses. Many of the experiences you had, I had. I held on to the anger and victimized myself for so long. I felt like the entire world was against me. "I have a ****ty life, I have all these problems, no on understands." They are all excuses.
You are miserable and you will continue to be so until you accept that you have the power to change your life. I will say it again, if you don't .. you will never lose the weight ... you will never be happy ... and you will never have the future you dream of.
+10 -
Just venting online is not going to stop you from bingeing - what happens next time that you feel upset??
I believe someone did give you the option of what to do instead of eating, go out and get some excercise even if you excercise in the house.
Also, how do you expect people not to give their two cents?? All we can tell by your post is that your upset with your dad treating you like a baby; by your posts I can tell you act like a baby.
If your medicated why can't you get a job? Like someone mentioned, atleast a part time job...there are ALWAYS options..if I can go into a grocery store and see a mentally handicapped person working WHY CANT YOU WORK??
Part of being fat is due to the excuses that we make.. excuses on why we cant go out an excercise, why we cant buy the healthy food instead of the unhealthy food -- -based on your posts all I hear is excuses on why you can't better yourself. COUNSELING is what you need, and this site is not going to give you that...this site is going to give you support -- part of SUPPORT is telling you WHAT YOU DONT WANT TO HEAR.
I think Max is right on the money -- set some goals on where you want to be in life and get there, don't sit back taking meds and using it as an excuse.
As long as you live in your parents home you need to be respectful of their rules...0 -
You have a choice whether you internalize the negative things he says about you. The reason he does what he does is because it works...he is under your skin and you are letting that sabotage your efforts. You are better than letting someone else trigger a binge! Binging will only make you feel worse, so take control and say no! You can do it! Keep getting help for your depression and keep moving forward with your life...trust me, the best revenge is to do what others think you can't!0
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Oh, Good GOD!
Wow!im 27 Fing years old and he treats me like im 10.
I hate him so much. ..
You should teach him a lesson and MOVE OUT!
Today - get your own place.
Just pack your bags and leave; spread your wings and FLY AWAY!
Or you can continue to live in his house like you're 10 years old and be treated as such.
At some point, children must grow up and leave the nest.
Sounds like you're ready - right?
Last time i checked you need money to move out. and $20 isnt enough.
Last time I checked, $20 wasn't enough money to raise a kid, yet your profile clearly states your goal is to become pregnant. Maybe your father doesn't want one more person to support... I think counseling could benefit you both.
The plot thickens....:noway:
Anyway, people can live life as victims or self-empowered, can-do individuals.
These may not have been the exact responses one would have expected, but it's what needs to happen if goals are to be reached.
Weren’t you done on the first page with this issue, Mr. Goal-Oriented?0 -
First of all I am not activily trying to get prego. im trying to get fit so i can Ovulate!!!!!
Second: alot of you are freaking out cause i say something about drinking. i drink once ever 2 or 3 months. I drink at home ive never driven drunk.
I have never ever been in trouble with the law, never hurt anyone, never did drugs.
Also i have tried and my mother have tried over and over and over again to explain what he is doing to us, but he doesnt get it.
Im not looking for you to tell me im right and keep up the bad stuff or tell me yes poor baby has a rough life. Becuase i am a survivor!
Some of you over looked my where i clearly stated that i wanted to Go eat. I am on the site to get help and support with my weight and some of you over looked me asking for help and started talking about NOTHING but my life. i want help with my eating issues. I just wanted to VENT!!!!!
Even after this explanation... people still won’t understand darling. Like I said walk away, get some exercise or you will be here defending yourself for the rest of the night.0 -
do some circuit training in your room,
mountain climbers
8 point pushups
P.O.W.'s
bear crawls
steam engines
side straddle hops (jumping jacks)
crab walks
crunches
planks
jack knifes
flutter kicks
supermans
scissor kicks
dirty dogs
hello dollies
leg raises
star jumps
etc etc etc
If you're still hungry, do them all over again. First do some stretches, then do these exercises, then stretch at the end. While you're working out take that anger out on the fat. Burn it. make it hurt! You will get a rush when it's over.0 -
Sounds like your father is emotionally abusive, from what you've posted. But feeling sorry for yourself isn't going to solve the problem
That said, if my 25 year old son were living in my house, expecting me to provide for him, he would be expected to follow my house rules or GTFO.0 -
Just venting online is not going to stop you from bingeing - what happens next time that you feel upset??
I believe someone did give you the option of what to do instead of eating, go out and get some excercise even if you excercise in the house.
Also, how do you expect people not to give their two cents?? All we can tell by your post is that your upset with your dad treating you like a baby; by your posts I can tell you act like a baby.
If your medicated why can't you get a job? Like someone mentioned, atleast a part time job...there are ALWAYS options..if I can go into a grocery store and see a mentally handicapped person working WHY CANT YOU WORK??
Part of being fat is due to the excuses that we make.. excuses on why we cant go out an excercise, why we cant buy the healthy food instead of the unhealthy food -- -based on your posts all I hear is excuses on why you can't better yourself. COUNSELING is what you need, and this site is not going to give you that...this site is going to give you support -- part of SUPPORT is telling you WHAT YOU DONT WANT TO HEAR.
I think Max is right on the money -- set some goals on where you want to be in life and get there, don't sit back taking meds and using it as an excuse.
As long as you live in your parents home you need to be respectful of their rules...
THIS! I worked in a grocery store where they hired baggers that were mentally handicapped or disabled of some kind. Its not much but it would be SOMETHING. In every state, there are many programs that are to aid with helping people find what they need to eventually be on their own.
Im 27 as well and Ive been married almost 8 years and have 2 small kids. And before I had kids and decided to be a SAHM, I worked full time in said grocery store and I was pushing 220-240lbs and was on my feet for 8-10 hrs a day. It wasn't easy but at the time we needed the income.0 -
And this is why I'm not a crazy right winged christian....0
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First off... Food isn't going to make this better. Yes you could go stuff yourself for a quick fix but as soon as you are done you will feel like crap, get depressed that you stuffed yourself then you are back to being miserable.
Second, I get that you don't get along with your father and I'll tell you what I tell my students, you can only control your own behaviors, you can't control what others do. With that said, try not to swear, in front of your father. You do live in his home so respect his rules.
When people offered you alternatives to eating, all I really read was excuses. I get we all need to vent but I think where people get frustrated is if you put yourself out there they want to help so they offer up advice and when the only relation is excuses of why that won't work it becomes frustrating for the individual trying to help you.
I am sorry you are going through some difficult situations in your life and your father only adds to the stress but try to find something to help yourself. I agree with the counseling advice... That would be a huge help to you. It gives a safe environment with a qualified individual to listen. Finding ways to exercise is another alternative... There are tons of at home exercise programs that can help with this.
Writing appears to be a good outlet for you, keep doing that.
Good luck, stay positive and stay true to yourself.0 -
And this is why I'm not a crazy right winged christian....
LMAO!!!0 -
Wow. I never thought I would see something like this on here. Girl, put on your dancing shoes,turn your radio on and "Dance to the music, Dance to the music!!!!" Clap your hands,stomp your feet and move that body!!!!! 1-2-3 to the left, 1-2-3 to the right. 2 steps back and 2 steps forward. Now do your turn and keep moving. :bigsmile:0
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It sounds like you've got a lot on your plate. It also sounds like you are making some steps in the right direction but still feeling overwhelmed.
I applaud you for getting medication to help you with your depression. I firmly believe that only those who have experienced depression can truly understand how debilitating it can be. Many of the things that you listed your father taking issue with, are behaviors that depression brings out in some people. You've stated that your medication has helped some but isn't getting all the way there, and you need to visit your doctor to get your dosage upped. I heavily encourage you to do this as soon as possible. Preferably tomorrow. The sooner you can get the dosage adjusted, the sooner you have the change to regain more control over your emotions, thoughts, and life.
You haven't mentioned any counseling in your replies. If there is any way possible for you to seek out the help of a good counselor, don't hesitate to do it. You are dealing with so much with the divorce, issues with your Dad, depression, and the binge eating. Any one of these alone would be a good reason to work with a counselor. I speak from personal experience when I say that they can make the world of difference.
With where you are in your life, I'm sure that it took a lot of courage to reach out for support to avoid binge eating. That's awesome. It also sounds like you took the advice to exercise. Even better. Keep your chin up and keep working to improve your life and you will get there!0 -
Need to set a goal to get healthy so that maybe you will be able to get out. Life is too short and negativity is a bummer. It's taking me a long time but I have distanced myself from all the negative people in my life! You will feel such relief when you are able to do so! Good luck I wish you the best!0
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First of all I am not activily trying to get prego. im trying to get fit so i can Ovulate!!!!!
Second: alot of you are freaking out cause i say something about drinking. i drink once ever 2 or 3 months. I drink at home ive never driven drunk.
People are "freaking out" because all we have to go on is what YOU have supplied. In your profile you say you want to get pregnant, not ovulate. If you want to ovulate- change what you wrote. We are only going on what information you have given us.
As for the drinking, I don't care if it's once a day, once a month, or once a year. If you are depressed- drinking hurts your depression.I was clinically depressed, and I couldn't drink for YEARS after I recovered. One drink could undo months of progress.0 -
Ok i came here to vent and look for support. a couple of you are just making things WAY worse. Im trying not to turn to food.
I dont expect you guys to fix my problems. but you dont have to be a jerk about it like Max.
I have issus and cant get a job. I know that Moving cost LOTS of money. so thats out.
Sometime ppl just need to vent.
to those of you who have said kind words, telling me im beautiful and such THANK YOU.
I am sorry to say this, but tough love and not hearing what you want to hear doesn't make someone being a jerk or being mean. They are being honest and REAL.
I had medication issues and I still worked and lived on my own. You such it up and do what you have to do. I had no one and would have been alone and homeless in the street if I didn't do what I had to do.
You have the choice. File for Disability if you truly can not hold a job. Even my sister who is more severely bi-polar than I am is able to get a job and hold one down now and she has medication issues also.
You came here looking for sympathy and for people to fall into your sorrow. Suck it up. Your right, you are 27, it is time to act like it.0 -
That sounds like a very frustrating situation. I do think that an adult child who still lives at home and requires financial assistance from their parents should follow their parents rules to a tee without complaint. However, your Dad should be able to discuss his disapproval of your behavior without resorting to verbal abuse. There needs to be some mutual respect. I won't even touch on the baby issue because that just makes my blood boil but it's ultimately none of my business0
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