once a cheater always a cheater - true or false?

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  • SarahMorganP
    SarahMorganP Posts: 921 Member
    I don't know because I would never stay to find that out. My husband and I have been together since I was 15 and he was 18, we are now 31 and 34. There has never been any cheating. The thought is so gross to me that I would rather stick rusty nails in my eyes than ever cheat on my husband. My husband is the only person I will ever be with. Period. If he dies or if we ever got divorced (not really an option in my opinion) I will never be with anyone else. That's just not me.

    The only way I would ever get a divorce is if he abused me or our kids, if he cheated on me, or if he had an addiction that he was not willing to get help with. Other than that we made vows and they mean the world to me.
  • FearAnLoathing
    FearAnLoathing Posts: 4,852 Member
    false,I cheated on my crappy boyfriend with my husband,and i would never cheat on my husband.
    I also cheated on my boyfriend before the last
  • grinch031
    grinch031 Posts: 1,679
    My opinion is it depends on the reason for cheating. Some people like Tiger Woods will never be satisfied with just one woman. These types shouldn't get married because they can never be trusted.

    However I think the more common scenario is that marriage is tough and often husband and wife grow emotionally apart over time because marriage isn't what alot of people expect when they go into it. Its also a decision that many people make out of emotion instead of logic. Maybe the media and hollywood has distored our idea for what love is really about.

    I think alot of it is sexual needs aren't being met by the partner. I've heard countless testimonies (mostly from men), of spouses that have no interest in intimacy with them. This causes resentment and the need to fulfill these needs elsewhere. And since there is so much at stake with divorce such as housing, finances, retirement, children, etc., it is often the path of least resistance to just cheat on the side and hope not to get caught. In this scenario, I can see the cheater finding a partner that is more willing to fulfill their needs, and not having a reason to stray.
  • hbrittingham
    hbrittingham Posts: 2,518 Member
    My opinion is it depends on the reason for cheating. Some people like Tiger Woods will never be satisfied with just one woman. These types shouldn't get married because they can never be trusted.

    However I think the more common scenario is that marriage is tough and often husband and wife grow emotionally apart over time because marriage isn't what alot of people expect when they go into it. Its also a decision that many people make out of emotion instead of logic. Maybe the media and hollywood has distored our idea for what love is really about.

    I think alot of it is sexual needs aren't being met by the partner. I've heard countless testimonies (mostly from men), of spouses that have no interest in intimacy with them. This causes resentment and the need to fulfill these needs elsewhere. And since there is so much at stake with divorce such as housing, finances, retirement, children, etc., it is often the path of least resistance to just cheat on the side and hope not to get caught. In this scenario, I can see the cheater finding a partner that is more willing to fulfill their needs, and not having a reason to stray.

    I have to say I totally agree with everything you've just said here.

    FWIW, I have never cheated in any relationship or in either of my marriages. I can't say that I never will, though. I have been with my current husband for 20+ years and things have changed dramatically in that time.
  • Goldenbast
    Goldenbast Posts: 227 Member
    I may have strange views on this...but honestly I don't consider someone going out with someone else when they have a girlfriend/boyfriend cheating per se....they are not married...although when I was younger I very much considered it cheating, now I just feel it is very rude, I mean really..if you want to cheat on your GF/BF why hide it? Just break up...not that hard.

    However it is too in-depth a topic to true fale it...someone may have cheated once, for whatever reason but would never do so again, then you have those who habitually do it...so there is no real right or wrong answer here...depends on the person.
  • timeformetofly
    timeformetofly Posts: 64 Member
    I always say there are 2 types of cheaters...

    One type cheats like there's no tomorrow. You can say they don't have a conscious. They do it for whatever reason and usually don't think about the consequences. These cheaters I'd say will always be cheaters. It's a condition of the heart. Even if they physically stop cheating, they'll always play around with the idea. They'll enjoy playing with fire w/o the burn.

    Then there are the cheaters who make the biggest mistake of their life. They're remorseful, they're disgusted with themselves and will do anything to make it right. These usually will never cheat again because they're terrified at the hurt they caused. Also, these folks will stay away from anything remotely close to cheating because they know how easy the slippery slope is. These are cheaters who once were.. but not always will be.

    I agree with this!! Unfortunately I ended up with the first type but he is history now!

    I ended up with the second kind.. Happen 6 years ago. I have a man I had when we first met... loving and caring about everything I do.. after 17 years we had lost that.. he looked for it somewhere else.. realized he made a mistake and things have not only been good.. they are even better....
  • chatdude
    chatdude Posts: 39
    Hmm I'd say it depends on the reason.

    But once a cheater always a cheater.... probably true 85-90% of time.
  • azarazar
    azarazar Posts: 72
    As a teen or maybe even into the early 20s for some who are immature, cheating may not be permanent. However, once an adult, I believe it is permanent. Even if they stop cheating, they are like an alcoholic and would easily step over the line again with only a little incentive.

    One thing I have never understood. Maybe someone who has been in this situation could fill me in. Why would someone mess around with a married person and then expect that person to leave their spouse and be faithful to them. If they cheated on their spouse, why would you think they would not cheat on you in the future?

    Not condemning or judging anyone, just a concept I have a hard time understanding.
  • grinch031
    grinch031 Posts: 1,679
    As a teen or maybe even into the early 20s for some who are immature, cheating may not be permanent. However, once an adult, I believe it is permanent. Even if they stop cheating, they are like an alcoholic and would easily step over the line again with only a little incentive.

    One thing I have never understood. Maybe someone who has been in this situation could fill me in. Why would someone mess around with a married person and then expect that person to leave their spouse and be faithful to them. If they cheated on their spouse, why would you think they would not cheat on you in the future?

    Not condemning or judging anyone, just a concept I have a hard time understanding.

    Because a lot of people who cheat are unhappy in their marriages. They aren't cheating because they are evil people, they are cheating because they lack that fulfilling relationship with their own spouse. Its easier to just cheat than to go through the tedious process of divorce where everything is on the line.
  • danniellexxx
    danniellexxx Posts: 92
    False....
  • GetFitNowKrystal
    GetFitNowKrystal Posts: 71 Member
    I say...true.
  • vcardenas87
    vcardenas87 Posts: 3 Member
    There's no black and white way of looking at this, you have to account for the shades of gray. But there's no doubt about the existence of those people who will always cheat; they lie to themselves, they lie to their partners, and it's despicable. Then again, there are those people who make mistakes and KNOW it, this makes a big difference (those habitual cheaters who "care" are simply finding new ways to lie, they will always be cheaters).

    I don't think I could ever tolerate cheating. I expect what I give back -- and I am incredibly loyal. For the girlfriends who complain to me about their men, I usually find the saying that works is "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice..."
  • grinch031
    grinch031 Posts: 1,679

    I don't think I could ever tolerate cheating. I expect what I give back -- and I am incredibly loyal. For the girlfriends who complain to me about their men, I usually find the saying that works is "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice..."

    Especially because its so easy to spot a chronic cheater. A lot of times people will even warn them early on in the relationship and they ignore the warnings thinking "he's changed for me". He won't change for ANYONE!
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