Couple Question
Replies
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Basically, it all comes down to not having the right attitude. Are you a victim, or a spouse/partner?
Monarchy: "I don't/can't do that because my husband won't allow me to."
Marriage: "My husband and I talked [because we would have] and that makes him feel really uncomfortable. Because he explained his reasoning, I can see where he's coming from and I respect the way he feels. Therefore, I choose not to do it."
Completely agree with this. I think the reason a lot of couples get into fights about all kinds of things, not just strip clubs, is because instead of having an honest conversation, they will just say "no you can't do that" and let's face it, nobody likes being told no.
If your partner respects you (which he/she should) he/she should respect if something in particular makes you uncomfortable, and not put you in the position to begin with.0 -
It all depends on the circumstances. I would not forbid my husband from doing something. I'm not his mother and we are partners. If he wanted to go hang out at a strip club with his buddies and told me about it I wouldn't care. If he was sneaking around behind my back, hiding it from my and lying there would be a problem.0
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I was talking to my boss the other day, and he said he's "not allowed" to go to strip clubs. Now "not allowed" is something all on it's own. Women, is it okay with you if your husband/fiance/boyfriend, goes to a strip club? Men, is it ok with your wife?
I personally don't have a problem with my other half going, never have. And I like to go as well, so if he wants to go, we make it a big ordeal and invite a bunch of friends to go. Lap dances, dollar dances, I don't care. It's all fun. Thoughts?
my wife could care less, however i never go because i think it is really stupid to pay someone to get all aroused and now what?? go home to your wife so she can fix it?? how stupid. plus its degrading to women and men. 2nd i know it would break her heart so i choose not to go. on the flip side i could care less if she goes and it would not hurt me emotionally if she did, because shes coming home to me and i don't care because our private life is amazing now that we are losing weight its even more fantastic!!!0 -
and worry about how much money I might spend.
That would be my issue.0 -
I let him (I don't know "him" is.... maybe I'll meet him one day)
I see it as eye candy... and ladies, we have ours too!!
At the end of the night, hes coming home with me...
I'm the one who would bring the man to the strippers and get us both lap dances.0 -
I would rather my husband didn't go to a strip club, but to say he isn't "allowed" is demeaning, and frankly, I think would make a man think he HAD to go in order to prove a point. My husband doesn't "hang out" in strip clubs and I'm glad, but if he was invited to a bachelor party or was hanging out with friends, I realize that he has a limited number of options.
Option 1: Please his wife and look like either a wuss (if he's like "My wife wouldn't like it..." .) like he is being judgmental ("I don't think it is right") or cheap ("Drinks in those places are EXPENSIVE".)
Option 2: Displease his wife, who gets that sometimes we spend time with friends doing what they want to do. (At least, that's what I would choose to tell myself.
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I've probably gone more times than my boyfriend so no, it's not an issue at our house. It's all about trusting the one you are with. And if you don't...why are you with them????0
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Maybe it's the relationship then. Because we have a relationship where if I see a hot girl, I point her out.0
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If my husband were to ever go to a strip club he better be prepared for one pissed off wife when he gets back.
This guy ^^^^ is REALLY "not allowed"...0 -
I don't care if my husband goes. It's when he starts hiding it that it becomes a problem. Because if he's hiding it he thinks he's done something wrong and then I wonder what else is he hiding. But I usually know before he even goes that he's going. I do sometimes get jealous that he's going out with the guys while I stay home. But that's just because I wanna go out too just not with the guys and my girl friend is always so busy.0
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Never been, don't plan to, don't want to.0
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I wouldn't want my hubby going. But I have never had him say he wanted to. Just not his thing. I'm his thing.0
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i don't mind.. i think its fun goign with the guys personally and i've had a few lap dances/dollar dances myself... and i REALLY don't mind cause my bf even though he finds it intersting is turned off by what they do for a living lol.. but he'll look LOL0
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havent been to one in 20 plus years. my wife is 5'4", 115 lbs, tri-athlete, red head.
why would I need to go to a strip club? I got all I want or need at home.
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fosure0
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I don't even understand the "it makes me uncomfortable so he shouldn't go because he's supposed to love me". It's stupid...... like girls who think porn is cheating. Being in a relationship doesn't give anyone the right to dictate, whether it's directly or indirectly, what the other person should or shouldn't do. Ladies, you all know we're more than capable of controlling a situation indirectly, and to cover it up with "I don't tell him he can't go" when you know its "He *kitten* knows not to go.".0
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I can't say I'd be thrilled...but if my fiance and his buddies were all going for a guy's night out, I'd wouldn't mind. I'd rather him go out for one night of harmless fun than "forbid" him and us fight all night. But if he went out by himself all the time to a club then I'd have an issue (because then clearly he wants something I'm not giving him).
I know he feels the same way - my sorority sisters and I have had a few crazy nights. As long as I call him if I'm crashing at my friend's house or call him if I need a ride he's happy. It's definitely a nice balance.0 -
I don't even understand the "it makes me uncomfortable so he shouldn't go because he's supposed to love me". It's stupid...... like girls who think porn is cheating. Being in a relationship doesn't give anyone the right to dictate, whether it's directly or indirectly, what the other person should or shouldn't do. Ladies, you all know we're more than capable of controlling a situation indirectly, and to cover it up with "I don't tell him he can't go" when you know its "He *kitten* knows not to go.".
EXACTLY what I was thinking. I hate the sugar coating that's going on in some of these responses.0 -
havent been to one in 20 plus years. my wife is 5'4", 115 lbs, tri-athlete, red head.
why would I need to go to a strip club? I got all I want or need at home.
WINNING0 -
I don't have a problem with my hubs going to one. He can look all he wants, I know that I'm the object of his desire.
Only thing I'd have a problem with is him spending our joint $$ to go to one, which is something he'd never do since we each keep personal bank accounts in addition to the joint.0 -
I don't even understand the "it makes me uncomfortable so he shouldn't go because he's supposed to love me". It's stupid...... like girls who think porn is cheating. Being in a relationship doesn't give anyone the right to dictate, whether it's directly or indirectly, what the other person should or shouldn't do. Ladies, you all know we're more than capable of controlling a situation indirectly, and to cover it up with "I don't tell him he can't go" when you know its "He *kitten* knows not to go.".
EXACTLY what I was thinking. I hate the sugar coating that's going on in some of these responses.
I know right!? You can't tell me there is a happy marriage out there where both people had to give up things because the other one didn't like it. No such relationship exists. Resentment maybe, but no relationship.0 -
I don't even understand the "it makes me uncomfortable so he shouldn't go because he's supposed to love me". It's stupid...... like girls who think porn is cheating. Being in a relationship doesn't give anyone the right to dictate, whether it's directly or indirectly, what the other person should or shouldn't do. Ladies, you all know we're more than capable of controlling a situation indirectly, and to cover it up with "I don't tell him he can't go" when you know its "He *kitten* knows not to go.".
EXACTLY what I was thinking. I hate the sugar coating that's going on in some of these responses.
I know right!? You can't tell me there is a happy marriage out there where both people had to give up things because the other one didn't like it. No such relationship exists. Resentment maybe, but no relationship.
In my opinion, not "allowing" strip clubs, and not allowing *kitten* are hand in hand, and it's very controlling. Not to mention the fact that HOW can you be THAT insecure that if your SO goes to a strip club they are going to cheat. Really?! YOU picked him. UGH!!!0 -
I would never tell a grown man what he can and can't do. I just wouldn't date a man who likes going to strip clubs. If that's something he likes and insists on being able to do, then we are not going to be compatible.
I really hate when women try to make this an issue of "insecurity" in some effort to prove to men how cool and easy-going they are. Whatever. I understand and acknowledge the fact that opportunities to cheat are ALWAYS going to be there, whether it's with a stripper or some skank he works with. If you're a weak and morally bankrupt individual, cheating is easy. If you aren't either of those things, then being around other women isn't going to turn you into a cheater. The strip club thing is just something I personally find disrespectful (to me ... not to the woman doing the stripping). I realize not everyone shares my opinion, and that's fine.0 -
When I was younger I had a problem with it and have given the whole "you are not going ever" lol .. now that I am older and have had more relationship experience it doesn't matter so much.
I think I have always had the opinion that those places are trash and the people in them are trash .. so why would I want to be with someone who wants to go to trashy places. Now I just don't care enough for it to matter. Whatever floats your boat.
I used to think that till I went to a few with groups of people. The men weren't all drooling over the women, in fact many were engrossed in conversations and not really paying much attention, I think I was paying more attention. The girls also didn't seem the least bit overly interested in anyone in the crowd and were just trying to earn some $$. I was offered a few lapdances... I think they would have preferred dance for me than some of the men I saw - the ones who would have looked creepy in any setting... that serial killer look...no offense to anyone sporting that look. There were only a couple of those. Most of the crowd seemed like normal people just out at a bar that happens to have naked ladies. It wasn't the scene I was expecting.0 -
I really hate when women try to make this an issue of "insecurity" in some effort to prove to men how cool and easy-going they are. Whatever.
I think it's an insecurity issue, and it has nothing to do with how cool or easy going I am, nor am I trying to prove to anyone those facts :flowerforyou:0 -
I wouldn't mind if my husband went,
for his stag he was brought to a strip club and although it wasn't planned there was strippers at my hen night, We both knew and Neither thought much of it,
its a bit of fun! not like your going there to sleep with them!
Tho at my wedding the guys were discussing it and One of the guys girlfriend apparently didn't know they had gone to a strip club, and she flipped out at him..
So i suppose it depends on the person, I personally don't see any harm!0 -
It doesn't bother me and wouldn't long as it's not causing a problem in the relationship and finances. If it becomes where the man is spending his entire paycheck on s stripper when bills need to be paid that is where it ends.0
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I'm more likely to be found in one than my SO but I don't have an issue with him going. His friend was told by his fiancee that the stag party (bachelor party) weren't allowed to go to a lap dancing/strip club... how that did not send out alarm bells I don't know. It's not as if they were heading to a brothel or out searching for prostitutes, they are paying to watch a show, it's an expensive and short cinema/concert trip.lol.0
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My fiance thinks strip clubs are a waste of money...so he doesn't go very often. He has been open and honest about it (well as far as I know) and tells me when he does go. It kind of bothers me but I know it is all in good fun. And I have been as well with my friends...so it wouldn't be fair to have double standards.0
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