Getting hit on now I have lost weight, awkward

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Replies

  • MaximalLife
    MaximalLife Posts: 2,447 Member
    That's not getting hit on, that's sexual harassment. Tell them that you are happily married and not interested, and that you do not appreciate inappropriate behavior. Also, write down the date and approximate time of the incidents, in case you need to make a formal complaint.
    ^^^^^^^
    THIS

    Again, a no brainer.
  • Contrarian
    Contrarian Posts: 8,138 Member
    This is to be expected.
    Being fit is attractive while fat is NOT.

    Welcome to the human race.

    Actually I must correct you on that. In many other cultures "fat" is considered healthy and attractive. I myself, prefer being thin and fit -- but it's not necessarily the view of the whole human race.
    Name the region with such standards; let the migration begin! :drinker:

    There are several African nations who see being heavy as a sign of wealth, which in turn denotes attractiveness. Also, in many South Pacific countries, heavy people, both male and female, are considered desirable.
  • MaximalLife
    MaximalLife Posts: 2,447 Member
    This is to be expected.
    Being fit is attractive while fat is NOT.

    Welcome to the human race.

    I don't think people have to expect that others will come up behind them, uninvited, and touch them.
    No, but the general notion of beauty bringing out the best and worse in people is just a reality.

    Set boundaries - even if that means a slap to the face or worse. When it was my wife, I ruined the guy.
    Welcome to my human race - :smile:

    If that is what you meant to express, you didn't do it very well. You made it sound like just because a woman is attractive, she should have to contend with unwanted touching and people being inappropriate. I wholeheartedly disagree with that.
    No, but expect it, and be ready to deal with it.
    Come folks!
    BUCK UP!
    Am I the only person who knows how to handle bad people?
    I think NOT!
  • CaWaterBug8
    CaWaterBug8 Posts: 1,040 Member
    That's not getting hit on, that's sexual harassment. Tell them that you are happily married and not interested, and that you do not appreciate inappropriate behavior. Also, write down the date and approximate time of the incidents, in case you need to make a formal complaint.

    This.
  • CaWaterBug8
    CaWaterBug8 Posts: 1,040 Member
    This is to be expected.
    Being fit is attractive while fat is NOT.

    Welcome to the human race.

    I don't think people have to expect that others will come up behind them, uninvited, and touch them.
    No, but the general notion of beauty bringing out the best and worse in people is just a reality.

    Set boundaries - even if that means a slap to the face or worse. When it was my wife, I ruined the guy.
    Welcome to my human race - :smile:

    If that is what you meant to express, you didn't do it very well. You made it sound like just because a woman is attractive, she should have to contend with unwanted touching and people being inappropriate. I wholeheartedly disagree with that.
    No, but expect it, and be ready to deal with it.
    Come folks!
    BUCK UP!
    Am I the only person who knows how to handle bad people?
    I think NOT!

    I understand what you are saying, but you do not seem to communicate your arguments in the most effective ways.
  • MaximalLife
    MaximalLife Posts: 2,447 Member
    This is to be expected.
    Being fit is attractive while fat is NOT.

    Welcome to the human race.

    Actually I must correct you on that. In many other cultures "fat" is considered healthy and attractive. I myself, prefer being thin and fit -- but it's not necessarily the view of the whole human race.
    Name the region with such standards; let the migration begin! :drinker:

    There are several African nations who see being heavy as a sign of wealth, which in turn denotes attractiveness. Also, in many South Pacific countries, heavy people, both male and female, are considered desirable.
    Sounds like Branson Missouri... :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • lmalaschak
    lmalaschak Posts: 346 Member
    Ask him pointedly whether the school has a zero tolerance sexual harassment policy.

    Good idea!
  • EmCarroll1990
    EmCarroll1990 Posts: 2,832 Member
    I was just skimming through the posts and read this as " Getting it on, now that I've lost weight, awkward."
  • habsfan802
    habsfan802 Posts: 61 Member
    I guess I have not hit the awkward part where I am getting hit on ... something to look forward too I guess :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • tomomatic
    tomomatic Posts: 1,794 Member
    This isn't getting hit on. This is sexual harassment. If you go by the book, all cases like this should be reported to management immediately. If a manager hears about something like this and does not bring it to the attention of HR, that manager is liable and puts the organization at risk of being sued for harassment.

    If you're not gonna go by the book, kick his *kitten* the next time he puts his hands on you.
  • _SusieQ_
    _SusieQ_ Posts: 2,964 Member
    I was just skimming through the posts and read this as " Getting it on, now that I've lost weight, awkward."

    *snicker* Now that's all I see too.
  • zenJes
    zenJes Posts: 198 Member
    yeh touching is never acceptable.. unless you work in a dementia home. . n then it more depends on the sort of touching lol sorry - ive noticed the same thing except i seem to have alot of people yelling at me out of cars when im walking to the gym or going for a run - i really dont get it cus well ive never had it before on this scale.. like almost every other day and ok its not bad stuff they are yelling but i dunno it makes me really self conscious!!
  • Boshnivay
    Boshnivay Posts: 74 Member
    First of all, he is NOT being professional, so i would embarrass him a little by pointing that out to him. Second, you might have to "get used" to getting hit on or checked out (you can simply slip into the conversation something about you and your husband did some past weekend), but when someone takes it too far physically just tell them that you're married so that is inappropriate. the guy might be embarrassed so he will probably say that you "need to chill out" and that you are "overreacting" but you're not- that's just his way of manipulating you to make you feel bad about saying something but you shouldn't.
  • 8Spokes
    8Spokes Posts: 35
    Hi Karen.

    I'm sorry this is going on. There is a lot of inappropriate behavior here. The behavior falls within the definition of sexual harassment in the workplace, under US law. The intent of the actor is irrelevant - the key is how the victim feels about the unwanted comments and touching. I advise you talk to a manager about the behavior. Another option is speak to the "gentlemen" directly and tell them you are not comfortable with their comments/touching. Just remember - their intent is irrelevant - its how you feel about the conduct.

    Another possible option: have Bill meet you for lunch one day and have him send a subtle message to the culprits that you are happily married and he's within his rights to bloody noses if someone harasses his wife.

    Good luck! Have a great weekend!

    Dave

    It is only sexual harrassment after she has made it clear she does not want the attention.

    I do not agree with the last statement in the quote above.

    Communication in the workplace should be professional. If this were to happen to me as an enlisted service member, it would be a clear cut case of sexual harrassment. The comments are bad, but touching someone in that manner is unprofessional and inappropriate anyway you slice it.

    Tomomatic and Dave hit the nail on the head...but if you don't want to go the official route, you may want to make yourself VERY clear to these men that you're married, not interested and that you will escalate the matter to management if they don't knock it off immediately. Otherwise, their behavior is likely to continue.
  • natika33
    natika33 Posts: 154 Member
    This is to be expected.
    Being fit is attractive while fat is NOT.

    Welcome to the human race.

    Actually I must correct you on that. In many other cultures "fat" is considered healthy and attractive. I myself, prefer being thin and fit -- but it's not necessarily the view of the whole human race.
    Name the region with such standards; let the migration begin! :drinker:


    Well, Mauritania is famous for preferring large females. Googling for all of 5 seconds turned up these resources as well.

    http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/3429903.stm
    http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/3304161.stm)
    http://www.findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m1355/is_22_101/ai_87210857
    http://www.healthandage.com/Home/gm=20!gid2=2544
  • luvinmytwins
    luvinmytwins Posts: 12
    Then today the head actually came up BEHIND me, put both hands on my hips from behind and spoke to me over my shoulder saying 'oo I though you were one of the children, I was just wondering who that tall young lady was and realised it was you'

    This is not only sexual harassment but he sounds like he would/could be a child predator. Not only do you deserve to be treated better, but I believe it is your responsibility to protect the children at that school. I am very disturbed by his comment. You need to report him!!!!!!!
  • jodycoady
    jodycoady Posts: 598 Member
    This is to be expected.
    Being fit is attractive while fat is NOT.

    Welcome to the human race.

    Actually I must correct you on that. In many other cultures "fat" is considered healthy and attractive. I myself, prefer being thin and fit -- but it's not necessarily the view of the whole human race.
    Name the region with such standards; let the migration begin! :drinker:

    There are several African nations who see being heavy as a sign of wealth, which in turn denotes attractiveness. Also, in many South Pacific countries, heavy people, both male and female, are considered desirable.

    See? What this person said....thanks :)
  • jodycoady
    jodycoady Posts: 598 Member
    This is to be expected.
    Being fit is attractive while fat is NOT.

    Welcome to the human race.

    Actually I must correct you on that. In many other cultures "fat" is considered healthy and attractive. I myself, prefer being thin and fit -- but it's not necessarily the view of the whole human race.
    Name the region with such standards; let the migration begin! :drinker:

    There are several African nations who see being heavy as a sign of wealth, which in turn denotes attractiveness. Also, in many South Pacific countries, heavy people, both male and female, are considered desirable.

    See? What this person said....thanks :)

    oh, and one more thing, thank you MFP for the "Ignore this person" button.
  • luvinmytwins
    luvinmytwins Posts: 12
    Let him know politely you consider it inappropriate. While one incident of sufficient severity can constitute sexual harassment-- yours does not fit the bill, even with the touching- as he has not suggested you need to engage in any sexual behavior as a term and condition of employment, your submission/rejection of such conduct has not been used as the basis of an employment decision, and the one incident is insufficient as a matter of law to have reasonably interefered with your work environment to the extent necessary to establish a hostile work environment.



    Good luck!

    Edited-- this is federal law in US - Title VII- some states may have more restrictive prohibitions--if you are outside the US don't know.

    It looks like you only have a portion of the law here. I am not an attorney or HR person, but I have worked and attended sexual harassment classes enough to know this is sexual harassment. Sexual harassment does not just happen from employer to employee. It can happen ee to er, peer to peer of equal ranks, etc. Anytime someone touches someone else without consent, it is sexual harassment. And to go further by commenting that he thought it was a student is just wrong. It is NEVER okay to touch a student. He needs to be reported...not only to protect her, but others and students as well.
  • Yellowfrog62
    Yellowfrog62 Posts: 18
    Whoa! He thought you were one of the children...yeah right...hope he doesn't put his hands on them...I work in
    a school also but the men are far and few between. Over the line and not very professional of a superior. Poor
    you!
  • admanMike
    admanMike Posts: 371 Member
    First time...tell him he is way out of line and inappropriate.
    Second time... kick him square in the nads... then report him.
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