Couple Question

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AmberJslimsAWAY
AmberJslimsAWAY Posts: 2,468 Member
in Chit-Chat
I was talking to my boss the other day, and he said he's "not allowed" to go to strip clubs. Now "not allowed" is something all on it's own. Women, is it okay with you if your husband/fiance/boyfriend, goes to a strip club? Men, is it ok with your wife?

I personally don't have a problem with my other half going, never have. And I like to go as well, so if he wants to go, we make it a big ordeal and invite a bunch of friends to go. Lap dances, dollar dances, I don't care. It's all fun. Thoughts?
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  • oneIT
    oneIT Posts: 388 Member
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    That was a deal breaker, but then again so was going out of the house by myself... Glad thats over now.
  • AmberJslimsAWAY
    AmberJslimsAWAY Posts: 2,468 Member
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    That was a deal breaker, but then again so was going out of the house by myself... Glad thats over now.

    yuck. :( sorry
  • QueenJayJay
    QueenJayJay Posts: 1,139
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    Basically, it all comes down to not having the right attitude. Are you a victim, or a spouse/partner?

    Monarchy: "I don't/can't do that because my husband won't allow me to."

    Marriage: "My husband and I talked [because we would have] and that makes him feel really uncomfortable. Because he explained his reasoning, I can see where he's coming from and I respect the way he feels. Therefore, I choose not to do it."
  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,793 Member
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    I was talking to my boss the other day, and he said he's "not allowed" to go to strip clubs. Now "not allowed" is something all on it's own. Women, is it okay with you if your husband/fiance/boyfriend, goes to a strip club? Men, is it ok with your wife?

    I personally don't have a problem with my other half going, never have. And I like to go as well, so if he wants to go, we make it a big ordeal and invite a bunch of friends to go. Lap dances, dollar dances, I don't care. It's all fun. Thoughts?

    I don't make a habit of it. Might hit a strip club 3 or 4 times a year with the guys I ride with. I don't hide it from my wife and she does not care. She's gone with a couple times.

    I don't get lap dances. My wife has offered to give me a lap dance on more than one occasion after I get back from the club. I take her up on it every time.
  • AmberJslimsAWAY
    AmberJslimsAWAY Posts: 2,468 Member
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    Monarchy: "I don't/can't do that because my husband won't allow me to."

    Marriage: "My husband and I talked [because we would have] and that makes him feel really uncomfortable. Because he explained his reasoning, I can see where he's coming from and I respect the way he feels. Therefore, I choose not to do it."

    Guess people I know are living in a Monarchy...
  • helenoftroy1
    helenoftroy1 Posts: 638 Member
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    I wouldn't mind at all. In fact he went once and sat me down and looked all guilty and said he was really sorry he had been to a lap dancing place for someones leaving do. I actually laughed and asked why he felt guilty and in his past relationships he hadn't been allowed to go out, god forbid if he went to a "girlie" place. Made me love him even more.
    Cute thing was then he was saying how he hated it and was thinking of me all night.
    I know better than to believe that! I hope he had a ball!
    Why worry about him looking at cheap hamburgers when he has a fillet steak at home?
    If he's going to cheat, me stopping him going from those type of places is not going to help is it?
    :smokin:
  • angied80
    angied80 Posts: 749
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    I honestly don't have a problem with it. I have been a few times myself. I took my brother there on his 18th birthday. I have been a few times after hours a few years ago when I was partying alot. I wouldn't want my SO to make a habit of it. My boyfriend doesn't really care for them so it isn't an issue in our relationship.
  • Spinelli2288
    Spinelli2288 Posts: 188 Member
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    I've never understood the minds of women when it comes to this kind of thing. I could never imagine being THAT insecure. My boyfriend and I had our second date at a titty bar...... which was my choice. We go quite often, have a few drinks, a few dances, and just have fun. We are human, no matter what we are going to look at the opposite (or in my case same) sex and find beauty or sexual attraction. I would much rather see a beautiful woman taking her clothes off and dance for me than have some, most likely gay, ripped man do the helicopter in my face. :noway: My boyfriend and I are completely monogamous, we don't have an open relationship or three ways, but he, we, or I can go to a strip club and never have a problem with it. A relationship is about love, trust, and commitment. You shouldn't tell your significant other what they are "allowed" to do and expect a good relationship out of it.
  • tinamina78
    tinamina78 Posts: 241 Member
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    Basically, it all comes down to not having the right attitude. Are you a victim, or a spouse/partner?

    Monarchy: "I don't/can't do that because my husband won't allow me to."

    Marriage: "My husband and I talked [because we would have] and that makes him feel really uncomfortable. Because he explained his reasoning, I can see where he's coming from and I respect the way he feels. Therefore, I choose not to do it."

    ^^^ Absolutely this!
  • csparon
    csparon Posts: 200 Member
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    It's not that it's not allowed. My fiance can do whatever he wants, however he respects our relationship enough where he hasn't (to date) gone. I told him if he ever wants to go with the guys, as long as he doesn't try to hide it from me we're ok. And he feels the same way, though I don't find it appealing to go to a male strip club haha. Guys will be guys though and I am ok with whatever he wants, he just says he's not comfortable doing it while he's in a relationship - but the option is there for him.
  • felice03
    felice03 Posts: 2,732 Member
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    I always say, I would rather know and not exactly be thrilled about it than it being done behind my back. I never have had a problems with strip clubs...I've been known to go on an occaision or two. It is about trusting the person you are with...
  • NeuroticVirgo
    NeuroticVirgo Posts: 3,671 Member
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    I would not personally have a problem with it...but I'm pretty relaxed when it comes to things most people are jealous about.

    My husband on the otherhand...I would not be "allowed" to go to one. He is the jealous type, its actually gotten us into quite a few fights because I don't like being told what I can and cannot do. If I'm not cheating on you, spending all our money on drug or some other harmful thing, then leave it be.

    added note -

    For all of you saying you would choose not to do something because it makes your partner uncomfortable...how far are you willing to take that?

    I just feel like there has to be that middle ground, I've known people who are uncomfortable with a lot of things when it comes to their spouse.

    Girls/Guys night out? (even if its just movies, shopping etc)
    Having a friend of the opposite sex?
    Having porn?
    Or posters of other women/men (like a picture of carmen electra on a car or something)?
    *kitten* (I know someone personally who is uncomfortable with their spouse doing this, considers it a form of cheating) ?
  • Rosbrook1985
    Rosbrook1985 Posts: 130 Member
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    I have no issue what so ever about him going to a strip club, and I hope, he likewise with me. But, I know that he knows things that would make me unhappy. And I know what would make him unhappy. If he didn't want me to do something because it made him unhappy I wouldn't and he's def do the same for me. I would never 'not allow' him to do anything, I would always give him the choice and I think (hope?) that he would chose the right thing :D
  • QueenJayJay
    QueenJayJay Posts: 1,139
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    I was talking to my boss the other day, and he said he's "not allowed" to go to strip clubs.

    P.S. Now I'm wondering why you're talking to your boss about strip clubs...
  • vim_n_vigor
    vim_n_vigor Posts: 4,089 Member
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    My husband has gone, things like bachelor parties, a rare night out with all the guys. We have agreen on when it is and isn't acceptable. I have also gone for bachelorette parties, and again, we agreed on when it is and isn't acceptable. If either of us was uncomfortable, then the other wouldn't go, not because we aren't allowed, but because that is the right thing to do when you love someone.
  • bmxpop
    bmxpop Posts: 353 Member
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    My wife's response:

    "I don't care where you get your appetite, just make sure you eat in your own kitchen".

    That said, I haven't been to a strip club in several years....I got me a winner!!
  • AmberJslimsAWAY
    AmberJslimsAWAY Posts: 2,468 Member
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    I was talking to my boss the other day, and he said he's "not allowed" to go to strip clubs.

    P.S. Now I'm wondering why you're talking to your boss about strip clubs...

    We were talking about what to do for my Fiance's bday
  • azlady7
    azlady7 Posts: 471 Member
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    i encouraged my husband to get a job as a bouncer (we needed money badly) so no, i couldnt care less. but then again he never wants to go (i probably would like going more than he would lol), so its a non-issue with us. it seems to me the more the spouse fights against that stuff the more taboo it is therefore the more desirable and becomes worse of a problem than necessary. if you dont trust who your with (strip clubs or not) then you shouldnt be married to them :)
  • BAMFMeredith
    BAMFMeredith Posts: 2,829 Member
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    Personally, I'm not into it and I think they're gross, so I wouldn't be cool with my significant other going to them. However, that's something that I got out there right in the beginning of the relationship, not so much as a "You can't go to strip clubs ever, I forbid it" but when we started dating we figured out what the other person was into/wasn't into, and neither of us are into strip clubs and both think they're gross, so it works out.

    It doesn't really have anything to do with trust issues or whatever, I don't consider it cheating or anything like that, I just think it's really gross and trashy (YES, I have been to strip clubs before so my opinion was made AFTER trying it, just my personal opinion, I don't really care what other people do) so I wouldn't be in a relationship with a person who was into something that I found to be gross and trashy, if that makes sense.

    But if another couple is into it, or is cool with the other person going to strip clubs, then by all means do what works for YOUR relationship. We're all different!
  • QueenJayJay
    QueenJayJay Posts: 1,139
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    I was talking to my boss the other day, and he said he's "not allowed" to go to strip clubs.

    P.S. Now I'm wondering why you're talking to your boss about strip clubs...

    We were talking about what to do for my Fiance's bday

    Are you gonna do it? :huh:

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