married - joining finances/seperate - HELP!

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  • ItsMeRebekah
    ItsMeRebekah Posts: 910 Member
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    we kept ours separate for a long time due to him having an X who totally trashed his credit by not paying bills when he forked over his check every week.. took a LONG time for him to trust again, and now that we do it joint life is so much easier!

    bottom line is find out what drives the need to not be together in everything you do
    you will be more successful as a couple when you do everything as a team IMO
  • lor007
    lor007 Posts: 884 Member
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    I have friends who have been married for 25+ years and their finances have been separate this whole time. I am not sure how they divide up their bills or how much each person earns per year, but the system seems to work pretty well for them. If one of those people were being a bully to the other, then I would say it was not working well.


    Personally, my husband and I have combined our income/expenses. I am pretty happy with this arrangement, seeing as I haven't worked in almost a year.
  • ShandiH
    ShandiH Posts: 232 Member
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    guess I'm old school but if your married, so are your finances. Whats mine is mine and whats yours is mine.

    Amen. Couldn't have said it better.
  • gordonfitch
    gordonfitch Posts: 22 Member
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    for richer or poorer. (umm that means together)
  • 12skipafew99100
    12skipafew99100 Posts: 1,669 Member
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    The way I see it is up until marriage all finances could be kept seperate. Once married, finances should be joined. You are a "joined" couple, so everything should be joined.

    This^ You two married people have an income of 130,000. now. It melds into the pot because you two are melded as one person now. Shame on #1 for doing that. :oP
  • horndave
    horndave Posts: 565
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    "A" is being a bully. Once married, legally the money belongs to both.

    I guess some counselling is in order. "A" should be able to recognise the fallacy in his argument. . .this is a power struggle.

    You are assuming A is a him.
  • cnsmith2
    cnsmith2 Posts: 539 Member
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    My parents keep things separate, though my Dad basically has paid all the bills, and my Mom pays for her extra bills. My Mom though, sometimes gets into trouble and needs help.... but I always found it weird.

    My hubby and I pretty much as soon as we got engaged and living together, I signed him up on my bank account and I started paying for all the bills (though, he makes much more than I do.)

    I'd feel weird having his and hers accounts... ESPECIALLY if it were ever thrown in my face. I wouldn't stand for it.

    I could understand having an extra account maybe for savings purposes if one person is a spender and one is a saver, but it honestly sounds like "A" is being a jerk.
  • shellicious777
    shellicious777 Posts: 48 Member
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    I totally agree with you!
  • Helice
    Helice Posts: 1,075 Member
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    I think that say if B) gets payed 35% more, then B) should pay 35% more of the bills..
  • donna9089
    donna9089 Posts: 87
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    I am not married but have had an SO for going on 8 years now. I make probably $20K more a year than he does. We have our finances separate and will continue to do so. I have been raked over the coals by sharing resources on a 50/50 basis and will not go down that road or get married again. We each have our own personal expenses and we share the household stuff. Until I bought my house last year, I would deposit half of the household bills into his account and buy the groceries. Now, I pay the mortgage and buy groceries, he pays the house bills. I usually pay for any entertainment,, vacations etc. and I clothe his 12 y/o daughter. This is not to say that if he needs help, I do not assist because I am always willing to share and he offers to reciprocate when he thinks I might need it. We just have a good relationship where we can discuss everything openly and not point fingers. That has made the difference in our relationship.
  • Lorleee
    Lorleee Posts: 369 Member
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    You can keep some finances separate without being a disfunctional couple. I am a strong believer in women having money in their own savings/chequing account, having their own credit card/credit history, and their own investments in addition to whatever they may share with their spouse.
  • deineira
    deineira Posts: 75 Member
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    My husband makes like 2.5X what I make. We both like to be in control so our compromise was to both contribute a percentage to a joint account where the joint stuff is paid out of - mortgage, bills. We pay for our own extras. I buy the groceries but he pays when we go out to eat, movies, concerts, etc. . He also pays for our vacations and stuff like that.

    This system has also worked very well for me. One joint account where each person puts a certain pre-determined amount of money that is for joint expenses has worked well for me. Then I have another checking account that I use to buy my random stuff, and so does he. We also had a joint savings account.

    The primary reason we did it like I described was not due to trust or fairness, it was that we have different ways of tracking our money (he tracks, I don't!). This prevented the issues of me forgetting to log my checks, atm withdrawals, etc. I just keep my checking balance in my head, which was making it hard for him to know how much was in one joint account.

    The other issue you have here is that one partner is being mean about the fact that they make more money. That is an issue that needs deep discussion. I am sad that A likes to make B feel bad about their earning potential. That's not sustainable in the long run.
  • harley0269
    harley0269 Posts: 384 Member
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    why cant A pay all the bills & B use that account for their savings
  • FitqueenT
    FitqueenT Posts: 120 Member
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    guess I'm old school but if your married, so are your finances. Whats mine is mine and whats yours is mine.

    Amen. Couldn't have said it better.


    This!!!
  • runbyme
    runbyme Posts: 522 Member
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    "A" would have to learn to keep their mouth shut before they became an "X" !
  • FitqueenT
    FitqueenT Posts: 120 Member
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    why cant A pay all the bills & B use that account for their savings

    And this!!
  • thoshowski
    thoshowski Posts: 135 Member
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    My boyfriend and I have our own seperate bank accounts that we pay for our things out of. We also opened an account for the joint things like mortgage, power, water etc. We don't use if for groceries yet, but down the line I think we will. Add up your expenses and figure out how much each month what your expenses will be. We each put in money into this account. We added up our total income, and figured out the percentage that each is able to contribute.

    Ex. I make 40,000.00 he makes 60,000.00 = 100,000.00
    Therefore, I contribute 40% while he contribute 60%. That way we both have spending money and such. I try to do more clean and cooking to make up for that difference which we both agree pays off in the end.
  • CHEFCH♥ZZ
    CHEFCH♥ZZ Posts: 127
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    cheating isnt the #1 cause for divorce, its money so.....
  • FrozenTundra511
    FrozenTundra511 Posts: 206 Member
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    I make more than my wife but she pays all the bills and spends it all. :laugh:
  • LuciaLongIsland
    LuciaLongIsland Posts: 815 Member
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    That is a toughie. The first marriage I didn't have a job as I raised the children. As they got older, he paid for my Masters degree and I became a teacher. I got 50% of our assets when I got divorced. Most of my friends got the house. After that, I LEARNED. My second husband paid the bills. I never had s a joint finances after that, good thing as he claim bankruptcy and it would have affected me. I ILL NEVER AGAIN HAVE JOINT ANYTHING, BUT I am older,. If this is a first marriage, I think it should be a partnership. If it is like this then where does it stop?

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