Guys & girls - Marriage pact, real or not?

newmein2013
newmein2013 Posts: 674 Member
edited November 12 in Chit-Chat
Ok, this may sound silly. A very close guy friend and I made a pact several years ago that if we were still single in 10 years that we would marry each other. I completely forgot about it though. A few months ago while we were having dinner, I asked him if he thought I'd ever find someone who could make me really happy. (I've been told I have high standards and that I'm idealistic) He dropped his fork and looked completely surprised. He said, "What do mean? I thought we were getting married!" Since then we've had several conversations about it but neither of us could tell if the other is serious or joking. Now I'm not saying I would go through with this but I am very curious to find out if his reaction meant that he took it that serious. We've never dated or even kissed, just really great friends for years. Well, our 10th anniversary is coming up next summer. Opinions please?
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Replies

  • La_Amazona
    La_Amazona Posts: 4,855 Member
    I wouldn't marry anybody over a silly pact.

    I did that with my best guy friend back in the day.. we said if by the time I was 28, I wasn't married (I was 20-21) we'd get married. I was married with my ex husband a year later lol.
    And he married a year after that....
  • atjays
    atjays Posts: 797 Member
    Maybe not walk down the isle right away but you could give things a shot and see if there is any real chemistry there. I have a similar pact with a good friend of mine, I've still got five years but I think we will explore any chemistry well before then.
  • Annaflower
    Annaflower Posts: 43
    I think that you need to be up front and ask if he is serious. If you are close enough to have this pact it shouldn't be a problem to be honest and open with each other.

    Good luck x
  • jadedone
    jadedone Posts: 2,446 Member
    That is totally hilarious. And yes I have made a similar one. :) (Uh oh, I haven't talked to him in like 4 years. I think I forgot when we said we were going to do it. :P) And been accused of having a similar one by a stranger when I went out with a friend.

    I kinda wonder the same thing though. If anyone goes through it. :D
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,422 Member
    Is he cute? Does he live with his mom? Does he have a job?

    This stuff is important and will affect how I answer.
  • Dilfster
    Dilfster Posts: 416 Member
    i highly doubt he is serious. lol. If I said something like that, it would be a joke. but it doesn't hurt to go out on an official date.
  • newmein2013
    newmein2013 Posts: 674 Member
    Is he cute? Does he live with his mom? Does he have a job?

    This stuff is important and will affect how I answer.

    Good questions. He is cute, a mama's boy, stable secure job. Actually, he would make the perfect husband. I've often told him this. Only prob, there is no chemistry between us whatsoever. I'm trying to convince him that we should be roommates but he says I couldn't have a boyfriend and that's he's loyal and expects me to be. But I still can't tell if he's joking with this pact. I've tried to be up front with him, we always end up laughing. But his body language tells me otherwise.
  • Dilfster
    Dilfster Posts: 416 Member
    well if there is no chemistry, then forget it. that answers your question right there.
  • newmein2013
    newmein2013 Posts: 674 Member
    well if there is no chemistry, then forget it. that answers your question right there.

    Yeah bu the question was more along the lines of how do I determine how serious he is. We've been friends for 12 years and I think he's serious. Maybe he thinks there is chemistry?
  • IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym
    IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym Posts: 5,573 Member
    well if there is no chemistry, then forget it. that answers your question right there.

    Yeah bu the question was more along the lines of how do I determine how serious he is. We've been friends for 12 years and I think he's serious. Maybe he thinks there is chemistry?

    ouch, if he does and you don't. Only way to see how serious he is is to have the "talk"
  • TheJustPull
    TheJustPull Posts: 66
    Maybe you see there isn't any chemistry because you view him as a friend, as he may view you. If, you tried to take things to the next level do you think the chemistry may change? Maybe one or both of you are both really hiding your true feelings out of fear of rejection. I'd say sit down and have a honest talk with him.
  • ElPumaMex
    ElPumaMex Posts: 367 Member
    well if there is no chemistry, then forget it. that answers your question right there.

    Yeah bu the question was more along the lines of how do I determine how serious he is. We've been friends for 12 years and I think he's serious. Maybe he thinks there is chemistry?

    You mentioned earlier "body language".
    What does his body language tell you?
  • theworldis
    theworldis Posts: 22
    Maybe you see there isn't any chemistry because you view him as a friend, as he may view you. If, you tried to take things to the next level do you think the chemistry may change? Maybe one or both of you are both really hiding your true feelings out of fear of rejection. I'd say sit down and have a honest talk with him.

    I agree, you may not feel chemistry because you have never given your self the chance to feel it. It sounds like he may be at least slightly serious, or he wouldn't keep saying it. Talk to him...it cant hurt. You may have something amazing sitting right in front of you.
  • Bentley2718
    Bentley2718 Posts: 1,689 Member
    Someone tried to make a pact like that with me one time. I told them I thought it was bizarre. At the time I had no desire to be married at all, but I certainly can't imagine marrying someone just because neither of us found "someone better" in the mean time. That said, if you are really good friends, and can talk about things openly (which as really good friends I would imagine should be possible), then maybe you should give a relationship a shot. I'm not talking marriage, date first.
  • leannems
    leannems Posts: 516 Member
    If you guys are good enough friends to make this pact, you're good enough friends to ask him if he's serious about it.

    You're also good enough friends to either tell him that you don't feel the chemistry there and therefore don't want to honor the pact, that you'd like to add some more years to the pact, or that you currently don't feel the chemistry there, but since it's been 10 years, you'd be willing to drink a few and makeout to see if said chemistry builds up. Just make sure you're honest and say that you can't guarantee your feelings will change during the referenced makeout session and that you want to be able to go back to just friends if they don't change.

    Buuuuuuuuut be prepared that he may actually want more and any of the above options could f' up the friendship. Either way, it's worth the risk to figure it out, right?
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,422 Member
    Is he cute? Does he live with his mom? Does he have a job?

    This stuff is important and will affect how I answer.

    Good questions. He is cute, a mama's boy, stable secure job. Actually, he would make the perfect husband. I've often told him this. Only prob, there is no chemistry between us whatsoever. I'm trying to convince him that we should be roommates but he says I couldn't have a boyfriend and that's he's loyal and expects me to be. But I still can't tell if he's joking with this pact. I've tried to be up front with him, we always end up laughing. But his body language tells me otherwise.

    Okay, so he passes my initial screening :laugh:

    Now. Go have a few drinks and discuss this, maybe your chemistry will change. I personally prefer him to be more into it than me.

    There are worse things than being someone's dream girl.
  • TheFitHooker
    TheFitHooker Posts: 3,357 Member
    The only way to determine how serious he really is, is by asking him. Be straight up and ask him if he was just joking or if he really thinks you guys will get married. Honesty!

    No I've never made a pact like this. Reminds me of "My best friends wedding" though. I also married my husband when I was 21.
  • morgthom75
    morgthom75 Posts: 127 Member
    Just bang each other. If it's weird, then don't marry him. If it's not, then marry him.
  • Snow__White
    Snow__White Posts: 1,650 Member
    Wow Really?! is marriage not sacred anymore?
    this is probally 1 of the reasons people get divorced!:huh:
  • WickedGarden
    WickedGarden Posts: 944 Member
    you mentioned he's a momma's boy

    sorry, but if a guy is a momma's boy, then no woman will ever be able to measure up to his momma so me, personally, I would stay far away. i dated a momma's boy before, they never grow up

    you also said he mentioned that if you were roomies, he won't let you have a bf...WTF?!?! he is your 'roomie' not your bf. that sounds uber possessive to me.

    if there is no chemistry, then you guys need to talk. Ever see that show on MTV 'Friend Zone'?
  • hastings10
    hastings10 Posts: 18 Member
    you have to first ask yourself if you think you could spend your life with him. if yes then think about going on a date or two and see how it goes. if not there is always friendship again.
  • crimsontech
    crimsontech Posts: 234 Member
    From what you've said, he's probably serious. He's probably always liked you but accidentally got into the "friend zone". (Hence his not wanting you to have a BF) Ask him if he's serious, and if he is, go on a practice date. Pretend you just met and are getting to know each other. Some of the best relationships are born from great friendships.
  • firesoforion
    firesoforion Posts: 1,017 Member
    Well essentially you want to get married or you don't, but the pact could be either, really. You both kind of sound like you might want to anyway, in which case I'd say go for it, or at least explore the possibility. In fact if you made the pact it's likely that at least one of you thinks of it that way (I think...I'm no relationship expert).

    I have a friend who did one of these a couple of years ago, but the planning and implementation were terrible, and it essentially came down to the guy wanted to marry her and she didn't want to marry him (even though she kind of thought she did at first, but that was more "marriage desperation" coming through.).

    I think what it comes down to is now is time to decide whether or not you actually want to do it. It's a subject now, don't wait for it to cool down or bring it up at a less opportune moment simply because it's closer to the deadline.
  • j4nash
    j4nash Posts: 1,719 Member
    Why not just start with a date?
  • christine24t
    christine24t Posts: 6,063 Member
    If you're really brave, you should try and kiss him on the cheek or lips and see what his expression is. If it's "omg what is happening" crack a joke about "well we're going to be married so we gotta get used to it." And if it's positive, well, you don't need any advice!
  • 967_1111
    967_1111 Posts: 221 Member
    Get a boyfriend, fast. Rent one if you have to. See how he reacts.
  • MikeSEA
    MikeSEA Posts: 1,074 Member
    Wow Really?! is marriage not sacred anymore?
    this is probally 1 of the reasons people get divorced!:huh:

    Anymore? Like when we used marriage as a financial transaction that involved using women as currency? From a historical perspective a pact like this isn't unreasonable, and the fact that both parties have a say makes it fairly progressive.
  • cfoster629
    cfoster629 Posts: 10
    I think a lot of people have a marriage pact. I had one with a friend, we said by 30. I got married at 26, and he's still single. He still calls to check up on me, I think he's hoping me to get a divorce soon or something. You have to look inside yourself for the answer. Do you think you could love him, or be intimate with him? You could give it a shot, you'll know pretty quick. I know that the pact with my friend would have never worked. I love him as a brother, and am not that attracted to him physically and never was. He has a good job and makes more money than my husband but it doesn't make me regret not choosing him. I love my husband and I know I made the right choice.
  • TheFitHooker
    TheFitHooker Posts: 3,357 Member
    you mentioned he's a momma's boy

    sorry, but if a guy is a momma's boy, then no woman will ever be able to measure up to his momma so me, personally, I would stay far away. i dated a momma's boy before, they never grow up

    you also said he mentioned that if you were roomies, he won't let you have a bf...WTF?!?! he is your 'roomie' not your bf. that sounds uber possessive to me.

    if there is no chemistry, then you guys need to talk. Ever see that show on MTV 'Friend Zone'?

    The bit about being a mama's boy is not true at all, my husband is a mama's boy. However I'm his number 1 when its her or me. He's proven that to me countless times.
  • BrendaLee
    BrendaLee Posts: 4,463 Member
    If you want to know if he's serious or not, why not ask him? Really, it doesn't matter if he is or isn't. You just need to make sure he knows you're not.
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