How to handle a boy bully against girls?

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  • AZKristi
    AZKristi Posts: 1,801 Member
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    There is something wrong with a child that threatens to beat someone's parents to death with a baseball bat. Parents can be blind to their children's problems. If talking to the parent doesn't work, try talking to your priest. He may be able to counsel this father to see what is happening.
  • warmachinejt
    warmachinejt Posts: 2,167 Member
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    Three weeks ago, a boy on my twin daughter's bus, got in big trouble at school. He told a girl that he was - and this is the quote " Going to beat your parents to death with a metal baseball bat." He's in 5th grade, and so are my kids. He was suspended from school for a week, and then forced was forced to sit behind the bus driver for the remainder of the year ( The incident happened on a bus. ) And at age 10, he also called the girl the "C" word.

    So today, my one daughter came home from school crying, saying that this same boy is being incredibly rude to her and making fun of her, and has been since he came back to school after his suspension. She said that she is afraid to ride the bus because of him, though she also said that he didn't threaten her. But she said it is all the time harassment.

    Now here's the 'kicker"..... his father is the guy who teaches my daughters in CCD ( Catholic education classes for the kids who do not attend Catholic school ) The father, IMO, has taken the big incident way too lightly. The boy's "punishment" for the big incident was to not be allowed to attend a sleepover the weekend that it happened.

    See, if this was not the same kid who threatened to kill somebody's parents with a metal baseball bat, i would just tell my daughter to ignore the idiot boy. Boys can be really rude.... but given the boy's history in the last month, and the fact that my daughter now is afraid to ride the bus, I think maybe I need to chat with the school.

    What do you think?
    pay one of the big guys at school to beat him up in front of everyone else....he will be a little b**** and not bother anyone anymore
    just make sure no one finds out you payed a kid to beat another one up :D
  • MrsSassyPants
    MrsSassyPants Posts: 223 Member
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    My opinion is to set up a meeting with the Principal and parents of the boy and yourself. that way there is no he said this or that. Bullying is a huge problem in the schools, and out, and needs to be delt with. Let them know that your daughter is afraid. I work in the school and i see things that other adults don't see. It helps when all the staff keep their eyes open.

    This is the wisest course for now. Our district has a -0- tolerance rule. It get's dealt with pretty quickly. If this doesn't work then you can consider other options. Handling things yourself can often lead to more trouble than when you started.
  • amyy902
    amyy902 Posts: 290 Member
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    Tell your daughter to kick that kid right in the nuts. He won't have the voice or the lol 'balls' to go tell..
    You should do the same to his father.

    thats what id have got told to do.
  • ericabrothers
    ericabrothers Posts: 115
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    While my opinion may not be the most popular one, I'll say it anyways.

    Tell your daughter to punch him in the face next time he threatens her or bullies her. It may be just the thing to get him off her back.

    ^^^this :smile: when i was in 6th grade there was a boy my age that kept picking on a little boy in kindergarten. well my friend and i finally told him if he did it one more time we were going to beat his *kitten*. well he did it again then tried to play it off like he was just kidding. needless to say we beat his *kitten* and then when the teacher questioned us about it the next day at school i told her that we had been telling him to stop bothering the kid and we told him what would happen if he didn't stop. long story short he got in trouble and me and the other girl didn't. not sure that is how it would play off in school today, it probably helped that me and the girl who kicked the crap out of him NEVER got in trouble and were excellent kids.
  • punkrawkcutie
    punkrawkcutie Posts: 439 Member
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    If the school and his parents take it that lightly again, then file a police report. That should get someone's attention.

    This - Speak to the school and see how they deal with it. Fact is, bullying IS abuse and most schools are scared of the term. If they aren't willing to do something about it, go to the police and file a report. The fact that he made a physical threat and continues to be aggressive showing that he could act upon it. Be aware however that once you file a report (at least in Canada) your actions could be brought forward as well so any intimidation on your (or your families part) could make you out to be the "villain".
  • warmachinejt
    warmachinejt Posts: 2,167 Member
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    whatever you do don't put your daughter in the spotlight. You will embarras her and leave her socially scarred.
  • delilah47
    delilah47 Posts: 1,658
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    Not sure what's wrong with some parents and kids. Last week here in the Seattle area a 3rd grade boy had a gun in his backpack that accidentally discharged and shot a little 3rd grade girl in the stomach. She nearly died and will still require surgeries to repair damage done.

    I realize most families need 2 incomes to support their family, but there needs to be a little extra effort to know what their children are up to.. or into. I don't have any answers.

    Since this bullying is going on on school property, I would, personally, go to the school and discuss it with the appropriate people.
  • YassSpartan
    YassSpartan Posts: 1,195 Member
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    BTW, telling a little girl to punch a kid on the face = REALLY BAD IDEA

    Reality is, if the girl doesn't know how to defend herself, why in hell would you people suggest such thing? So she gets beat up? Isn't she already intimidated and verbally attacked by the kid to the point she went home crying? Stupidest suggestion ever. Unless she knows how to defend herself, no physical action should be suggested for her. The dad is the one to talk to the boy's dad and try to solve things in a civil manner.
  • nbingham
    nbingham Posts: 102 Member
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    As the mother of three girls, all grown now, two of whom were bullied in their childhood I have this to offer;

    Do NOT confront the child on your own no matter how tempting. That's just asking for the cops to get involved and criminal charges to be leveled against you.
    What you DO need to do is a two part solution.

    1) Talk to the school. Explain what is happening and DEMAND that something be done about this. It's true that bullying is a hot issue right now and the school administration, if they're worth their salt, will step up to the situation.

    2) Get your daughter(s) into martial arts. Explain to them that you don't want them to ever start fights, but that it's good for them to be able to defend themselves if need be. Make sure it's a full contact school. None of that Tae Kwon Do, tapping each other while wearing "Stay Puffed Marshmallow Man" suits.

    My oldest girl was small for her age and bullied in a school system that was overloaded and the teachers simply didn't catch what was happening half the time. PLUS sometimes it would happen outside of school. Her father, who spent years learning martial arts, taught her some self defense moves. After a few well placed hits and throws she earned a reputation as someone to avoid. She NEVER once started a fight, she just finished them.

    My youngest girl was far more meek and didn't feel comfortable standing up to her bullies no matter what pep talks and training her dad tried to give her. When she got bullied we pressured the school HARD to do something about it. When it proved to not be enough (the bullies parents had the attitude that my daughter must be making it up because their "little angels" would never do such things) we got the police involved.
  • ajr050969
    ajr050969 Posts: 20 Member
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    While my opinion may not be the most popular one, I'll say it anyways.

    Tell your daughter to punch him in the face next time he threatens her or bullies her. It may be just the thing to get him off her back.

    I agree except that she will get suspended. School is the only place in the world where you don't have a right to defend yourself.
  • saragato
    saragato Posts: 1,154
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    Not sure what's wrong with some parents and kids. Last week here in the Seattle area a 3rd grade boy had a gun in his backpack that accidentally discharged and shot a little 3rd grade girl in the stomach. She nearly died and will still require surgeries to repair damage done.

    I realize most families need 2 incomes to support their family, but there needs to be a little extra effort to know what their children are up to.. or into. I don't have any answers.

    Since this bullying is going on on school property, I would, personally, go to the school and discuss it with the appropriate people.

    A lot of it doesn't stem from the parents not being there physically due to jobs, it's when the parents aren't there mentally and don't care that stuff like that happens. Plenty of parents now believe the school must teach them everything and babysit them so that they don't have to do much more than feed them once or twice.

    At my second high school where my aunt taught, I stayed late lots of times when my aunt had papers to grade or something that had to be done in the school's computer system on a deadline. These were usually the times the parents of kids who had gotten in trouble came to speak with the principal. These were the kids who brought weapons and drugs to school and probably 8 out of 10 would just tell their kid, "don't take my *kitten*." Others put the fear of God in their kids, but the rest were more concerned the kid had taken something that was the parents', not theirs. Lord knows I have a second cousin who, due to her mother's lack of caring (her mother's self-centered and actually is jealous of her child because she gets more attention) she thinks she can do whatever she wants. My aunt denied her money for the ice cream man, she went and stole the money. It's just simple lack of giving a rat's *kitten*.
  • saragato
    saragato Posts: 1,154
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    While my opinion may not be the most popular one, I'll say it anyways.

    Tell your daughter to punch him in the face next time he threatens her or bullies her. It may be just the thing to get him off her back.

    I agree except that she will get suspended. School is the only place in the world where you don't have a right to defend yourself.

    You have a right to defend yourself, the mature way.
  • alorick
    alorick Posts: 194
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    BTW, telling a little girl to punch a kid on the face = REALLY BAD IDEA

    Reality is, if the girl doesn't know how to defend herself, why in hell would you people suggest such thing? So she gets beat up? Isn't she already intimidated and verbally attacked by the kid to the point she went home crying? Stupidest suggestion ever. Unless she knows how to defend herself, no physical action should be suggested for her. The dad is the one to talk to the boy's dad and try to solve things in a civil manner.

    Because 99% of the time, a bully like the OP is talking about won't know WHAT to do when someone stands up for themselves against him. Probably run off and cry?

    Fine. Whatever. Teach your kid self defense, as in martial arts. I'll do it the way I was taught in the dirty south, to fight with fists if words and interventions don't work. Girls are tougher than you guys give them credit for. Growing up, my dad taught me how to fight in case I needed it. I was always told not to ever start a fight, but I'd better finish one if it was started by someone else. I couldn't get my license until I knew how to change the oil and change a flat tire. And that kind of stuff is exactly what I'll teach my daughters.
  • xHelloQuincyx
    xHelloQuincyx Posts: 884 Member
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    right now I am in school studying child development, I observe and work with high risk children. and let me just say I am in no way defending the boy, what he said was totally wrong. I just want to play devils advicate. Typically children develop "bad" behavior as a result of family life. The boy may be abused or neglected and is taking out his behavior on others. or he could have a "play problem" where he bullies when he really just wants to make friends. Someone should have a talk with him and get to the real root of this problem, without help he is likely (and obviously is) just continuing the behavior. punishment is the wrong word, guiding behavior is what should be going on. If he feels threatened while being talked to or worried about the punishment he is likely to brush the insident off as nothing.

    on a personal note: when i was in kindergarden i remember this boy who was HORRIBLE. all of my mothers attention went to him while we were at class, and i asked her why she would talk to someone being so naughty. even at that young age my mother, who was the teacher, had one single thing to say to me after a lot of trouble i had with them. she said "not everyone has a happy life like ours, you need to do whats right in your heart to other no matter what they do to you." years went by and that childs parents went to jail for a hit and run accident for the rest of their life. that boy was extreamly troubled and had no idea what to do with his actions or emotions. he had no outlet to express himself and what was going on in his life besides "acting out". children who have no feedback or attention will resort to "bad" acts to get a reaction. a bad reaction is better then no reaction or attention so they continue.

    this honestly sounds like a really troubled kid. the best advice i have for your daughter is to not resort to bullying back. and stay away from him, dont let him get to her (in an emotional state). tell her that she has nothing to worry about, his actions are false and he is trying to get a reation out of her. dont give him the satisfaction, simply ignore him.


    oh, and dont let your daughter punch the boy... come on people! when should violence answer violence at such a young age. she would just be made an example of and suspended too... set an example and tell her to do the right thing. explain to her that the world isnt rainbows and sunshine and sometimes peoples lifes suck. punching the kid isnt going to make anything get any better. if anything it will fule his flame, cover up the problem, and make another bully.

    also you probably dont wanna ride the bus with her or go to school with her. this opinion comes from me knowing what its like to be a young girl. she would probably be bullied just because of that.
  • KevDaniel
    KevDaniel Posts: 449 Member
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    I would call the police..

    Not because they will arrest him or anything but they will usually drive down and talk to the kids.. It may put some fear in him because right now it doesn't appear that he is remorseful, or even cares or takes it seriously. I remember being younger and having a police officer talk to a neighbor kid because he got in a fight.. Looking back the cop probably could not have done anything but it was enough for the kids to rethink his actions.
  • papa3x
    papa3x Posts: 286
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    My girls are both red belts in Tae Kwon Do...that said, I still don't want them hitting anybody unless it is self defense against something PHYSICAL. I'm not having either of my kids get thrown out of school.
  • YassSpartan
    YassSpartan Posts: 1,195 Member
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    My girls are both red belts in Tae Kwon Do...that said, I still don't want them hitting anybody unless it is self defense against something PHYSICAL. I'm not having either of my kids get thrown out of school.

    Is the school aware of the violent comments the kids is saying? If he harasses another kid, there's already records of him instigating violence.
  • Gordie580
    Gordie580 Posts: 154 Member
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    Most states are implimenting a bullying policy that must be followed I would check with the school and get there policy on it and see where it stands. The school has to provide you with the documentation of the policy and procedure. Also check with the school district, a school will not bar you from rideing on the bus, nor sitting with them in class as long as you are there for a reason. Some may be more opposed to the idea, but if it is a publicly funded school you have rights.
  • KYMUSE
    KYMUSE Posts: 66
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    First thing I would do is email the school, explain the situation in detail and ask to set up a meeting to discuss possible ways to remedy the situation. For much different reasons then what you are going through, I have learned the power behind having a "paper trail" with emails that contain dates, facts-that way if you should ever have to go to above or outside the school you will have a timeline of what and when it happened.

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