Losing weight and dealing with some of the compliments

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  • flouncytrouncy
    flouncytrouncy Posts: 1
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    People are stupid. You can't fix stupid. Whenever anyone says something stupid to you, whether they mean it as a compliment or not, just smile sunnily and say Thank You! and sail off. Confuses the heck out of them.

    Living well is the best revenge.
  • Krissie_Triaxis
    Krissie_Triaxis Posts: 110
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    It's something I call negative positivity. Those people are being genuine in complimenting you that you look great, because they didn't think you needed to change and now suddenly they see that you are more confident and happier in yourself and it shows in abundance - it's a shock for them just as much as it for us.

    But what they don't realise is how we take the compliment, and to be honest why should they? We all do it. Somone says to me 'wow you look amazing, I can't believe how much weight you've lost' my immediate thought is - did you think I weighed the size of a small elephant? And no they didn't they are just stating a fact based on their own perception me and how Iused to look and they think they are being complmentary. And they are. It's because we have such a hang up about how we used to look that we want the 'oh you look amazing' but we hang a negative off the back of it because for years we've hidden behind layer of self doubt, loathing and fat.

    When someone says to you, 'You look amazing, great, so alive' etc.... smile, say Thank you and mean it. And then hold your head up high that they've recognised your hard work.... they're not saying it to make you think what you looked like before, they're saying it because it's true. You DO look amazing. :D
  • LizW1388
    LizW1388 Posts: 15 Member
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    My biggest thing with this, and it isn't just with weight, is this: Just pause, smile, and say Thank You. Whether it's a compliment on my hair, or saying my weight loss is showing, or even a simple 'you look pretty' - I'm so self conscious that I have the hardest time accepting compliments.
  • lina1131
    lina1131 Posts: 2,246 Member
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    I feel the exact opposite as you. I get really happy that they noticed my hard work.
  • barberella
    barberella Posts: 199
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    I agree..Just take it in stride and keep going...for you.. forget their comments that make you feel lousy...I had a friend that when he lost a lot of weight, people were asking me if he was sick...They were just not used to seeing him thin and in shape. But now they are and those people are going to see you as the new you too!!
  • honeysprinkles
    honeysprinkles Posts: 1,757 Member
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    I haven't been in your position as I haven't lost much yet, but I think you should remind yourself that these people have good intentions. They are trying to make you feel good about your accomplishments, not bad about how you used to look. I bet it never even crossed anyone's mind that you might take their comments negatively. Not only that, but losing weight is hard and most people try to lose weight at least some time in their lives, so I'm sure they are complimenting you for being so successful and not just necessarily only because you look better or because you looked bad before. :flowerforyou:
  • lisaidem
    lisaidem Posts: 194 Member
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    I think something to think about is what your intentions are when YOU congratulate someone on their loss, either in person or on the Success Boards. I know that I might tend to feel the same way that you do, but then I think, "When I say someone looks great, or that they have lost so much weight, I'm NOT thinking what a huge cow they were before." And especially with co-workers or family members that know you, we all get used to seeing someone at a certain weight--not as good or bad, but that's just how that person is. And then when you see someone lose so much weight it's almost like you could not imagine their face looking any different, but IT DOES! So it can come as a shock, but obviously one that is positive.

    So unless you personally think about how gross and disgusting and monster-like people were in their before pics, don't assume anyone else is going there either.
  • MaximalLife
    MaximalLife Posts: 2,447 Member
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    Well, yes.
    What they're really saying is..

    "...wow! you were such a walrus - so ugly and totally loathsome, and now? You look almost normal".....

    Just accept the kind words and be glad most people don't speak their real minds.
  • chottyyoung1
    chottyyoung1 Posts: 19 Member
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    I love it!!! I lost 100 pounds a couple years ago and to be completely honest, people when I saw people I hadnt seen in a long time and they DIDNT say anything, I was almost offended! LOL - but, honestly, I do think that they are just saying "awesome work".
  • CalJur
    CalJur Posts: 627 Member
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    Accept the compliment for what it is worth. It's a compliment. Thinking way too much trying to analyze it. Enjoy it. Relish it.
  • onedayillbamilf
    onedayillbamilf Posts: 662 Member
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    People are stupid. You can't fix stupid. Whenever anyone says something stupid to you, whether they mean it as a compliment or not, just smile sunnily and say Thank You! and sail off. Confuses the heck out of them.

    Living well is the best revenge.

    How is complimenting someone for their sucess stupid? Maybe we should all be smarter and not acknowledge it at all, then people can start a thread whining about how nobody noticied. Oh, wait.....
  • rileymama
    rileymama Posts: 196 Member
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    I'm confused. Are you complaining that people are complimenting you?

    This!!!! Maybe you would rather no one notice..but then wouldn't you be upset that they DIDN'T????
  • lovinbeinold
    lovinbeinold Posts: 116
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    To tell you the truth, I'd rather just get on with my life and not have compliments on my size. I am very overweight. It pisses me off that being overweight puts us in almost a different, lesser subclass, of people. Then I lose weight, and get more acceptable. Just take me however I am. My value is the same, fat or thin.

    I am losing weight as a side effect of pursuing health. I am so glad for it, because even though I am still very fat, I am more comfortable than i was 32.5 pounds ago. I imagine I'll be even more comfortable moving about in my body when I lose another 32.5 pounds.

    I want to DO more, have fun, be healthy, feel good. If someone wants to admire my outward shell, have at it, but that isn't why I'm doing this. I want to LIVE more fully, and that means regain my health and reclaim my life.
  • steffiejoe
    steffiejoe Posts: 313 Member
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    I like getting the compliments.
    However one of my coworkers asked me how much I had loss . I told her 25 pounds and she reponded , "it looks like you loss more then that." I don't know if she was trying to say I was lying or that I was a big whale. Anyway I have no reason to lye. I just blew it off . This person does not understand the difference of losing weight verses losing fat.
  • Flixie00
    Flixie00 Posts: 1,195 Member
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    I was fat, now I am just overweight. There was a reason why I didn't like people taking my photograph and why I avoided full length mirrors, I just chose to ignore my fat. I accept the compliments for what they are, and am grateful that the same people never commented on how fat I was (well ... at least not to my face).
  • caseydoubleoh7
    caseydoubleoh7 Posts: 16
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    I actually really enjoy the compliments. I lost about 15 pounds while away at school.. (and before I joined MFP) and when I came home everyone kept asking "Have you lost weight?" I'm happy to hear that because then it seems people are actually noticing that I'm trying and I also feel like I'm actually progressing. Looking in the mirror and on the scale I see barely any change, but at least other people are noticing and it makes me feel like I'm doing things right. Maybe slower than my intentions and that's why I don't see it as much but at least other people are seeing it.
  • misszed
    misszed Posts: 14 Member
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    If the reason you were trying to lose weight in the first place was because you wanted to be "healthy" and it had nothing to do with body image, then I can see why you don't like the compliments. But if you thought you were "fat" prior to losing weight than why wouldn't other people? I would LOVE for people to tell me how great I look so I can tell them how HARD I worked to get that way! I doubt anyone thought you were a monster before, they just think you look better now...nothing wrong with that. You worked for those compliments, accept them and feel good about it!
  • Camsdette
    Camsdette Posts: 32 Member
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    Just smile and say thanks. They're not trying to be mean. So instead of hearing the things they actually say, like, "You used to be HUGE!" or "Well, you finally ditched the Sumo Suit, eh? Lookin' good!" or other ridiculous failures of compliments, just strap on your translator and hear, "You've worked so hard." and "You look great! Keep it up!"
  • lmbame905
    lmbame905 Posts: 84 Member
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    It's something I call negative positivity. Those people are being genuine in complimenting you that you look great, because they didn't think you needed to change and now suddenly they see that you are more confident and happier in yourself and it shows in abundance - it's a shock for them just as much as it for us.

    But what they don't realise is how we take the compliment, and to be honest why should they? We all do it. Somone says to me 'wow you look amazing, I can't believe how much weight you've lost' my immediate thought is - did you think I weighed the size of a small elephant? And no they didn't they are just stating a fact based on their own perception me and how Iused to look and they think they are being complmentary. And they are. It's because we have such a hang up about how we used to look that we want the 'oh you look amazing' but we hang a negative off the back of it because for years we've hidden behind layer of self doubt, loathing and fat.

    When someone says to you, 'You look amazing, great, so alive' etc.... smile, say Thank you and mean it. And then hold your head up high that they've recognised your hard work.... they're not saying it to make you think what you looked like before, they're saying it because it's true. You DO look amazing. :D

    Great words!!
  • nickiw68
    nickiw68 Posts: 71
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    I enjoy any compliment, whether back handed or not...I think most people don't mean to offend anyone, they are just in awe of what you have achieved...so please take all compliments in the spirit they were intended...

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