Working Moms vs. Stay at Home Moms

Personally I feel the big thing with working (if you have a good job that is) is your financial independence from your husband and also setting a good example to your child. I don't say how you can encourage your child to work hard at school for instance and pass those exams if she sees you don't work. She will assume she will also not work so not bother. I personally feel it sets a better example to children. I like that my daughter knows I have business meetings and customers etc even though she's only 4 I think shes' pretty proud of me.

Why would I want to be financially independent of my husband? We are a team. He works and brings home the money to support us, and I work at home taking care of our family and using that money properly so that he is blessed by it being spent wisely. I think keeping the home is a beautiful thing.

Too many women aren't home for children nowadays and that is one reason so many children are running around unsupervised and making poor choices. Everyone is so busy at work that mothers aren't home to mother anymore. Women are growing up not knowing how to care for their homes and families because nobody took them under their wing and taught them. I'm one of the few stay at home moms in my neighborhood and guess who all the neighborhood kids come to to talk to? Guess whose house they hang out at because their parents aren't home? Guess who knows more about my neighbors' children than their own parents do? Seriously, some of these kids get little to no positive attention at home whatsoever. It's heartbreaking. I think it sets a good example to my girls to show them how to be a good wife and mommy-to be an example and show them how I respect my husband for being a hard worker and being a good man-and to encourage them to grow up and respect their future husband as well. God gave me these children, not somebody else, and it is my job to take care of them. I feel that it is a very important job. I think it is also important that I am here to take care of my husband. I am not looking for some important respect in the world's eyes. My family comes first. I'm glad my children know that business meetings and customers will never come before them and that I don't care to build some big name in the eyes of the world, my world is my family.

I don't mind having to be creative with my budget, or drive an old clunker of a van. I don't need a giant house, big screen tv, or the latest I phone. I think it's more important for me to be there when my family comes home. To be here when the school calls and says my child is sick, to be able to go pick them up (without asking my boss if I can take the time off, having to ask someone else to go get them, etc.), make them chicken soup, and cuddle in bed with them watching PBS cartoons. To serve a meal that I happily spent hours cooking, if that's what I choose to do that day. To be able to drop everything and hop on our bikes and go for a ride whenever we feel like it because i'm home to do it. To be able to grow our little garden and hang out with my children watching it grow, and then pick fresh veggies with them for our meals. To have them in the kitchen with me, showing them how to cook for their family. To sit at the dining table and do homework with them every day, and then sit next to them at the piano and supervise their practice. To spend a relaxing evening teaching them how to crochet, how to sew, or relax and read them a book or Bible story. To greet my husband happily at the front door when he comes home, and serve him a nice hot plate of dinner. To be home to tuck my children in every night and pray with them-because i'm not busy working overtime to pay credit card bills for unnecessary items I shouldn't bought in the first place. I want to be an ever present source of comfort for them, it is my job. It's all these things and more...keeping the home is such a beautiful job, and it affects not only my husband and 5 children, it also affects the kids who come over for dinner, to hang out in our home to escape the fighting or drug use going on in their own, who go on outings with us and learn how to have fun without giving in to our rough neighborhood's gangs or drugs. I think so many people underestimate the importance of a stay at home mom who actually not only gives their time to their family, but to other children who don't have someone at home to give time to them as well. I love what I do-and let me tell you, it is work. We are called to show hospitality to others, and we can't do that if we are not home.

I'm not saying all working moms need to be home...but if someone is working just to keep up their fancy car payment, their giant house payment, and all that other unnecessary, keep up with the Joneses type stuff, and leaving their child/ren unsupervised or to be raised in some daycare facility, maybe they should really weigh their priorities.

ETA: and this is going to sound mean or harsh, I guess, but "I couldn't stay home with my kids because I would be bored to death" just doesn't sound like an excuse to me. Take up a hobby, spend time with your kids-there are so many things you could be doing.

I don't think "I needed adult interaction" is an excuse, either. You're a gown person, Get out of your house and meet other adults. Your child isn't stopping you. I took my kids everywhere, and still do. They are not a burden or hindrance, they are my children. People act like when you have kids your life stops.

I also don't think it should be SAHM vs. working moms either. I really do think most moms try to do what is best for their children. Some have no choice but to work.

I do believe this is the correct assessment. We each have to determine what is best for OUR OWN FAMILY, based on the needs, wishes, finances and whatever else we have to deal with. I have been both, and have been happy in both. Why? Because I have always known that what I was doing was best for my family at that point in time. I assume other moms, whether they work at home, from home, away from home or all of the above (or none of the above, I knew a mom with no outside job who hired a nanny and housekeeper), are all doing what they believe to be the best for THEIR FAMILY. Nobody has any right to judge or criticize how someone else raises their family.

So, can it be said that each person chooses what works best for them? If you work or stay at home, are you happy? How do you add in exercise?

What does all of this say about dads? That they are not "real parents" because they are assumed to have paid employment while supposedly a mom has a choice? That's crap.

The non-working mom is a post-WWII invention. My mother's family is a long line of dairy farmers; EVERYBODY works on a farm. You're "at home", sure, but working. My father's family is a long line of ministers and ministers wives; the latter were historically assumed to be a part of the package and direct the choir, run the Ladies Aid, etc., and my grandmother taught music lessons (after school, so it's not like she had that time for her own kids).

Post war baby boomers were raised in a period of unusual economic growth, where a family could afford to have a non-income producing parent because their wants (and available consumer products) had not caught up with their income. We are in an more normal period, where many folks need two incomes for a healthy, safe lifestyle.

Personally, my beef is with the "ladies who lunch" types who have a nanny so they can play tennis and socialize. If they are so fabulous, would they please invest their time in the community, using their abilities and contacts to address hunger, literacy, domestic abuse, and other such issues.

Hats off to those who do it. I freely admit that I would SUCK at being a SAHM. No desire whatsoever. I have a decent job that I enjoy. It provides good benefits for my family. I think it's better for my kid that I have a job...mama is much happier.

I guess I am both, because i work full time (plus own my own business and go to school), but I do it all from home. I have always felt this was the best choice for my children, because my oldest son is autistic and had a very rough start in life. I love my job and would not trade it for the world, but have never felt that those who choose to work outside the home love their children any less than I love mine. We are ALL great moms!

I've done both. I stayed at home with my son for 2 years, he's 13 now.....my daughter is 5 and I've been home with her for 2.5 years, she is in school from 8:30-11. I was at the same office job for 9 years, but they shut down....I'm in college part time so once I get my certificate I'll be looking for a job.
I loved staying home with my kids, but I also love working because of the adult interaction.

I always thought a stay at home mom is a working mom! She probably works harder than most do in their career!

:laugh: This is a joke and one that I am sick of hearing!

Only someone who has never had to do both would assume this to be true. Working moms do twice the work (at least) since most don't have the luxury of having someone else do the cooking, cleaning, laundry, shopping, homework help, shuttling kids to practice and activities, etc.

I may spend 8 hours a day at work, but I also spend another 8 hours or so doing the same stuff SAHMs get to spread out over the course of a whole day. I do most of my housework after the kids go to bed and before they get up in the morning, and that's only when I don't have a 10pm conference call - I try like hell not to waste the time we do have together - so the only times I am not with them is while they're at school or asleep!

Take a walk in my shoes someday - and maybe you'll change your mind.

+1.

Add to it that I am a single mom and also a full-time student. I *WISH* I could work OR be a full-time student OR be a full-time mom - instead of all 3.

A little perspective. You don't do ALL the things a SAHM mom does. She makes 3 meals in her kitchen, so she'll have 3 times the dishes of someone who just does dinner or a third more than someone who eats one meal outside of the home most days. She has children inside the home trashing the joint and cleans up after them, while the children in day care are trashing someone else's joint and then they (the staff or the kids) clean it up. I sub and the weeks I work 4-5 days a week my house is cleaner (because it doesn't get as messy) and I am more relaxed because i feel like I've gotten a break. The idea that working moms do twice is much simply isn't factual (unless you have in home care that doesn't clean up after themselves).

But the bottom line is this. Why waste time comparing these life situations? To make you feel better about your own choices? Each has their own line of guilt with it. Each has it's own brand of glory. Celebrate and support your friends in their situations. What do we give each other by telling the other that they're not as good as, not as hard of a worker, not as __________ as someone else. It's simply nothing more than grown up bullying.

Actually I do make three meals a day. I make breakfast, I pack lunch for myself and my daughter, and I make dinner. And my house gets very cluttered by the end of the week b/c I just don't have time to keep up with everything until the weekend.

My house was MUCH cleaner during the 6 months maternity leave I was home.

I don't believe that people should have children to have other people watch them...if you cant raise your own children then you shouldn't have any.I quit my job to have my son..I wasn't gonna pay for anyone to enjoy his smiles and funny words as he grows. Children need tons of attention...and I don't believe working people can always give them 100% attention..at the same time I know that some people financially need to work..so if that's the case then you should have kids if you can not afford to stay home..:)

Nice. So, only rich people should have kids. What happens if something happens to your husband and you become a single mom who HAS to work? Are you going to give your child up for adoption? I certainly hope so.

Also, good luck with homeschooling. I mean, I assume that is what you will do b/c god forbid someone else "raise" your child during his formative school years.

You crack me up! :flowerforyou:

Hats off to those who do it. I freely admit that I would SUCK at being a SAHM. No desire whatsoever. I have a decent job that I enjoy. It provides good benefits for my family. I think it's better for my kid that I have a job...mama is much happier.

This is me exactly!!

Hmmm, looks like the conversation just got heated! Therein lies the problem.

If you are a SAHM, great! It's a very tough job and requires a lot of sacrifice and hard work, beyond what people give you credit for.

If you are a working mom, great! It's a very tough job and requires a lot of sacrifice and hard work, beyond what people give you credit for.

Ladies, when will we stop the "mommy wars"? We are fighting a war agains ourselves. We all want what's best for our families. It's ok to stay home and it's ok to work outside of the house. You are not a BAD parent if you work full time. You are NOT a bad parent if you stay home. Each situation poses a set of challenges.

Parents need to support each other versus pointing fingers, blaming, shaming, and making assumptions.

Amen!

Women are our own worst enemies sometimes. We could spend this time building each other up for our respective choices, but instead we tear each other down. Don't get it.

Can we get back on topic of SAHMs fighting with working mom's??? Thanks!

In regards to people who have sticks up their *kitten* - why do you care what other people do with their children? As long as they aren't hurting their children, I don't see how it is any of your business. Not everyone has the ability to stay home and care for their children. It does not make them any less of a good parent. I don't know if you know this, but we are all human. I'll let you in on a little secret about being a human: it's tough. Humans have no manuals or instructions. They just go about their lives trying their best (most of them anyway). No one knows what they are doing and there is no perfect or right way of doing anything. Just because someone is able to do something for their family (whether it be staying at home or working) doesn't automatically make them any better. Just because you stay at home doesn't make you any better than anyone else. What right does anyone have to judge anyone else?

Trust me, you are a far cry from being the perfect parent. And I direct this at everyone, even me.

As for my own situation - I stay at home and I work from home. I do the best I can with the situation I am in and that is that.

I always thought a stay at home mom is a working mom! She probably works harder than most do in their career!

:laugh: This is a joke and one that I am sick of hearing!

Only someone who has never had to do both would assume this to be true. Working moms do twice the work (at least) since most don't have the luxury of having someone else do the cooking, cleaning, laundry, shopping, homework help, shuttling kids to practice and activities, etc.

I may spend 8 hours a day at work, but I also spend another 8 hours or so doing the same stuff SAHMs get to spread out over the course of a whole day. I do most of my housework after the kids go to bed and before they get up in the morning, and that's only when I don't have a 10pm conference call - I try like hell not to waste the time we do have together - so the only times I am not with them is while they're at school or asleep!

Take a walk in my shoes someday - and maybe you'll change your mind.

+1.

Add to it that I am a single mom and also a full-time student. I *WISH* I could work OR be a full-time student OR be a full-time mom - instead of all 3.

A little perspective. You don't do ALL the things a SAHM mom does. She makes 3 meals in her kitchen, so she'll have 3 times the dishes of someone who just does dinner or a third more than someone who eats one meal outside of the home most days. She has children inside the home trashing the joint and cleans up after them, while the children in day care are trashing someone else's joint and then they (the staff or the kids) clean it up. I sub and the weeks I work 4-5 days a week my house is cleaner (because it doesn't get as messy) and I am more relaxed because i feel like I've gotten a break. The idea that working moms do twice is much simply isn't factual (unless you have in home care that doesn't clean up after themselves).

But the bottom line is this. Why waste time comparing these life situations? To make you feel better about your own choices? Each has their own line of guilt with it. Each has it's own brand of glory. Celebrate and support your friends in their situations. What do we give each other by telling the other that they're not as good as, not as hard of a worker, not as __________ as someone else. It's simply nothing more than grown up bullying.

Actually I do make three meals a day. I make breakfast, I pack lunch for myself and my daughter, and I make dinner. And my house gets very cluttered by the end of the week b/c I just don't have time to keep up with everything until the weekend.

My house was MUCH cleaner during the 6 months maternity leave I was home.

Yes, but by your own admition, you and your daughter aren't home during the day messing the house. If you can't see that this would result in more mess....well....then you are putting on some serious blinders. And really, what mess does a 6 month old make? None. Of course your house was clean then. You could put the baby in a jumparoo. Or a bouncey seat. Or a pack and play. Or if you didn't, and you spent your day filling your baby's life with the best activities to promote early learning, your baby, at most, crawled slowly.

The problem with this discussion is that both sides tend to throw up their hands to their eyes to form a little tunnel and scream "My life is the super hardest! I do the most!" and come off looking ridiculous. Who cares who does the most work? Just be supportive of other women who each have their own brand of struggle.

This thread, quite frankly, is filled with a bunch of bulls**t. Not one "working" mother put down a SAHM but SOME of you SAHMs feel it appropriate to tell us that we are bad parents for the life we choose to live? How dare you be so arrogant and rude!

Very true. Not to point out anyone in particular, but there are a lot of judgy attitudes on here. Let's just all live our lives the way we want to! Some people want to stay home and some want to work, and one is not right and one is not wrong!