The 'Dating Game' and why I think it's a load of garbage!
Replies
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is it actually dating that you don't like or the dumb rules you hear people talk(and don't follow) about that bothers you?0
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I have a lot to say about this...but I will save that for my Dating 101 class.0
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is it actually dating that you don't like or the dumb rules you hear people talk(and don't follow) about that bothers you?
No, I like dating! For the most part I'm having good experiences and meeting guys that aren't into the game thing. It's the supposed 'rules' and the people that believe in them that I'm talking about.
And there are definitely those that do believe in them and follow them, lol.0 -
I'm reading these posts and thanking the cosmos I'm no longer in the dating game. You all have my deepest sympathies! No one should have to play games like these! When I was dating, I was never good them. I hate feeling I can't be up front and honest.0
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I'm more of a what you see is what you get type. You will never have to guess what I am thinking.0
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I always sucked at the 'rules' of dating. I am a single parent and had my hands full enough with work, kids and trying to have a social life. It is just much simiplier to be myself and to be honest. If I liked you I let you know, if there was no chemistry I let you know. If I had fun I made sure you knew and knew how much I appreciated the fun we had. If I want to have sex with you I do..
No games, no rules just me and who I am. I dont ask for more than I want in return..
OP if you keep going, it may take a while but you will find the 'real' people you wish to date and from there you will find the one and the two of you will be happier sooner.. Good luck..0 -
I agree that most people who have been married/divorced are past the "rules" and games associated with dating. My first marriage was like one big long game, trying to change each other and trying to change ourselves for the other person-- it's just exhausting. On some level a relationship needs to be easy, so that when the hard stuff comes and you have to work, it doesn't feel so much like work.0
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I started googling the "Why men love *****es" and it actually seemed alright.
After reading some quotes - despite the provocative title - it's pretty much saying be your own person, stay independent and don't give them all the power in a relationship. Which I agree with.0 -
You sound like me! I married at 20, divorced at 25, and dated one guy since the divorce. I'm now 30 and have NO CLUE what I'm doing. I basically have a "high school diploma" when it comes to dating (since I basically stopped dating at 18), where all the men in my age group are pros and have been playing this crazy "dating game" for well over a decade...
I don't see the point in the games; the rules are conflicting and not applicable to every person. It's exhausting trying to figure it all out...and faaaar easier staying single. I'm assuming some guy will come along and force me out of my free agent status eventually.
EDIT: I tried the direct approach with a guy I had known through friends since we were 13 -- but I did it via text. We had been flirting back and forth for years, but because he doesn't live here, nothing became of it. I told him exactly what I thought of him, and I didn't hear anything back from him. Obviously the direct approach doesn't work for everyone! lol Yes, texting is lame, but I am SUPER shy and knew I'd chicken out...but at least I now know what he thinks of me.
It's scary out there!0 -
I agree that most people who have been married/divorced are past the "rules" and games associated with dating. My first marriage was like one big long game, trying to change each other and trying to change ourselves for the other person-- it's just exhausting. On some level a relationship needs to be easy, so that when the hard stuff comes and you have to work, it doesn't feel so much like work.
I very much agree with this, based on my own experience. I know they say all relationships take work, and of course this is true. But they shouldn't be hard or a challenge all the time. Because then what's the point?0 -
bump0
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Here's a terrible reality.
Do you want to be the one in control?
Care the least.
Whoever cares the least about the relationship gets to make all the rules and break all the rules.0 -
Here's a terrible reality.
Do you want to be the one in control?
Care the least.
Whoever cares the least about the relationship gets to make all the rules and break all the rules.
Sad but true, but why be with someone that doesnt care....0 -
I so agree with you. After a while doesn't the first date seem like a job interview? "I'm ALWAYS on time! And I ALWAYS work at 150%!" Blah, blah, blah.
On a date, get it out there. You don't have to let somebody know you were the belching champion of 1996 at your college but sheesh. You don't have to lie about everything.
And I'm right there with you about somebody having to be a *****. Can we all say turn off? That doesn't (or shouldn't) go both ways.
If you like each other act like it. You wanna call or text, do it. Leave playground rules back in elementary school.0 -
Here's a terrible reality.
Do you want to be the one in control?
Care the least.
Whoever cares the least about the relationship gets to make all the rules and break all the rules.
I get what you're saying...but why does anyone have to "be in control"? I only know how to love someone one way -- whole heart in, giving everything I have.
So the divorce pretty much killed me and scared me off of men. lol
Loving the way you describe isn't really loving, is it? It's living in fear while reaping the benefits of your partner's love. Needing to be in control = fear of letting go and being vulnerable.
I'm just straight up petrified of ever being vulnerable again.0 -
But I don't want to be controlled OR be in control. I wanted a partnership. And I got it!
Guys who played games and had rules did me a huge favor by letting me know to weed them out. :laugh:0 -
You sound like me! I married at 20, divorced at 25, and dated one guy since the divorce. I'm now 30 and have NO CLUE what I'm doing. I basically have a "high school diploma" when it comes to dating (since I basically stopped dating at 18), where all the men in my age group are pros and have been playing this crazy "dating game" for well over a decade...
I don't see the point in the games; the rules are conflicting and not applicable to every person. It's exhausting trying to figure it all out...and faaaar easier staying single. I'm assuming some guy will come along and force me out of my free agent status eventually.
EDIT: I tried the direct approach with a guy I had known through friends since we were 13 -- but I did it via text. We had been flirting back and forth for years, but because he doesn't live here, nothing became of it. I told him exactly what I thought of him, and I didn't hear anything back from him. Obviously the direct approach doesn't work for everyone! lol Yes, texting is lame, but I am SUPER shy and knew I'd chicken out...but at least I now know what he thinks of me.
It's scary out there!
Yes we are very similar. But I think you had the right idea being direct. Yeah it didn't work out, but then it probably wouldn't have anyway if you hadn't been direct, and think of all the time you saved by not dancing around the issue and playing games.
This is my attitude and philosophy. He'll yes I'm putting myself out there and dating. I do want to find somebody. But I'm not playing any of the games. If anything, I figure this will help weed out the unsuitable ones even faster! Lol0 -
I think you should be yourself and hell with the whole game. You do what feels right and screw what the so called rules are. If you're with someone still playing the games, you may be better off without them.0
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"This is bull**** and I'm proof.
If she makes me chase her, she will look behind and see me walking the other way. "
I agree whole heartedly. My ex-wife tried to make me jealous of another guy (before we got married - clue #1), and went on and on about him. Finally I told her to be happy cause I'm out. She asked why and I said I am not in a competition, I am supposed to be in an adult relationship. If I need to worry about my girlfriend's fidelity when she goes to work or wherever, then that's not someone who I want to be in a relationship with.0 -
Here's a terrible reality.
Do you want to be the one in control?
Care the least.
Whoever cares the least about the relationship gets to make all the rules and break all the rules.
Sad but true, but why be with someone that doesnt care....
Exactly! This is where you stand up for yourself and say, 'I'm done with this crap. '0 -
hmmm... I don't remember ever hearing anything in street school about the specific rules of dating to abide by, and if I did, I obviously wasn't listening.
HOWEVER... I don't see what the big deal is with being hard to get. You should feel the other person out for quite awhile before you start trusting them. I don't consider this a game, I consider it maintaining independence and watching your *kitten*. Plus, being hard to get probably means you have high standards, which most likely stems from having confidence in yourself...not insecurity. What's with this being a red flag to the guys on here?
When it's talked about how guys like "chasing the girl", it's probably because guys like confident girls. Insecure people jump deep into relationships quickly. And what's wrong with prolonging and enjoying the initial romancing? It's fun. We are all mammals, after all.
Just how I see it.0 -
I would also like to clarify that I fully support engaging in flirting with someone. That is fun and just adds to the excitement of dating! Lol Just leave out the games for me, please!0
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I think people put waaaaaaaaaaaaaay too much thought into dating...
Just be yourself!! That is the only rule. When I was single I was just me - and if my "date" didn't like it then they didn't like me and that's not anyone I wanted to continue dating.
My husband called me almost every single day after we met. It wasn't a turn off because I was interested. I enjoyed and began to look forward to those calls.I hardly ever called unless I wanted to set something up, but called back missed calls, not because of disinterest, but because I actually hate the phone and was up front about that. Despite that, I still liked and looked forward to his calls. I was not playing hard to get. I still despise the phone.
No games. If you want to call - call. If you don't - don't. If you aren't interested, say so.
Being anyone but who you are is an utter waste of energy and time.0 -
I just got through reading "Why Men Love *****es".
She used the word ***** as in someone who puts herself 1st.. not a nasty bitter woman. Still, you're supposed to pretty much have the guy begging at your door by ignoring him, not cooking for him until like a year later of dating (only do super sweet things later on and not frequently)..
If you don't do this, then you're a doormat girl and guys don't like easy. They like challenges. They like to follow a woman around like a helpless puppy dog. Hmmm.
Maybe I'll test this theory just to see..
Interesting...this is probably why you are still single. Not everyone is the same..better, they are unique and think for themselves.
yo bro, "this is why I'm still single"?? i was quoting what the book said. this isn't what I do.. just what i read.
and i'm newly single! i was married for 10 years and barely stepping out there. this is all new to me which is why i'm reading books etc because i've been out of the game for over 11 years.0 -
I think people put waaaaaaaaaaaaaay too much thought into dating...
Just be yourself!! That is the only rule. When I was single I was just me - and if my "date" didn't like it then they didn't like me and that's not anyone I wanted to continue dating.
My husband called me almost every single day after we met. It wasn't a turn off because I was interested. I enjoyed and began to look forward to those calls.I hardly ever called unless I wanted to set something up, but called back missed calls, not because of disinterest, but because I actually hate the phone and was up front about that. Despite that, I still liked and looked forward to his calls. I was not playing hard to get. I still despise the phone.
No games. If you want to call - call. If you don't - don't. If you aren't interested, say so.
Being anyone but who you are is an utter waste of energy and time.
VERY well put!
And funny, I feel exactly the same way about the phone! Not really sure why, I just do, lol0 -
I agree with every single point made. I am also putting myself out there and I am going into it with no expectations, and whatever will be, will be. Keep getting out there and enjoy
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hmmm... I don't remember ever hearing anything in street school about the specific rules of dating to abide by, and if I did, I obviously wasn't listening.
HOWEVER... I don't see what the big deal is with being hard to get. You should feel the other person out for quite awhile before you start trusting them. I don't consider this a game, I consider it maintaining independence and watching your *kitten*. Plus, being hard to get probably means you have high standards, which most likely stems from having confidence in yourself...not insecurity. What's with this being a red flag to the guys on here?
When it's talked about how guys like "chasing the girl", it's probably because guys like confident girls. Insecure people jump deep into relationships quickly. And what's wrong with prolonging and enjoying the initial romancing? It's fun. We are all mammals, after all.
Just how I see it.
I think I know the difference between "boys and girls" And "men and women" now. LOL0 -
A lot of it is bull poop and quite ungratifying.
If it is free, easy and comfortable, then it is good. If it isn't like that, it is no good and time to move on.0 -
I guess there's a middle ground for everything
- Don't act like a hoity-toity *****, but don't be a passive person either
- Don't chase a person but don't ignore them completely either
and so on...
I just say be yourself. If you think "hmm is this weird" before you do something it's probably weird. Honestly, if I went on a date and the person called me three days later, I would wonder why they waited so long. But I wouldn't want to be texted as soon as I left the date either. There's a middle ground!
There's this kid I know who as soon as he meets someone, he's on Facebook friending them right away, texting them right away. That's too soon and too creepy. If he waited a while it wouldn't be so weird. He also gets too personal too quick. So again, middle ground.0 -
I guess there's a middle ground for everything
- Don't act like a hoity-toity *****, but don't be a passive person either
- Don't chase a person but don't ignore them completely either
and so on...
I just say be yourself. If you think "hmm is this weird" before you do something it's probably weird. Honestly, if I went on a date and the person called me three days later, I would wonder why they waited so long. But I wouldn't want to be texted as soon as I left the date either. There's a middle ground!
There's this kid I know who as soon as he meets someone, he's on Facebook friending them right away, texting them right away. That's too soon and too creepy. If he waited a while it wouldn't be so weird. He also gets too personal too quick. So again, middle ground.
I like this. No extremes, just be yourself!0
This discussion has been closed.
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