Getting hit on now I have lost weight, awkward
Replies
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Hi Karen.
I'm sorry this is going on. There is a lot of inappropriate behavior here. The behavior falls within the definition of sexual harassment in the workplace, under US law. The intent of the actor is irrelevant - the key is how the victim feels about the unwanted comments and touching. I advise you talk to a manager about the behavior. Another option is speak to the "gentlemen" directly and tell them you are not comfortable with their comments/touching. Just remember - their intent is irrelevant - its how you feel about the conduct.
Another possible option: have Bill meet you for lunch one day and have him send a subtle message to the culprits that you are happily married and he's within his rights to bloody noses if someone harasses his wife.
Good luck! Have a great weekend!
Dave
^This is wonderful^
Don't put up with this guys crap. If he makes you feel questionable then it's not okay. I had someone treat me similar on Facebook. Not touching of course but just weird comments that made me feel really unhappy. I told my husband that the guy wasn't technically flirting or crossing a line but it just made me feel weird. He said, "Does any of your other guy friends on Facebook make you feel that way?" I told him no. He said "Then you are not just imagining it." I deleted the guy & haven't spoken to him since. I was really uncomfortable & as the poster I quoted said - it's how YOU feel about it. If it makes you feel bad or weird then it's not good.0 -
Kind of creepy! Can't believe he actually put his hands on you. How would he have explained that if it was a student! I don't think I would have any problem telling him to keep his hands to himself if he wants to keep them.0
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The compliments are one thing, but touching you is another. This guy is WAY over the line. If he does this again, I would report him to your superior. If he feels that is appropriate behavior, something is seriously wrong and I would be concerned about the safety of other women he is coming into contact with. What grade level is the school you are working in? Does this guy have contact with teen or preteen girls?
Right, i wouldnt wait for him to do it again, id just report him now. Cant have things like that going on in a school.0 -
Tell him you'll make a scene and watch how fast he backs off. They like to do these things in secret, you threaten that, and he runs with his tail between his legs. But really, you HAVE to tell someone, I'd bet you aren't the first he has done that to.0
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Ask him pointedly whether the school has a zero tolerance sexual harassment policy.
Love this! What a "casual" way to get your point across!
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As a school administrator, I would want to be told if one of my teachers or deans behaved this way. Compliments are one thing but no touching and joking that he thought it was a students is just unacceptable.0
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Obviously he didn't think you were one of the children, but if he did, and walked up to a child and put his hands on her hips and whispered in her ear, I would call him a PERV!!!
Now... As an HR Professional, what he is doing is Sexual Harrassment, and I would politely tell him that his attention is creating an Uncomfortable work environment, and I would seriously consider reporting it to HR.
Good Luck0 -
Whoa, if somebody 'unauthorised' touched my hips from behind, they'd definitely end up with an elbow in their stomach. thankyouverymuch.
But flirting and compliments are fun, especially when everybody knows it's not meant to lead anywhere.0 -
Dave j 43 we are talking England (UK) here...sorry x
That is most certainly sexual harrassment in the England I live in.
If I put my hands on a woman at work like that I would be bang in trouble.0 -
Hi Karen.
I'm sorry this is going on. There is a lot of inappropriate behavior here. The behavior falls within the definition of sexual harassment in the workplace, under US law. The intent of the actor is irrelevant - the key is how the victim feels about the unwanted comments and touching. I advise you talk to a manager about the behavior. Another option is speak to the "gentlemen" directly and tell them you are not comfortable with their comments/touching. Just remember - their intent is irrelevant - its how you feel about the conduct.
Another possible option: have Bill meet you for lunch one day and have him send a subtle message to the culprits that you are happily married and he's within his rights to bloody noses if someone harasses his wife.
Good luck! Have a great weekend!
Dave
I don't know anything about US law, but I agree with the above poster that you should let this man know that unwanted touching is NOT alright with you.
Guys who compliment/comment are usually just trying to show their appreciation and maybe testing the waters of how receptive you are. A business-like "Thank you" is all that's required and it usually ends with that. The fact that this guy went straight to touching, however, is more than a little creepy. I don't think he's the type to get subtle hints.Ask him pointedly whether the school has a zero tolerance sexual harassment policy.
^^This is a good start!
Good luck!0 -
its made me feel awkward, not horrible, but awkward, I don't want to feel uncomfortable, or give off the wrong signals, I don't want to be unfriendly, I do want to feel that I can be myself and not be embarrassed, I don't want to offend anyone by reading things wrongly, I don't want to cause trouble or make things difficult for anyone, including me.
I like my job, I think that I will take the advice on board, and if he touches me again, or says anything inappropriate to me, I will make it clear that I am not interested, and then if it carries on I will take if further,
I do not work with this man, I just go to the place he works in from time to time.
Thank you all.
He's going to do it again because -- and don't take offense, hear me out -- you allowed him to for those few short seconds....... you may have been frozen with that "uncomfortableness". He WILL try it again. He's seeing how far he can go...A true deviant. And I don't mean that it was your fault. yuck, some guys are creepy.0 -
He thought you were one of the kids and touched you like that????? What a creep.0
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That is beyond hitting on. He put his hands on you. That's harrassment.
ETA: How do you handle it? You speak to whomever his superior would be. For us, we have a "school board" who he would answer to. Not sure who it would be in this situation. It's an airtight case, because you say Ju witnessed everything.0 -
Expected? Why? Do you usually sexually harrass women at work when they appear attractive?This is to be expected.
Being fit is attractive while fat is NOT.
Welcome to the human race.0 -
Then today the head actually came up BEHIND me, put both hands on my hips from behind and spoke to me over my shoulder saying 'oo I though you were one of the children
That's quite worrying!0 -
Im curious if you ever come back to a thread after posting to see the general consensus that everything you say makes you look like a *kitten*? Its a theme I have noticed over and over again.This is to be expected.
Being fit is attractive while fat is NOT.
Welcome to the human race.0 -
This is to be expected.
Being fit is attractive while fat is NOT.
Welcome to the human race.
I don't think people have to expect that others will come up behind them, uninvited, and touch them.
Agreed!!!
Losing weight does not mean a person has now all of a sudden become open to pervy people touching them inappropriately and then proceeding to tell them that he thought I was a kid!!! It's to be expected? You've gotta be kidding me....0 -
ive been in a "awkward" position...but loved it!
Touche0 -
I had the same issue when I started to lose weight and went to college. These boys are pigs... I have to constantly mention my boyfriend so they stop bugging me... sometimes they make me feel uncomfortable (if a man touched me I'd definitely wouldn't like it if it wasn't my boyfriend) so luckily... that hasn't happened just compliments and people wanting to get my number. It is just so foreign because I use to never get hit on... and barely anyone had a crush on me before I lost weight. Just goes t o show how shallow some people are and don't look past exterior beauty. That why I love my boyfriend
he loved me when I was fat :P 0 -
This is to be expected.
Being fit is attractive while fat is NOT.
Welcome to the human race.
I don't think people have to expect that others will come up behind them, uninvited, and touch them.
Agreed!!!
Losing weight does not mean a person has now all of a sudden become open to pervy people touching them inappropriately and then proceeding to tell them that he thought I was a kid!!! It's to be expected? You've gotta be kidding me....
I'm thinking whoever said this just skimmed and didn't read the entire post.
ETA: Now I see who said this. Nevermind.0 -
Well ... first you need to tell him that you are happily married and that HE could get in trouble for touching you or making lewd comments.. I think that would make me feel uncomfortable..
It's amazing how you get hit on AFTER you lose weight.. and unfortunately I've had that problem.. If it's somebody who has known me at my worst, then I tell them they can f*** off, because if I wasn't good for them then I am not good for them now!
I completely agree with this. I had the same thing happened when I lost weight. When I went out to the same places that I had always went, guys who had never gave me the time of day were suddenly offering to buy me drinks and it actually just pissed me off. If I am not good enough for someone because I am a "big girl" then I don't want anything to do when them when I am looking good! They don't deserve me!!
I am also very clear with people when they make lewd comments that it is rude and demeaning. There are ways to pay compliments without being crude about it!!0 -
Wrong. Touching someone you work with in an unwanted fashion is ABSOLUTELY sexual harrassment. Has nothing to do with employment decisions....just like hanging up sexy pictures of women in your office is also sexual harrassment. Perhaps sexual harrassment panda should give you a talking to.Let him know politely you consider it inappropriate. While one incident of sufficient severity can constitute sexual harassment-- yours does not fit the bill, even with the touching- as he has not suggested you need to engage in any sexual behavior as a term and condition of employment, your submission/rejection of such conduct has not been used as the basis of an employment decision, and the one incident is insufficient as a matter of law to have reasonably interefered with your work environment to the extent necessary to establish a hostile work environment.
Good luck!
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Im curious if you ever come back to a thread after posting to see the general consensus that everything you say makes you look like a *kitten*? Its a theme I have noticed over and over again.This is to be expected.
Being fit is attractive while fat is NOT.
Welcome to the human race.
Haha, me too, what a douche-canoe...0 -
This is to be expected.
Being fit is attractive while fat is NOT.
Welcome to the human race.
And some people think that just because they got fit that they are attractive.....but really they're even more unattractive than they were when they were fat!!!
Welcome to the unshallow side of the human race.0 -
Don't let anyone touch you, man or woman. People who touch me quickly learn to stay out of my personal bubble. Establish and enforce your own personal physiological "area". A simple "enough of that" should be polite enough to anyone to get the picture, if they continue, take it up with your manager (or their manager) and so on.
Many people who've lost weight will be surprised by the amount of sexual oriented behavior that people find acceptable. We've (former fat kids) just never experienced it.0 -
Gotta admit, if I were to get hit on I'd politely tell them I'm married while secretly revealing in the compliment.
However the touching is inappropriate and that's beyond being hit on and just plain wrong. Either tell him no or go to someone who will ensure it stops. A flirty smile or compliment is one thing, what he's doing is NOT cool!0 -
This is to be expected.
Being fit is attractive while fat is NOT.
Welcome to the human race.
And some people think that just because they got fit that they are attractive.....but really they're even more unattractive than they were when they were fat!!!
Welcome to the unshallow side of the human race.
heh heh heh.0 -
This is to be expected.
Being fit is attractive while fat is NOT.
Welcome to the human race.
So, by getting fit are we, "asking for it?"
He put his hands on her, that is NEVER to be expected. No matter what.0 -
It's amazing how you get hit on AFTER you lose weight.. and unfortunately I've had that problem.. If it's somebody who has known me at my worst, then I tell them they can f*** off, because if I wasn't good for them then I am not good for them now!
I've always HATED the Marilyn Monroe quote (and derivatives of) "If you can't handle me at my worst, then you don't deserve me at my best."0 -
This is to be expected.
Being fit is attractive while fat is NOT.
Welcome to the human race.
And some people think that just because they got fit that they are attractive.....but really they're even more unattractive than they were when they were fat!!!
Welcome to the unshallow side of the human race.
Hey! I think I love you.0
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