Severely depressed

well this thread has helped me see that many people suffer from depression.......... i know that there is something wrong with me and there has been for many years....at least 15 probably. how does a dr determine what is wrong with you? do they ask u a bunch of questions? run some sort of tests? how do I know if I'm depressed, bi-polar, or need anger management???? and what do I do? call my family doctor and say I want an appt becuz I think I'm depressed? it does make me feel a bit embarressed or ashamed?
but i hate the way i am. i get mad at little things. when i get really mad, like when my husband and i are arguing and I feel like he doesn't give a crap about me, i can end up callng him names, throwing things and even hitting. i feel like no one loves me. i didnt have a terrible childhood but i had a dad that abused my mom once in awhile and he ended up becoming a nasty drunk cuz he was in the gulf war and ended up having PTSD. when i was 21 my mom and i moved away from my dad and about 6 months later she met someone and a few months later she chose this guy over me and kicked me out. so , i dont really talk to either of them. i have no sisters, brothers, aunts, uncles, grandparents...........
i never feel truly happy, tho others probably wouldn't understand. i have a family, a son and a daughter, and a roof over our head. i feel like i matter to no one.

Yes, go to a doctor. if he/she is any good, they will understand when you say you are embarrassed to talk about it. They will ask a lot of questions. you can prepare yourself by going online and searching for any of the depression sites that ask some of the basic questions, so you'll know the types you need. It sounds like you will benefit from counseling too; you have some behaviors like physical and verbal aggression that are unlikely to go away with medications alone. Think of your kids, and do it for them. Do you REALLY want them growing up in a home where one parent is angry and unpredictable all the time (sounds like your own PTSD, doesn't it?) You need to get better for your own happy future as well as theirs.

I dealt with depression off and on for many years (bad childhood, foster care, homelessness etc) but things got better. I haven't felt depressed for about a few years. Now, out of no where, I'm depressed again. It came on slowly and now it's really bad; I'm tearful and pessimistic and... Well, depressed: absolutely and completely miserable without cause. Id rathert be physically suffering.

Anyhoo, I can't go see a psychiatrist for a few weeks and I am so unhappy right now. It doesn't help that my husband and I had an argument tonight and now we won't be celebrating valentines. I just guess I'm looking to hear that I'm not completely alone and any tips to feel better would really help. I feel guilty for feeling so bad since I have so many things to be grateful for (healthy children, food, roof over head, education) but I seriously can't help it.

with your experience, you know it will pass, i have come to realize that when i get that way, just get through the day, or week. i have learned to stop talking about it even though it appears people want to hear it, there just being nice and enabling me to keep feeling that way.

Like everyone has said - - you are not alone. PM if you need a friend to talk to :flowerforyou:

well this thread has helped me see that many people suffer from depression.......... i know that there is something wrong with me and there has been for many years....at least 15 probably. how does a dr determine what is wrong with you? do they ask u a bunch of questions? run some sort of tests? how do I know if I'm depressed, bi-polar, or need anger management???? and what do I do? call my family doctor and say I want an appt becuz I think I'm depressed? it does make me feel a bit embarressed or ashamed?
but i hate the way i am. i get mad at little things. when i get really mad, like when my husband and i are arguing and I feel like he doesn't give a crap about me, i can end up callng him names, throwing things and even hitting. i feel like no one loves me. i didnt have a terrible childhood but i had a dad that abused my mom once in awhile and he ended up becoming a nasty drunk cuz he was in the gulf war and ended up having PTSD. when i was 21 my mom and i moved away from my dad and about 6 months later she met someone and a few months later she chose this guy over me and kicked me out. so , i dont really talk to either of them. i have no sisters, brothers, aunts, uncles, grandparents...........
i never feel truly happy, tho others probably wouldn't understand. i have a family, a son and a daughter, and a roof over our head. i feel like i matter to no one.

This breaks my heart -- and reminds me a little bit of me when I was younger. :flowerforyou: I agree w/an above poster...tell your doc, AND find a good therapist who can help you work through some of this stuff. You're carrying around a LOT of bad history, and those you love have left you. You can't carry all that alone. And you can't just "figure it all out" alone, either.

Try to find a doc that someone you know (or even a friend of a friend) has used and liked, if possible. I found a really experienced and compassionate therapist in my 20's when I felt just like you. I never felt "truly happy" either, or like I mattered, until I got some of that stuff out in a room with her.

Medicine helps, but it helps you work your way through the REAL issues underneath, and find a better way to live after those issues are out on the table. Think of it as "turning on the lights" so that you can see your way to being happier, healthier, like that hole is filled.

At least you already admit you have things that you need help with -- that's the hardest part sometimes! Hang in there, and don't be embarassed to tell your doc, and find someone to talk to. If you have a good doc, they may even be able to recommend a good therapist they've worked with before.

You can find that joy in you...you just need help digging it out from all that you've been through. Good luck.

well this thread has helped me see that many people suffer from depression.......... i know that there is something wrong with me and there has been for many years....at least 15 probably. how does a dr determine what is wrong with you? do they ask u a bunch of questions? run some sort of tests? how do I know if I'm depressed, bi-polar, or need anger management???? and what do I do? call my family doctor and say I want an appt becuz I think I'm depressed? it does make me feel a bit embarressed or ashamed?
but i hate the way i am. i get mad at little things. when i get really mad, like when my husband and i are arguing and I feel like he doesn't give a crap about me, i can end up callng him names, throwing things and even hitting. i feel like no one loves me. i didnt have a terrible childhood but i had a dad that abused my mom once in awhile and he ended up becoming a nasty drunk cuz he was in the gulf war and ended up having PTSD. when i was 21 my mom and i moved away from my dad and about 6 months later she met someone and a few months later she chose this guy over me and kicked me out. so , i dont really talk to either of them. i have no sisters, brothers, aunts, uncles, grandparents...........
i never feel truly happy, tho others probably wouldn't understand. i have a family, a son and a daughter, and a roof over our head. i feel like i matter to no one.

This breaks my heart -- and reminds me a little bit of me when I was younger. :flowerforyou: I agree w/an above poster...tell your doc, AND find a good therapist who can help you work through some of this stuff. You're carrying around a LOT of bad history, and those you love have left you. You can't carry all that alone. And you can't just "figure it all out" alone, either.

Try to find a doc that someone you know (or even a friend of a friend) has used and liked, if possible. I found a really experienced and compassionate therapist in my 20's when I felt just like you. I never felt "truly happy" either, or like I mattered, until I got some of that stuff out in a room with her.

Medicine helps, but it helps you work your way through the REAL issues underneath, and find a better way to live after those issues are out on the table. Think of it as "turning on the lights" so that you can see your way to being happier, healthier, like that hole is filled.

At least you already admit you have things that you need help with -- that's the hardest part sometimes! Hang in there, and don't be embarassed to tell your doc, and find someone to talk to. If you have a good doc, they may even be able to recommend a good therapist they've worked with before.

You can find that joy in you...you just need help digging it out from all that you've been through. Good luck.

thanks for ur words.
im afraid i don't have the money to see a therapist. that's not something thats covered by insurance , is it? and doesn't it cost in the $100's for like an hour or two?

I have been feeling depressed lately too! I'm not sure why, But I recently got sick with a UTI, had a major schedule change, money isssues, etc. so it's hard to pinpoint when or why I've felt this way. We've also both recently lost a lot of weight, I wonder if that has anything to do with it?

I go through bouts of depression and I just put on some headphones with some good feeling music and walk til I can't take another step and it really helps clear my head.

Most insurance plans do cover "mental" health, it may be a slightly higher co-pay is all.

So many good responses here,don't know what to say after them. Just send you some hugs. We care.

My heart goes out to you! As another poster said, please don’t wait to get in to see a psychiatrist. A counselor or therapist can help you as well. Only a psychiatrist can prescribe medication, but that sometimes can even make depression worse. If you’re a member of a church, pastoral counseling may be available, or sometimes they have trained staff. My church has a “Stephen” ministry to help those in crisis.

Sometimes you can pinpoint a cause for your depression and just knowing that can help make it more bearable. Seasonal affective disorder- Don’t know where you live, but it is winter with less sunlight and outdoor time. Realizing this is only temporary can help, or you can treat yourself with UV light for a few minutes per day.

A physical check-up is in order. Maybe you’re anemic or your thyroid is out of whack. You’ve accomplished something phenomenal by losing over 70 pounds! That’s so inspiring! But the large weight loss itself could cause a hormonal imbalance, or if you were on any medications like for diabetes, the dosage may not be right and should be adjusted or even discontinued. Also make sure you’re not dehydrated. That could be a contributing factor, too.

Many people think “If I could only lose weight, everything will be different”. Relationship with husband etc. When this doesn’t happen, it may cause depression.

Aerobic-type exercise will do wonders for you, releasing all those endorphins! And doing a “good deed” for someone can completely turn your day around. Perhaps you could go see someone in a nursing home who doesn’t have family, and bring a little treat. (If you call and ask, staff members will know who would appreciate a visit.). If you have the time, volunteer to feed the homeless or work on a Habitat for Humanity project.

Please remember you're not really alone. We care! I want to hear back from you to see how you're doing.