Nothing prepares you for this....

24

Replies

  • fallenangelloves
    fallenangelloves Posts: 601 Member
    Thank you EVERYONE! ThIs is why I have turned to MFP.... Because I know y'all get it and are beautiful people!
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    You can't control others' words or actions, but you can control your reactions. Laugh it off and forget it.

    It really isn't worth getting upset about. Honestly, I think 90% of dieters get those comments. I don't even think it's resentment. It's just people who are used to seeing you heavier and need to get used to how you look now.
  • revren10
    revren10 Posts: 116
    there jealous of your accomplishments
  • scs143
    scs143 Posts: 2,190 Member
    Where's the d*mn LIKE button?!?!?!
  • danigirl1011
    danigirl1011 Posts: 314 Member
    First off, this is NOT a selfish thing to complain about. You have clearly worked (quite literally) your @$$ off. And you deserve the praise for it! You did an awesome job and you look amazing. I have a friend who lost 60 pounds and she is pretty tiny now, but nothing i would call unhealthy. She saw one of her friends for the first time in months and her friend went on and on about how she was too skinny and needed to put some weight back on. I think sometimes it really just takes people close to you awhile to get used to seeing you that way. If they have seen you overweight for a long time it will probably just take a little bit of adjustment to get used to the new you. I am sure a tinsy bit from some people can be jealous. I am sure they really don't want to be though. Who doesn't want to be fit? Not everyone can do it though. Try to tune them out and keep at it! Congrats :)
  • Josie_lifting_cats
    Josie_lifting_cats Posts: 949 Member
    I think my husband is this way. He's having a hard time switching from "I'm fat and need to lose weight" to "I'm toning up". I don't get it. Maybe I will when the time comes, but at this point I have a goal weight in mind on the "high" end, and if I hit that weight (or pants size....) I don't forsee worrying about body fat and toning a lot. Does that make me weird?

    Then again, I'm not terrified of being "skinny fat" as so many put it. I just want ME back.

    Maybe that doesn't make sense. I don't know. I confuse myself!

    But I can understand how you feel since I see it with my husband. Just continue, stay focused, and know that it's a slower road you're on - you'll be fine!
  • jilers
    jilers Posts: 94 Member
    Congratulations on your success!!!:wink:
  • Hungry_Tuna
    Hungry_Tuna Posts: 361 Member
    Good for you for getting this far! People aren't happy to see others succeed when they're failing and depriving themselves of a healthier, happier life. That's unfortunate that even your pastor is critiquing your weight loss. Who is he to judge? Who is ANYONE to judge?

    Anyway, keep reaching for the stars, you're inspiring to us all!
  • danicamper
    danicamper Posts: 44
    Great job on getting this far! I weigh 138 at 5'4 and my goal is to loose 15-20lbs. My friends, family, and boyfriend all think I'm "crazy" for wanting to slim down. What's crazy is always feeling tired and sluggish from eating junk food and being lazy all the time. My boyfriend and closest friends now understand that a healthier lifestyle does mean I will lose some weight, but it mostly means I will be able to live a longer more active life.
    -Danielle
  • rcaton3
    rcaton3 Posts: 16 Member
    agree
  • meggonkgonk
    meggonkgonk Posts: 2,066 Member
    My best advice it to try things out and see. Take the last 10lbs in 3-5lb increments- really take stock of how you look and feel. Eat to maintenance once in a while, see what you think. Go a little lower, if you want and be really honest with yourself about what your expectations and feelings are and why.

    When people give you crap just say "I've discussed my goals and plans with my Dr. and s/he seems content that my choices are healthy.

    Almost everyone gets to this point- in part it's because people arent used to seeing you so slim so it's easy to be perceived as going 'too' far, and the other part is that so, so many people do take it too far - its an easy trap to fall into "just 5 more lbs."

    Just take your time, be honest with yourself and don't let others' worries concern you too much.
  • WhyeatKachra
    WhyeatKachra Posts: 404 Member
    Thanks a ton for this!
  • DawnDawn2011
    DawnDawn2011 Posts: 92
    I love this post! I believe your friends are overweight and they don't have a realistic view of what your body should look like at a healthy weight! I have a few overweight friends that get upset whenever I mention I am watching what I eat. I know what I have to do to keep my body healthy and at a reasonable weight, and it is strange to me to see people eating donuts, washingi t down with a coke and then going out for burgers. I would get sick! I can't eat like that. People think I am a snob or whatever if I don't eat like they do, but if I did, I would not fit through the front door and I would feel like crap. You do what is right for you, and know that you are a success. Give your body the nourishment it needs and take care of yourself. When people make snide remarks just smile and tell them you feel great! : ) Keep up the good work.
  • trainguy917
    trainguy917 Posts: 366 Member
    That really would be maddening. I don't want it to happen to me, but I want to be in good enough shape that it could!
  • Faye_Anderson
    Faye_Anderson Posts: 1,495 Member
    I've also be asked "When are you going to stop?" My new reply will be, " Why should I stop being healthier?". I've been close to responding with "When are you going to start?"

    Wouldn't it be good if we were actually allowed to say this to people lol
  • Sabresgal63
    Sabresgal63 Posts: 641 Member
    You know, you're damned if you do........and you're damned if you don't......................Just go tell people to suck it! I am 5'7" as well and when I had lost 45lbs, people thought I was anorexic.................... I would look at them and tell them...........I used to be 112 lb until I was almost 30...........thats sick level for us tallies:) Enjoy your weight loss, you have earned it and shame on people for being so darned negative.
  • firstnamekaren
    firstnamekaren Posts: 274 Member
    It's disturbing how so many people are inherantly judgemental and envious, all without improving on themselves or working hard at anything.

    It's just like those women who judge other moms. If you're against spanking, you're not disciplining your child. If you're spanking him/her, you're an abuser. If you're not yelling at your child, he's/she's spoiled. If you're yelling at your child, you're a bad mom.

    Same with weight loss! Everyone wants to be down on people who are overweight, but god forbid you make a healthy change - suddenly, something MUST be wrong! You have an eating disorder! You're having an affair! SOMETHING!!
  • jdhosier
    jdhosier Posts: 315 Member
    :flowerforyou: Well done. Success is its own reward and you have been tremendously successful.
  • cruiseking
    cruiseking Posts: 338 Member
    I am experiencing this EXACT situation. Countless people have told me not to lose any more weight. I have thought long and hard on this one. I believe that people are shocked because I have gone from 230lbs to 174lbs. rather quickly. And yes, I do look skinny for me. Sometimes I am shocked myself. However, I have not come this far, to not try, and reach my maximum potential. I don't think that there is any bad intent of the people who tell me "you better not lose any more weight". It's like a back handed compliment of sorts. My guide is no longer my scale, but my mirror. And my mirror is saying I probably have about 8 to 10 more pounds to go. I am now trying to master the mindset of never becoming fat again. That will be the ultimate challenge.
  • AlmstHvn
    AlmstHvn Posts: 376 Member
    I blame realtify tv. I think it's desensitized what little self-control people had over keeping their opinions to themselves. You don't always have to say what you're thinking!

    Proud of what you've accomplished!
  • sarahkatara
    sarahkatara Posts: 826 Member
    i am starting to have this happen and it's frustrating. I am 5'4" and really have just entered my "healthy" zone at 142 lbs and 24.4% BMI. Also, i'm in full recovery from anorexia so when people start saying, "god you look skinny", "don't lose anymore", blah blah blah, it makes me self-conscious because i have finally- FINALLY- found a healthy balance in my life and have lost this weight the right way and they make me feel like i'm looking sickly again or something. i do NOT want that. i know I don't look sickly but i absolutely HATE the idea of someone categorizing me as looking such. on the other hand it makes me uncomfortable because so many people are noticing my body and commenting on it. i've been on this journey for ME. i am glad my hard work is recognizable to the world, don't get me wrong. But the idea that the creepy old AND young guys my office, for example, are looking at me like that bugs the **** out of me. i just wish people would keep their comments to themselves. to me, i would just rather hear, "wow! you've lost a lot of weight. congratulations, you look good," if they have to say anything. it doesn't warrant teasing me about it every day. and like i said, this discomfort with people making these comments is because my body is strong and fit now and people are trying to tell me i look like i'm getting ill? bull****. i know ill and i am healthy as a horse right now!
    sorry- rant over.
  • muriwca
    muriwca Posts: 1
    People are simply jealous. They can't stand seeing someone who is successful with self control.
    Be happy and proud of your achievement. I am jsut starting this and truly hope tI can hang in there and end up just like you.
    CONGRATULATIONS.
  • pangela13
    pangela13 Posts: 172 Member
    I applaud you.
  • cruiseking
    cruiseking Posts: 338 Member
    I've also be asked "When are you going to stop?" My new reply will be, " Why should I stop being healthier?". I've been close to responding with "When are you going to start?"

    Wouldn't it be good if we were actually allowed to say this to people lol
    I saw somebody in the bank a few weeks ago, that I hadn't seen in a while; he said, "man you lost a lot of weight", I automatically said "And it looks like you found it". It just came out. But he had gained like 75lbs., in the 8 or 9 months since I saw him last. Wrong?
  • Amybcb
    Amybcb Posts: 292 Member
    jealousy!! That is all it is. You seem a healthy weight for your height so just ignore them!
  • nicehormones
    nicehormones Posts: 503 Member
    That is great :)
  • jlc1243
    jlc1243 Posts: 272 Member
    Yeah. I've lost all the weight before and was pretty dismayed that, the closer I got to my goal, the more people kept trying to push me to "relax" about it, to ease off, to take a break, etc. And when that didn't work, then they got "worried" about me, that I was losing too much weight, etc. It definitely is more about them than it is about you.

    Same exact thing happened with me! And I wish I was stronger at the time because eventually I bought into that and went right back to my old ways and the weight just crept back on.

    Do what you need to do for you! You worked too hard to let it slip away!
  • jj1983
    jj1983 Posts: 146 Member
    Your body is YOUR business!!!! People can say mean, mean things when they are jealous. There is a big difference in the comments you'll hear when others are jealous of you versus genuinely concerned.
  • ttwsweet
    ttwsweet Posts: 41
    You know... I hate to admit it, but I did this to my Mother at one point... she was chubby my whole life and a few years ago, she decided to really step it up and make life changes. She lost a ton of weight, became ripped (!), and was feeling good about herself - really good- and everytime I'd see her (before I started my journey) I'd say things like your "friends" say to you...

    I think when she was chubby.... it gave me an excuse: "well, she's chubby... it runs in my family" or "well, her blood pressure is okay... mine probably is too" or the worst... "at least I'm skinnier than her." Ugh. All those things make my heart hurt. And I realize I hurt her in the process. Often times on this site, I see/read people say "oh... it's just jealously." And well... maybe it is... but I bet for some... it's an excuse. Birds of a feather, flock together and all that. When your "feather" doesn't look the same, they think they're losing you. That's sort of how I felt about my Mother... suddenly, I wondered what we'd have in common, if we weren't sharing stories over a bowl of ice cream or swapping recipes for chocolate cake.

    I wonder if you pulled a few of those friends aside... the ones you're close to... and told them how much it hurts and how frustrating it is... if that would put things into perspective?

    Anyway.... I'm just sorry you're going through this stage... know that you are supported and you look like a phenom - strong, beautiful, inspiring!!!
  • ChristineDiet
    ChristineDiet Posts: 719 Member
    I am 7 pounds from my goal. And I'll be honest... A year ago when I set this goal I don't know if I really believed I would achieve it. What I'm upset about is the response I am getting from my friends and family that have cheered me on this whole time changing their attitude from happy for me to resentment. I am getting comments like "you need to stop losing weight" from alot of people... Even my Pastor has said this to me 3 weeks in a row! Now I am 5'7" and weighing 157 pounds. I am by no means "skinny". My first response was "oh just a little", now it's "I'm just toning now". I am having to make excuses for what I'm doing! The lady at work that actually gave me my 30DS DVD walked past me the other day and said "I don't know how you kept doing that, I couldn't stand it!" and NEVER looked me in the eye! I don't discuss my weight loss... Never have... Because no one wanted to hear it was with eating healthy and exercise. They wanted the "quick fix". I learned to keep this to myself early on.

    It seems like such a selfish thing to complain about and I know others would be like "oh wish I had your troubles", but this is another phase of this whole process and it's not one you can prepare for.

    I can tell myself "you're fat and unfit and need to lose weight" I mean we all have done that right? But how do you switch to "I've almost accomplished what I set out to do, now I want to fine tune and see just how good I can be"?! Because let's be honest... We are surprised we did this good!
    Am I skinnier than I have been in decades? YES! But that doesn't mean I'm the fittest and healthiest I can be... Now I can focus on that but I still need support, not criticism!

    I am so thankful for the friends I have made on this site because I know there are others going thru this too... Thanks to you I wake up every day knowing I am not going to be criticized or judged. You know me!

    This is my advice for the day... I hope everyone has a great one!

    076f53b2.jpg

    You should get this put on a t-shirt.

    Be proud of what you have achieved. You have done amazing. And yes we all want to tweet this and that (some people need more tweeting - me included - just starting out). I know it's hard to ignore people but I'm afraid you will have to learn too. I find weight such a personal thing yet people seem to think they have the right to say what ever they like to about people's weight, whether they are fat or thin.

    I think you should get your message printed onto a t-shirt and wear it went your around these people that have made those comments to you.

    x
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