married and lonely, ok maybe that's TMI but..

Again, this mirrors the situation with my ex. This is no usual marital strife. If I interpreted your profile correctly, you work as a carer. You shoulder all the caring responsibilities for your children too. You are your husband's carer. There is no relationship to speak of between you. Your needs don't feature at all. Living with someone you used to have a life with, who has opted out of life, is a very lonely and alienating experience. Really it doesn't matter whether others can relate or not, you've had to distance yourself emotionally from him to keep going.

It is possible he is depressed, but you can't help him if he refuses to seek change. Time after time, I've seen men with problems like this awaken to the real situation at the point at which the woman is at the end of the leaving process. Sometimes reconciliation is possible, it depends entirely on the degree of emotional distancing that has occurred. As you said, I think you are well past the point of no return. My leaving was the making of my ex. Not at first (things got worse before they got better), but now he is a wonderful father once more and a much happier and healthier man.

It's likely that finances are not the only issue keeping you stuck. Fear can be paralysing. You don't need to do this alone. As you can see from this thread, it's more common than you may think. A counsellor will help you come to terms with what you already know to be true. You can't live like this indefinitely. Nor should you. Vows of marriage do not make one person responsible for another's life. The right to self determination is a fundamental one. Marriage may be an instituation, but it's not a life sentence.

Whatever the problem is, I would try my best to work it out no matter what! Remember u guys said for better, or for worse! Every marriage has their worst, better to work things out now, then start fresh with someone else with a whole new set of problems, plus if u guys have kids together it's 100% worth every effort, why screw their futures up. U are their role models, show them what not giving up means. I've never met anybody who's happy in their marriage all the time, and some have more downs then ups. Don't be just another statistic! I believe anything is workable, I've seem the worst turn into the best just because they never gave up! Their way further then they would have been starting over with someone new, and their children have benefited from it! And I am one of them

I wish I knew what to do to fix this problem, I really do. I am not even considering another relationship because this one has really done a job on me, I couldn't imagine ever starting over with another person. These issues came up in 2005, almost overnight. I was told he may be bipolar, but he laughed about that. He's also OCD and refuses to believe that too. I know that there might be some medication that could help or a combination of meds and counseling but he refuses to believe there is anything wrong with him. I guess I don't know how much more work I could put into this when I'm the only one doing it.

At my age (42) I'm aware that marriages aren't perfect, I never expected to have no issues or troubles in my marriage or my life, but this is miserable. He is more than willing to go to counseling, but he isn't honest once we go, if i bring something up he does that bothers me, when we leave he'll start yelling at me accusing me of "starting trouble", anyway.. I'm the one who ultimately has to make a move. thanks