My boyfriend is missing

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Replies

  • CLotfy
    CLotfy Posts: 31
    My husband is also an alcoholic and suffering from depression. He was sober and going to AA for 5 months before falling off the wagon a few weeks ago. He never came home one night and it turns out he was arrested for DUI. As angry as I was, I was glad he was safe in jail. Getting arrested was probably the best thing that's happened to him. He realized that AA alone wasn't working for him. He's now doing AA, seeing a therapist, and seeing a psychiatrist who is prescribing anti-depressents and anti-anxiety medication.

    I hope everything is ok with your boyfriend. I hope you find him and that he is unharmed. Know that all you can do is love and support him, but that ultimately only he can get help for himself. It's so hard to see the ones we love hurt and struggle.
  • QueenJayJay
    QueenJayJay Posts: 1,079 Member
    there is no time limit to report a person missing...

    Yes there is. It's 24 hours. (Meaning the ridiculous police won't take you seriously unless they've been missing 24 hours.)
  • avonchik
    avonchik Posts: 106
    Yes, Please call the authorities. He shouldn't be by himself if he is so depressed. I will be praying you find him soon and safe and sound! Hugs:flowerforyou:
  • QueenJayJay
    QueenJayJay Posts: 1,079 Member
    Please let us know everything's ok!
  • Tenoreo90
    Tenoreo90 Posts: 329 Member
    Hey everyone, thank you all so much for your overwhelming support. Really, I was not expecting all of this. What an amazing group.

    So here's what happened:

    After the police was NO HELP (even after I tell them he's suicidal) and tells me he's probably just 'hooking up'. They seemed to pretend to take down a description, but no vehicle information whatsoever.

    I called my sister in law, she came right over and lent me her car to go look for him while she stayed at my apartment with the kiddo.

    I found the car at the bar, completely empty, and I felt so sick. I drove around to various places I thought he might be, with no luck. A friend of mine works in homicidal/suicidal investigation assured me she hadn't had any calls in the area.

    I called all the hospitals, no one had him as a patient.

    Around 6 am a loud BANG hit my bedroom window...I opened the door and sure enough, there was my boyfriend, drunk as a loon, soaking wet (it had started raining) and a bit dirty. He is shivering and soaked, I tried to get him to change out of his clothes but he just crashed in the bed and is much bigger than I.

    To be honest I'm more pissed than anything for him putting me through this. His phone and wallet were in his coat, but I can't find his debit card or the car keys. I am SO mad about that as I have to take his grandma to work in the morning...I don't know what I'm going to tell her, she's worried as it is and I hate to stress her out worse.

    I guess I'll just tell her he crashed out and I don't know where he put the keys...? Buh...

    My SIL told me to call my brother in the morning to help with the car situation (grandma has an extra set of keys), but I just HATE being a burden to everyone. I really do.

    I'm trying to calm myself down, for now, but I know this day is just going to be awful. I'm so hurt, angry, embarrassed....*sigh*
  • datguy2011
    datguy2011 Posts: 477 Member
    Survey says?
  • twiztedgrl69
    twiztedgrl69 Posts: 191 Member
    there is no time limit to report a person missing...

    Yes there is. It's 24 hours. (Meaning the ridiculous police won't take you seriously unless they've been missing 24 hours.)

    That is not true at all...I work for the police...we take every missing person seriously...if they are not found with us doing some research and looking into it and doing a cell phone trace then they are entered into the national database for missing persons so if they are pulled over or arrested then it will show that department that he has been reported missing
  • curvatrino
    curvatrino Posts: 33 Member
    Glad that he's okay (relatively speaking).

    You'll get throuogh the day like you do any other.

    You're all in my thoughts. Keep your chin up :)
  • wish21
    wish21 Posts: 602 Member
    hope he turns up!!:heart:
    Glad he is okay!:)
  • madamepsychosis
    madamepsychosis Posts: 472 Member
    PHEW! Well at the very least, I'm glad he's alive!

    Don't worry about 'being a burden' on anyone. You are absolutely not.
  • anulle2009
    anulle2009 Posts: 580 Member
    Glad that everything turned out pretty much OK. hes home and alive.. now to kick his butt for making you freak out and worry!! Still though in the end no matter what he is home safe and sound:smile:
  • Rozlynmac
    Rozlynmac Posts: 71
    I'm glad you're both home safe. Today may be unpleasant, but it'll get better.
  • DarkAngel525
    DarkAngel525 Posts: 135
    Please don't feel embarrassed! You did what your natural instincts told you and that was to panic and search for him. I think you definitely need to sit down and have a long talk with him about getting some help as it isn't fair to him, you, or most importantly, that little peanut in the picture, to have him in this shape. My thoughts are with you, as I know what it's like to suffer from depression and anxiety. However, with hard work and support (which it sounds like he has alot of great support) people can overcome these slumps. :flowerforyou:
  • twiztedgrl69
    twiztedgrl69 Posts: 191 Member
    OMG I'm so glad to hear that he is ok...but take some time to calm down and calmy try to explain to him after he sobers up what he put you through...you already know yelling at him is not going to help with anything...glad to hear he's back though
  • Siannah
    Siannah Posts: 456 Member
    Glad he's back, that must be such a relief.

    Let him sleep it off and then go and kill him!!
  • mrlazy1967
    mrlazy1967 Posts: 285 Member
    Funny how drunks find their way home, but can't remember a thing in the morning.
  • iishnova
    iishnova Posts: 259 Member
    I'm really glad you got him back in one piece, though I do feel for you for the...unpleasant (to say the least)...situation in which he returned. I hope you both make it through this better off, learning etc. Maybe this will be the push he needs to get help? Just remember it's ok for you to be angry about this, just don't let that anger take over. <3 good luck hun!
  • nonafit
    nonafit Posts: 582 Member
    Tenoreo....phewwwww

    Glad both of you are safe. That's what matters.

    And more important than that....you are not the burden here. If you get what I mean. Adults are called grown up for a reason. You had done what you can do and the rest is up to your boyfriend. Hope you will have a good rest and wake up with a clear mind to handle this episod.

    Now I can log off MFP for the day.
  • madamepsychosis
    madamepsychosis Posts: 472 Member
    I definitely agree with waiting until he's sober and you're calmer. Focus on each task as it comes. It's only natural to yell, but he seriously needs to realise he needs help and getting into a screaming match is more likely to make him defensive and not focus on his problems.
  • littlebuddy84
    littlebuddy84 Posts: 995 Member
    Glad he's home and safe!
  • emberin
    emberin Posts: 56 Member

    His phone and wallet were in his coat, but I can't find his debit card or the car keys. I am SO mad about that as I have to take his grandma to work in the morning...I don't know what I'm going to tell her, she's worried as it is and I hate to stress her out worse.


    From past experience, call the bar. They most likely have his debit card and pulled his keys if they thought he was unable to drive. Glad he's alive. And you are still in my prayers.
  • hbrittingham
    hbrittingham Posts: 2,518 Member
    I'm glad he's home. Today is going to be super rough for you, I know.
  • twiztedgrl69
    twiztedgrl69 Posts: 191 Member

    His phone and wallet were in his coat, but I can't find his debit card or the car keys. I am SO mad about that as I have to take his grandma to work in the morning...I don't know what I'm going to tell her, she's worried as it is and I hate to stress her out worse.


    From past experience, call the bar. They most likely have his debit card and pulled his keys if they thought he was unable to drive. Glad he's alive. And you are still in my prayers.

    ^agree!
  • JennieAL
    JennieAL Posts: 1,726 Member
    Wow... Well he's alive. First things first. Thank goodness it wasn't worse. Don't feel bad at all!!! You were right to react the way you did. Totally. You did the right thing.

    Now, just get through the day and maybe you can get some rest soon.

    He needs help and I hope he wakes up and realizes that.

    Thank goodness he's home and you're safe! You have lots of friends here, that's for sure!
  • Di3012
    Di3012 Posts: 2,247 Member

    His phone and wallet were in his coat, but I can't find his debit card or the car keys. I am SO mad about that as I have to take his grandma to work in the morning...I don't know what I'm going to tell her, she's worried as it is and I hate to stress her out worse.


    From past experience, call the bar. They most likely have his debit card and pulled his keys if they thought he was unable to drive. Glad he's alive. And you are still in my prayers.

    That is a good point regarding the car keys!!

    To the OP, so so pleased he turned up. Hope you are ok, take care xxx
  • thisisabbie
    thisisabbie Posts: 521 Member
    So glad he turned up safe and sound.

    Good luck with sorting everything out. And don't worry about asking your family for help! That's what they're there for! I'm sure they won't see you as a 'burden' :wink:

    All the best :flowerforyou:
  • Elizabethhobbs84
    Elizabethhobbs84 Posts: 26
    Glad he's safe. Don't be embarrassed, you were scared. It's natural. Hope your day goes better sweetie.
  • jiggs31
    jiggs31 Posts: 117
    Glad he is ok. Good luck with it all hun xx
  • Sh1tsRainbows
    Sh1tsRainbows Posts: 1,227 Member
    wow..Im so glad things turned out OK..you shouldnt be embarresed..just support him and try and get him the help he need..hopefully last night was a wake up call for him. also amazing that there are good people on here to support and worry for you..with the exception of THE troll
  • niknak0508
    niknak0508 Posts: 425 Member
    Hey everyone, thank you all so much for your overwhelming support. Really, I was not expecting all of this. What an amazing group.

    So here's what happened:

    After the police was NO HELP (even after I tell them he's suicidal) and tells me he's probably just 'hooking up'. They seemed to pretend to take down a description, but no vehicle information whatsoever.

    I called my sister in law, she came right over and lent me her car to go look for him while she stayed at my apartment with the kiddo.

    I found the car at the bar, completely empty, and I felt so sick. I drove around to various places I thought he might be, with no luck. A friend of mine works in homicidal/suicidal investigation assured me she hadn't had any calls in the area.

    I called all the hospitals, no one had him as a patient.

    Around 6 am a loud BANG hit my bedroom window...I opened the door and sure enough, there was my boyfriend, drunk as a loon, soaking wet (it had started raining) and a bit dirty. He is shivering and soaked, I tried to get him to change out of his clothes but he just crashed in the bed and is much bigger than I.

    To be honest I'm more pissed than anything for him putting me through this. His phone and wallet were in his coat, but I can't find his debit card or the car keys. I am SO mad about that as I have to take his grandma to work in the morning...I don't know what I'm going to tell her, she's worried as it is and I hate to stress her out worse.

    I guess I'll just tell her he crashed out and I don't know where he put the keys...? Buh...

    My SIL told me to call my brother in the morning to help with the car situation (grandma has an extra set of keys), but I just HATE being a burden to everyone. I really do.

    I'm trying to calm myself down, for now, but I know this day is just going to be awful. I'm so hurt, angry, embarrassed....*sigh*


    I am certainly glad he is home safe!! I can't imagine the stress that put you through this morning. I am very sorry that you have to go through this. Things will get better!! Do your very best to stay calm with him, you know him better than anyone else here!! I don't know what it is like to have someone in my life that is sick in this way. I grew up with two alcoholic parents, so I do know how stressful it came be to be around people who have no control. We are here for support!! Keep your chin up chica. Just try and express (without getting angry) how you felt this morning while he was gone.........hopefully he will see the worry and do something to change.
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