Getting hit on now I have lost weight, awkward

karenjoy
karenjoy Posts: 1,840 Member
edited November 10 in Chit-Chat
OK, I am married, very happily and fairly recently. I am 45, I have three grown up children, one is getting married in two weeks and I am to be a Grandmother in 10 weeks time. I have lost weight, I am pleased with that. I have one issue...

I think I have started to get 'hit on' by men. I didn't really notice it at first, but this week it has really brought home to me the difference losing the weight has made.

I work in child health and part of my job means i go into schools to screen children for things that might interfere with their learning, ie hearing, vision, fine motor skills etc. I have been in one school for a period of three days this week, and I have found that I have had attention from two different men. First time a male staff member said to me 'Hello lovely' and then later 'Nice coat' and I thought that he was just being friendly, then later I was testing a child who needed to use the toilet part way through so I was standing outside the toilet waiting for him, when this guy walked past and said to me 'you could get in trouble standing like that'...but it was how he SAID it....then the next day as we arrived, (I work with a Staff Nurse, Ju ) the Headmaster was driving up and waved at us in a friendly way, then Ju said to me 'He likes you, he never waves at me' and as we arrived in the school building the head was already inside and stood watching us sign in as he was putting on his tie, then Ju said he just stood watching me walk up the corridor..I did not see this and thought she was winding me up. Then today the head actually came up BEHIND me, put both hands on my hips from behind and spoke to me over my shoulder saying 'oo I though you were one of the children, I was just wondering who that tall young lady was and realised it was you'....Ju was almost having kittens and kept going on about it all the rest of the day/
My question is - how do I handle this, or do you thing I am imagining it? Am I over reacting and should I just carry on smiling and being pleasant. I am not sure what to do, I need to work in this School from time to time.
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Replies

  • chelefierce
    chelefierce Posts: 36
    Well ... first you need to tell him that you are happily married and that HE could get in trouble for touching you or making lewd comments.. I think that would make me feel uncomfortable..

    It's amazing how you get hit on AFTER you lose weight.. and unfortunately I've had that problem.. If it's somebody who has known me at my worst, then I tell them they can f*** off, because if I wasn't good for them then I am not good for them now!
  • Mel1509
    Mel1509 Posts: 166 Member
    I think giving you a compliment 'nice coat' is acceptable! However, physically touching you, especially in your work environment is a huge NO! It does put you in a very awkward position... sorry I have no real suggestions :(
  • Mel1509
    Mel1509 Posts: 166 Member
    If it's somebody who has known me at my worst, then I tell them they can f*** off, because if I wasn't good for them then I am not good for them now!

    Love this! Good for you!! :)
  • ahinescapron
    ahinescapron Posts: 351 Member
    The compliments are one thing, but touching you is another. This guy is WAY over the line. If he does this again, I would report him to your superior. If he feels that is appropriate behavior, something is seriously wrong and I would be concerned about the safety of other women he is coming into contact with. What grade level is the school you are working in? Does this guy have contact with teen or preteen girls?
  • karenjoy
    karenjoy Posts: 1,840 Member
    Primary School. I honestly don't think he is a threat to young girls, and until today I always thought he was a very pleasant man, so this is why I am unsure how to handle the situation.
  • AmandaBroun
    AmandaBroun Posts: 126
    Then today the head actually came up BEHIND me, put both hands on my hips from behind and spoke to me over my shoulder saying 'oo I though you were one of the children, I was just wondering who that tall young lady was and realised it was you'....Ju was almost having kittens and kept going on about it all the rest of the day/

    NO. This is completely inappropriate, and for him to say "oopsie, I thought I was groping a student!" is just beyond creepy.

    I'd draw a very clear, cold line in the sand with this guy.
  • DaveJ_43
    DaveJ_43 Posts: 139 Member
    Hi Karen.

    I'm sorry this is going on. There is a lot of inappropriate behavior here. The behavior falls within the definition of sexual harassment in the workplace, under US law. The intent of the actor is irrelevant - the key is how the victim feels about the unwanted comments and touching. I advise you talk to a manager about the behavior. Another option is speak to the "gentlemen" directly and tell them you are not comfortable with their comments/touching. Just remember - their intent is irrelevant - its how you feel about the conduct.

    Another possible option: have Bill meet you for lunch one day and have him send a subtle message to the culprits that you are happily married and he's within his rights to bloody noses if someone harasses his wife.

    Good luck! Have a great weekend!

    Dave
  • bms34b
    bms34b Posts: 401 Member
    Unfortunately some people just don't understand what's appropriate. If I were you, I would talk to him personally and tell him that he's acting inappropriately whether it's intentional or not and you feel uncomfortable; efforts need to be made to ensure a more professional workplace. So just call him out.
  • onedayillbamilf
    onedayillbamilf Posts: 662 Member
    Whoa! He definitely crossed the line....and he said he was wondering "who that tall young lady is"? So he thought it was a child (I know he didn't, I'm just sayin)? No matter how you put it, that's disturbing.
  • Dayna154
    Dayna154 Posts: 910 Member
    Getting the same thing, I enjoy the postive feedback and make the most of it. The creepy guy touching you at the school is wrong!! I agree with previous posters.. Make it clear no touching!!
  • granolagrl85
    granolagrl85 Posts: 135
    Hi Karen.

    I'm sorry this is going on. There is a lot of inappropriate behavior here. The behavior falls within the definition of sexual harassment in the workplace, under US law. The intent of the actor is irrelevant - the key is how the victim feels about the unwanted comments and touching. I advise you talk to a manager about the behavior. Another option is speak to the "gentlemen" directly and tell them you are not comfortable with their comments/touching. Just remember - their intent is irrelevant - its how you feel about the conduct.

    Another possible option: have Bill meet you for lunch one day and have him send a subtle message to the culprits that you are happily married and he's within his rights to bloody noses if someone harasses his wife.

    Good luck! Have a great weekend!

    Dave

    It is only sexual harrassment after she has made it clear she does not want the attention.
  • bcampbell54
    bcampbell54 Posts: 932 Member
    Enjoy the compliments, and bring up the harasser on charges.
  • yesthistime
    yesthistime Posts: 2,051 Member
    Then today the head actually came up BEHIND me, put both hands on my hips from behind and spoke to me over my shoulder saying 'oo I though you were one of the children, I was just wondering who that tall young lady was and realised it was you'....

    What the Heaven?! :noway:
  • lbigham1
    lbigham1 Posts: 132
    Hi Karen.

    I'm sorry this is going on. There is a lot of inappropriate behavior here. The behavior falls within the definition of sexual harassment in the workplace, under US law. The intent of the actor is irrelevant - the key is how the victim feels about the unwanted comments and touching. I advise you talk to a manager about the behavior. Another option is speak to the "gentlemen" directly and tell them you are not comfortable with their comments/touching. Just remember - their intent is irrelevant - its how you feel about the conduct.

    Another possible option: have Bill meet you for lunch one day and have him send a subtle message to the culprits that you are happily married and he's within his rights to bloody noses if someone harasses his wife.

    Good luck! Have a great weekend!

    Dave

    It is only sexual harrassment after she has made it clear she does not want the attention.

    I totally agree with this. Let him know verbally that his advancements are unwanted.
  • WifeNMama
    WifeNMama Posts: 2,876 Member
    Ask him pointedly whether the school has a zero tolerance sexual harassment policy.
  • bcampbell54
    bcampbell54 Posts: 932 Member
    Hi Karen.

    I'm sorry this is going on. There is a lot of inappropriate behavior here. The behavior falls within the definition of sexual harassment in the workplace, under US law. The intent of the actor is irrelevant - the key is how the victim feels about the unwanted comments and touching. I advise you talk to a manager about the behavior. Another option is speak to the "gentlemen" directly and tell them you are not comfortable with their comments/touching. Just remember - their intent is irrelevant - its how you feel about the conduct.

    Another possible option: have Bill meet you for lunch one day and have him send a subtle message to the culprits that you are happily married and he's within his rights to bloody noses if someone harasses his wife.

    Good luck! Have a great weekend!

    Dave

    It is only sexual harrassment after she has made it clear she does not want the attention.
    Nope. Not where I live and work. It's the physical component that makes it an offense.
  • XXXMinnieXXX
    XXXMinnieXXX Posts: 3,459 Member
    I thought it was all fine, until you got to the end part. I'd have a word with him if you feel you can, if not go to someone else that will. X
  • tulip07
    tulip07 Posts: 167 Member
    I would say if you think he is usually a nice man, give him the benefit of doubt. Enjoy it as (an awkward) compliment for now.

    But next time it happens, you can tell him blatantly that you don't like it or you can tell him in a joking tone "hey you know I am happily married right?" or something along those lines.
  • DaveJ_43
    DaveJ_43 Posts: 139 Member
    Not true! I teach a seminar on this area of law at my workplace.
  • DaveJ_43
    DaveJ_43 Posts: 139 Member
    Hi Karen.

    I'm sorry this is going on. There is a lot of inappropriate behavior here. The behavior falls within the definition of sexual harassment in the workplace, under US law. The intent of the actor is irrelevant - the key is how the victim feels about the unwanted comments and touching. I advise you talk to a manager about the behavior. Another option is speak to the "gentlemen" directly and tell them you are not comfortable with their comments/touching. Just remember - their intent is irrelevant - its how you feel about the conduct.

    Another possible option: have Bill meet you for lunch one day and have him send a subtle message to the culprits that you are happily married and he's within his rights to bloody noses if someone harasses his wife.

    Good luck! Have a great weekend!

    Dave

    It is only sexual harrassment after she has made it clear she does not want the attention.
    Not true! I teach a seminar on this area of law at my workplace.
  • lisaslim1976
    lisaslim1976 Posts: 145
    What you havn't said is how did it make you feel???
  • lisaslim1976
    lisaslim1976 Posts: 145
    Dave j 43 we are talking England (UK) here...sorry x
  • onedayillbamilf
    onedayillbamilf Posts: 662 Member
    What you havn't said is how did it make you feel???

    Going by the title of this thread, my guess would be "awkward"
  • lisaslim1976
    lisaslim1976 Posts: 145
    ive been in a "awkward" position...but loved it!
  • memcd911
    memcd911 Posts: 230 Member
    It's amazing how you get hit on AFTER you lose weight.. and unfortunately I've had that problem.. If it's somebody who has known me at my worst, then I tell them they can f*** off, because if I wasn't good for them then I am not good for them now!

    This. Times 412.
  • maidentl
    maidentl Posts: 3,203 Member
    Well, I think you should give into him and have an affair. Your husband will find out and divorce you, you will get depresed and get fat again then no more guys will hit on you...job done !!! Of course you could ignore the flirting and enjoy the fact that others are interested but can't have....I know which option I would go for......

    Right. Because these are the only two options. *eyeroll*
  • karenjoy
    karenjoy Posts: 1,840 Member
    its made me feel awkward, not horrible, but awkward, I don't want to feel uncomfortable, or give off the wrong signals, I don't want to be unfriendly, I do want to feel that I can be myself and not be embarrassed, I don't want to offend anyone by reading things wrongly, I don't want to cause trouble or make things difficult for anyone, including me.

    I like my job, I think that I will take the advice on board, and if he touches me again, or says anything inappropriate to me, I will make it clear that I am not interested, and then if it carries on I will take if further,

    I do not work with this man, I just go to the place he works in from time to time.

    Thank you all.
  • onedayillbamilf
    onedayillbamilf Posts: 662 Member
    Well, I think you should give into him and have an affair. Your husband will find out and divorce you, you will get depresed and get fat again then no more guys will hit on you...job done !!! Of course you could ignore the flirting and enjoy the fact that others are interested but can't have....I know which option I would go for......

    You only read the title and first sentence, didn't you?
  • Contrarian
    Contrarian Posts: 8,138 Member
    This is to be expected.
    Being fit is attractive while fat is NOT.

    Welcome to the human race.

    I don't think people have to expect that others will come up behind them, uninvited, and touch them.
  • summergirl73
    summergirl73 Posts: 70 Member
    There are lots of pervy guys out there I would tell him to bugger off, Your married and not interested. If he continues to be a problem report him!!! what if it was a student?? I have had this happen and it is really uncomfortable.
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