Losing weight too easy? Try these handicaps

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taso42
taso42 Posts: 8,980 Member
in Chit-Chat
If you're having way too easy of a time losing weight and would like it to be a bigger challenge, try some of these tips!

1. Cut out entire food groups arbitrarily. One week you can cut out carbs. Another week, stop eating fats. On week 3, don't eat any yellow foods, etc. Be creative with this.
2. Don't eat 3 hours before bed. Or 4 hours. Or just stop eating after 2pm. Consider eating only at 1:30pm. If you miss the 1:30 mark one day, don't worry. Just try again tomorrow. Set an alarm on your smart phone.
3. Make sure you spend 1/3 of each day on the elliptical machine. Remember, cardio, cardio, cardio, and more cardio! Aim for a 2000 calorie per day burn. Of course this should only be done while eating 1200 calories.
4. If you eat breakfast currently, STOP EATING BREAKFAST!
5. If you don't eat breakfast currently, EAT BREAKFAST! IT'S THE MOST IMPORTANT MEAL AND IT WILL KICKSTART YOUR METABOLISM.
6. Juice fast. 'Nuff said
7. Take the Dr. Oz challenge! Every week, tune in to the Dr. Oz show, listen very carefully, and do exactly what he says.
8. Starve yourself. Stay under 900 calories every day because you're very short and you know your body and you have a slow metabolism.
9. Click on all internet links that advertise weight loss secrets. Buy as many as possible.
10. Stop exercising. It's a waste of time and all that sweating can't possibly be good for the skin.

We hope that by following some or all of these simple rules, you can make losing weight the difficult and excruciating process that it was meant to be.
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Replies

  • CoryIda
    CoryIda Posts: 7,887 Member
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    Awww crap! Why didn't you share this information with me last year? Now it's too late to incorporate any of these fabulous ideas because I already LOST all the weight!

    **grumble**
  • joejccva71
    joejccva71 Posts: 2,985 Member
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    Haha Taso. Awesome. =)
  • sunkisses
    sunkisses Posts: 2,365 Member
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    I rarely propose marriage but.... I think this post warrants it.
  • grapenutSF
    grapenutSF Posts: 648 Member
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    you forgot to add the diet pills from mexico.
  • Silverkittycat
    Silverkittycat Posts: 1,997 Member
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    My alarm on my "smart" phone doesn't seem to work. Also, every time I try to add Chobani to my grocery list it changes to Chicano. What should I do?
  • Clever_Girl
    Clever_Girl Posts: 114
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    Let's not forget the importance of laxatives.
  • MB_Positif
    MB_Positif Posts: 8,897 Member
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    Lovely post. Thanks for the tips! :)
  • sunkisses
    sunkisses Posts: 2,365 Member
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    Let's not forget the importance of laxatives.

    Ah, yes, "cleansing".
  • infamousmk
    infamousmk Posts: 6,033 Member
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    Don't forget water!


    All liquids are water. Especially black coffee. However, if you're drinking your coffee with splenda, then you may only count pure, clean, ice-cold water.
  • ChRiStA_1983
    ChRiStA_1983 Posts: 380 Member
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    If you're having way too easy of a time losing weight and would like it to be a bigger challenge, try some of these tips!

    1. Cut out entire food groups arbitrarily. One week you can cut out carbs. Another week, stop eating fats. On week 3, don't eat any yellow foods, etc. Be creative with this.
    2. Don't eat 3 hours before bed. Or 4 hours. Or just stop eating after 2pm. Consider eating only at 1:30pm. If you miss the 1:30 mark one day, don't worry. Just try again tomorrow. Set an alarm on your smart phone.
    3. Make sure you spend 1/3 of each day on the elliptical machine. Remember, cardio, cardio, cardio, and more cardio! Aim for a 2000 calorie per day burn. Of course this should only be done while eating 1200 calories.
    4. If you eat breakfast currently, STOP EATING BREAKFAST!
    5. If you don't eat breakfast currently, EAT BREAKFAST! IT'S THE MOST IMPORTANT MEAL AND IT WILL KICKSTART YOUR METABOLISM.
    6. Juice fast. 'Nuff said
    7. Take the Dr. Oz challenge! Every week, tune in to the Dr. Oz show, listen very carefully, and do exactly what he says.
    8. Starve yourself. Stay under 900 calories every day because you're very short and you know your body and you have a slow metabolism.
    9. Click on all internet links that advertise weight loss secrets. Buy as many as possible.
    10. Stop exercising. It's a waste of time and all that sweating can't possibly be good for the skin.

    We hope that by following some or all of these simple rules, you can
    make losing weight the difficult and excruciating process that it was meant to be.

    * Insert exaggerated gasp here*. So THAT'S what I've been doing wrong! Omg, Taso, you're a GENIUS! :P
  • MrsCon40
    MrsCon40 Posts: 2,351 Member
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    Apple cider vinegar! Don't forget to take that orally and colonicly!
  • BigDaddyBRC
    BigDaddyBRC Posts: 2,395 Member
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    You forgot the prego's pee!!!!!!!!!!! DRINK IT!!!!!!
  • TrophyWifeSass
    TrophyWifeSass Posts: 490 Member
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    But will my bones shrink?
  • ilookthetype
    ilookthetype Posts: 3,021 Member
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    When hungry just drink vodka until you pass out.
  • Yanicka1
    Yanicka1 Posts: 4,564 Member
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    is it ok if a give you a steamy hot french kiss???
  • TDGee
    TDGee Posts: 2,209 Member
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    If you MUST use weights, lift light and lots of reps. Also,
    Tae Bo.
  • Elizabeth_C34
    Elizabeth_C34 Posts: 6,376 Member
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    *throws panties at Taso*
  • becoming_a_new_me
    becoming_a_new_me Posts: 1,860 Member
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    you forgot to add the diet pills from mexico.

    But make sure they come in a plain paper bag with no labels or it doesn't count
  • becoming_a_new_me
    becoming_a_new_me Posts: 1,860 Member
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    If you MUST use weights, lift light and lots of reps. Also,
    Tae Bo.

    Don't forget about Burpees
  • becoming_a_new_me
    becoming_a_new_me Posts: 1,860 Member
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    When hungry just drink vodka until you pass out.

    Wait...that's a bad thing??? :embarassed:

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