Question about attraction... just curious.

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Replies

  • katherinemm31
    katherinemm31 Posts: 163
    I think it's more to do with how you view yourself in relation to other people. If you are in fact a very slender person that doubts they are slim, then, you're likely to sort of feel more comfortable, maybe even more attracted to bigger people that you see yourself to be. It also works the other way around. So, if for example a girl named uhh Emily was quite a large girl, but had strong confidence with herself and her body, and viewed herself as very slender and sexy (even if society didn't necessarily agree), I think she'd then feel more comfortable with a guy that was rather trim and toned, because she viewed herself in that way...

    It's been a while since I looked in to Relationship theories for Psychology, so I can't remember where I'm actually going with this. haha :')

    BUT, of course personality does play the main role in all of this. It just depends on your self worth, how you think of yourself that adds to it (and that can alter through time).

    That really wasn't any help, was it? haha :')
    Regarding me, you are right to a point. I have never felt like a slender person and have always had body image issues. I just never looked or felt slim, even when I was slim. It's almost a visual perception problem.

    There have been some small, skinny guys who were attracted to me, but I always thought they were just those perverse guys who like the idea of a big woman. I've always been suspect of guys who were attracted to me anyway. Historically, it has taken me a long time to figure out when a guy is really attracted to me because I assume he isn't attracted to me at all or has issues. Not the case with my husband who has been attracted to me no matter what weight I have been. I am lucky. So is he because he has had a variety of women by being with me all this time--small, medium, large and extra large! Anyway, I ask him all the time, "What's it like having a super model for a wife?" He will say something like, "It's very hard to keep up with." He's pretty funny. I love his sense of humor!
  • KimmieBrie
    KimmieBrie Posts: 825 Member
    I've always been a pretty healthy weight and never been attracted to heavier/obese men... Never minded a few extra pounds but that's about it. My husband has about 20 extra pounds on him right now and I don't care - it doesn't make him any less attractive to me - but he's my husband who I love for so many reasons aside from looks. Once you are in the relationship you accept and barely notice things that you would if you were single and looking. I've gained some myself. Too many dinners out and eating crap food is our problem.

    Also attracted to people with the same interests - so a couch potato wouldn't do it for me. I don't want to be a couch potato, not that all overweight people are. I like to go outside and do activities - hiking, camping, running, snow sports, etc. In these activities I truly don't see many obese people... so it's a lifestyle attraction as well. My husband is active to the extreme. I like that he attends the gym with me as opposed to sitting home channel surfing while I go and often times he'll be the one to drag my butt off the couch after a long day. I always feel better after too. We keep each other active.
  • Jconner30
    Jconner30 Posts: 311
    I dont think it would be wise for one person in a relationship to be lean and mean and the other one a fat cow - unless that is a turn on to the lean person. Fit people are hit on more by the opposite sex.
  • pineapple1989
    pineapple1989 Posts: 195 Member
    Well I have been overweight for quite a few years... I was always attracted to slimmer men and all of my past partners have been slim/in between... my current boyfriend is overweight and I still find him attractive, I think for me its more about personality that weight, however both me and my boyfriend felt the same way about our extra weight and want to lose it, so we support each other and have had the same past experiences so from a health point of view have a lot in common, which I think could be a big factor when both are overweight, my boyfriend says he perfers "bigger" girls but that he is attracted to me, not my body and knows I will be happier and more confident if I lose some weight which will make me more attractive to him :)

    Personally I go for looks and personality rather than weight as I see looks and weight as different but that could be because I have weight on me!
  • therealkittymao
    therealkittymao Posts: 194 Member
    I grew up heavy, and that psyched me out a lot when it came to attraction. I thought only certain REALLY good looking guys were attractive and if I couldn't get a really gorgeous man, I wasn't interested in anyone else (and I never dated said "gorgeous men" because I never attracted one, partially because physically I was not in shape but also partly because I had self-esteem issues). Once I lost weight, I started dating frequently and realized there is a lot more to a satisfying interaction with someone besides a physical attraction. My point of view REALLY changed once I didn't need the validation of being wanted by someone I considered to be "good looking" by society's standards. I'm attracted to a man's sense of humor as much as I am to his handsomeness (I realized I prefer men who are a little on the heavy side actually (but I wouldn't have not dated someone if they weren't, that's just my preference), and I am much more attuned to whether I am having a good conversation with someone who is funny and interesting, as opposed to just basking in their manliness or whatever. My fiance is the handsomest man in the world, and he has a nice big belly and a beardy face and I can't get enough of him! He is not Channing Tatum, and I am no Barbie Doll, but we are totally attracted to each other.
  • chrissiepooh
    chrissiepooh Posts: 45 Member
    I am an overweight person, and I've always, ALWAYS dated bone skinny guys. If they were tall and lanky they were my type. My mother who weighs over 200lbs has been married to my 150lb father for 33 years. I found the love of my life about a year and a half ago, and yes, we are both overweight, but even though I'm on this journey to become healthier and thinner, I would NEVER leave him once I got down to goal weight. I think it stems from our childhood. If you were a skinny kid you had it made. But the chunkier kids (such as myself) were so ridiculed and made fun of throughout their lives by skinnier people, that I think that we find comfort in other overweight people. I personally don't think it's the norm though. I know lots of overweight people who are with thinner mates. I'm not talking buff to the point of a body builder, but I think it's healthy for a more in shape person to be with a more robust individual because then it will motivate the robust person to get in shape...

    I honestly don't agree with society because in all reality, the world in general is overweight. The majority of the population is obese and who is anyone in society to judge another person by their appearance. This isn't a mean response so hopefully you don't view it as such, but I've had to live my life full of ridicule and name calling. My weight has always been a very sensitive subject and I hope that society realizes for the most part, majority of people are calling the kettle black.
  • MrsSherrill
    MrsSherrill Posts: 58
    when it comes to weight, i have never been attracted to "big/over weight" guys for some reason. i just didnt find anything attractive about it and i guess it made me feel as if they didnt care about themselves. on the other hand, i have never been attracted to really, really, really fit guys either. big bulky muscles like bodybuilders do not come off as appealing to me either and is unrealistic as you will never look like that forever since we are human and do age. i like guys in between, not only because i am built that way but because of my lifestyle as well. I fet if i were to date an overweight guy i wouldnt have as much in common with them like working out and going to the gym together and doing outdoor activities. and they would probably find me sexy regardless so i would probably become lazy and gain weight too. On the other note, i felt like i wasnt attracted to big muscular guys because well, sometimes i like being lazy or eating bad. I felt like a super fit guy would critisize everything about me, my weight, and my diet if i didnt work out as hard as he did or eat as healthy as he did. plus i didnt want to live my life in the gym like most of them do. So i always dated healthy guys, guys who like to workout but also like to relax and eat bad sometimes but doesnt let themselves go because i like to do the same. so i guess we are drawn to those whom are similar to us or are somewhat like us. of course when we date, it all comes down to things like personality as well as deeper things like morals and values that that person has (at least to me that played a big role) but with all that said, you can never "get to know" someone that close if you are not somewhat physically attracted to them so i do think that looks play a major part in dating or relationships. for the first time seeing someone you might not be attracte to them but once you get to know them you become attracted to them and vise versa.... well to me, both have to be there. yes, looks first - then the rest because of course its the outside that is what determins what the next move is and if we are willing to let them into our hearts and our body. regarless if we want to admit it or not, its just the way it is.
  • jankleberry
    jankleberry Posts: 508
    I was overweight when I met my OH, he wasnt. I hope he found and still finds me attractive.
  • xoSundaydrive
    xoSundaydrive Posts: 83
    My boyfriend was in love with me at my highest weight, and finds me attractive. Also there is a lot more smaller guys out there than you think that find bigger gals attractive and vice versa. :)
  • KJVBear33
    KJVBear33 Posts: 628
    For me, I'd LIKE to say size doesn't matter.......but in all honesty, it kind of does too. I wouldn't date anyone more overweight than I was certainly........but I wouldn't want to date an overweight guy to be honest. On the flip side, that certainly doesn't mean that I would want to date a guy with rock hard abs with a passion for keeping his body like that to the extreme either that thats all they talk about or are passionate about.

    I'd like to date someone who is in the middle of the two extremes........who sees himself and says that there is room for improvement and wants to improve, but doesn't let it be his life's passion.........who is not too pudgy, but not too skinny/muscular/ what have you.

    All in all.......the only guy I would care about is a guy who would find me attractive.......who doesn't care about size or anything like that........who generally thinks that all women, in their own ways, are attractive. I've been fortunate enough to come across two guys like that........unfortunately for me, one I broke up with and one became an *kitten*.........but I don't think, because of those two people, that all guys that have this quality are going to be like that.
  • Bridget28152723
    Bridget28152723 Posts: 372 Member
    Nah my wife would be hot to me skinny or not.

    I think your observation might be based more in the fact that couples influence each other greatly. If you end up in a relationship with a couch potato it's very hard not to become one yourself. If your significant other drags you to the gym every day it works that way round too. I think couples just tend to fall into following each others habits over time, or at least some sort of comfortable middle ground for both is reached.
    Im with you, my husband would be attactive to me no matter how he looked(he has a great bod) I have told him that, I dont like skinny men so I would prefer a little weight to being scrawny. Me and my husband both workout, but a few years ago we didnt .so yea couples kinda have the same habits
  • Buddhasmiracle
    Buddhasmiracle Posts: 925 Member
    There is a lot more than weight to any relationship to be sure (thankfully lol), but you are on the right track. Almost all psychological studies indicate that we seek out people with a level of "sameness" to ourselves. Of course part of that is weight and perceived attractiveness, part of it is perceived socio-economic status, cultural backgrounds, similarities in upbringing, etcetera but it goes so far beyond that it's incredible.

    This is one of my favorite studies of all time, it suggests that we seek out people with a similar speaking style, it goes that deep: http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=the-language-of-love

    Oh, I have to read this study. My husband is from da Bronx .
  • Matt_Wild
    Matt_Wild Posts: 2,673 Member
    Good basic idea but flawed.

    For example (and in my case) I'm a big guy at 266lb. However my OH is 122lb - a good 144lb difference in weight. She's a slim size 6/8 and I've never been attracted to bigger girls. Most of the women that I attract (and let me know about it) are slim and confident or in their late 30's/40's.

    So, as a result, it (the OP idea) may carry some merit but then it totally ignores that actually physical attraction and social status one may have or gain by attracting a partner of a similar social status, rather than weight.

    For me a slim woman represents (when you get down to the raw tac's and nails) everything that i'm pre-programmed as a male to look for (good breeding capability and healthy) is found and for her, a protector and provider (in the old sense).

    TBH, these days there so many different permutations its hard to say its because of xyz.
  • christine24t
    christine24t Posts: 6,063 Member
    All of the major crushes in my life have had the same body type - tall and skinny. But it's not even the body type I was attracted to, it's the personality. But if it actually came down to it, I don't know if I could be with them since I would feel self-conscious that I was bigger. As far as body types go, I like the bigger football player body. But I've never had a crush on someone with that body type.

    So what I'm getting at is that I'm weird! Hahaha
    I've seen a lot of big guys with little women which always bummed me out before I was married because as a tall, bigger woman, I liked bigger guys--easier to kiss, nicer to cuddle and I don't feel huge next to them.

    Amen. I want the short, skinny girls to stay with the shorter skinnier men! Maybe that's rude but save the bigger guys for us.
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