probs w/ hubby. idk who to turn to need others opinion.

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JellyPrz619
JellyPrz619 Posts: 172
in Chit-Chat
So it's come to a point where there are daily arguments. Usually financial. But then he's been really controlling and jealous. Last night I worked a graveyard shift and went in uniform ( we didn't have to but I didn't know cuz I have never worked that shift) so it's stocking all night and I took off my uniform shirt with my reasons aside, let me tell u I had a black spaghetti strap under a white "wife beater" no bra was showing, no chest nothing but arms . So he shows up w his buddys to c if I wanna "eat" and sees me thru the window and calls me to tell me I look like a slut... A SLUT... Wtf a slit because I have nothing but an undershirt on working .... (with 3 guys and 1 other girl)
I honestly don't c anything wrong with what I was wearing... But I could just b wrong. So I'm asking for others honest opinions please
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Replies

  • chanstriste13
    chanstriste13 Posts: 3,277 Member
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    if your husband is calling you a slut, i would think he has some problems running deeper than your attire. it sounds like he could use some anger management counseling. best of luck to you.
  • quara
    quara Posts: 255 Member
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    Honestly, I had a boyfriend once who did the exact same thing. But looking back, I can see what an *kitten* he was and how controlling he was always trying to be. I don't know anything else about your relationship, but from the way it reminds me of my ex, it makes me shudder and I want to tell you that it's not worth it. Girls wear less than that every day, and you are allowed to wear whatever you're comfortable in, even if you are showing your arms *gasp*!

    I think deep down you know that he's not treating you right. A guy should never try to shame you like that.
  • shanlynt
    shanlynt Posts: 754 Member
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    I'm sorry to hear that, he sounds like a royal d-bag.
  • mrlazy1967
    mrlazy1967 Posts: 285 Member
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    Sounds like you could do better
  • JellyPrz619
    JellyPrz619 Posts: 172
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    This feels like the last straw .. :/
  • _Ben
    _Ben Posts: 1,608 Member
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    Sounds like you need to change some things up, get out of your routine
  • glypta
    glypta Posts: 440 Member
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    Absolutely agree with the above. I had one who constantly accused me of being 'intimate' with my male friends, and on principle I refused to stop seeing them: they're my friends! That was just one of many awful things that actually got worse. I'm still not sure if it's just him being an @rse, me inadvertently 'feeding' it or whatever, but either way I wasn't happy and it was a relief to get shot of him.

    I reckon you know he's not right and you just need the courage/time to do something about it: I should've done it long before I did but my self esteem being what it is, I held off hoping he'd 'see sense'. He never did, but I did :tongue: His language towards you is not ok. How would you feel if your friend's boyfriend spoke to her like that? Not ok. Unless you're a satan-worshipping puppy killer, you deserve way better.
  • maddymama
    maddymama Posts: 1,183 Member
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    Maybe I'm off, but an undershirt at work would have me fired in a minute. It's not professional, even if you are working the graveyard shift.
    I think calling you a slut was very, very, very wrong, but maybe he was attempting to tell you (in a very inefficient manner) that you are not dressed appropriately for work.
  • Carl01
    Carl01 Posts: 9,370 Member
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    The fact that you are posting this means you have already come to a determination about things and would like support.
    There is nothing wrong with that.

    If you think there is a chance then seek counseling for the both of you to see if communication can fix things.
    If he or you are not willing then it sounds like it is over already in your mind and that is very hard to ever move back from.
  • jrrflr
    jrrflr Posts: 109
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    That is a very harsh thing to say to your spouse. Jealousy issues are very tough to handle and can end up being very harmful, both physically and emotionally, if they are not handled peoperly. Good luck to you.
  • Bentley2718
    Bentley2718 Posts: 1,690 Member
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    This feels like the last straw .. :/
    Maybe it is.
  • phlpsfamily01
    phlpsfamily01 Posts: 8 Member
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    He has no respect for you, time to find someone who does.
  • sharonfincher1
    sharonfincher1 Posts: 311 Member
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    If your husband is calling you names like that then ur marriage has bigger problems than what you were wearing that night at work. Respect is an ingredient a marriage cannot be without.
  • quara
    quara Posts: 255 Member
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    Maybe I'm off, but an undershirt at work would have me fired in a minute. It's not professional, even if you are working the graveyard shift.
    I think calling you a slut was very, very, very wrong, but maybe he was attempting to tell you (in a very inefficient manner) that you are not dressed appropriately for work.

    My understanding was that it was a stocking shift, the store was closed to customers at that time, and she was wearing the equivalent of a tank top. I'm pretty sure when we had those shifts we could wear what we liked...
  • jessashcher
    jessashcher Posts: 155
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    I would suggest some counceling, don't throw away your marriage over something that sounds like it can be worked out. If the clothes are in issue when you are not with him, then why not sit down with him and come to an agreement. Maybe try wearing something with short sleeves, tell him you are willing to meet him in the middle but you refuse to be called names. Ask him what his insecurities are they he has to take them out on you. Just remember why you got married in the first place. Hope this helps you. And I wish you the best luck with it. Also if you are a believer in prayer, I highly recommend it.
  • Redapplecandie
    Redapplecandie Posts: 171 Member
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    I Can't comment on your attire, since I don't know what your job is.

    As for hubby, the first time a guy says anything like that to me, he's gone. I have crappy self esteem as it is, I do not need him bringing it lower. I've dumped many "gems" in the past who've treated me like that, and I am the better person for it.

    I encourage you to take a step back, and re-evaluate your relationship, because I for one do not want to see you get hurt.
  • betsymica1
    betsymica1 Posts: 7 Member
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    Honestly, I had a boyfriend once who did the exact same thing. But looking back, I can see what an *kitten* he was and how controlling he was always trying to be. I don't know anything else about your relationship, but from the way it reminds me of my ex, it makes me shudder and I want to tell you that it's not worth it. Girls wear less than that every day, and you are allowed to wear whatever you're comfortable in, even if you are showing your arms *gasp*!

    I think deep down you know that he's not treating you right. A guy should never try to shame you like that.

    Well said. I completely understand the situation ^^ been there myself. I definitely think if you want help, counseling is more of an efficient way to go.
  • sculley
    sculley Posts: 2,012 Member
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    I'm sorry your going through this, I know all to well how it feels. My husband has never called me that word but in the past he has said alot of hurtful things (most of the time alcohol induced) and honestly we came to our last straw not to long ago and I took the kids and stayed at my grandmas. That was my husbands wake up call....And I had asked one of the pastors at our church to go talk to him. It turns out all of the stuff he was saying and doing to me was stemmed from not being content and seeing what he has with his own life and letting things get to him etc etc list goes on... And not to mention I'm wondering if what your husband said is how he felt or what his friends were telling him. That can kill a marriage/relationship as well. Listening to the world.

    The most important thing to remember is that it's not your fault. And I wouldn't listen to comments of people that just say you deserve someone else leave him. Yes you deserve to be treated better by your husband the man you vowed to spend your life with you know :) My advice to you would be to try to talk to him about it and see if he even knows he's doing these things and that they hurt, I agree with a few others that there are underlining issues that lie in him.....(take it from someone whose seen it play out) I pray and hope that you guys can get help and restore your marriage back to a healthy state. My thoughts are with you if you would like to pm me please do.
  • delilah47
    delilah47 Posts: 1,658
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    my advice may seem extreme, but get your ducks in a row and get out. when a person wants to control your actions and how you look by throwing degrading insults, your self-esteem will slowly sink and then you will depend on "his" approval. he will give you his approval just enough to keep you thinking he loves you. in the end you will do something that will set him off and then he will get physical. and on.. and on... you could get counseling, but "he" has issues that have nothing to do with you. he sounds insecure and bullies to cover it up
  • wannabehealthy1980
    wannabehealthy1980 Posts: 55
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    Time to move along - if my wife ever said anything like that to me I'd be done.

    I am better than that, and so are you.

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