A question for the ladies....

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dnewton123
dnewton123 Posts: 47
in Chit-Chat
Does every woman have a best friend or is every woman supposed to have a best friend?
I've had close friends through school and college but haven't had a really close friend or a best friend since college and that was some time ago. I have co-workers, associates, but no one that I would really consider a best friend. I ask this question because I talking to a co-worker and in our conversation she seemed so surprised that I didn't have a best gal pal to do "girl things" with like vacations, spa, mani-pedi, and just hanging out. Don't get me wrong I've tried to maintain the friendships that I've had but either relocation, change in personality ( they get so consumed in the men they are with or marry that they lose themselves), or our interests change so it dies off. I still speak to old friends but no one close now. What is your take on the adult BFF?
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Replies

  • DorothyR87
    DorothyR87 Posts: 113
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    I persoanlly never got along well with girls. In college I joined a sorority in attempts to make more female friends but the relationships didn't last when it all eneded. I've always had a better friendship with guys, but since getting married I haven't maintained that becuase I know my husband wasn't the fondest of it. So honestly I don't have any people that I would say are my best friends, just a few casual friends.
  • wendyannie1976
    wendyannie1976 Posts: 205 Member
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    I have good true friends but best female friends nope, but i tend to get on better with men as friends and well i just can't stand anyone being in my life all the time, my daughter is and thats as much as my personal space can take but i'm a bit of a natural hermit when it actually comes to seeing people
  • R_is_for_Rachel
    R_is_for_Rachel Posts: 381 Member
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    nope, and i do sometimes feel rather sad that i don't-esepc when i see other women who have best mates and how lovely those type of friendships are.

    it's not even just having someone to do girly stuff with, i would love to just have one mate i can talk to about anything

    i had a best mate at school and we stayed great friends until a few years ago-our lives have just gone in opposite directions and we live miles away.

    I'm glad i have a wonderful partner, but there are some things that he just doesn't understand (and men just don't listen-they always have to have a solution for your woes!)
  • ElizabethRoad
    ElizabethRoad Posts: 5,138 Member
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    is every woman supposed to have a best friend?
    Who would be the authority in charge of making this rule?
  • NYCDutchess
    NYCDutchess Posts: 622 Member
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    I have one best friend that I've had for 34 years and one that I've had for 17 years. I have other AMAZING friends that are more recent. I find the reliable girl friends necessary. With my bestie Gina, I can go months without seeing her, but the minute we're together it's like we haven't missed a beat. My other bestie Martha is my travel partner. We have similar vacation styles so we can go anywhere. My other bestie Dee is my fun partner! We work together and we are just similar in the right way! We have so much fun together.
  • stacyfoo
    stacyfoo Posts: 47
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    I've known my best friends for at least 13 years now. One lives 4 hours away in Ohio and the other is in Texas. Female and male, respectively. They are my best friends not because of the stuff we get to do together, because to be honest - i hate that female bonding b.s, but because we understand each other. We can stop talking for months or years, then pick back up where we left off. There's never any grudges or hurt feelings. It's truly as if they're an extension of myself.
  • quixoticmantis
    quixoticmantis Posts: 297 Member
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    I don't have a 'best friend'. I'd be hard pressed to say that I have friends at all - more like acquaintances :) This doesn't bother me ....I've never gotten along with other females and I prefer the company of males.

    I can honestly say that my 'BFF' is my boyfriend.
  • CharlieBarleyMom
    CharlieBarleyMom Posts: 727 Member
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    I need her. We became friends 11 years ago when I rented a home that she owned. I bought my own home 1 year later and we continued to be close and now best friends.

    We had a falling out 6 years ago that lasted for 5 years... until I finally got up the courage to contact her and tell her how much I missed her... and she missed me too.

    In that 5 year period I had my other best friend, who is male, but he and I also ran into problems (his new girlfriend) and so we cooled it until they broke up...

    I can honestly say that having a best girlfriend (even though we don't go get mani/pedis together ~ we're not girly like that!) to talk to, to bounce things off of, to believe in me, to be able to call when I just need to explode, to have a beer together, to expound on a book together, to lend a helping hand to, to reach out to in my most dire moments.... yeah, I missed that... and I'm so GLAD to have it back!

    But, you have to be able to connect with the person... I had a couple "friends" through the 5 lean years but they were no substitute for a real BEST FRIEND!
  • hlandry6
    hlandry6 Posts: 230
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    I have friends but no "best friend"....The one that I thought was my best friend slowly drifted away =/ It bums me out on days that I want to go shopping, go to the beach, or just hang out...
  • marycmeadows
    marycmeadows Posts: 1,691 Member
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    i would say I do not have a bff now..... my friends have also become so wrapped up in their men and kids that they lose themselves and do not know how to take time for themselves.
  • ocrere
    ocrere Posts: 62 Member
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    I think you need a close friend, maybe not a BFF but a really close friend. That is my take....... I currently have a close, close friend. Not a bestie but close. But that is mostly because I do not get close enough to people but I am trying to change that.
  • paigemarie93
    paigemarie93 Posts: 778 Member
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    I moved away from all my friends two years ago, I don't have a best friend & have never been on a night out, I turn 19 this year & I feel like I've wasted what I had left of my teenage years. I'd love to have a best friend/solid group of friends. There's no where to go to make friends :[
  • shenning321
    shenning321 Posts: 4
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    I persoanlly never got along well with girls. In college I joined a sorority in attempts to make more female friends but the relationships didn't last when it all eneded. I've always had a better friendship with guys, but since getting married I haven't maintained that becuase I know my husband wasn't the fondest of it. So honestly I don't have any people that I would say are my best friends, just a few casual friends.

    This is about the same situation as me- there are a few girls that I talk to if I see them out somewhere but no strong friendships because I just never got along well with girls. I got along better with guys and had plenty of close guy friends but my boyfriend just didn't understand that and was uncomfortable with it so those friendships have dwindled as well.
  • MissVCI
    MissVCI Posts: 277 Member
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    I'm guess i'm going against the grain here. I've had the same best friend since diapers. Her father and my father were childhood friends and stayed close obviously.
    And we have been through everything together. She's like a second sister to me.
    I don't know how i would have made it through high school without her because I had no other friends.
    I have other good girlfriends too. But I have one true blue BFF and happy that I do.

    I've never been able to hold onto a platonic male friend.
  • robinxhope
    robinxhope Posts: 125 Member
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    I'm not a fan of people that make assumptions about what someone else's norm should be.
  • itsgood
    itsgood Posts: 85 Member
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    I never was the BFF type, I've always needed distance and solitude. Love to get together, have lots of good friends, but that exclusivity is too much for my liking. And truthfully, it rings shallow when people throw the term around as liberally as some do.
  • littleworm23
    littleworm23 Posts: 341 Member
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    Nope for me also. My husband is my best friend and I spend most of my time with him and the kids. I still have one girl friend that I have been good friends with (best friends at one time) for over 20 years but we both grew up and had families and very rarely see each other. We keep in contact just not often. Other than that I have one other good friend that I talk to regularly (but he is a guy) and I see/talk to my mom almost every day.
  • HauteP1nk
    HauteP1nk Posts: 2,139 Member
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    A bestfriend doesn't have to be female...can be male...can be your husband, your mom, your dad, your grandparent, etc. It is the one person that you know you can tell anything to without fear of being judged, the one person that will make you laugh when all you want to do is cry...the person you can go to for a shoulder to cry on, the person you can be yourself around, etc.

    I think having a true friend is important, but I also think you can have more than one. I go to certain people for certain things. My fiance is the person I can pretty much tell anything to...but when I want to complain about my fiance...well that is why my good friend Adrianna is there! LOL :)
  • serenity216
    serenity216 Posts: 512 Member
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    Honestly, I think that after adulthood (unless you are one of those rare people that has a long term friendship that just hangs on and doesn't change) I think the expectation of one "female bestie" is unrealistic. The only people in my life I consider to be my best friends right now are my husband and my "fur child." Otherwise I have a small group of friends I consider myself to be closest to and then I have friends that fit certain areas of my life that I might see 3-4 times a year. In addition I have friends I do specific activities with (Bargain hunting, cooking, exercising), etc.
  • iishnova
    iishnova Posts: 259 Member
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    I'm not sure how old you have to be to qualify for having "adult best friends"

    My best friend I've known for going on 13 years now. There were 8 years in the middle with very little to no contact. No falling out, she just moved away. When we saw each other again after those 8 years we picked up right were we left off. I have other very close female friends that I have known for years, but just the one best friend. My father keeps telling me he can see us growing old together lol. My sister, who is 12 years older than me, has a best friend also that she has known since high school and they spend at least one night a week together hanging out.

    On the other hand my mother doesn't have a best friend. HER mother, however, did have a best friend. They actually passed away within months of each other.

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