VERRY embarrassing question!

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124

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  • strandedj
    strandedj Posts: 128
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    Probably has performance issues, Maybe a drug or alcohol problem can lead to lack of interest or ability.
  • sugar66
    sugar66 Posts: 41
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    I agree with everyone who has said talk to him, stress and depression can have a huge effect on the sex drive.

    If you had a healthy sex life before, then talking is the only way you will get a definate answer.

    I know when a partner stops wanting you sexually it also has a huge effect on your self esteem, and can also lead to a lot of arguements.

    If you believe him about stress then maybe get him away from the stressful situation maybe a holiday where you can relax together, and hope things work.

    You need to be prepared for the possibility that he just no longer finds you sexually attractive, as love and sex do not go hand in hand.

    Also be prepared to hear things that you do not wish to hear, but you need to know, you say you love him but can you see your life without a sexual relationship, if not then you need to figure out how long you are prepared to continue with your present situation.

    Hope it all works out for you x
  • bitty1taz
    bitty1taz Posts: 309 Member
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    I've talked to him a number of times.
    He insists he doesn't have any "issues".

    Thank you everyone for your thoughts and comments.

    I think another thing that makes this hard is that I'm not a spring chicken anymore and I have kids. So yeah....the pond I have to fish in is very small. LOL!

    Oh...my!

    I'm sorry if my posting this question offended anyone...last thing I wanted to do.
    I guess when you feel hopeless you post to random public...lol
  • Jennisin1
    Jennisin1 Posts: 574 Member
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    I can understand not wanting to have sex (for whatever reason)... however, if you partner wants to and communicates that to you, then you have to make it a priority (if that means you seek professional help). Otherwise, it shows just general disconcern for your partner and their needs.

    DO NOT GET MARRIED UNTIL YOU SORT THIS OUT
  • michelleepotter
    michelleepotter Posts: 800 Member
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    I have been on both sides of this issue. For the first several years of my marriage, I almost never wanted to have sex with my husband. Even though I loved him very much, and I was attracted to him, I just had no sex drive. For me the issue was hormonal -- I gave birth five times in six years. (Obviously we were having sex *sometimes*, LOL.) From the moment I got pregnant with the first, all the way through finishing up breastfeeding the baby at 15 months old, I just didn't want sex.

    I've also been on the other side, since normally my sex drive is... "voracious," LOL... and some of the guys I dated couldn't keep up. *blush*

    IMO, the important thing is a) that you let your partner know that an active sex life is important to you; and b) that he is willing to look for solutions and compromise. He needs to at least investigate whether this might be a medical issue, and if it is, be willing to get help. If it's not a medical issue, then the two of you need to look for a solution together.

    It is very important for a healthy relationship that, if there is a problem causing significant distress to one of you, then BOTH partners need to be willing to communicate and look for a solution. If you can't do that, that's a sign of a much bigger problem than lack of sex.
  • _Bob_
    _Bob_ Posts: 1,487 Member
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    I'm confused, My testosterone is super low, it's 300 lower than what is considered low. I still have a hard time going more than 3 days without. but that's just me, I know people that just don't do it that often or just don't feel like it at all.

    I agree with the just talk to him part. random strangers will ruin you and your relationship.

    It's just some armchair medical advice so take it with a grain of salt, but low sex drive is a symptom of low testosterone. Maybe not for everyone, but for some.


    my husband's long stint of no desire was due to this and he was super embarrassed to tell me, but he did, because he didn't want me thinking he was getting it elsewhere, then he ended up getting a testosterone shot. He gives himself a shot every other week.

    I did the shots for a while but my wife didn't like it. I guess two a days were just to much for her ;)
  • sharonsgottaloseit
    sharonsgottaloseit Posts: 7
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    After your comment, I reread the original post & have to agree that she must be talking about a woman
  • MamaKeeks
    MamaKeeks Posts: 234
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    this is something you should absolutely be talking to him about. don't be embarrassed, sex should be talked about.. and the lack of sex should definitely be talked about.

    decide first if this is a deal breaker. if he says, no i don't think sex is important, then you have to decide if you can live that way.

    talk to him, drag it all out into the open and discuss it. this is your life, you should be happy...

    good luck :)

    Well said Clyde!

    Sex shouldn't be a taboo subject between two people who care about each other like you two do. It is serious if it's been this long. Is (s)he sensitive to the fact that you have needs too? It is nice that you are accommodating and understanding of his/her needs, or lack thereof, but what about his/her understanding of YOURS? Does (s)he understand that his/her lack of interest/desire could cause the end of your relationship?
  • bigaussiebloke
    bigaussiebloke Posts: 257 Member
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    Google "The Great American Challenge" and have some fun ;)
  • Lula16
    Lula16 Posts: 628 Member
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    Talk to him instead of MFP. Also, he could possibly have low testosterone if he has no sexual urges for a year. That is if you're positive he's not cheating on you.



    ^^^^^ THIS!



    i dont know if I would've waited a yr to bring up the subject to him. thats just my opinion
  • jsapninz
    jsapninz Posts: 909 Member
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    Ditch him/(her?).

    If you want sex to feel loved (which MOST people do need physcial affection of some sort, and sex is the King of that) and they're not giving it to you after you have told them that's what you want, then that's ALL you need to know. End. Of. Story.
  • k011185
    k011185 Posts: 320 Member
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    I'd just tell him the concerns you told us.
    I'm not the sort of assume cheating, I would lean towards it being some sort of performance issue, but again, you really need to ask him.
    If it's just stress and he is too tired, sex is definitely a great stress reliever, and he doesn't have to do much work you know :P

    *edit*
    Just read your latest comment, a good chunk of a healthy relationship should by physical, in my opinion. He should want to make you feel good, even if he doesn't really want to. (and vica versa of course).
    I still think you need to tell him what you said to everyone here though, if you stay together how long is it going to be til he feels like it again... another month, another year, 3 years? I'm not saying leave someone who 'can't' have sex with you, since some medical problems can definitely prevent it, but someone who 'won't'... that's different. You deserve a MUCH better reason than "I'm stressed out".
  • Umeboshi
    Umeboshi Posts: 1,637 Member
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    Could be hormonal or he may be asexual. Some people are, the same way some people are gay.
    I wouldn't worry too much about it. My partner and I are very rarely intimate (we go months without) but we've been together for 4 years and our love is stronger than ever. A relationship need not rely on sex.
    That being said, make sure to make things clear if your needs aren't being fulfilled. It's something that's important to talk about.
  • BigDaddyBRC
    BigDaddyBRC Posts: 2,395 Member
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    Either the man is gay, or needs to learn "If you aint got it in the hips...you better have it in the lips"
  • Dayna154
    Dayna154 Posts: 910 Member
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    Talk to him, it wont be easy and it can cause a fight or two but if you two have the relationship you say you do, then talk and also have him go to his doc to see if he has any underlying medical issue. So many things can cause a man to lose his desire.

    If all of that fails, then you will have to decide if you want to stay in a sexless relationship. If not then just be friends and move on to a different person.

    Dont cheat, dont deny yourself.. just have some patience and talk...
  • Cnsa143
    Cnsa143 Posts: 53
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    haha
  • Kailel
    Kailel Posts: 61 Member
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    Try spicing things up, find out if he's got some unspoken desires he'd like to roleplay or something (assuming you're okay with them). He might be embarrassed.

    I spent two years with a guy who had no libido, the third year he found half of one, and, well, now... we're good. ;)
  • minnesota_deere
    minnesota_deere Posts: 232 Member
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    he may not like women. my wife is friends with several gay dudes and what you said totally describes them. or he has a major *kitten* issue... i can't imagine going a full year without sex. my wife had issues after our first and 2nd kid, she got all weird about her breasts, i talked to her about it and its a work in progress but never a deal breaker.
  • FungusTrooper
    FungusTrooper Posts: 227 Member
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    Could be any of these things combined, the only way you'll find out is by having the uncomfortable talk with him. It'll get teary-eyed, but it needs to be done all the same.
  • lovebeinGIGI
    lovebeinGIGI Posts: 72 Member
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    There is this rather seemingly "silly" book called He's just not that into you. Yeah, consider reading it. I've even had lengthy conversations with guy friends who confirm things in the book. Just a thought! Luck to you!

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