Do you mind when....?

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  • 11Jayme11
    11Jayme11 Posts: 194 Member
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    Neither me nor my wife do such things with anybody of the opposite sex.
    It'd be just a matter of time before we both would end up knocking boots with somebody else.

    That's nature.
    It just can't be helped.
    You put two people of the opposite sex in a room, and sooner or later, they're going to have sex.
    That's reality.
    I just will not expose myself to such risks, and neither would my wife.

    I could not agree more. Not that I dont trust him... I dont trust the facts of nature.. and chemicals between people... that happen sometimes when your not even looking!
  • Heaven71
    Heaven71 Posts: 706 Member
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    This has nothing to do with weight loss...just wanted some opinions..So I wanted to take a survey.....who of you who are in a relationship mind when your partner has a relationship with someone of the opposite sex? Like texting, calling just to talk. Bored or whatever. And as a side note you are not friends with this person nor to you even know anything about them.

    Not cool, don't do it to him, he does not do it to me.
  • LaSutopia
    LaSutopia Posts: 1,195 Member
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    For me, it depends on three things:

    - the other woman's perception of their relationship (Does she understand that they are just friends and/or does she have any interest in something more than friendship with him?)

    - how much time they spend together (If he's seeing her as much as he's seeing me, she ain't "just a friend.")

    - how open he is about his relationship with her (If he's secretive or dishonest about the time he spends with her, again, she's more than just a friend.)

    The man I'm currently dating has an ex-girlfriend with whom he still communicates from time to time. They don't see each other because she lives in a different state now, but he was upfront with me about her still being in contact with him on occasion. I told him then "You're a grown man, and I'm not going to tell you who you can and can't talk to." And I meant it.

    But I also draw a line at him being "friendly" with someone who doesn't respect boundaries. It is his responsibility to make sure she knows that he is involved with someone else and that there will not be anything but friendship between the two of them. If I ever find out she is not clear on that, then we are history. I have no tolerance whatsoever for lying, cheating, or manipulation. I'm not willing to risk being with a guy who doesn't care about me enough to put a stop to someone trying to sabotage our relationship.

    She totally acts like she has a crush on him and he denies it. Says he does not see it. He is so clueless! She wants attention from him. I totally agree with this! It sounds like you are ALL on the same page as me on how I feel about this. I just wish he felt the same. He thinks you can have a platonic relationship with whoever you want and like some others have said....you put 2 people of the opposite sex together for long enough.....attractions start forming and all you see with this person is the attraction and the good...you don't have fights or things you have to work through like with your partner so things start looking better with this person....that saying "the grass is greener" came form somewhere people....
  • Kizzle87
    Kizzle87 Posts: 16
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    I dont have a problem, even though my fiancee cheated on me. I trust him and always have, even though he cocked up, but that cant be said for other way round. he has very little trust for me, guess that's his insecurities .
  • LaSutopia
    LaSutopia Posts: 1,195 Member
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    Truthfully.. I think I would have a problem with it.. especally not kowing her. Friends that you see at work, school and so on are fine.. but I think calling, texting and stuff are alittle uncalled for.. in MY BOOK. I think he would also agree with me. Its just asking for trouble. Its not becasue I dont trust him, its just an uncomfortable situation to be in. Having a "Personal" relationship with the opposit sex could potentially lead to further feelings and attractions, and im not willing to risk that. Im only human, I have feelings!

    exactly!
  • Jessica0982
    Jessica0982 Posts: 209 Member
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    See? That's just it. If my husband is that close with a person where they call and chit chat...then why don't I know them? That's the red flag right there.

    The girl friends my husband has from high school, I've met them all. I've hung out with them once in a while. So I don't get upset when he talks to them. When there's secrets, when I don't know her, when they're being shady, RED FLAG and an *kitten* whooping!

    I have some guy friends that are truly some of my BEST friends. Known him since we were kids. I was at his wedding, he was at mine. He has a baby now. So to say that nobody should have friends of the opposite sex, well that's just silly.

    It's all about respect...
  • XXXMinnieXXX
    XXXMinnieXXX Posts: 3,459 Member
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    Every guy I've been good friends with has decided he wants to be with me and loves me... Sounds big headed and I'm really not! This has lead me to believe that you can't just be great friends with the opposite sex, usually one of you ends up wanting more... So myself and my partner don't have close friends with the opposite sex... Although he gets along with my girlfriends and I get along with his friends. I'd be worried if he suddenly started ring and texting another girl... Even though I 100% trust him, feelings can develop from a innocent friendship. I've seen it first hand x
  • soniyamas
    soniyamas Posts: 160 Member
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    I now believe it is nearly impossible to be "just friends" with someone of the opposite sex.




    ^^^^ This............
  • Bentley2718
    Bentley2718 Posts: 1,690 Member
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    Nope. Although I usually know SOMETHING about the people my husband spends time with, male or female. Because, you know, it's normal to talk about your friends.
  • LaSutopia
    LaSutopia Posts: 1,195 Member
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    While I do trust my boyfriend and don't think he would ever cheat on me, I do think I would mind if he was spending time with another woman and calling and texting her. Especially since it would likely cut into the time he spends with me. I do not have any male friends either anymore, although I had several when we started dating almost 3 years ago.

    ETA: I tried to be friends with a guy at work recently, but he didn't understand we were just friends and wanted me to go out to eat with him just the two of us which I felt was inappropriate. I now believe it is nearly impossible to be "just friends" with someone of the opposite sex.

    Now, if my bf had been friends with a girl for many years I would not make him stop being friends with her because of me. Childhood friends are different IMO.


    I agree with you on this. I too trust my boyfriend and all, but there is always that 1% of jealousy or fear that another woman might want a friendship to turn into something more. I dont trust women these days, they are awful LOL

    I agree with you on this. I too trust my boyfriend and all, but there is always that 1% of jealousy or fear that another woman might want a friendship to turn into something more. I dont trust women these days, they are awful LOL

    Oh yea! That's the problem....But really it is both sexes! What happened to a wedding ring meaning something? What happened to people not daring to even get close to that line with a married person. What happened to respecting a marriage....it seems not to many people care about that anymore these days...wether its the married person or the one trying to get the attention of the married person.
  • LaSutopia
    LaSutopia Posts: 1,195 Member
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    Neither me nor my wife do such things with anybody of the opposite sex.
    It'd be just a matter of time before we both would end up knocking boots with somebody else.

    That's nature.
    It just can't be helped.
    You put two people of the opposite sex in a room, and sooner or later, they're going to have sex.
    That's reality.
    I just will not expose myself to such risks, and neither would my wife.

    I could not agree more. Not that I dont trust him... I dont trust the facts of nature.. and chemicals between people... that happen sometimes when your not even looking!

    Exactly! You would have to be crazy to think that you are the only person in the world that can light your partners fire if given the chance no matter how devoted they are!
  • GymAnJuice
    GymAnJuice Posts: 512 Member
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    i think it all depends on how he acts, if he openy flirts with girls, acts underhanded or lies to other people (then he can lie to you)then personally i would have a problem with that, but if he isn't interested and clearly puts you first and you feel comfortable then that's fine. i do believe in trusting my gut instinct though. hope that helps :)
  • klynn81
    klynn81 Posts: 178 Member
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    Prior to me coming along, my husbands 3 best friends were female. It took me a while before I could accept this and feel comfortable with this and now i can say that they along with their husbands are our closest friends. He'll text them, he'll call them, and sometimes he even hangs out with them when I'm not around. ie. he went for dinner with two of them this past sunday to celebrate the ones birthday. I was perfectly ok with this, because I know them, and he's never hidden anything from me.

    WIth that said....speaking from experience....if he has a new female friend that I don't know, haven't met, haven't been told anything about, and he spends time with her, texts her, or phones her especially without me having any knowledge about it, and even if I did....I am NOT ok with that at all. This is CRYSTAL clear with my husband, so unless he would like to be a single man, he won't be pulling crap like that.
  • ivanaaaaaaaaa
    ivanaaaaaaaaa Posts: 87
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    my definition of cheating is super simple: saying or doing anything you wouldn't say or do in front of your significant other. you should both be very clear on what's ok and what's not from the very beginning, that way you can be mature and decide if this relationship will work for both of you. i don't have to know every detail or my significant other's day, but i never want to worry or wonder about anything. that's just silly.

    if your gut is telling you something is wrong, then something probably is. imagine it was your friend who was in this situation, what would you (honestly) advise her? i have never had a gut feeling to be wrong when it comes to these things. sometimes it may be months or years before you find out the truth, but you will. my perfect example: 2 people i dated in the past who were friends with their female college "buddies" ended up in serious relationships with those women years after we broke up.

    unless he is doing something wrong or is just very immature, a guy will not have a problem sharing who he's talking to etc. he also won't have a problem letting you meet that person. actually, if he knew it bothers you and he didn't have anything to hide, he would suggest the three of you go out together so you could see that you really have nothing to worry about. when you do go out, you will see clear boundaries between the way he interacts with her (strictly friendly) and with you (as his girlfriend, without holding back).

    if he doesn't know it bothers you, you can always do something before making any decisions. tell him that you've been hearing about this girl for a while now and she's such a good friend to him, you'd love to meet her. see how he reacts, if he goes through with it and if so, how he acts on the date.

    i may be unrealistic with my expectations of chivalry and complete harmony when it comes to relationships, but i'd rather be single and have a great time than spend my days worrying about whether the person i'm with cares for me as much as i care for him. there are millions of people out there and just because you care about someone, doesn't mean you're compatible and you should be together.
  • bikermike5094
    bikermike5094 Posts: 1,752 Member
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    Nope. If I had a problem trusting my wife, I wouldn't have married her.

    She is not with me, because I have her on a leash. We're together, because we choose to be. Want to be.
    Couldnt have said it any better.....
  • sweetiepie31612
    sweetiepie31612 Posts: 240 Member
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    To the OP, obviously this relationship your husband has upsets you. You've said something about it and he's dismissed it. I think this is completely wrong on his part. If it bothers you this much, he should be willing to re-evaluate his friendship with this other woman. That being said though, if you continue to badger him about it, he'll just deny and get more upset. Try letting him know that maybe you'd feel more comfortable if you could spend some time with this other person and get to know her.

    Unless HE has done something shady though, TRY to trust him and when you talk about it with him, try not to accuse HIM of anything because every person is different. Both my boyfriend and I have best friends from college that are of the opposite sex and it doesn't bother either of us when we talk, text email that other person. But I had a past boyfriend who's best girlfriend I didn't trust and he ended up cheating on me with her. Go with your gut, but give your man the benefit of the doubt.
  • Rodentranger
    Rodentranger Posts: 18
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    Neither me nor my wife do such things with anybody of the opposite sex.
    It'd be just a matter of time before we both would end up knocking boots with somebody else.

    That's nature.
    It just can't be helped.
    You put two people of the opposite sex in a room, and sooner or later, they're going to have sex.
    That's reality.
    I just will not expose myself to such risks, and neither would my wife.
    Ehhh, I disagree. I have friendships with several men. Growing up, most of my friends were male. I just feel more comfortable trusting men. Women can be so catty!
    One of my closest friends is also my ex-fiance. My husband doesn't feel threatened by him in the least. He has no reason not to trust me, or my ex. There has not been an incident of fudged boundaries in the decade since we broke up. I made it clear at the beginning of our relationship that the ex was always going to be a part of my life and my husband respects that.
  • Reinventing_Me
    Reinventing_Me Posts: 1,053 Member
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    My husband has no such relationships. And yes I would have a problem with it.

    Same here. Unacceptable. Would he have a problem with it if you (the OP) did the same? I'm sure he wouldn't appreciate it or accept it.

    The only consideration I would give is if he knew her before we married and after the decision was made to tie the knot the friendship would change from him and her to the three of us. At which time converations and meetings should include me or I should at least have knowledge of them -- and not WAY after the fact either.

    Listen to your gut. We have instinct for a reason.
  • Reinventing_Me
    Reinventing_Me Posts: 1,053 Member
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    I dont have a problem, even though my fiancee cheated on me. I trust him and always have, even though he cocked up, but that cant be said for other way round. he has very little trust for me, guess that's his insecurities .

    or guilt maybe??
  • dolfn1972
    dolfn1972 Posts: 84 Member
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    See? That's just it. If my husband is that close with a person where they call and chit chat...then why don't I know them? That's the red flag right there.

    The girl friends my husband has from high school, I've met them all. I've hung out with them once in a while. So I don't get upset when he talks to them. When there's secrets, when I don't know her, when they're being shady, RED FLAG and an *kitten* whooping!

    I have some guy friends that are truly some of my BEST friends. Known him since we were kids. I was at his wedding, he was at mine. He has a baby now. So to say that nobody should have friends of the opposite sex, well that's just silly.

    It's all about respect...

    Most definately this. Respect and trust. Just because you put 2 people of the opposite sex together does NOT mean they are going to do anything. My best friend is a guy. I love him to death. My husband knows about him....goes out with us sometimes and other times doesnt..and he's ok with it. Here's the kicker...I love my husband more. I respect him...and I dont hide my friendships from him

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