not about weight..but about a creepy guy..advice please

Options
1246

Replies

  • elizabethdear95
    elizabethdear95 Posts: 68
    Options
    If it were happening to me, I would first start by checking to see if he is a registered sex offender or has a record.

    Speak with your landlord about what is going on, see if they can be of help.

    Not that the police can do anything because he is "creepy", but I would talk to my local police station and see what could be done - file a stalking report, have the police come out and check on you..not sure.

    I would also take a picture of him (a really good photo) give it to the police and give it to your folks. Make sure his name on it and any other information about him is on it.

    Do you have anyone that can come and stay with you for a few days? It might be a good idea to have someone else check this guy out. Make sure they get a good look at him and that he knows this person saw him.

    Maybe get a really, big dog and train the dog to attack only him! :noway:

    Hopefully, someone on MFP is with the police department and can give you some better advice.


    ^^^THIS!!
  • DaughterOfTheMostHighKing
    DaughterOfTheMostHighKing Posts: 1,436 Member
    Options
    report him. that's harassment!
  • Dayna154
    Dayna154 Posts: 910 Member
    Options
    I wouldn't cuss him out. Who knows how unstable he may be. Doing things like that just makes me nervous becuase you really don't know how ppl are. I'd mention all this to your landlord. Tell them you don't feel safe.
    This and report him for stalking you cause he is
  • misswallie2u
    misswallie2u Posts: 28 Member
    Options
    Pepper Spray. Next time he jumps out at you give him a faceful.


    Exactly!
  • melgillis
    melgillis Posts: 75 Member
    Options
    Pepper Spray. Next time he jumps out at you give him a faceful.


    I don't think you're over reacting at all. Listen to your intuition. This guy may at first just be a creeper. He's turning into a stalker. Please talk with your landlord. Please notify some authority about this person - I don't know what the police can do but maybe a friendly conversation from an officer might help him see that you aren't interested in his antics or company. Don't look at him and yes, carry your pepper spray.

    Don't underestimate what this person will do. Be safe.
  • gemmaldavies
    gemmaldavies Posts: 379
    Options
    I wouldn't cuss him out. Who knows how unstable he may be. Doing things like that just makes me nervous becuase you really don't know how ppl are. I'd mention all this to your landlord. Tell them you don't feel safe.

    best advice. hope it turns out well.
  • gecho
    gecho Posts: 426 Member
    Options
    I wouldn't cuss him out. Who knows how unstable he may be. Doing things like that just makes me nervous becuase you really don't know how ppl are. I'd mention all this to your landlord. Tell them you don't feel safe.

    this!
  • kateparker1982
    kateparker1982 Posts: 28
    Options
    Hes a creep. Dont mess around with your safety, you cant take this lightly. As someone who has dealt with this kind of thing before I understand that it can be very scary. I didnt follow my instinct and my old landlord came into my apartment when I was in the shower. Fortunately I was able to fight him off. Dont want to scare you but you never know who you could be dealing with. He could just be an old perv or he could be dangerous.
    My best advice is first of all change your locks often. Make sure you have a dead bolt and a chain lock. Always be aware of your surroundings for example walk with your head up and undistracted, have your keys in your hand-they can be used as a weapon if need be, Pepper spray isnt bad but it can always be turned on you. Notify the police, they cant do anything at this point but make a record of harassment and keep a record of all of the incidents where he has any contact with you. I agree with the previous post to give his photo to someone you trust and make sure someone knows what is going or as well as a description of his vehicle/plate #. Getting a dog is a great idea if you can, I have always had a dog-especially as a single woman-plus if not only for protection a dog will give you companionship and a bigger reason to get exercise walking the dog.
    You cant trust anyone and you can never be to careful. Being overly cautious and prepared is better than being underprepared and caught of guard. .
    Good luck!
  • laurenmariekatherine
    laurenmariekatherine Posts: 5 Member
    Options
    The police CAN do something because this is legal harassment, and you shouldn't have to feel like this in your own apartment building where you PAY to live. Talk to the cops and landlord ASAP, but don't engage him in conversation.
  • lour441
    lour441 Posts: 543 Member
    Options
    Nothing good can come out of this situation. If moving is an option I would do that.
  • MercenaryNoetic26
    MercenaryNoetic26 Posts: 2,747 Member
    Options
    I think he's doing it because he knows he bothers you. If it was me catching him watching me in my own home doing exercise I'd probably snap and open the door and tell him to go loiter somewhere else. I swear, it sounds like some of my neighbors I used to have. I moved out of my condo and am renting it out. They sure don't mess with my tennant the way they used to mess with me! Everytime I go by, they're not parking on her spot behind her garage, but they always did that to me. Why? Because they saw me fuming every time and they got a kick out of it. I would call the cops when he's watching you just to have it on the record in case he tries anything stupid. Of course, as soon as they see the PoPo, they scram... suddenly scuttling like a cockroach trying to run from being squashed. My neigbors always walked around swaggering with a friggin' RED plastic cup. It was a party ever friggin' day. Yay-ahhhhh! Let's celebrate our unemployment benefits! Anyway, good luck with creepy neighbor. Have some mace ready and spray him if he gets too close!
  • Beastette
    Beastette Posts: 1,497 Member
    Options
    If you decide to buy mace, please get bear mace. No coming back from that ****.

    Pictures are nice, but video is better. You don't have to say a word. When he jumps out yelling, "BOO!" to your phone pointed at him, he'll think twice.

    Every chance you have to video the behavior, it will tell the story for you: dates, times, exactly HOW *kitten* weird this weirdo is. This will eliminate some of the stupid responses you'll get from people who won't understand your situation.

    I would put that *kitten* on YouTube if the authorities and your landlord won't assist you. I would also send it, along with your entire story, to the local news. Guess what? You'll get a response then.

    ETA: I was not suggesting to video him in an antagonistic way, btw. No: Hey, fVcker, I gotcha!
  • Quasita
    Quasita Posts: 1,530 Member
    Options
    Call your local non-emergency police phone line, and ask them what you can do, along with talking to your landlord and other things that have been suggested. Even if there is no actual criminal activity, the police will often help you keep record in case it goes to civil court... and god forbid thing do become criminal (though this is borderline harrassment and may have already gone there) nothing helps win a case like a list of domestic disturbance calls. Landlords kick out tenants that generate multiple police calls.

    Also, NEVER open the door at night without identifying who is there. If someone knocks and doesn't answer when you ask who it is, ignore it. If they continue to knock and run, then you call the cops. Most jurisdictions will send out a squad car to take a report and then patrol the area more... at least for that night anyway.

    I agree, don't provoke him. Be curt and polite. These types can be harmless, but they can also been harmful, and being vengeful will only help him build an excuse for his behavior.
  • SaraSweetheart
    SaraSweetheart Posts: 34 Member
    Options
    OKAY. Here is the perspective of a young Psych student!

    BE ASSERTIVE. You get some creeps that enjoy harassing women because they think there will be no consequences for their behavior. DO NOT NECESSARILY BE ANGRY. That will escalate this situation and make him angry. BE CALM and SPEAK SLOWLY AND DEEPLY. That said, don't be submissive or make it less of an issue than it is... choose your wording carefully. Keep in mind that your tone of voice and body language is important. (Stand up straight, etc.) Be polite, and not condescending, yet remain firm.

    BUT.

    TRUST YOUR GUT. You have insticts for a reason. All women do.

    Report this to your landlord. If they don't do anything, report this to the police. They will probably roll their eyes at you, but this is a precaution because they have something on record if the worst should happen. I know it's morbid to think like that, but you have to protect yourself.

    HOWEVER. THERE MUST BE CONSEQUENCES FOR YOUR NEIGHBOUR'S BEHAVIOUR OR HE WILL KEEP DOING IT AND THINGS WILL GET WORSE.

    You could try something like, "Sir, your behaviour is not appreciated. I am not going to tolerate you acting towards me in this manner any more. It makes me very uncomfortable. I do not like it at all. You are going to have to stop acting towards myself in this manner, or further action will have to be taken. I don't want to go to the landlord or police, but if you don't stop acting this way, I will have no choice but to do just that.'

    Be prepared for an angry or irritable response on his part. You will probably get something like, "I was just joking, lighten up!" (That's usually the typical cop-out.) But STAY CALM, SPEAK SLOWLY AND DEEPLY, AND REMAIN FIRM. That's what you can best do to prevent any situation from escalating, believe it or not. AND ALWAYS APPEAL TO HIS SELF INTEREST. (For example, say I have a client that storms into the office where I work as a Psychometrist and demands that I assess him now so he can get his AISH money. I would never assess him or refer him to someone else to be assessed sooner; that reinforces his behaviour, and he will continue to be like that with other people he interacts with because that gets results. I would say, standing tall and speaking slowly and deeply, "Sir, I get that you're pissed off, and we want to help you out; but the AISH people aren't going to look kindly upon you acting in this way. If you continue to act this way, the AISH people probably won't let you have your AISH money." BLAH BLAH BLAH. Usually they will calm down.

    Also, say I am in a situation with a potentially violent client who is storming around, I use a technique called a one-down. Say, "I get that you're pissed off, but I'm not sure what's going on for you right now." 19 times out of 20, they will calm down and start talking to you. I know that wouldn't be my first instict to do that, but trust me, it works. However, if you are about to be attacked, RUN. And ALWAYS FIGHT BACK. You will be more likely to prevent rape or anything.)

    I hope that was helpful. GOOD LUCK
  • SofaKingRad
    SofaKingRad Posts: 1,592 Member
    Options
    Huh. Seems like a nice guy. Invite him out for drinks? :devil:
  • rosefan121
    rosefan121 Posts: 17
    Options
    You should tell him that you will file charges against him for harassment. Just say.. don't look at me.. don't talk to me and just stay away and leave me alone or I'm calling the cops. However, make sure you have some pepper spray on you when confronting him. If nothing else.. MOVE... it's just better than staying around someone that makes you feel like that.
  • jmehere
    jmehere Posts: 108 Member
    Options
    Write everything down. Every time you have an incident with him, write it down. If you can discreetly record anything with your phone, do it. Find out what your legal rights are. Keep yourself strongly composed, always walk with your head up, aware of your surroundings when you go out your door. When he says something inappropriate to you, tell him what he's saying is inappropriate and walk away. Confronting him with the landlord or your mother or both in a safe, visible area might be a good idea. At the very least, he is harassing you and I'm sure you can get something done to stop it. I would carry some mace or something when you go out. Learn a few self defense maneuvers, or better; take a class. Go for the eyes, nose, and balls if he assaults you. Don't bother cussing him out. I know this makes you angry and scared, but you need to try to be composed and aware around him. Speak clearly and with authority to him.
  • sculley
    sculley Posts: 2,012 Member
    Options
    Seems like he has a problem like he doesn't know how to show someone he likes them so he plays the childish games. I would be a little worried if I were you. Honestly if he continues this and after you have asked him to leave you alone you should get a restraining order if need be. You just dont want to find yourself in a situation where it isn't safe.
  • 2hungariangirls
    2hungariangirls Posts: 220
    Options
    Have you talked to the landlord yet? What's the update? Keep us posted because we are worried about a fellow MFPer!
  • Beastette
    Beastette Posts: 1,497 Member
    Options
    OKAY. Here is the perspective of a young Psych student!

    BE ASSERTIVE. You get some creeps that enjoy harassing women because they think there will be no consequences for their behavior. DO NOT NECESSARILY BE ANGRY. That will escalate this situation and make him angry. BE CALM and SPEAK SLOWLY AND DEEPLY. That said, don't be submissive or make it less of an issue than it is... choose your wording carefully. Keep in mind that your tone of voice and body language is important. (Stand up straight, etc.) Be polite, and not condescending, yet remain firm.

    BUT.

    TRUST YOUR GUT. You have insticts for a reason. All women do.

    Report this to your landlord. If they don't do anything, report this to the police. They will probably roll their eyes at you, but this is a precaution because they have something on record if the worst should happen. I know it's morbid to think like that, but you have to protect yourself.

    HOWEVER. THERE MUST BE CONSEQUENCES FOR YOUR NEIGHBOUR'S BEHAVIOUR OR HE WILL KEEP DOING IT AND THINGS WILL GET WORSE.

    You could try something like, "Sir, your behaviour is not appreciated. I am not going to tolerate you acting towards me in this manner any more. It makes me very uncomfortable. I do not like it at all. You are going to have to stop acting towards myself in this manner, or further action will have to be taken. I don't want to go to the landlord or police, but if you don't stop acting this way, I will have no choice but to do just that.'

    Be prepared for an angry or irritable response on his part. You will probably get something like, "I was just joking, lighten up!" (That's usually the typical cop-out.) But STAY CALM, SPEAK SLOWLY AND DEEPLY, AND REMAIN FIRM. That's what you can best do to prevent any situation from escalating, believe it or not. AND ALWAYS APPEAL TO HIS SELF INTEREST. (For example, say I have a client that storms into the office where I work as a Psychometrist and demands that I assess him now so he can get his AISH money. I would never assess him or refer him to someone else to be assessed sooner; that reinforces his behaviour, and he will continue to be like that with other people he interacts with because that gets results. I would say, standing tall and speaking slowly and deeply, "Sir, I get that you're pissed off, and we want to help you out; but the AISH people aren't going to look kindly upon you acting in this way. If you continue to act this way, the AISH people probably won't let you have your AISH money." BLAH BLAH BLAH. Usually they will calm down.

    Also, say I am in a situation with a potentially violent client who is storming around, I use a technique called a one-down. Say, "I get that you're pissed off, but I'm not sure what's going on for you right now." 19 times out of 20, they will calm down and start talking to you. I know that wouldn't be my first instict to do that, but trust me, it works. However, if you are about to be attacked, RUN. And ALWAYS FIGHT BACK. You will be more likely to prevent rape or anything.)

    I hope that was helpful. GOOD LUCK

    I'm sorry, but no. Engaging him in ANY way is reinforcing, trust me.

Categories