VERRY embarrassing question!
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he could possibly have low testosterone if he has no sexual urges for a year.
HUGE possibility. definitely talk to him before making any rash decisions.0 -
I would sit down and talk to him. Explain that you would like to participate in that and ask what may help him feel up to it. Let him know that even though it doesn't define your relationship, that you still want and need it. Offer lots of support. I would imagine that it is far more embarrassing for him than you. (assuming he is not gettin some strange) The same happened with my ex and it turned out that me losing weight made him not as attracted and self concious of his own flaws. He was not able to work past it. I feel like it did contribute to our divorce because sex is such a big part of my life. I think the part of the brain that most women use for shopping and gossip got devoted to nookie along WITH the nookie part......... so like 2/3 of my brain is just sex. You have to talk to him. It may not go the way you want, but you may get some much needed answers and be able to work on a resolution together.
Also, not trying to pry....... but does he have any substance abuse issues? Pot makes some people horny as hell, makes others not care one way or the other. Coke produces "coke d!ck" where it is useless until the drug is gone, but then you wanna go like a rabbit for a couple hours. Alcohol in large amounts over time can also dull the senses enough to not think of it.0 -
Well I'll be embarrassed too. Try over three years! He's not asking and I'm not wanting it either. Well not from him anyway. Just waiting for the other shoe to drop basically.0
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How did you last a F**** year? Jeezuz. Please talk to this man and get some action!!!!!!!!! Stop reading these posts and GO NOW. Seriously Im getting hives from this. GO BABY GO!0
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Bitty, you really need to be honest with yourself about how important sex is to you. It's like anything else, if it's important to you and not your partner, then with communication maybe a compromise can be made...otherwise maybe it's time to move on.
Stress can do things to men that inhibit response in the bedroom, but if he's NEVER had sex with you and he doesn't want to....well....maybe he's just not interested in that type of relationship, even though you've been hoping he would be.
Or maybe....like with my ex....once you start seeing someone else he'll decide he's interested in sex....and then you have a choice to make.0 -
I'm confused, My testosterone is super low, it's 300 lower than what is considered low. I still have a hard time going more than 3 days without. but that's just me, I know people that just don't do it that often or just don't feel like it at all.
I agree with the just talk to him part. random strangers will ruin you and your relationship.
It's just some armchair medical advice so take it with a grain of salt, but low sex drive is a symptom of low testosterone. Maybe not for everyone, but for some.
my husband's long stint of no desire was due to this and he was super embarrassed to tell me, but he did, because he didn't want me thinking he was getting it elsewhere, then he ended up getting a testosterone shot. He gives himself a shot every other week.0 -
He is gay and your the cover! Something seriously wrong.. No guy goes a year without something being seriously wrong with him.0
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I guess I'm the only person who thinks this partner might actually be female. At least based on the wording chosen by the OP to describe their partner.0
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Make time and talk to him. My only advice is that if you can't talk about it then you shouldn't be doing it. Good luck!0
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You are being 'honest' with the wrong people, talk to him instead. Maybe he has a health issue that needs to be addressed, maybe he's under stress at his job. In this economy I don't blame him. Don't go off and cheat without being fair with him. Discuss it, work on it. Make a date to have 'it' and see what he says.0
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I would let him know that this is a need you have and you'd be willing to do whatever you can to help him feel less stressed so you guys can "enjoy" each other. If he's under so much stress that he can't do that, then he has more problems. Personally, I wouldn't be able to stay with someone that couldn't fulfill that need.
I know it's not all of a relationship at all but you do need that connection unless you of course are ok with no sex. I would never cheat though it makes it worse if you really need sex break up. I hate when people cheat and try to justify it after because "you love them" break up and maybe you will find someone who will complete you in all areas.0 -
Did you two have a normal sex life before this year long break? Are you positive he's not seeing someone else? Are you sure he's straight? Does he have any medical problems? I don't know any guy who would not have sex for a year...I'm female & 2 weeks is my limit on no sexy-time! Lmao. I hope everything gets figured out for you, doll!0
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don't feel humiliated, but yes, you should talk to him about your needs. and if he is worth his salt, he will seek help or other avenues to make sure they are fulfilled.0
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This isn't an embarrassing question. It's embarrassing that your significant other can't be upfront about this, when it's obviously an issue. However, you seem pretty uh... modest, I guess, if you're having difficulty asking about this online with strangers. Are you guys able to communicate openly about your sex life at all, and he just gives the same excuse over and over again?
You need to explain to him as you have to us, but with more detail obviously, that you have needs even if his stress is preventing or affecting his sexual functioning/drive. You didn't mention it so I assume he has not taken the initiative to satisfy you in other ways, which is upsetting to me... but only if he knows it affects you this much.
You guys need to chat it out. If he can't/won't do intercourse, you two need to find other ways for him to ... assist in this area, so to speak. I have more info or advice in that area if it's needed/wanted.
Good luck!0 -
I would let him know that this is a need you have and you'd be willing to do whatever you can to help him feel less stressed so you guys can "enjoy" each other. If he's under so much stress that he can't do that, then he has more problems. Personally, I wouldn't be able to stay with someone that couldn't fulfill that need.
Ditto on that!0 -
is this guy's name Tim Tebow? that would explain it.
nah, in all seriousness- its just something to talk about with him. if this is a real big issue with you then you should break up. just not meant to be no matter how nice he may be.0 -
I know how you feel, a lot of people dont understand how somethign like that can happen in a good relationship but it can. Make it a priority, but whatever you do dont fight about it, maybe if its hard to talk about then dont, just act. Try different times of the day, try taking the initive even if it means being a little bolder than usual. Try triggers (whatever the things are that have worked in the past, romantic movies, sexy undies ect..) Bu tdont let it ruin your relationship if you love each other you can get through this, you may never be the couple that has sex every couple days (I know I will never be..) but you can have a happy and good sex life that works for you the hardest part is getting it back and once you two are able to start having sex again it will get easier to keep having sex.
Make it a priority and work on it just like other things in your relationship, you guys can get past this if you really want it.
Feel free to message me if you want to talk more, I definatly know what you are going through.0 -
I wish I had your problem. Lol.
My boyfriend of 7 years has a VERY high sex drive and sometimes it drives me crazy.
I cant keep up with him nor do I want to.
Sometimes I feel like thats all our relationship is based on.
ANYWAYS....
Sex is a big part of a relationship, Im sure him not wanting to have sex with you is also messing with your self esteem...
I would definetly sit down and have a talk with him, ECSPECIALLY if you guys was having sex in the past and it all of a sudden just stopped, thats a big sign that something else is going on. Too stressed out to have sex for a YEAR?!? I wouldnt go for that.
A SERIOUS TALK IS DEFINETLY NEEDED.0 -
How did you last a F**** year? Jeezuz. Please talk to this man and get some action!!!!!!!!! Stop reading these posts and GO NOW. Seriously Im getting hives from this. GO BABY GO!
HAHAH my favorite response ever!0 -
How did you last a F**** year? Jeezuz. Please talk to this man and get some action!!!!!!!!! Stop reading these posts and GO NOW. Seriously Im getting hives from this. GO BABY GO!
LMAO! ^^^THIS!0 -
Do NOT cheat. If its a problem than break up with him, or your self esteem will hit an all time low. Either get him to communicate with you and make some sort of progress with him, or just break up if you don't get results. If your not having sex, than your just friends anyway right?Would you stay? Would you just get it from someone else?
I personally don't believe in cheating, and I have tried to make things work. But...I'm at my wits end. I do love this person and do not want to be without them, but a girls got needs. LOL! Oh, and the self help option is a no brainer...lol!
Ok, now that I've humiliated myself....
My question to you is....what would you do??? Be honest please.0 -
Talk to him instead of MFP. Also, he could possibly have low testosterone if he has no sexual urges for a year. That is if you're positive he's not cheating on you.
^^^ this is a bigger issue than many women realize, sometimes even men! i work with a patient population in which nearly every one of them that walks through door suffers from low testosterone and getting prescriptions to help it! The problem is this person has to be secure enough to discuss it with a dr. if he's really not cheating on you... good luck!0 -
I agree with others in that you need to talk to your partner or go get help.
Saying that, when my marriage was failing I no longer wanted to have sex with my ex. After that I've realized that if I don't want to have sex with the person i'm with than there is something going wrong in the relationship and usually end it pretty quick after that.
I'd also like to point out that the longer you go without it the easier it is to make up excuses about why you're not doing it.
Life is busy but if you love each other you can at least plan a day/time to get it on. I know that might feel forced but at least it'll get you back into the groove.0 -
Well I'll be embarrassed too. Try over three years! He's not asking and I'm not wanting it either. Well not from him anyway. Just waiting for the other shoe to drop basically.
Hate to say it but three years was my limit. I was not attracted to my husband anymore. (Perhaps it was due to the mental and emotional abuse he put me through.)
The other shoe did drop and I am happier for it. I know there is someone out there who will make me happy and satisfied.0 -
Ahh I'm glad I can't be downvoted here.
I'm thinkin' gay
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I thought it was women that could go for long periods holding out....You sure he's a guy?
You just need to talk to him and hit him up for an an honest answer. 0 -
Based upon the variety of answers on here - I think what you have to do is what's best for you.
Sounds like there's some relationships here where people haven't had sex for years - and they're ok with it. If you're not ok with it (and it sounds like you aren't) then you need to tell him that. You need to say that you need more sex to make you happy in your relationship. The trouble is if he's stressed, telling him could add to the stress, so you need to tell him, have the tough talk, tell him you need a change, and then forget about it.
Once you've forgotten about it - start making the moves on him. If he's still not responsive (give it a few times), you can then re-have the serious talk where you tell him - remember when I told you I needed more sex? Well that's still true. And I told you, and tried to give you some time, and then initiated sex, and it's still not happening. You can then say that it still holds true, and then re-forget about it and repeat.
Up to you how many times you want to repeat before you decide whether you're ok with not having it or you want out. Just don't let anyone tell you what's normal or not normal (although if this dry spell is not "normal" for his past behavior - getting checked by a doc is always a good idea).0 -
Ahh I'm glad I can't be downvoted here.
I'm thinkin' gay
Definitely not true, at least in all cases. I need to be completely physically and mentally attracted to someone to really enjoy sex. I even did the friends w/ benefits thing and couldn't "finish" cause I really didn't care about them in that way.0 -
I think a very frank and honest discussion is in order. the stress excuse can only go so far. Work out a plan on when things will occur, plan time, find out what you can do to turn him on...if that doesnt work, then personally I would have to seriously consider moving on. Sucky of me to say I know...but that is what I feel.
or option 2- Boink random strangers...
I have to agree. Sex is an important part of a relationship and should be discussed and agreed upon just as any other part of the relationship (finances, responsibilities, etc.). I can tell you that in my very personal experience this doesn't get better on it's own. It doesn't just go away. We all have stress, and we all lose interest from time to time, but this is more than that. I have a friend who went 7 years before deciding to move. I myself am on year 6...0 -
U really have to way out all ur options no person is going to be able to give 100% in a relationship, So I use the 80 /20 rule if this person makes u happy at least 80% of the time, then u will learn to except ur partner good and bad.0
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