I just had to post this. I'M SHOCKED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Honestly, if you get married, you better believe the spark is going to fizzle at some point. That doesn't mean it can't come back. And if you're married, if you took that step and made that commitment, be an adult and take responsibility for that commitment. Unless your vows included, "For better or worse, in sickness or in health--unless you get fat," then you've no basis for cheating. You didn't tell your partner being skinny was a requirement. (Maybe you did, and if you were open about that, fine.) To suddenly make it a requirement is twisting a promise to suit your own selfish wants. If your partner gets fat and that bothers you and effects the marriage as you see it, be a grown up and deal with it between yourselves, and don't expect a renegotiation. You can make decisions about fixing your marriage or ending it, but in life as in love, you aren't owed anything. Marriage is work. If you can't hack that, don't bother. MaximalLife is a perfect example if you ask me. His wife communicated with him, didn't go behind his back, and he cared enough about himself and his marriage to do something about it. But it took serious work. He was willing to do that.0
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The shallowness and obvious degeneration of society is reflected in this type of behavior. The idea and perception of love has been blurred for many years with infatuation and / or lust being mistaken for love . If a feeling is so shallow that a change in appearance can alter it then love was never there to be lost . True love is giving and not receiving anything as " payment " in return . Love means laying down all that you are for another . Life is indeed too short for such shallowness when there is a much better alternative . Those that think this is just a natural reaction in a love relationship will one day find themselves old and unfulfilled because they sought imitation love disquised as beauty with people of the same value system .0
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you get married...(man or women) and then change dramatically? like in letting yourself go (get fat) and things change...life is short...why be unhappy?
Wrong on so many levels. LOVE is meant to be about more than looks.Welcome to planet Earth.
This whole absurd concept of fat acceptance has detached us from reality.
After an accident, I gained a ton of weight, and was just an elephant.
When I was fat, I was unattractive.
My wife, instead of having an affair, told me I should lose the weight or our marriage would end.
And I don't blame her one bit.
So, I got busy, lost the weight and all is well.
VERY WELL!
Most people are not going to be that direct. I am thankful that she was honest with me about this.
For any relationship to work, sexual compatibility is a must.
And weight gain ruins that no matter what lies you are being told about how it doesn't matter.
It matters - believe it!
I don't know if you got the wrong end of the stick or whatever - good luck to you in your relationship - that's probably what SHOULD happen.
HOWEVER, your mrs came to you, talked to you, you discussed it and decided to make a change, for yourself and for your marriage. Kudos, congratulations, and I mean that genuinely.
BUT, she didn't go out and cheat, did she? No, she did the grown up thing and talked about it. Which is the exact opposite of what this website is advertising and condoning.
Sometimes relationships fail, people change emotionally, psychologically as well as physically. None of these things are get out clauses for cheating. If you're unhappy, leave, end the relationship, get a divorce, whatever. Don't cheat.0 -
If you honestly loved the person in the first place, you wouldn't leave just because they've put on weight. That being said, my fiance and I have an agreement that if one of us ever thinks the other is getting so heavy that it's detrimental to our HEALTH (notice I didn't say marriage) that we would tell each other and work TOGETHER to get the weight off. Right now, he loves my body. He can hardly keep his hands off of me most days :blushing: but, he also knows that it causes problems with my knee and sometimes my back, so we're working together to lose weight and get in shape. He's also getting in shape because he wants to become a police officer, and he can't do so in shape he's currently in. I am his number one supporter, and he is mine. And neither one of us are afraid to give the other an *kitten*-kicking when need be (figuratively, of course.) In my opinion, if you can't do the same for your spouse and threaten to leave if they don't change, you were probably looking for an excuse to leave anyway. And if you cheat because they've gained weight? You don't love them anymore anyway. You simply do not cheat on someone you truly love.0
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The shallowness and obvious degeneration of society is reflected in this type of behavior. The idea and perception of love has been blurred for many years with infatuation and / or lust being mistaken for love . If a feeling is so shallow that a change in appearance can alter it then love was never there to be lost . True love is giving and not receiving anything as " payment " in return . Love means laying down all that you are for another . Life is indeed too short for such shallowness when there is a much better alternative . Those that think this is just a natural reaction in a love relationship will one day find themselves old and unfulfilled because they sought imitation love disquised as beauty with people of the same value system .
Couldn't have said it better myself :drinker:0 -
The major problem is this society is prone to not committing to anything! Also, we are on a "happy" high. If this doesn't make me happy I quit, if she/he doesn't make me happy quit, this healthy lifestyle no longer makes me happy quit. The vow is For better or for worse, till death do us part. Not for better, or worse, or unless they become really unattractive and you are no longer happy. People have been married for 50 years who have had many unhappy days but they are committed, to make it work.
Relationships aren't hunky dory everyday, there are periods of trials, and days when you just don't want to see their face. However, the committed part is the love part. You don't fall out of love with someone because they gained 30 lbs, to me you were never truley loved that person, infatuated, lustful yes!
We have to get the focus off of what hollywood says is sexy, or these lingerie ads says is sexy and we must have a value system set far above what they force feed us on a daily base. I understand that not everyone is Christian in this room, but I have to say, this society needs a healthy respect for the Lord and his word, before we can defeat foolishness like this ad!
I'm just sayin'...
I agree. Relationships aren't all googly-eyes and butterflies. There will be times that you aren't happy with your spouse or with your life. But you work through it together, and stick with your commitment. Real, honest, love is about the choices you make every day. Enduring love is, above all else, a CHOICE.
Beyond that, I do want to point out that not only Christians have morals and abhor this type of behavior and mentality. Just sayin'.
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I don't agree with cheating but I don't think you should be with someone who let themselves go and you're not attracted to them anymore. We can't hate on the person who created the site but rather the people who are on it. They pay this man. The site wouldn't be open if there wasn't people using it.0
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Both men and women cheat. and I know people who are on the site and have talked to many of them. I can see the letting yourself go but not the ugly thing. I mean it's not liek you can get "ugly" but yes you can get "fat". My problem is if you don't talk to your spouse/signficant other about it, then they will never know that you're unhappy so as long as they are overweight, you'll always cheat? To me it's not fair to have your cake and eat it too. It's one or the other.
But unfortunately, this site is not successful for no reason. Enough people out there are having affairs to keep this site going.It is also a dating site and not *just* for affairs. Also, a lot of people on that site are looking for a third person to join them AND some that the other spouse is aware of what the other is doing.0 -
I understand that beauty is only skin deep, etc., HOWEVER, if you were attracted to someone from the beginning and then they dramatically gained weight (or I guess it could even go the opposite way and become too thin) for your liking and you re no longer attracted to them physically then the relationship should end OR discussed before deciding to just have an affair. Not just for vanity reason but health also. Being overweight is just as not healthy as being underweight. An affair won't fix your marriage or help it.
If my husband doubled in size, I would not be physically attracted to him anymore, nor would he be the same man I was attracted to at the beginning. Yes I would still love him, but intimicy is important as is his health. I want my husband to always find me attractive and be attracted to me and same goes for him. If we were both heavier and that's what we were attracted to from the beginning, and then one of us lost a lot of weight, the marriage would suffer.
We are not shallow, but physical appearance does play a role in being attracted to someone, whether big, small, medium, tall, short, etc.0 -
It has been around awhile...and when I was single signed up for it to see what kind of people were on there. I was shocked to find men who had pregnant wives looking for someone. Alot of desperate people out there. I got off the site pretty quick. But it was interesting to look at....and no, I did not meet with anyone. lol0
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It's sad really. It's so easy to get married and just as easy to divorce. Nobody takes their vows seriously anymore.
My 6 yr anniversary is tomorrow. We've had our ups and downs. Like...bigtime. We've both put on weight. I'm on a mission to get healthy for myself and I'm determined to make it happen...with or without my husband.
That website is pretty sad. It's even more sad that they have 12 million people using it. But...I'm a believer in karma. What goes around, comes around. In due time....one way or another, it'll get back to them.
I never understood cheating. You're unhappy? You hate your life? Then leave your husband or wife? Either separate or get a divorce. What's the purpose of cheating? At least be the bigger person and admit when things are over. And leave. It's as simple as that.
what if you have two young children...you and your spouse are still good parents but no sex spark remains....you want to stay together for the kids sake....cheating is worse than splitting and disrupting the kids life?
My Dad cheated on my mom for years before any of us found out.
He wasn't just cheating on her, though-- he cheated our family. My mom, my sisters and I.
Instead of manning up & saying, "Hey guys, its been fun but I think I'm going to try this now..." he just lied to us and shattered my concept of my ideal relationship.
Cheating is selfish, unnecessary and foolish. You are not doing anyone a favor, especially not the kids.
^^this.
ive seen those ads before, its so wrong but unfortunately thats the way the world is today, people expect to have everything! with all the celebrity marriages lasting 5 minutes, nobody takes marriage seriously anymore, it is meant to be for life, not just until the next pretty young thing comes along!
I was with my husband for 13 years before we got married 3 years ago, and would NEVER cheat - my dad had an affair with my mums best mate when i was a kid so ive seen what it can do to people, ive always said if a person seriously considers cheating then they are obviously not happy with their husband or wife, so just grow a pair and leave instead of screwing with peoples lives by cheating!
rant over
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And this country won't let me marry my partner because of narrow minded people. However, married men and/or women can just choose to join a website to cheat on their spouses because of weight????? Yeah gotta love this. Good thing my skinny partner over there <<<< loves me regardless of what I weigh. Actually I weighed 260 when I met her and I can proudly say neither one of us have ever cheated with anyone else. But yeah my "gay" marriage will corrupt our country. They can blow it out the *kitten*.
I love you. (Not in a creepy way, but the support/admiration way.)
Thank you Kat and know what you mean. LOL My partner and I have been solidly commited for 11 years and yes we have trials and tribulations like any couple but we work them out. We dont go to the nearest bar or website to hook-up for meaningless sex. I actually have a sister that is gay also and she and her partner have been together for years and years. Our parents love us all and treat our partners just like their own daughters. We are in the middle of a hostile work environment/gay exploitation case right now with my partner's workplace for allowing an employee to video tape her while working on his cell phone and posting it on the web that "that this is what a big old *kitten* looks like". We've been receiving harrassing phone calls ever since and my partner is on medical leave due to the stress from work. But yeah a good old man and woman marriage with cheating is considered better than our devoted and commited partnership. Thank you USA and all the do-gooder voters that wont allow me to marry in MY state.
(((dakitten))) I just wanted to give you a hug.0 -
I agree that the website is pretty pathetic. I've never heard of it before so I'm under a rock for sure.
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Welcome to planet Earth.
This whole absurd concept of fat acceptance has detached us from reality.
After an accident, I gained a ton of weight, and was just an elephant.
When I was fat, I was unattractive.
My wife, instead of having an affair, told me I should lose the weight or our marriage would end.
And I don't blame her one bit.
So, I got busy, lost the weight and all is well.
VERY WELL!
Most people are not going to be that direct. I am thankful that she was honest with me about this.
For any relationship to work, sexual compatibility is a must.
And weight gain ruins that no matter what lies you are being told about how it doesn't matter.
It matters - believe it!
I understand where you're coming from... kind of resent the reference to an elephant, but if that's how you choose to remember yourself (and hopefully ONLY yourself - this site is meant to offer support, not harsh criticism), whatever.
However, my husband (who has never had a weight issue, family doesn't, etc. and while he doesn't enjoy my current weight) keeps coming back for more... to the tune of 4-6 times a week... It's not always JUST about the weight. Even us bigger folks can be sexy, maybe not to everyone, but hopefully our spouses see more than just size. I always told him though, if he finds that he's no longer attracted to me, to please be honest so we can both move on...
Also, I like your wife's honesty and am glad her approach worked for the two of you. Congratulations on your significant weight loss. I hope you have some sensitivity left for those of us who are still working hard to achieve your results!0 -
Disgusting!! It should not be allowed!!0
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look at it this way, when you look like the 1st girl from top to bottom, a lot of guys will have affairs with youI just had to share this because it's eating me! Very shocked!
Watched this today show that talked about this website called http://www.ashleymadison.com.
The creators of this site actually say if your partner gains weight (or as they put it, gets fat) and/or their appearance dulls, it's not only alright to cheat on them but completely justified. There are almost 12 million members on this site! They had guys backing it up saying that if "I'm not attracted to my wife cause she's gotten fat or ugly, then I'm going to find someone that I am attracted to". I'm amazed! Wowzers!
This is seriously their AD. Unbelievable!
Too funny! Now THIS was an honest, yet considerate,way to give your opinion! Thank you for your sense of humor!!! I agree that the difference is pretty dramatic.0 -
Welcome to planet Earth.
This whole absurd concept of fat acceptance has detached us from reality.
After an accident, I gained a ton of weight, and was just an elephant.
When I was fat, I was unattractive.
My wife, instead of having an affair, told me I should lose the weight or our marriage would end.
And I don't blame her one bit.
So, I got busy, lost the weight and all is well.
VERY WELL!
Most people are not going to be that direct. I am thankful that she was honest with me about this.
For any relationship to work, sexual compatibility is a must.
And weight gain ruins that no matter what lies you are being told about how it doesn't matter.
It matters - believe it!If my husband doubled in size, I would not be physically attracted to him anymore, nor would he be the same man I was attracted to at the beginning. Yes I would still love him, but intimicy is important as is his health. I want my husband to always find me attractive and be attracted to me and same goes for him. If we were both heavier and that's what we were attracted to from the beginning, and then one of us lost a lot of weight, the marriage would suffer.
We are not shallow, but physical appearance does play a role in being attracted to someone, whether big, small, medium, tall, short, etc.
Gotta say I agree with the point of views of both posters. I do not think cheating is right, I think if you really love someone, you'll talk about your problems first.
A lot of times when ppl gain a significant amount of weight, there are other things going on besides the weight. They probably aren't acting like the person you fell in love with. You probably aren't attracted to them like you were. Still NOT ok to cheat but I see with the loss of attraction is.0 -
Yes, I felt terrible fat.Welcome to planet Earth.
This whole absurd concept of fat acceptance has detached us from reality.
After an accident, I gained a ton of weight, and was just an elephant.
When I was fat, I was unattractive.
My wife, instead of having an affair, told me I should lose the weight or our marriage would end.
And I don't blame her one bit.
So, I got busy, lost the weight and all is well.
VERY WELL!
Most people are not going to be that direct. I am thankful that she was honest with me about this.
For any relationship to work, sexual compatibility is a must.
And weight gain ruins that no matter what lies you are being told about how it doesn't matter.
It matters - believe it!
I understand where you're coming from... kind of resent the reference to an elephant, but if that's how you choose to remember yourself (and hopefully ONLY yourself - this site is meant to offer support, not harsh criticism), whatever.
However, my husband (who has never had a weight issue, family doesn't, etc. and while he doesn't enjoy my current weight) keeps coming back for more... to the tune of 4-6 times a week... It's not always JUST about the weight. Even us bigger folks can be sexy, maybe not to everyone, but hopefully our spouses see more than just size. I always told him though, if he finds that he's no longer attracted to me, to please be honest so we can both move on...
Also, I like your wife's honesty and am glad her approach worked for the two of you. Congratulations on your significant weight loss. I hope you have some sensitivity left for those of us who are still working hard to achieve your results!
And coming back from that hell was the hardest thing I ever accomplished.
I hope everybody on this road can complete the journey, but I know that's not going to be the case.
That bothers me.
Best of luck to you!
And again, thanks!0 -
that is absolutely nauseating! although it makes me physically ill, i am [sadly] not surprised =(0
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I do know that weight does affect the sex in my marriage. I still find my hubby hot. But the weight gain from both of us has changed how we do and how often. Face it some postions are harder to get in when u are bigger and you get tired faster.0
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Ya because I'm sure women who look like THAT are waiting around and pining to get diddled by some guy who is already married, but doesn't have the balls to tell his wife he is unhappy. I'm suuuuurrreee! I get that weight can affect physical attraction, but a marriage should be made up of so much more than that. I think if you are with someone who is really fit and they gain weight, part of the problem is a change in the quality of life and maybe not having that lifestyle in common with them anymore. I GET THAT! But where is the love and respect for your partner that you VOWED to have for them? If this website "calls it as they see it" why don't they put up accurate pictures of who is really on there? Like maybe one of some coke-head stripper who is missing teeth, has stringy nasty hair and a plethora of STDs, but it's all good because she's skinny! What a crock!!! I wish people had the foresight to see how affairs hurt others, and that after the fact they are still going to be unhappy.0
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Ya because I'm sure women who look like THAT are waiting around and pining to get diddled by some guy who is already married, but doesn't have the balls to tell his wife he is unhappy. I'm suuuuurrreee! I get that weight can affect physical attraction, but a marriage should be made up of so much more than that. I think if you are with someone who is really fit and they gain weight, part of the problem is a change in the quality of life and maybe not having that lifestyle in common with them anymore. I GET THAT! But where is the love and respect for your partner that you VOWED to have for them? If this website "calls it as they see it" why don't they put up accurate pictures of who is really on there? Like maybe one of some coke-head stripper who is missing teeth, has stringy nasty hair and a plethora of STDs, but it's all good because she's skinny! What a crock!!! I wish people had the foresight to see how affairs hurt others, and that after the fact they are still going to be unhappy.
The picture is from a site that advocates that type of behavior.0 -
Who cares. It gives stupid arsehats a place to hang out with each other and keeps them away from the rest of us. More power to it.
Anyone who is going to cheat will do so regardless of that sites existence. They have found a nice niche in which to run a business. Not very moral I suppose but nor is Nike or Nestle. At least these guys are only exploiting cheating adults not sweat shops or whatever0 -
OMG! I've not heard of this site before! That's just appalling!0
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