Would you tell them?
Replies
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Change has to come from within. Smokers know they should quit, overweight people know they should do something to live a healthier life and sometimes it takes a crisis to turn knowing into doing.
In my case the real wake up call was my older brother having a mild stroke (he fully recovered but still doesn't lift anything heavier than a beer bottle)0 -
I would try to be nice but stern to get the point across. But thats the type of person i am but if they are in their own "self-destruct" mode you cant do much.0
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It's a rough boat to be in. Making statements about yourself is the best way to go. As someone who people "tried" to help by doing that, all I felt was "you're not good enough." I felt that to be loved I had to change and all I'd ever been taught was that people should love you for who you are. I am setting my examples for others by behaviors. As was said on here earlier, they know they are overweight. It is a choice to act on it. Their choice. Be supportive and suggestive healthy things to eat together and healthy activities to do.0
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Are you able to bring up your own weight issues? I wonder if you could ask her to join you on here, because (and I think it may be true) it would help you to have a "real live" buddy right there with you to check on you, and work with you. She's not stupid, though, so don't point out the obvious--she might withdraw. Just a thought. Good luck to both of you; however this pans out.0
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My mom would tell me all the time that I needed to lose weight. She even told me that if I could lose so many pounds she would give me $100. I was just like, yeah I know I'm fat and I think about it every day there's no need to keep reminding me. I think others are right when they say to lead by example. Maybe she doesn't really know how many calories she's really eating. Just talk cabout your progress, what you eat and how surprised you are with how many calories are in different things.
My Mom did something similar, she told me that if I lost weight she would give me money to buy a new wardrobe. Instead of motivating me it just made me feel horrible about myself. I think that no matter what you say, they won't hear it until they are ready and they want to make a change. Just try to stay supportive and be ready with tips when they are ready to make a change on their own.0 -
if it is someone you know and are close to them and care about them, honesty is more important than pretending to be polite.
If they know you and are close to you and care about you, they will at least listen to what you have to say.0 -
My DH was eating way bad food choices ! First my daughter tells him he's not buying healthy foods, then I say he should get off his lazy but and move more! In the morning he's at the computer, then around 4 he's watching all the shows he's recorded! He records so many shows I hardly have room for what I want to watch! Now he's been on his pity pot for several days and it's been real hard on me! He does workout and he has lost weight. He's had weigh-loss surgery but he could have reached his goal a long time ago! We've been married sense 1964 so I know him pretty well.
Nina:brokenheart: He's braking my heart and he doesn't seem to know it!0 -
Maybe you can invite them to do something active without making it sound like you are trying to get them to lose weight. Invite them mall walking and say you do it so you can window shop before the stores open without feeling any sales pressure. Or invite them over for a healthy meal that is really delicious (or both the mall walking and the healthy meal?). You might not be able to make a BIG change, but how about a small one?0
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My family has a lot of weight issues so do some of my friends and colleagues. If someone starts directly talking to me about desiring to lose weight or move to a healthier lifestyle. I usually don't leap right into advice, I ask if they want to participate in a "challenge" with me. I let them know that having others participate in a "challenge" really helps me stay on track. We negotiate the challenge together. It usually revolves around an eating pattern habit with a minor weight loss component.
These challenges really do help me and are constructive and non-threatening to the other person. So to answer the OP, I would not discuss her bread and eggs. I would respond to her comments to me about wanting to diet and maybe come up with something little, but important, you can do together to support each other.0 -
I understand your position. I agree with the other posts that it depends on what their personality is like. Do they get offended easily, or are they good about being open minded? I would say "Hey I have been doing this myfitnesspal.com and it has really helped me, if you're really trying and not seeing the results you want, give this a try! I know there were things I thought were good, but I learned off of the site they weren't as good for me as I thought!" Also see if they would be willing to work out with you, go for a walk, something along those lines. If they argue or don't take you seriously, just know there is only so much you can do. It's going to have to be up to them. Just like it was up to you, nobody else, to make a change. As long as you stick with it and they see the change, it might encourage them to! I hope this advise helps! If you're ugly about it, thinking you're doing the whole "tuff love" thing, it might come off as you think you're better than they are and you don't want that. I have the same problems with a couple of people in my family and one of them has major health issues. I have begged, yelled, cried, tried to encourage, and now all I can do is work on myself and hope that will encourage them to change. But again it's just up to them. Again, I hope this advise helps!!!0
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Hm I personally think it should be focused around his/her health as opposed to losing weight. Anyone can lose weight eating anything, but it doesn't necessarily mean their body is healthy. I don't really have any advice on what is acceptable to say, but if someone I loved was eating alot in a short space of time repeatedly I would simply just point out that their body can't digest all that, etc. Probably haven't helped sorry.
Tasha
xxx0 -
This is such a touchy issue. Most people have to find it in themselves to want to lose weight, and don't appreciate being told. However, if they are not told, then they get to the point where it seems hopeless. I would go ahead and say something since you really care about this person, and they will know that you care, but the decision is ultimately theirs..0
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How can you not tell them, Did you tell them about MFP? deep down inside, I know how I wanted to loose weight and I tried many many times. The problem is I really was not focus enought and didnt know how. Many times I would start and a week or two later forget that I am not suppose to eat cartain things until I finished eating it. seriously!. Until my son found MFP it was a journey that I never finished, but now I can see that its all possible. I was in doctors office and I saw a large lady, I went and set beside her and ask if she has a computer? she said yes, then I give the MFP information. told her that " I have been sturggling with my weight for twenty years, and when you have something good you need to share. she took it and said Thank you! Another time, I saw this lady in line at the grocery store, I hand her the MFP information, she was the mayor, which I didnt know at the time, but one thing I did know is she dont want all of that weight. she made it known that she is the mayor, but she said thank you!. Please share to as many people as you can, you maybe saving someones life. and it maybe some one you love deeply. Iam so thankful for MFP. I share it with lots of people, and some dont follow up, but its not because I am not sharing. I give God all the praises!0
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I am 1 of 4 siblings (all girls). As a child I was the "chunky" one and they were all thin. As we grew older I learned to eat properly and am always watching my wieght. All 3 of my sisters are Overwieght. There is nothing you can say to them. However, you will be surprised how a "picture says a thousand words". No matter how thin I am...I always see a fat person in the mirrior. My sisters all know they are overwieght, but they see themselves as thin. For some strange reason when we see ourselves in pictures it;s a whole diferrent perspective. Take a picture of her and hand it to her when she's eating something she shouldn't, don't say a word, let the picture do the talking. If she asks why you are giving her a picture...just say becuase "I love you" and leave it at that. She is the adult and person ultimately responsible for herself. Ps.. The picture must be printed , not an image on a screen, even if it's off your computer paper.
If someone did that to me I'd be utterly humiliated and then I'd want to kill the person who did it.
ditto x's 1,000,000
I wrote about this in my blog planning a "fat intervention" for a loved one:
http://sarahsweightlossjourneyblog.blogspot.com/2007/05/wanna-plan-fat-intervention-with-loved.html0 -
You just proved that it would work....why would you be mortified unless, you know how big you really are and instead of killing herself which she is already doing slowly...she might take action.
How often are you with a group of people and pictures are being taken...than when they give you a copy you realize what you really look like vs. what you look at everyday in the mirror? A picture let's her face reality and gives her the choice to do somthing about it. The person wanting to help doesn' need to say a word.
giving somebody a random picture at a random time (that they may not look the best in) is WAY different than waiting until they make a bad choice (in you'r eyes mind you, you have no idea what they may have done or eaten when you weren't around in order to "splurge" later) and shoving a rotten picture of themselves under their nose without saying a word to them. The fact that somebody would even think this is a good idea (and NOT egotistical, heartless and just plain cruel) is beyond me. To me, this speaks volumes about the "picture giver" in terms of self riteousness and says nothing at all about the person making a poor choice at that time.0 -
I would only offer advice if solicited. adults know they are overweight. Its a bit rude to offer advice when its not asked for.0
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I would tell them.
My sister has diabetes. She eats a lot but thinks she is controlling her diet, but in actuality, her diet is controlling her. She gets very angry when I tell her cuz she is still in denial. I am somewhat helpless as I live in another state. When I call her, and she gets angry, she would hang up.
But you have to keep talking to him/her, cuz you are saving a life.
Good luck.0 -
You know its funny. We don't have to live on salad alone. My wife was at work a couple of weeks ago and she was sitting around all these health nuts during lunch, and they were all eating salad. My wife was eating shrimp and french fries. They noticed that she had lost wieght and than noticed the fod she was eating. She was asked how she was losing wieght and she replied MFP. One of the ladies looked at her and said, your losing wieght and you eat "that". My wife smiled and replied yup.
The point is, we can eat whatever we want as long as we log it and hold ourselves accountable for it. Why do we need to live off from salads to be as fit as a fiddle. Lets enjoy our lives and not be so blah!
I'm not saying they should be eating salad all day but they seem to be oblivious to portions ect. I eat chocolate and that but don't kid myself if I eat tonnes. They don't log what they eat as mfp is stupid and a waste of time in their view!
Most people are oblivious to portion size...I know I was until I started weighing and measuring everything...
and if they think logging what they eat and MFP is a waste of time...
then they're the ones who aren't losing weigh...you are...
focus on your jouney and hopefully they will follow
So true about portion size. I had this ongoing discussion with my husband. Over the years he had put on weight. He was always fit and very active, and was at a loss as to why he was gaining and not able to lose. I kept telling him that he was eating too much but he didn't believe me. He always underestimated what he ate. I showed him MFP and he joined, but still wasn't losing. We would actually have arguments about what he ate versus what he logged. I finally showed him that his serving of wine, for example, was actually a double serving(I measured and poured into his wine glass). I showed him how to weigh the food he was actually eating and tracking. He has now lost 8 pounds and tells everyone else about MFP and measuring your real servings! So, if it's someone you really care about, I would tell them gently but repeatedly.0 -
I wouldn't correct them exactly, at least not bluntly. I sort of learned from my mom. She's always been healthy and super into fitness and exercise; I still ended up being extremely overweight. But she still wouldn't say, "Stop eating that, that's making you fat." She'd been raising me my whole life and knew damn well that I understood what I was doing wrong. Instead, she'd make a meal or snack and act like she was suddenly recognizing the calories/nutrition as she went along. Something like this:
"I made up this new recipe that turned out really great, want me to teach you how to make it?" [Note: she got me interested in cooking at a young age, so she knows I don't turn down that opportunity.] Then as we're cooking, she just casually picks up any wrappers and goes, "Wow, can you believe how much protein is in this?" or "Seriously? Even if we eat the whole thing, it's only x calories! Can that be right?"
I don't think she was actually surprised by this information (though I guess it's possible), but she'd basically give me the information as though she was thinking out loud and learning it for the first time.
Once I recognized that this was a method (years later), I managed to utilize it myself. My boyfriend (unsurprisingly) will dig in his heels if I try to tell him what he should and shouldn't eat. But if I make a healthy meal and give it to him, and then get on MFP and log it (already knowing what the information is), I'll turn to him and say, "I knew it was healthy, but I must be doing something wrong! Look at the numbers here!" Then he sees the information for himself and gets to say, "Yeah, that looks right. That's amazing!" I think it seems less like following orders and more about sharing and learning together.0 -
If someone you know and care about had a serious weight problem and kept on about how they where being really good while eating half a loaf of bread and whole Easter eggs to themselves ect. Would you point out to them that they are kidding themselves it would you just let them believe they are doing really well?
Only asking because someone very close to me is doing exactly that and I'm not sure weather to being up the subject or leave it? What would you do?
Tell em.0 -
If she is truly a friend, yes! As nicely as you can speak of your concern, ask if there is anything you can do to help or anything wrong. Explain why you have these concerns. Look for opertunities (spelling) to get physical with her when you get together like a walk instead of lunch etc. At least then you have let her know and the ball is in her court. I have a friend whose cell phone rings minimum 40 + times a day and complains about being on the phone all day. Her bro and I have said it has an off button, ignore it blah, blah, blah soo now when she grips about being on the ph. all day I say your the only one who can change that. And I drop it while biting my tongue real hard. LOL!0
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Depends on their personality! But in all honesty I'd probs tell them tactfuly!0
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You can be honest, but the problem is, even if we are honest with someone, until they are ready, the will never take control of the situation. I speak from experience, I knew for a long time I was overweight, an I have gone back and forth over and over...my mom would say, if you get to your goal I will take you on a shopping spree, but you know, until I was ready mentally it didn't matter what anyone else said.....and now I am here, feeling great and doing it.0
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I actually had the same issue personally. I had friends and family tell me all the time that they were concerned about me with my breathing and my weight issues. Once I switched departments, it took a co-worker (a stranger at first, now a very close friend of mine) to say something to me about it for me to act upon it. For some people, it just clicks that way, family and friends can tell them until they are blue in the face, but if they hear it from a stranger, it may be just what they need to get on track. Again, to each their own though.0
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its been my experience (personal and not) that someone who is ready to lose weight will be ready on their own. you sitting and telling someone that eating that easter egg is bad for them isn't going to do anything but stir up anger in them. that anger more times then not will not be anger that leads to exercise but to eating more.
you cant make someone change. i wasn't ready to make my lifestyle change until i was good and ready. my parents are both over weight and eat crap every meal. my mom is going under the knife soon to have her gall bladder removed. my dad has already had this procedure. my mom was just also told she is insulin resist and its basically her diet that has done this to her. she still wont make a change. I cant make them change. i cant sit with them and force a salad in their mouth (maybe once they are older and i have to take care of them) which maybe sooner rather then later.
i would just let the person be and wish them well and tell them you are there for support if they need it.0 -
From the opposite side of the viewpoint:
My mother eagle eyes everything I eat and critiques/criticizes it. If I plateau I MUST be doing something wrong and she starts telling me all these ways she thinks that I should start doing because I HAVE to be cheating or doing it wrong. Yesterday I called to tell her that I had broken through another plateau and that I was able to get a pair of jeans on that I had not ever worn because they were too small without even laying down to zip them. Her response was, "I hope they aren't TOO tight because that makes you look fatter." Never a way to go or congratulations, ALWAYS something wrong with what I'm doing. NEVER MIND that I've lost a total of 54 lbs! It gets very discouraging to me because I go into the mindset of "If I'm being accused of doing it, I might as well be guilty." and it sabotages my mindset. I have to work three or four times as hard to stay on track when she does these things than when i'm given just a bit of encouragement or when people notice that I AM doing something RIGHT. So keep up the encouragement. Invite her over and serve a healthy meal etc... But keep in mind, until SHE has the right mindset, it probably won't happen.0 -
How can you not tell them, Did you tell them about MFP? deep down inside, I know how I wanted to loose weight and I tried many many times. The problem is I really was not focus enought and didnt know how. Many times I would start and a week or two later forget that I am not suppose to eat cartain things until I finished eating it. seriously!. Until my son found MFP it was a journey that I never finished, but now I can see that its all possible. I was in doctors office and I saw a large lady, I went and set beside her and ask if she has a computer? she said yes, then I give the MFP information. told her that " I have been sturggling with my weight for twenty years, and when you have something good you need to share. she took it and said Thank you! Another time, I saw this lady in line at the grocery store, I hand her the MFP information, she was the mayor, which I didnt know at the time, but one thing I did know is she dont want all of that weight. she made it known that she is the mayor, but she said thank you!. Please share to as many people as you can, you maybe saving someones life. and it maybe some one you love deeply. Iam so thankful for MFP. I share it with lots of people, and some dont follow up, but its not because I am not sharing. I give God all the praises!
If a STRANGER did this to me, id punch them straight in the mouth.0 -
I was like your friend, I always thought I was being good. I guess i was eating better then I normally would. We trend to fool oursleves. Telling her could destore her reality. What help me was a freind would tell me that was good but just think if I woulod eat healthy food. It didn't work at first. It might that your frien d time for it to sink in. I will pray for her that helped me.0
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I remember when I was heavier and strangers came up to me and told me what they did to lose like 1/10th of what I had too. I can't really repeat it on here, but it would make a bronx cabbie blush.0
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I keep my mouth shut. Otherwise, I tend to upset people.0
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