How to handle a boy bully against girls?

My girls are both red belts in Tae Kwon Do...that said, I still don't want them hitting anybody unless it is self defense against something PHYSICAL. I'm not having either of my kids get thrown out of school.

Psychological abuse isn't okay. And it sounds like it's not going to stop anytime soon. I understand you don't want them thrown out of school, but there has to be some record of what's been going on. Your kids have a right to defend themselves. I don't think calling the boy a big meanie head would get the job done. But, do you and yours.

Because 99% of the time, a bully like the OP is talking about won't know WHAT to do when someone stands up for themselves against him. Probably run off and cry?

I may have to say that's speculation. Of course, I'm saying this from my point of view, not saying you're wrong or right. It is nice to think they would go running, but how many cases there have been when the kid will come back to take revenge and not in a nice manner? Just saying.

Statistics show that the bully will leave them alone, and move on to the next easy target. That's not okay either, but it would solve OP's problem.

After reading, I think having a police officer come and talk to the kid and his parents would be a great idea. Scared straight, or something like that.

My first reaction would be to talk to the parents about it personally. Tell them that your daughter is having problems with their son and you would appreciate it if they could talk to him about it. If the problem persists, I would speak to the principle. And if the problem is not solved after all that, return to the boy's parents and tell them you take threats and harassment very seriously and if the problem is not corrected, you will be going to the police. A 10 year old knows that threatening to kill someone is wrong and bullying is wrong. If he doesn't want to listen to his parents or the school then he can answer to the police. A threat is a threat and it should not be taken lightly. You shouldn't have to remove your daughter from the school but as a very last resort, I would consider it if she is actually living in fear.

This needs to be address by a meeting with the principal and school counselor. This boy obviously has unresolved anger management issues. I had a problem similar to this with my daughter and a boy in her school. He was trying to get her to be his girlfriend because she had a "phat *kitten*". She is in 6th grade and is in 7th but was held back a year so should be in 8th. He had a history of pushing kids around and trying to get girls to do things they did not want to do. No matter what she said he would not leave her alone.

I requested a parent meeting, and I explicitly told both the parents and the school officials that should another instance like that happen, I was pressing charges for sexual harrassment and suing the school for allowing the behavior to occur. In exchange for me not pressing charges immediately, the parents agreed to have him meet with the counselor once per week for sensitivity training. She has not seen him since.

Do not take the matters into your own hands...get everyone involved and make sure they all know you are serious.

I feel as if the school will not do much about this. Consequences are pretty light, as we want everyone to "feel good" about themselves and parents almost always come down on the side of the kid. I like the suggestions about having parents shadow the kid, but they may not comply, and the idea of meeting with both kids, principal, cops and parents. This kid needs to stop terrorizing people, and TEACHERS can't stop it! They don't do it in front of us! Even in 5th grade, this is serious stuff. No one should have to be afraid to go to school, but the reality is that many kids are. There were always bullies and always will be. Heck, I was threatened with a beat down from a boy in 5th grade myself, and in fear I spun him around and let him fly on the cement steps. He never bothered me again.

I'm an attorney...a public defender for what that's worth. I don't have my own children at this point, but I have friends who do. If one of them told me a story like this, I would be DELIGHTED to attend a meeting between them and the school staff. I wouldn't have to say a word. Just the fact that you took the matter seriously enough to consult with counsel would send a loud and clear message to both the school and the boy's parents.

Missouri has pretty strong anti-bullying laws (in person and online), and I'll bet your state does too. Being a kid is hard enough without some little punk making it more difficult. Help her out here

I don't know what the hell is wrong with kids. No respect for anyone around them. It makes me crazy. My daughter was bullied by the kids in the 'low rental housing' in the adjoining neighbourhood since before she started school. She's in grade 5 now, and she's always nervous. It messes with their heads! So unfair. Well on the news today there was another school shooting, and the shooter had been bullied.5 kids have been shot, 1 is dead and the shooter is going to end up in jail for murder.
We. as parents, are responsible. If you kid is being bullied...WE HAVE TO STOP IT! My daughter (as well as another child) was BIT this week at swimming class after being held underwater by another girl. BIT! The biter is trying to say she was playing 'shark'. Almost 11 years old, and she was teasing another girl just the day before during lunch for eating a banana.(you know what I mean) If your old enough to do that, the 'playing shark' crap doesn't fly with me. I called the school, and this swim instructor has also been informed of her behavior. The teacher has called her mother, but nothing will be done.
I told my daughter that if the 'shark' comes near her again , that she can kick, punch, scratch, tear off her bathing suit, gouge out her eyes, whatever it takes to protect herself. I'll deal with the repercussions, and I don't care anymore. Time for the bullies to be stopped.
Chuck, don't step on the bus, but tell the bullies' Dad, that whatever his kid does to your girls, you're going to do the same to him.
I'm aware that violence breeds violence, but we only have so many cheeks to turn! I don't know about you, but I'm fed up.

i say get on the bus and call his little *kitten* out. Like Madea! I bet he wont say another word. Of course thats what WE would do at my house. It would happen 1 time. Done.

^^THIS! Ha! I love it! And bring a metal baseball bat with you.

In my opinion, you have a much better chance of effecting change if you bring it through the school which then needs to make and implement a plan to manage this kid. It's not YOUR daughter's problem, it's this kid's. If you approach the parents directly, they are likely to be a) defensive or b) in denial about their kid. Assuming they are good people, then they will have a hard time accepting your statements (and i"m pretty sure a kid who has no qualms about threatening to bash adults with metal bats will also likely LIE if confronted).

I would NOT insert yourself here. I WOULD get into that school TOMORROW, report the incident, and make darn sure you know exactly what steps are going to be taken.

I don't know. Honestly, I had four siblings, so if a boy was this rude to me, I usually would have first fought him myself (I wasn't a tough girl, but I was athletic and had two brothers who used to get into it with me at times). OR I would threaten them with my brothers. That was a different era though.


Today,physical aggression (even in self-defense) is no longer tolerated in school. When I was a kid, it was the law of the jungle, well nearly.

First of all, I think this kid has problems. But if the father won't address them, there's not a lot you can really do.

Second, your daughter needs to diffuse the bully's threats or rudeness. I taught my kids to say, "So?" after every snotty put-down. There's nothing left to say on the bully's end, if you keep saying, "So?" or "So what?"

Example:

Bully: You're a c***.

Student: So?

Bully: Well you're a big fat ugly rhino!

Student: So?

Bully: I'm going to beat you up!

Student: So?

And so on.

In the book, "The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense," I believe this is also mentioned as "computer talk." If someone is offensive and rude, you respond to them as if you are a computer, without emotion, without feeling. You repeat the same message over and again. They either get it or they don't but you don't take the bait.

The bully is looking to push your buttons. Nothing is more frustrating to them when they can't.

I knew if she showed that much anger in public, it was probably much worse when he got home. I wept for that kid, even though for years I couldn't stand him. Bullying is taken much more seriously now, I should think you'd find the school receptive to your complaints, particularly since the boy already has a history.

^^ Great points. Yes, unfortunately a lot of the bullies don't have a great home life and they are a product of their environment (for the time being...). Ditto-ing that bullying IS taken so much more seriously now than it was 10 years ago. Please bring this to the attention of the school and authorities.

While my opinion may not be the most popular one, I'll say it anyways.

Tell your daughter to punch him in the face next time he threatens her or bullies her. It may be just the thing to get him off her back.

That would get her thrown out of school.

She may just have to take that risk, considering the little punk can get away with threatening to kill her parents and still stay in school. Just tell her to punch him if he puts his hands on her. I'd get an attorney as well if the talk with the parents and school don't pan out. Or, you could do what my mother did and threaten to remove your girls from the school system and put them in a different school and then go to the local papers and news company. That'll make them move their *kitten*

I was joking with the Medea comment. Of course you should take it up with the school. The bully may be bullying other children, too. There should be more strict bullying rules in school. I was taunted and bullied until I turned 18. I got into one fight and that girl never could go to school again because she was bullying other girls and they all took my side.

I don't know. Honestly, I had four siblings, so if a boy was this rude to me, I usually would have first fought him myself (I wasn't a tough girl, but I was athletic and had two brothers who used to get into it with me at times). OR I would threaten them with my brothers. That was a different era though.


Today,physical aggression (even in self-defense) is no longer tolerated in school. When I was a kid, it was the law of the jungle, well nearly.

First of all, I think this kid has problems. But if the father won't address them, there's not a lot you can really do.

Second, your daughter needs to diffuse the bully's threats or rudeness. I taught my kids to say, "So?" after every snotty put-down. There's nothing left to say on the bully's end, if you keep saying, "So?" or "So what?"

Example:

Bully: You're a c***.

Student: So?

Bully: Well you're a big fat ugly rhino!

Student: So?

Bully: I'm going to beat you up!

Student: So?

And so on.

In the book, "The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense," I believe this is also mentioned as "computer talk." If someone is offensive and rude, you respond to them as if you are a computer, without emotion, without feeling. You repeat the same message over and again. They either get it or they don't but you don't take the bait.

The bully is looking to push your buttons. Nothing is more frustrating to them when they can't.

Wow.. you've obviously never been bullied.

i say get on the bus and call his little *kitten* out. Like Madea! I bet he wont say another word. Of course thats what WE would do at my house. It would happen 1 time. Done.

BAD IDEA...it's illegal for a person who is not a student or school employee to get on the bus! Don't do it!!!

I dont care. Write me a ticket! Put me in jail. When it comes to my kids, dont eff with them PERIOD.