RANT: obese people that PUSH dieting advice!!

rollycollysmama
rollycollysmama Posts: 143
in Food and Nutrition
I have a friend whos is super obese, she is 5' 4 inches and weighs 298, yet every single time I try to talk about my diet she acts like shes an expert because her mom is a nutrishionst. I was talking about my carbs being at 150, she started FREAKING out on me about how there is NO excuse for ANYONE to eat that many carbs a day, and MFP is a crock if it sets your carbs so high, its setting you up for failure and your just gonna mess everything up, and to quit now before I destroy my chances at a "good diet" this went on for what seemed like forever I tried to argue that I wasn't doing some elimination diet, I needed to LEARN how to control what I put in my mouth, quanities and moderation, and she freaked out again. NO, its not about moderation, its about changing your life and what you eat. If you go out to dinner and they offer you a bread basket, its not about stopping yourself after one peice of bread, its about being able to not eat the bread at all. I told her that type of life style/ diet would never work for me, because I would start to feel like i'm suffering "without" and I just wanted to focus on eating RIGHT, and not about what I can and can not eat. Again, starts flipping out. "my mom is a nutrishionst, she knows this ****, if you don't want my advice dont talk to me about this crap, I don't want to hear it!" so I stopped talking to her about it...for awhile.
Than just a few days ago she noticed that I posted on facebook that I had lost 16 lbs, and she starts FREAKING out about that, it's only been 3 weeks, if youve managed to lose 16 lbs your doing it the wrong way and your just gonna fail, and your skin will never tighten and youll look worse "skinny" than you would fat. Your just messing everything up. I tried to remind her that at least 8 lbs of that was inital water weight, but she still freaked out on me. I also tried to remind her that not everyone can diet the same and that no two people have the same idea of "do's and don'ts" with eating healthier.
So now to my final point. Today. Just now, infact the conversation is still going on as I type this, but i've just got to the point where I'm like, "yeah, your right" "uhh huhh" "i know" and not truly paying attention. Lol
Anyway, I asked her if she had any recepies for low cal/carb deserts or treats to curve my sweet tooth. she said "you don't want to do that, it will jsut lead to more and more junk, and than youll get even more fat, and than it will never stop, you need to cut it out COMPLEATLY, I never had much of a sweet tooth, but my downfall was bread and until I cut it out compleatly I cheated, and you cant cheat on a diet, you need to go at least 6 months before you touch a sweet so you no longer have the cravings, and you can eat less of it" I instantly got peeved. Shes talking to me like shes a weight loss expert, when she DID manage too lose nearly 60 lbs, than GAIN it ALL back and than some within less than a years time. I hate it when super big people **and I'm a super big person myself** try to preach health advice, because CLEARLY, all my ideas of "health" worked out for me...RIGHT?? It makes no sence. Like a few weeks ago **before I started my life change** I was talking about eating animal crackers, and she starts spazzing out, "DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY CALORIES ARE IN THAT" than SLAPS it from my hand and throws it in the trash....I dont know about you, but I did't become over 200 lbs from eating salad and lean meats....so how could someone be nearly 300 lbs and have any idea of health conscience choices??? GAHH I just want to yell at her. ANYWAYYY Any low cal or low carb, or BOTH, treat recepes anyone?? I NEED MY FIX!
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Replies

  • ugw125
    ugw125 Posts: 28
    Oh man, I know how you feel. My mom is very over weight and doesn't take my advice to heart. I think it is something people need to realize themselves when they have that "ah-hah" moment. If anything happens, she will wish she took your advice to heart. Good luck getting through to her<3
  • cakeums
    cakeums Posts: 228 Member
    Well, it's not even the advice so much that sounds annoying (I mean, I'm sure it is, but at least you can ignore it), but the fact that she is giving you total all-or-nothing advice and physically stopping you from eating things you want to. What kind of friend is that?

    Anyway, I find that a nice bowl of berries (about 1/2c each of blueberries, sliced strawberries, and blackberries/raspberries/what have you) with a dollop of whipped cream is a nice dessert-ish treat.
  • cryspetstalerson
    cryspetstalerson Posts: 147
    My mom has this same issue at work. My mom will be eating healthy and there is the really big woman there, who puts down everything my mom touches. She says things like "My doctor says that is unhealthy" "I can't eat that" and my moms favorite "banana's are bad for you"

    My poor mom works a job standing on her feet all day, and barely gets a chance to sit down. My mom will be doing so well on eating healthy but this just discourages her. Then the woman will want to go out to eat all the time, and my mom will have brought her own food, and the woman picks on that. Sometimes my mom will have had no time to make herself lunch, and bring a healthy choice ( yes I know prepackaged foods aren't the best) and the woman sits and picks on that. It be better for her to eat a healthy choice than the fattening mexican food the woman is always eating.
    I just feel for my mom.
  • rubygarcia86
    rubygarcia86 Posts: 73 Member
    sounds to me like someone's jealous and she's pushing whatever her mother tells her on you. I understand what you mean about trying to learn to change the portions of what you eat. i think learning to do that instead of cutting things off cold turkey will help you get off of those cravings. I dedicated this month to pry myself from the soda and the beer, and i have had ONE pepsi.im pretty proud LOL anyway the point is that she is being a HATER and has some nerve to slap things out of your hand. if she really was your friend she wouldn't be bashing you she would be more supportive and helpful.
  • sexycheesemonkey
    sexycheesemonkey Posts: 196 Member
    http://lowcarbdiets.about.com/od/desserts/tp/Top-Low-Carb-Desserts.htm
    good luck..I know what it's like to have someone PICK at EVERYTHING you do, it's frustrating and discouraging...but really throw the advice in her face and tell her 'if it works for you wonderful...if you're not gonna be supportive,,,,then stfu."
  • Goldenbast
    Goldenbast Posts: 227 Member
    Simple response, "Excuse ,me, but when YOU are slender and eating healthy, then perhaps I will listen to you, until then, get the heck away from me and let me eat in peace." :)
  • THowes
    THowes Posts: 8 Member
    It sounds like she is worried you will become thin and healthy and she will still be fat. Don't listen to her. Keep working towards your goal!
  • Sandytoes71
    Sandytoes71 Posts: 463 Member
    WHATEVER u do, do it ur way! Sounds like u r going to have to tell ur friend that enough is enough. Stand up for urself. U deserve to. Advice is one thing, but trying to shove it down ur throat is another. This friend of urs needs to stop being so ugly about her approach and u might have to get ugly back. U do this how u want to because no one knows u better than u.
  • skinney1357
    skinney1357 Posts: 68
    I have someone like this at work. She used to eat lunch with us and tell us how we should eat. She is about 350 pounds and we wouldn't even be talking about diet or exercise or anything. It got so bad that everyone stopped eating lunch together just to eat in peace without her. She is still 350 and I lost almost 40 pounds, so don't let them bring you down. Just avoid them until you have figured it all out on your own.
  • Yanicka1
    Yanicka1 Posts: 4,564 Member
    she obviously know how to diet......but you are not dieting, you are changing your lifestyle. I would say, if you still want to be friend with her, is not talking about this with her. People like that are energy vampire .
  • maryjay51
    maryjay51 Posts: 742
    i think she is in denial with herself and does not realize she is that obese
  • mlks2012
    mlks2012 Posts: 20
    Of course your friend has issues and she is the only one that can care more about herself to lose weight the right way. There is SO MUCH out there, information wise, that she is confused. And maybe scared to try!
  • whoiskat23
    whoiskat23 Posts: 103 Member
    Oh and to answer your question... I believe in moderation, and have learned to just weigh and watch my portions. For a treat though that is not too bad in calories and gets your fruits in, you can blend together 1 cup of frozen strawberries, 1/2 cup of pineapple, and 2 oz. of coconut milk. About 213calories, depending on what kind of coconut milk you use. To me it taste just like strawberry sorbet.
  • mlks2012
    mlks2012 Posts: 20
    You may need to try and distance yourself a little from this person. That may seem harsh, but she is not a supportive person and you do not want to thwart your efforts.

    She is a piece of work, but you have to think about what is best for you.
  • Hmrjmr1
    Hmrjmr1 Posts: 1,106 Member
    A misguided 'friend' You are welcome to friend me and check out my diary for some low cal and carb lifestyle options.
  • Tenoreo90
    Tenoreo90 Posts: 329 Member
    Dear god totally know what you mean. This obese woman I work with likes to post things on facebook like (I kid you not) "Calories don't make you fat, idiots! Fat makes you fat!" Another overweight woman constantly talks about Dr. Oz's latest bull like it was some hard-earned knowledge of hers, all while chugging down regular Pepsi. ><!
  • missyont
    missyont Posts: 79
    Ignorance *sigh*
  • kalepowered
    kalepowered Posts: 76 Member
    Honestly, you either need to sit down with her & have a heart-to-heart about how her behavior (constantly putting your weight loss efforts down, preaching to you about her opinions, physically throwing your food out) is not at ALL okay, and that she either needs to change or your contact is going to be extremely limited, or... just cut her out without attempting to talk to her (it depends on how much you value the other aspects of your friendship). Trying to change your lifestyle in any way is a Big Deal, and especially if you're trying to lose weight & make healthy decisions you CANNOT have someone like this sucking all the energy & motivation out of you. She's only hampering your efforts and pissing you off.
  • Klein1475
    Klein1475 Posts: 248 Member
    I am sorry but that does not sound like the supportive "friend" you need... I agree with the energy vampire thing... Unfortunately, those kind of people suck the life out of you... If there was some way that you could politely tell her to follow her own mother's advice instead of pushing it on you that would be great... I just don't know how to word it without sounding really rude unless you are not worried about telling her "how the cow ate the cabbage" as my dad use to say...
  • Adrikimb
    Adrikimb Posts: 6
    A good friend is like a good bra--supportive and uplifting. She is neither.
  • 12skipafew99100
    12skipafew99100 Posts: 1,669 Member
    Boy do I need a good bra......uh I mean friend.:blushing:
  • andrejjorje
    andrejjorje Posts: 497 Member
    This. IMHO this is the best attitude in any situation when friends/relatives and other close to you are involved. In the other hand I would listen with only 1/2 ear to her and chew the info. It may apply to you or not but this is your judgement.

    Ignorance *sigh*
  • Lozze
    Lozze Posts: 1,917 Member
    She is not your friend. I would have hit the ROOF if someone threw my food out. Let alone slapped my hand!

    I have had one friend who has gone off like that when I suggested a way to lose weight to her. It's when I mentioned lap banding to my best friend. She's a doctor and has seen the bad side and she went right off. She told she would support me in any other way, but she would not and could not support WLS.

    I would stop talking to her about it. When you put that you've lost weight on FB if she responds in a negative way, delete her comments. If she does bring it up my response was 'How's your advice working for you?' (evil Lauren would be 'When you've lost weight and kept it off, come back and tell me what to do) I probably would have cut this friend already (or slapped her in the face) but if you want to keep the friendship that's my advice :)
  • psmd
    psmd Posts: 764 Member
    It's kind of sad, her insecurity is oozing...feeling sorry for someone makes you stop being as annoyed at them...you're doing awesome and she's not, just remember that...
  • silentnacht
    silentnacht Posts: 53
    It sounds like she can't do it herself so she has to crush the efforts of everyone else in her life. Typical "let's all be miserable together" attitude. Gross.
  • mandy42smith
    mandy42smith Posts: 10
    That cracked me up. lmao

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  • kasicrawford
    kasicrawford Posts: 33
    OMG!!! That was hysterical!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • nanberube
    nanberube Posts: 112 Member
    I don't have any recipes, but I do have ideas. Fruit tends curb my cravings. If you like whipped cream, then fat free would be good on top. Also, if I don't have anything munchy around, I drink calorie free juice to satisfy my sweet tooth. I also make my own fruit smoothies in the blender, they are healthy and sweet. I tend to chew a lot of sugar free gum as well. If I did not have gum, I would go crazy when cravings creep into my day. I am a coffee drinker, so a little bit of sugar free raspberry or mocha flavoring in it is good. Hope this helps.
    About the "free advise" on dieting from the "friend".... Try the nice approach and see if she wants to lose weight with you and you can help each other with healthy advise and have her join MFP. You can make "workout" dates or go for walks together. If her Mom is passing on advise to her, she would have included exercise. If that doesn't work then point out that her advise does not work for you and obviously is not working for her either.
  • DQMD
    DQMD Posts: 193
    I have a friend like that.

    Last year she was going on and on about how thin I was getting and how IF she looked like me she could maintain it. Really..I have busted my rear to get to the this point. I didn't get the skinny fairy to wave her pixie dust over my head.

    When I told her I wanted to lose 30 more lbs she was like where are going to lose you. UM my gut and thighs. I know that I am going to need a tummy tuck. I would prefer to drop more weight before even thinking about it so that the recovery time is eased.

    I stopped talking to her about my diet.
  • thepetiterunner
    thepetiterunner Posts: 1,238 Member
    It's about her and she's making it about YOU. Don't let her :)

    You're on a healthy past and unfortunately, that might just shine a huge mirror that reflects what she is NOT doing. Nod, smile, keep her friendship if you find it comforting, but keep on, keepin' on! :)

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