Husband isn't supportive
Replies
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We're on the exact same page, and if it were not so, I'd be throwing that stuff out with the trash.
I do not allow certain junk foods in my home.
End of story.
do you live alone?0 -
Let him do his thing and you do yours. Also, he may be concerned or jealous that if you "look" better maybe you won't want him anymore. Alleve him of those fears if that is the case!
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I also don't agree with the "This is what I'm making for dinner- eat it or make your own" as wives, we are called to love our husbands. We should want to take care of them. Men will get resentful of that kind of attitude. Surely there are meals you can make that will please both of you.
Really? Please I love my husband but if he wants to get mad or resentful because I am not making exactly what he wants for dinners there are other issues that are more important to deal with. I am his wife not the hired help.
In no way am I trying to stir the pot or create enemies, but I had said that surely there were meals to be made that both husband and wife could enjoy together. A mentality like that contributes to rising divorce rates.
A mentality like yours results in submissiveness. No thanks.
If I come off as submissive, than I take that as a compliment! I suppose it helps having a husband on board with also wanting to lose weight. Dinner time is easy. We choose meats and vegetables for dinner through out the week and fruits and coffee in the evening time together. Weekend is usually fair game. Whatever he makes, I will eat. If he knows I do not like something (seafood) he will usually cater to that as well. And he will do the same. If I cook something, he may eat it, but he also may make something to go with it. It's done out of love though, not spite. It's never a "well this is what I'm making and if you don't like it, make your own"
I feel we are drifting from the topic of sharing a meal together as husbands and wives and the opinions of how women act in relationships.
You're right that we're drifting a bit, but it is relevant. I don't view it as dangerous to your marriage to tell him to eat what you're making or make his own. I'm not a believer, but If you are of the belief that the husband is the family leader, what happens if he is unwilling to lead? I would see it as him being unwilling to lead the family towards health. We have responsibilities to our children to guide them and help them choose well for themselves. If your husband won't lead in doing this, who will? I would not submit to his needs and take my family down with him. Just because he does it and is the so called "leader of the family" doesn't make it the correct decision. Is that really what he thinks God would want for him and his family? What is wrong with discussion and communication? By being submissive to his dietary preferences, you are not communicating and THAT is what makes marriages unstable. You are also not teaching your children which is fundamental. You are teaching your children gluttony and selfishness.0 -
I also don't agree with the "This is what I'm making for dinner- eat it or make your own" as wives, we are called to love our husbands. We should want to take care of them. Men will get resentful of that kind of attitude. Surely there are meals you can make that will please both of you.
Really? Please I love my husband but if he wants to get mad or resentful because I am not making exactly what he wants for dinners there are other issues that are more important to deal with. I am his wife not the hired help.
In no way am I trying to stir the pot or create enemies, but I had said that surely there were meals to be made that both husband and wife could enjoy together. A mentality like that contributes to rising divorce rates.
A mentality like yours results in submissiveness. No thanks.
If I come off as submissive, than I take that as a compliment! I suppose it helps having a husband on board with also wanting to lose weight. Dinner time is easy. We choose meats and vegetables for dinner through out the week and fruits and coffee in the evening time together. Weekend is usually fair game. Whatever he makes, I will eat. If he knows I do not like something (seafood) he will usually cater to that as well. And he will do the same. If I cook something, he may eat it, but he also may make something to go with it. It's done out of love though, not spite. It's never a "well this is what I'm making and if you don't like it, make your own"
I feel we are drifting from the topic of sharing a meal together as husbands and wives and the opinions of how women act in relationships.
You're right that we're drifting a bit, but it is relevant. I don't view it as dangerous to your marriage to tell him to eat what you're making or make his own. I'm not a believer, but If you are of the belief that the husband is the family leader, what happens if he is unwilling to lead? I would see it as him being unwilling to lead the family towards health. We have responsibilities to our children to guide them and help them choose well for themselves. If your husband won't lead in doing this, who will? I would not submit to his needs and take my family down with him. Just because he does it and is the so called "leader of the family" doesn't make it the correct decision. Is that really what he thinks God would want for him and his family? What is wrong with discussion and communication? By being submissive to his dietary preferences, you are not communicating and THAT is what makes marriages unstable. You are also not teaching your children which is fundamental. You are teaching your children gluttony and selfishness.
Personally, allowing my husband to be the leader- if he chose to make meals that were over the line that would compromise my health and our sons health, I would more than likely "allow him a second portion since he enjoys it" and make something additional for myself and son. It would never be a battle. I would like to think the "teaching your children gluttony and selfishness" was more of a direct saying and not directed at me since I mentioned my husband and I are on the same diet!
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Yes, sorry, it was a general statement, not to you specifically.0
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One word. Bobbit.0
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My husband and I used to run together all the time, we even ran local races together up until about 2 yrs ago. I quit running races but I continued to run on a semi-regular basis. He quit running altogether. I put on 15 pounds in that 2 yrs. and felt like crap. I also let my diet slide. My New Year's resolution was to lose 10-15 lbs, to get back to a regular running schedule and to run some races. I work 3 days a week, 12 hours shifts so I do not run on those days, but I do run the other 4. My husband has been supportive of the diet change, only because he loves to cook and he loves the challenge of making good tasting food with healthy ingredients...however I don't dare mention him running.....causes a fight every time. So I am just gonna keep running, keep racing and hope that he catches the bug again. I do have some junk food in my house because I am not going to dictate his diet. All I can control is my own. If he does choose to cook something for dinner that I don't consider healthy I find alternatives for me. Keep up the good work.0
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He will change in his own time. No man likes to be told what to you, so continue on with your healthy eating, let him know he doesn't have to participate unless he chooses so, and maybe one day he will start following your footstep. Best of luck.0
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My husband is very supportive of me doing it but has no desire to do it for himself. I do the grocery shopping and buy the food for our family of six. I do most of the cooking. I am trying to lead by example. It used to really bother me but I have decided that I will not let this effect our marriage...and as much as I would like to have him join me I will not "nag" him about it. It has to be his decision.
You keep up the good work and focus on you...he will most likely see how it changes you and want to join you. I see little changes in my husband here and there and I keep hoping.
:happy:0 -
My husband is almost the same way, the difference being he says he wants to change his eating habits but turns around and has a deep fried chicken sandwich and fries. I have had boyfirend's in the past that were the same way, my only advice to you, is stay true to what you want and need and might eventually come around when he sees you feeling much better about yourself and life! 0
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Mine is the same way. I am trying to change the way we eat as a family but fight him every step of the way.
My boyfriend is so like this.... I am trying to make healthy choices and most time he wants pasta, pizza, and hots dogs....but he is changing from processed food like egg noodles to whole wheat pasta and hot dogs to turkey dogs. It is so hard to do this when I'm ten steps ahead of him and he taking ten steps back....0 -
My husband and I used to run together all the time, we even ran local races together up until about 2 yrs ago. I quit running races but I continued to run on a semi-regular basis. He quit running altogether. I put on 15 pounds in that 2 yrs. and felt like crap. I also let my diet slide. My New Year's resolution was to lose 10-15 lbs, to get back to a regular running schedule and to run some races. I work 3 days a week, 12 hours shifts so I do not run on those days, but I do run the other 4. My husband has been supportive of the diet change, only because he loves to cook and he loves the challenge of making good tasting food with healthy ingredients...however I don't dare mention him running.....causes a fight every time. So I am just gonna keep running, keep racing and hope that he catches the bug again. I do have some junk food in my house because I am not going to dictate his diet. All I can control is my own. If he does choose to cook something for dinner that I don't consider healthy I find alternatives for me. Keep up the good work.
Great mentality! I hope he joins you again, but until then, keep up the fantastic work!0 -
It comes down to Wanting to do it! I am 53 years old and had a stroke Easter Morning 2011. I waited to long to want to do this. I had to!! But I waited until this year to really see how much I needed to change. Change is a choice and I made it. I want to be energetic and active again. Present it to your husband as a simple life change. An Awareness! I am very happy with the program here at MyFitnessPal.com because every choice is mine! The site just tells me if I am making good choices! Let him choose! Maybe offer him dinner out and pig out for one last time!! Give the site 2 weeks and see! It should be all it takes! Good Luck!
PS - Be very proud of yourself for taking the first step!!0 -
He needs to want it for himself. I had my doctor and a close friend of mine tell me that I needed to lose weight. My doctor basically told me "everything looks good so what can we do about you losing some weight". I basically let him know that he needed to stop talking about it, when I get my mind set then i will know that it is time. 2 months later I finally wrapped my head around it and started my weight loss journey.. Hope this helps in some way.
Greg0 -
This made me super sad for some reason. My boyfriend is the same way. He does go to the gym with me, but he typically nags me when we are there about "are we done yet?" however, I have come to realize, I do not need his permission or his help to do this. I have everyone here. 0
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My husband only eats meat and funyons.....or any other junk food. He will not eat veggies. Jerk.0
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I'm sorry to be so frank but you need to change your definition of "supportive". Most have said "lead by example" and while I agree, your husband's supportive-ness DOES NOT equal him doing exactly what you're doing. Yes, it is difficult to have the food in the house but remember "nothing tastes as good as skinny feels" and that discipline is a muscle, exercise it and it will become stronger.
Do you want to stop the fighting? Stop forcing it on him!!0 -
I had the same problem. Unfortunately, my husband could eat anything he wants and it didn't show...at least on the outside. I know its hard because starting new eating habits IS hard. We all love bad food. Those of us who are emotional eaters or have a few extra pounds have them for a reason. We love to eat and generally we love to eat stuff that makes us heavier. It is the most difficult thing in the world to be good when the one person you live with isn't supportive but I would say to be loving and supportive of him, regardless of his choices. It would be entirely fair to have a chat and promise not to nag him about his lifestyle choices anymore if he would be supportive of you in yours. Promise each other to be respectful of each other. He may never jump on the band wagon but unconditional love may help pull him on in time.0
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One of the main motivators for me to get my health on track is because my husband has some major health issues, and I wanted to set a good example. I still try sometimes to get him to take supplements, smoke less, move more, eat better, but I have learned that nagging doesn't help anything- the best thing I can do is set a positive example. The one and only time he got outwardly angry with me for nagging him about his weight/health, he said, "You know, you could lose some weight, too." I could tell he regretted saying it, but he was also correct. I was 50 pounds overweight at the time, and clinically obese. The best thing I can do is turn that around, and hope that the example I set will be the catalyst for positive change in the whole family. My 12 year old son already has shown lot of interest in what I am doing, and wants to work out with me. The community center where I work out doesn't let kids in the fitness room under 14, and the "designer gym" is too expensive, so I just got home from shopping for a set of heavier weights than my 5 pounders, for me to use, AND my kid. Just focus on your personal goals, and remember that you are there to set the example. Don't nag him, just keep working at it.
My sense is, already (after a 10 pound loss) that if I keep going at this rate, my husband will appreciate the effort (and the new body!) and want to get in shape for me, too 0 -
Last year, my husband started eating better and did P90X. He went on this huge journey that I wasn't ready for myself and I didn't want to do. I supported him and encouraged him through his journey. I just didn't want to do it for myself. I saw myself differently then what everyone else saw. I thought I looked fine and I didn't need to change. Eventually, I saw how much he had bettered himself and I started to see how unhealthy I was. He let me be and let me come to my own decisions which eventually I did. Now its my turn to take the journey and I couldn't be happier.0
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Hey everyone. Hate to start out with such a bummer topic, but this has been bothering me for awhile and am hoping to get some advice, or at least know I am not alone.
In my attempt at getting in shape, and trying to eat better and healthier, so far I am doing pretty well. However, my husband is a little less enthusiastic about my efforts and is not at all concerned about his health or his diet. Anytime I mention we should eat better, or he should go walking or running with me it always turns into a fight.
Grocery shopping is also a fight. As I'm loading up the cart with fresh fruit and veggies, meats etc, he is loading it with chips, hamburger helper, mac and cheese..well you get my point.
I'm tired of fighting with him, but it kills me to see him not care at all about his health or appearance. HELP!
It's possible he's afraid that if you look and feel better you won't need or want him anymore. If other men start really looking at you, you might to decide to trade him in on a better-looking and healthier model. Just bear with. If he sees you looking and feeling better and NOT leaving, he'll have a reason to look and feel better himself, because he's so special that a svelte and healthy woman chose him!0 -
I'm sorry to be so frank but you need to change your definition of "supportive". Most have said "lead by example" and while I agree, your husband's supportive-ness DOES NOT equal him doing exactly what you're doing. Yes, it is difficult to have the food in the house but remember "nothing tastes as good as skinny feels" and that discipline is a muscle, exercise it and it will become stronger.
Do you want to stop the fighting? Stop forcing it on him!!
I'm with you except <snark> Ben and Jerry's Chunky Monkey absolutely does taste as good as skinny feels.</snark>0 -
my husband is the same. so generally i feed me and my daughter and let him fed for himself. if he wants to eat chips, i dont care. hes like a stick, he can eat as much rubbish as he wants and not gain a pound!Hey everyone. Hate to start out with such a bummer topic, but this has been bothering me for awhile and am hoping to get some advice, or at least know I am not alone.
In my attempt at getting in shape, and trying to eat better and healthier, so far I am doing pretty well. However, my husband is a little less enthusiastic about my efforts and is not at all concerned about his health or his diet. Anytime I mention we should eat better, or he should go walking or running with me it always turns into a fight.
Grocery shopping is also a fight. As I'm loading up the cart with fresh fruit and veggies, meats etc, he is loading it with chips, hamburger helper, mac and cheese..well you get my point.
I'm tired of fighting with him, but it kills me to see him not care at all about his health or appearance. HELP!0 -
I can imagine how you feel, its not just because he won't change his lifestyle and eating habits it willbe making you feel like he doesn't wanna do anything with u ie go for a walk together. My advice would be if u love him dearly you will just have to accept it nd look past it really. just make your own choices and do what you wanna do0
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my wife is the same way around here..........so it goes both ways...............
I make salads, she takes kids to mcdonalds............0 -
Wow.. I didn't think this would turn into such a heated topic.
None of us want to change our husbands, wives, mothers, kids, whoever, we just want them to lead happy healthy lives. It in no way means I am "bullying" him into eating healthy or exercising, it is HIS choice. When I say that he's not being supportive, it's not because he won't jump on board with me, but it's not easy to lead a healthy lifestyle, when someone is always complaining about what foods I make for dinner, or having to turn off the PS3 so I can do p90X.
That is what I was meaning, just to clarify
I do appreciate all of the feedback and advice..negative or not 0 -
Who does the cooking?? if it is you then he will eat what you make (at least thats how it is in my house) if your husband wants something that is not the best choice, make that for him and make your own seperate.At least that way you won't fight so much.. good luck and keep up the good work.0
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@ ThePinkPachyderm - this is so true! You summed it up very well.The fact is, most humans are stubborn, and dislike change. Eating poorly and not working out is significantly more enjoyable than eating clean foods and spending your free time exercising. So unless someone truly wants to make those lifestyle changes for themselves, then there is really nothing you can do to sway them. 0 -
Dump him.0
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Honestly I'm going through the same thing. We recently moved in with my dad to help care for my Grandmother, so I have 4 people that don't really care one way or the other what they put in their body really. But I've just decided that I've got too much with taking care of my grandmother, trying (and mostly failing) at keeping the house in semi-organized chaos, and working on my school work to make two different meals for me & them. I've pretty much decided to tell them that if they don't like what I'm making they can make their own food lol.0
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