Does anyone else pretty much have NO support at all?
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My husband is my only real support, other than on here. Yesterday was my birthday, my momma always makes me a cake, so a gave her a recipe for a sprite zero cake, topped with cool whip free. My brother, would not touch it, "let me know when your not dieting anymore" he said. My folks even made brownies for themselves and bought ice cream for them, while I ate the sherbet I requested, and my birthday cake which was very yummy btw!0
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I was in the boat, I tried for years to lose weight, exercise and my hubby would say oh your doing that stupid dvd again!!! Your not eating enough, it was always negative, so I gave up for years. I was told I was borderline diabetic and decided I needed to change and my niece suggested MFP and I'm so glad she did. I told my husband point blank if you can't support me don't say anything at all because it pisses me off. I just weighed in for the first time and lost 4lbs. He slammed his hand down on the table and yelled YES!!!! I do get a little aggravated with him still, we went to a flea market and walked for 3 hours. I have to use a walker because of a bum knee, he kept telling me you did enough lets stop and go home, I replied NO I'm sore but not bad and I want to do this after that he stopped saying anything till he seen me limp a few times when I said okay lets go home he said Good! I'm proud of what you did today! I almost fell over but I get most of my support on here. I will never let anyone get me down on my weight loss or exercise again. I bought an extra TV and told him if you don't want to hear my dvd go in the other room and watch tv. Once he realized how hurt I was he has been supportive.0
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Check out my BLOG; I'm not a writer, but I think the point is clear:
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/DarrellHodge/view/recognize-it-fight-it-defeat-it-2211200 -
Least you have the gang of us on here!!0
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I understand 100% if i tell my husband about anything that has to do with fitness his eyes glazes over and he is gone... the light goes out... I workout alone, i eat alone. I cant be in the same room while he eats fast food, cakes and pies and cookies and chips... all the things i want. :grumble:0
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I mean other than MFP community? I am getting no support at all from my family or my boyfriend. I'm pretty much completely on my own with this. Is anyone in the same boat? I'll probably just quit telling the people in my life about my success because they only say things that will discourage me, I am just sick of it. I weighed in today and I lost another 1.6 pounds and I was really excited, but then today I got two snide remarks, one from my mother and one from the boyfriend, which kind of killed it for me. It really pisses me off. Sorry for the rant just had to get that off my chest.
Unless you are doing it to make them happy, which I assume you are not, then screw them. Dont let their negativity get you down. Continue on with your goals and get the satisfaction of knowing you did it all on your own without their help.0 -
Thats the one thing i love about MFP - you get all this support from people you don't even know but there on here for the same reason you are and they want to support you with your goal because they also want to see success with their own goals.
Family, friends and people you know sometimes dont really want you to succeed or they sugar coat everything and say "oh you look fine" or " you dont need to lose weight".
Who ever said you were doing this for them?
Your doing this for yourself so sometimes you need to get support from outside of your group.
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Jealousy will do that. Sometimes people are quick to poo poo a small loss as it's not that big of a deal but then they add it all up and look at the big picture ~ and wish they could do it. So they criticize instead of support, kwim?0
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Honey, remember this is for YOUR HEALTH! YOUR fitness! YOUR WELL-BEING! You only have ONE LIFE and only YOU can live it! Don't give up because people around you are being Ignorant and not SUPPORTING you! Do this for YOU! YOU are the ONLY ONE who matters! Get the weight off NOW and keep it off! !! I have struglled for almost ALL of my adult life to lose weight. I'd say I've lost 2,000 lbs in my lifetime. AND gained it back. Now I am faced with, at age 57, having Gastric Bypass Surgery on March 16th, 2012. In less than 2 weeks. I know my skin will HANG horribly because I am way over 300, almost 400 lbs. Get the weight off now so you won't have this!!!! If you need a support Pal, add me! I would LOVE to know about your Progress! - Rosemarie0
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This is one reason you can't lose weight for anyone else. You have to lose it for you! You have to choose that you are worth it! And you are! You deserve to be healthy and fit and you will do it because you're a strong person!
That being said...a boyfriend who does not support your desire to be healthy will not support you in other things as well. I would choose to lose that dead weight as well.
We will all cheer you on! Keep up the good work! :flowerforyou:0 -
My husband keeps asking me why I'm so into eating healthy foods and exercising. He doesn't get that this isn't a phase or a diet attempt and almost acts irritated when I'd rather go work out in the garage than sit by his bonfire with his buddy and drink beer like they do all night. He almost got mad when I didn't seem excited about his buddy wanting to go down to some wine festival for a weekend double date this spring. I don't know how many times I have to tell both of them I'm not a drinker and that alcoholic drinks have a lot of sugar/carbs/calories.
Maybe he'll get it one day - after I've dropped 50lbs and am slimmer than when we got married, but I'm at the point in my weight loss where I could take or leave his encouragement. I'm doing this for me and for my kids and don't need the approval of a naturally thin 2-pack-a-day smoking, junk food eating couch potato.0 -
i think a lot of people's issues are jeolousy and envy because you are taking things into your own hands and losing weight. They see your mini and big successes but with that they probably think your personality will change and you might realize tthat you are better than them and drop them whether family or not. I have support but not at the same time. My mom when I say I am straight up fat or OBESE ( me being my realistic self- I don't sugarcoat) She'll say stop that, that's not true you just have to have things in moderation, don't overindulge etc...... it goes on. And if I am exercising a lot she suggests I may be overdoing it. My husband doesn't say much unless I ask him. He knows me well enough to let me do my thing and when I am ready he will be there to boost my ego. He's going to be doing bootcamp with me starting next week so it will be nice to do something together. My daughter notices and sees my success thus far. She rates my success with the fact that I don't have to wear my "sucker-upper" to have a flatter stomach and that my jeans are hanging a bit off my rear. Only downfall for that is she now is looking at herself and things that she needs to work on which isn't much. That I will be watching.
My main support and all that \i need right now is MFP, my trainers at the gym and ME. As I said to another friend I have made on here I am keeping my successes pretty much to myself and relishing every lost ounce, every calorie burned, every healthy food choice... You should be your own biggest cheerleader. If not join a local gym or group and ask for support. Just like on here you are more likely to get unjudgemental support from people who don't know you and have similar issues as you.0 -
I think it is very common to receive little or no support from family, friends or co-workers. People are quick to discard your progress or your change of eating habits, and I hear things like, "You'll never lose that much weight!"...and when I start to show big numbers I hear, "You have just lost water!" ---Really, 15 lbs of water????...and then people are full of advice "you need more sleep, more water, less carbs, more meat" etc. or "you're losing too much... too little...too fast." It is all frustrating, you have to find your inner motivation, and really, once the lbs. start coming off, that is enough motivation in itself.
But you know, when you reach your goal, these same people will say, "I knew you could do it." "You look fabulous!" "I didn't think you needed to lose any weight to begin with." I just laugh.0 -
When I lost a lot of weight two years ago, my doctor said "You look amazing and I'm very glad you dropped the weight you needed to drop. But be careful, because a lot of times friends and family will become jealous and want to sabotage you!" I definitely did not have a bad reaction from my family, but my friends would find ways to take me to the bar, restaurants that do not have many healthy options, etc. I think it's a natural tendency to be jealous to somebody who is bettering themselves, as nasty as that sounds, so we have to protect ourselves in a way. Even our closest friends and family members will begin to question why they haven't had great success, especially if they struggle with weight. For the ones that don't struggle with weight, it could be the jealousy of "what if they get more attention than me?" I'm not saying everybody is like this, but I have run into it. I tend to ignore it, and the only person that has screwed my diets up is me!0
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Sadly, this seems really common here. I consider myself very lucky to have a very supportive boyfriend, friends who have been complimentary about my weight loss and a mum who understands how important it is to be fit and healthy. Every now and then, she'll say 'Don't get too skinny, missy!', but that's just motherly concern. She knows I'd never do it dangerously.
What I will say is that you're doing this for you, not someone else. It must suck when people aren't encouraging, but you can't let them derail your efforts. Luckily, you have people on MFP who can support you, as we're all in this together. If you'd like any added support, you can always add me if you like 0 -
My support system is a bit strange. My brother has always been supportive because he's very athletic. Currently, my roommates don't seem to understand why I want to lose more weight. However, on whole, we are all quite healthy - they all eat their veggies and go to the gym for maintenance purposes. So while on the one hand, they're like "you do not need to lose 10 more lbs, you've already lost so much" it's still easy to go about my weight loss business because I live with people who were already healthy.0
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I can completely understand what you are saying and how you feel. The main thing to keep in mind is that you are making this life change not for everybody else, but for YOU! This site is the only support I get as well. I hope things get better for you.0
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This post epitomizes perfect timing for me! I've encountered this recently and it has been very tough. I find myself getting extremely defensive to friends who say things like "yeah, but you've been through this weight loss phase before" and "I think you are being a bit too extreme with this." I am overweight (no longer obsese - woohoo) and I want to change that.
I understand that I am doing this for myself and I don't need anyone else's approval. But a little motivation from the people in my life that I'm closest to would be nice.0 -
Pretty much here, too. My husband cares but it's not a big deal to him, so he doesn't mention it. My dad and I are losing weight together, but that's frustrating too because he lost 16 pounds in two weeks doing nothing more than cutting out soda and beef. I lost two pounds and worked my butt off and was hungry all the time.
Sadly, I see people who lose weight losing friends, too. Once that weight comes off, friends feel threatened, particularly if they themselves are overweight. But really, if your friends dump you because you are getting healthy, you need new friends anyway.0 -
I want to say this specifically for all you beautiful women doing what you need to do for you.
DO NOT let the toxic into your self image or self worth.
I am currently seeing a fairly common theme running through a number of women I know that are trying to get healthy. The family/boyfriend/husband/girlfriends/dog/(insert someone that matters to you) is not supportive. You can find it in the most basic psychology of human kind.
My gf/bf is losing weight, putting on muscle, or basically starting to be more healthy and thus more attractive. She/he/they might leave me. I might be worth less. I may be fat/unattractive/unhealthy alone if they get in shape.
In short it is a selfish reaction that has to do with you "leaving them behind" as you try to improve yourself. It is often a failing in those we care about.
I, as many here seem to be, am happy to be a cheerleader for others as they improve themselves.0 -
You will never be alone in this area I know many of us have the same problem but that is why MFP is here for us to help and support each other. Come here and boost all you want we will cheer you on. As for your family they might just be a bit jelouse your doing this for you but thats their problem just keep at it and in the end you will show them.0
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Apart from MFP, I am doing this completely on my own. I'm trying to recruit my colleague into this, she's downloaded the app so i'm hoping we can do this together. However, at the moment, doing it on my own. Anytime I've lost weight, I've done it on my own...0
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OP, I'm not in your boat, nowhere near it, but still I find it hard. My main sources of support, my BF and my mom, do try to say supportive things; but it can feel really unsupportive to me.
My BF keeps telling me how great it is that I'm starting to make healthy food choices, which I think he means as: "Wow! You're making healthy food choices! You're going to feel better and live longer (and maybe even be a hotter chick, but that's not what I care about most)! Hot Diggity!"
But what I find myself hearing is: "Thank God! All these years I've been standing back and watching you make all sorts of unhealthy food choices, biting my tongue to keep from saying anything. It's about *time* already!"
My mom keeps warning about how hard it's going to be when I get nearer my goal weight, and talking about how hard it's been for *her.* Over the last few years, she's finally lost that nefariously stubborn "last ten pounds" which she'd had since well before her eighth-grade graduation at age 14 - she's 82 now, so that was nearly 70 years ago(!).
Writing this out just now, I can see that maybe I ought to be giving my BF credit for all those years when he stood by and and bit his tongue (he really, really did), and that I should be ringing bells and hiring skywriters and throwing a nation-wide street party to celebrate what my mom has accomplished. And just realizing that makes me feel better about both of them.0 -
I mean other than MFP community? I am getting no support at all from my family or my boyfriend. I'm pretty much completely on my own with this. Is anyone in the same boat? I'll probably just quit telling the people in my life about my success because they only say things that will discourage me, I am just sick of it. I weighed in today and I lost another 1.6 pounds and I was really excited, but then today I got two snide remarks, one from my mother and one from the boyfriend, which kind of killed it for me. It really pisses me off. Sorry for the rant just had to get that off my chest.
Totally getting the rant, but girl, any weigh-in where you're down more than .1 or .2 pounds---you must be walking on air!! Here's your support---WE GET IT!!!!:bigsmile: :bigsmile: :bigsmile:0 -
My husband thinks he is being supportive by saying things like "do you really need to eat that?", or just grabbing things out of my hands. He is slowing understanding that this doesn't help and I hope that in time as he sees the results that he will find more positive things to say. My biggest supporters are my mom and my friend at work who goes to the gym with me. My friend helps me push myself and my mom is always supportive of me which I love. I think the most hurt always comes from the ones closest to us that try to knock us down. We just have to strive for more and know that we are all doing what it takes to get where we need to be.0
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I mean other than MFP community? I am getting no support at all from my family or my boyfriend. I'm pretty much completely on my own with this. Is anyone in the same boat? I'll probably just quit telling the people in my life about my success because they only say things that will discourage me, I am just sick of it. I weighed in today and I lost another 1.6 pounds and I was really excited, but then today I got two snide remarks, one from my mother and one from the boyfriend, which kind of killed it for me. It really pisses me off. Sorry for the rant just had to get that off my chest.
Aw man am i ever in the same boat?! I thought i was the only one!! I'm trying to lose some weight more because my gp suggested it may help my PCOS than for any other reason, but i am really trying hard and am committing to it 110 per cent. My fiance on the other hand, as much as i love him, is infuriating the life out of me!!!! He keeps calling it "this stupid diet of yours" etc... It really upsets me because he makes me feel like i'm just doing it for vanity which i am so not! I mean, who wouldn't wanna look a bit slimmer of course but its more importantly for my health and so i can eventually conceive his child!!!!!!!! He eats whatever he wants and gets grumpy with me when i suggest we have something lower in fat etc for tea.
You're doing great! Don't forget that! They're probably just jealous that you have the drive and motivation to do it. Keep it up! 0 -
I would really appreciate if everyone refrain from slamming my boyfriend. He is not a "douche-bag", a "dead weight" and I certainly do not need to "drop him". I did not make this post so you could say hurtful things about someone I love, it hurts me when you say these things, and to be honest I find it rude. If you're going to be negative I do not want your support. He is supportive in every other aspect of my life. He doesn't discourage me, he doesn't try to sabotage my weight loss, etc....
How can you make these judgments about someone you have never even met?
When I made this post I was venting, but now I wish I hadn't at all.
Thank you to everyone else who has offered support without being negative and/or making hurtful comments, I appreciate those.0 -
My husband thinks he is being supportive by saying things like "do you really need to eat that?", or just grabbing things out of my hands. He is slowing understanding that this doesn't help and I hope that in time as he sees the results that he will find more positive things to say. My biggest supporters are my mom and my friend at work who goes to the gym with me. My friend helps me push myself and my mom is always supportive of me which I love. I think the most hurt always comes from the ones closest to us that try to knock us down. We just have to strive for more and know that we are all doing what it takes to get where we need to be.
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ANYBODY grabbing ANYTHING out of my hands is risking a hard smack at the least, unless they are under the age of two or three...focus on positive feedback--gather it to yourself like a warm, fluffy blanket, and let the negatives blow past you like a nasty cold wind...feeling metaphorical today, I guess, anyway STAY STRONG!:happy:0 -
There is this illustration that helps me cope with these type of people. It is technically called the "Crab mentality" because it involves the analogy of crabs in a bucket (or pot). If one crab is in a bucket, you have to put a lid on the bucket or it will escape. However, if you have many crabs in a bucket you don't need to put a lid because all the crabs will pull down any crab that tries to escape. People can be like crabs, whenever they see you excelling in something or improving your life, they get jealous or spiteful, etc and try to pull you back down to their level. The best you can do is just to ignore these people and continue with your success. 0
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compliments and support are complicated for me. I have gone from being morbidly obese to pretty much a new person - with slightly dodgy knees from being huuuge!!!
My perspective on other people has changed so much. The only person I look up to as a comparison is pretty spot on, most other people to me just seem outta shape people full of excuses and whines.
So generally I couldn't care less if someone thinks its great I lost 1.2lb its if I'm happy with myself and progress. Lets be honest if someone jumps up and down with excitement you have lost 2lb there a little fake
Where 'compliments' do work for me is the totally genuine ones - Where I meet someone I havent seen for years who practically dies when they twig who I am. People who used to say I looked 60 who know cant believe Im THAT old now. People who make snide comments that I 'must be on steroids!'
When I was a pretty fit teenager there was a kid called fat olly - a huge lad. a few years later this kid called olly started hanging around with us - he was muscly, good looking and a hit with the ladies . someone pointed out he was 'fat olly.' being slow as I can be it took me a minute to work out which fat olly, I was like "f*********** ba***d f***** f***** fat olly!!!' ie slightly less complimentary of fat olly and quite positive of new olly, in front of him - as usual everyone rolled there eyes at my bluntness but it came from being so genuinely shocked - having gone through it all my self I now realise that THAT is the kind of reaction/comment makes it all worthwhile
In summary - 2lb, so what! Genuine support at major changes is what matters0
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